I hadn’t gone to work in ages, and although I technically had a new job now, I still decided to show up to my mom’s cafe to start doing my shifts again. Now that I was going to have to get back up on my own feet again and had nobody to rely on if things started getting rocky, I really could do with the extra money to be able to start up. I still needed the money to get a new place to live at, and it would be useful to actually be able to pay for things I needed to go on tour. I could hardly stay with John forever and fly to another country for a few weeks without any useful belongings.

There was just one problem. My mom didn’t know about the whole thing going on between me and Jack. Or should I say the whole thing not going on between me and Jack? I wasn’t sure how she was going to react, but I knew for a fact that it was going to quite exaggerated. There was no way she was going to leave it be. I wanted to leave it in the past and not think about it anymore, but she was not going to let me.

“Would you like the take back some of the red velvet cake for you and Jack when your shift ends?” My mom asked as she looked over the cakes that were on display underneath the counter. There were only a few pieces left, but we already had cakes in the back ready to be eaten.

I froze up, having completely forgotten about it at the time. Before that point, it had never occurred to me that nobody knew about the break up except the people I had told, and as far as I knew only Alex and Lisa knew other than that. Well, fans started realizing something was up. Apparently, they were observant enough to notice that I was never in Jack’s snaps anymore and that he was never in mine. Seemed like a small detail, but the clubs we respectively went to on different days only made it worse. Of course, I was getting a shit load of hate for it. I wasn’t expecting any different. However, it did surprise me that I was getting death threats for breaking their ‘husband’s’ heart and that they knew I was no good for him. People really enjoyed blaming me.

“Um… I’m not going to say no, because it’s cake and I won’t let free cake pass me by,” I replied, hoping the news wouldn’t be too shocking to her, “but I won’t exactly be giving it to Jack… we sorta broke up a week ago…”

“What?!” She nearly screamed out, her eyes nearly popping out as she stared at me with an emotionless face. It was as if she was waiting for me to tell her it was all just a joke.

But that was never going to happen. I was as serious as I could be.

I shrugged, trying to make sure it wasn’t going to turn into a big deal. “I’m staying with John, Trisha, and Emily for the time being until I find an apartment or something for myself.”

“So you’ve been able to tell me about everything, you going to the boat house and joining the band, but you fail to mention something like this?” She really seemed to be angry at me, if not furious. The only reason she hadn’t blown up was because of the customers in the shop.

“It’s not a big deal,” I sighed and went back to my post at the cash register.

“Not a big deal? Not a big deal?! What the hell happened!” She seethed as she came closer to me, not letting me walk out of this so quickly.

Luckily for me, somebody just came before I could even think of the answer I was going to give. At least it made my mom back away a little and not seem so mad at me anymore. Jokes on her, though, because I already knew the customer. There was no need to act all normal in front of this guy, he already knew exactly how weird I was.

“I guess I’ll have to buy some cake and a coffee while I wait for you,” Colton sighed in fake resentment and leaned over the counter to kiss my cheek. He started doing it as a small confidence boost for me, even though I told him I didn’t need it. There was nothing between us except friendship and business related ties.

“I suggest you do, or else I’m afraid I might have to ask you to leave,” I smirked back, playing along with the whole conversation.

He briefly looked at the cakes behind the glass and shook his head. “It’s going to look so bad eating cake in workout clothing.”

“You don’t have a choice.” I winked and went to stand behind the display.

“You’re making me have too many cheat days… but fine. Give me some of the chocolate cake.”

I picked up one of the pieces and put it on a plate, not bothering to ask if he wanted to eat here or take it along. I already knew that he was going to have to eat it here since I hadn’t finished my shift yet. In fifteen minutes, we could go and do whatever we had planned that day.

“And anything to drink?” I asked next, urging him to buy more.

“Just give me the sugariest drink while I’m at it,” he groaned in pain and gave me a playful glare.

I giggled and shook my head to tell him I wouldn’t do that. “A normal black coffee it is, then.”

As I typed the entire order in the register and was about to give him the total, my mom interrupted by saying she needed me in the back for a second and starting dragging me along by my arm. Harry was forced to take over, which caused him to look up in shock and stumble over to the cash register. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was suddenly going to be bombarded by customers as soon as my mom started drilling me. That poor boy sometimes had the worst of luck.

“Care to explain.” Was the only thing my mom said as she forced me to sit down at the same table I had been sitting at when I had my first rant on my first day working here.

I rolled my eyes, really not feeling up for another person trying to ‘bring me to my senses’ by telling me it was all a mistake. There was nothing I could do about it anymore, so there was no point in trying to convince me to go back. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong. Walking out of Jack was probably better than staying there and be stuck in a relationship that only consisted of fighting anymore.

“Explain what?” I asked dully, resting my head by putting my chin in my hand, only showing that I really didn’t care to do any of this.

“Breaking up with Jack, flirting way to obviously with that guy, why the hell you didn’t tell me any of this was going on? The obvious stuff!” She wasn’t holding back as much anymore, but refused to raise her voice properly in case anybody were to hear.

“Oh, yeah, right,” I yawned and leaned back into the chair, crossing my arms and legs, “that guy I was ‘flirting’ with, I met him at a club the guys dragged me to, believing I needed something to get over Jack, which was pretty stupid because I did not need it at all. We tricked them into thinking I went home with him, but all we did was eat ice cream late at night. There’s nothing romantic going on between us, I’m not attracted to him, this is just what our friendship’s like. He’s actually our new manager, so there’s that.”

“And what about the break up with Jack? Is it also that simple? Are you also going to act like that is nothing?”

“Ok, hang on, you’re getting mad at me because we broke up? That makes no sense at all. Would you also act like this if I actually felt completely heartbroken about it and was in a constant state of depression?” I snapped back, almost laughing at my own ‘joke’. Sure, depression wasn’t anything to joke about, but it seemed so ironic. Wouldn’t it have been great if I hadn’t been depressed until the breakup? That would have shown Jack.

“No…” She took a deep breath and calmed down. “You’re right. I just thought you and Jack were good together and nothing would come in between you. I guess it’s just me showing how upset I am about it, I just can’t believe you’re so cool about it.”

“Well, obviously I was upset about it at first, especially since I ran to John and saw his perfect little family, but this is way better than constantly fighting with Jack.”

“You guys were fighting? Why did you never tell me?” She sat down on the chair across from me, no more rage coming off her.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, regretting I had actually never mentioned it before and asked her for advice, “it all happened so quickly. After New Year’s, everything was fine, even better than before, actually. But then Cam died and I disappeared for a week. Things didn’t go back to normal after that. No fighting yet, but it just didn’t seem right, like we were trying but it didn’t work. Then he forced me to go to a psychiatrist. They were way too quick with diagnosing me with depression, which I also didn’t tell you about. I didn’t believe it, but Jack did. And then it just got worse and worse. I slept in the guest room for a while and it ended with us practically screaming and I decided to leave.”

“Depression?”

“Really? Is that all you got from that?” I scoffed. Here I was, pouring my heart out, and all she remembered me saying was exactly the reason I left Jack in the first place. As I looked at her face, I saw that she was going to try to console me and tell me the exact words Jack had said. “Don’t you dare tell me that it’s probably for the better and that it’s all ok. Cause let me tell you one thing, I am not depressed. Don’t you dare say anything along the lines of you agreeing with Jack, because I do not feel like walking out on another person I love.”

“Ireland…” she sighed and put a hand on top of mine; I was tempted to move my hand away but kept it still just for the sake of family. “I’m not going to say you are depressed, but you’re obviously not ok. It’s ok to be heartbroken about what happened between you and Jack, you don’t need to show everyone that you’re doing fine when you’re not.”

“I could say the same about you,” I flared back. I could see from the bags underneath her eyes that she also wasn’t as happy and joyful as she tried to seem. There was no was she had easily gone back to normal life after we had lost Cam so abruptly.

She stayed silent for awhile, confirming my beliefs, until she took a deep breath. “Ok, you’re right. And I promise to call you whenever I get upset again. Nobody’s going to judge you for it, you won’t seem weak.”

I nodded. “Fine, but the problem is that I am not upset.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“Bullshit,” she repeated, shaking her head at me. “This is just a coping mechanism.”

“No, look, of course I’m upset about Cam’s death,” I stressed, especially with those constant reminders and flashbacks I had, “but I’m not upset about Jack and I breaking up.”

“Bullshit!” She resaid. “I will not believe you if you tell me that you weren’t even a little bit upset right after you broke up.”

“And I’m not saying that I wasn’t, I’m just saying I’m not anymore.”

“I also won’t believe that you’re completely over him. You’ve been friends for over a year, almost been together for a year, lived together for most of the time of your relationship, gone through so much together. You guys were practically inseparable. There is no way you’re all ok with this.”

“Stop it,” I whispered as I quickly wiped a tear that had managed to escape my left eye.

But she took no note of it. “I will not believe that you are completely ok with all of it despite all the memories you’ve built up. There was no way you’d bring him to a whole family event if you weren’t serious, and it’s impossible that you’d get over something so serious so quickly. What about all the time he’s been there for you. He refused to leave the hospital when you were there. You can’t tell me that you didn’t appreciate that at all. What about all the future things you had planned with each other? I will not believe that you aren’t torn up about this at all.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

I retracted my hand as quickly and possible and used it to cover my face as the tears started falling. My body was shaking as I hiccupped between the sobs in hope to get some air. This wasn’t what I wanted; this was what I had hoped to avoid completely. It wasn’t that I was afraid of anybody judging me, I was afraid of not being able to be by myself and get over him. It was so much easier making myself believe that I didn’t feel anything.

“There we go…” My mom rushed from her chair and sat beside me, throwing her arms around my body.

“He-- He said I was a waste of h-- his time,” I blubbered, leaning against her in hope that it would comfort me.

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” she spoke softly as she stroked my hair, “it’s better to let it all out that let it bottle up.”

Notes

I felt like this chapter was short for some reason... apparently it isn't according to the word count. What the hell. I guess it's 'cause the dialogue is longer than usual (as in the actual spoken part and description, not only the scene).