This Four-Leaf Clover is All But Useless Now

It was 8am on the bus to Baltimore. The final destination; the end of tour. Annabelle was retching in the bathroom. Alex was leaning on the sink, rubbing his eyes. They had not slept yet. In the lounge, Jack was still drunk, yelling,
“Sleep is for the weak!!!”
“How you feeling?” Alex coughed away the tired croak in his throat. Annabelle responded with a heave, yellow bile that looked too fluorescent to be natural fell into the toilet. She spluttered, tears seeping out of her eyes from the effort. She wiped her mouth with toilet paper and flushed the mess away. Drying her eyes with the sleeves of Alex’s hoodie she looked at him, her eyes brimming with remorse. She sighed, staring at her bare feet. Wiggling her toes she breathed in deeply and smiled bravely.
“I’m great.” She grinned, “I think it’s all gone.”
Alex smiled thinly. “The alcohol?”
“I-I’m not sure.” Annabelle coughed. The taste of stomach acids mixed with the sickly taste of sugar that she could not wash from her mouth. That cake, the beer, it was all too much. It made her feel ill. “I’m so sorry, Alex.”

Three hours earlier the gang had stumbled back into the bus. Alex and Annabelle collapsing into a bunk together and made love until the sun broke through the windows. The group had sat, watching the sun rise over Washington.
“The most amazing birthday.” Annabelle had sighed happily. But as the bus began to move, and the drunkenness began to wear off, the churning in her stomach became unbearable. Alex stared at her now, the mascara running into the cracks of the bags under her eyes, his hoodie falling to her knobbly knees, her hair, the Alice headband still in, a mess. She looked more like a child than he’d ever seen her; more vulnerable than ever before. She still looked so beautiful; something about her reminded him of a broken bird, so fragile and forlorn. Hope still stirred. He opened his arms, staying silent as she melted into him. He hoped that he would relay some of his strength onto her. She smelt like sweat, vomit and the remainders of perfume. He breathed her in nonetheless. Annabelle pulled away when they heard a loud bang come from the kitchen. Curiously, they excited the bathroom, Annabelle cautiously leaving the area of safety around the toilet.

Jack had fallen onto the ground in the middle of the bus, his mouth partly open, snoring softly. Kara and Rian were huddled in a blanket on the couch, sniggering, and Zack was standing over Jack’s body, trying to hold in laughter.
“What happened?” Annabelle asked, her throat stinging from the bile.
“Jack fell asleep standing up.” Zack replied.
“We thought he was just being an idiot, but turns out he really was asleep.” Rian continued.
“Who knew that pushing someone over while they were sleeping would not be cause for them to wake up.” Kara chuckled. Jack stirred momentarily, splaying out his ungainly limbs. “How are you feeling anyway?” Kara asked, looking at Annabelle as she cleaned out a red plastic cup and filled it with water. Alex sat on the couch and opened his arm as she walked over and settled into him. He wrapped it protectively around her shoulders.
“Okay.” She said, taking tiny sips. “Must have drunk too much.”
Kara smiled slightly, “Well if someone doesn’t end a party with vomiting it couldn’t be much of a party right?”
“A little bit of vomit makes a party." Rian said, and the group sniggered a little.
There was silence for a moment. Everyone was exhausted.
“So this is my last night with you guys.”
Alex glanced at Annabelle. She felt his arm tighten around her and she snuggled closer. The taste of sugar and bile in her mouth would not be dissuaded. She thought of the spiders and the webs from her nightmare and chugged the rest of the water.
“Do you want me to get you some more?” Alex whispered. She shook her head as he went to get up.
“Stay.”
He smiled. The bus was silent, apart from the quiet hum of the engine mingling with the quiet snores emitted from Jack. Zack fiddled with his phone, sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the couch. Kara leaned into Rian, who was playing with her hand. Alex watched Annabelle’s eyes flutter with fatigue. Her arms were crossed tightly over her stomach, as if self-conscious. She was breathing deeply, but Alex could tell she was still awake. Zack had his headphones in, Kara and Rian were mumbling to each other.

“Tell me about your mother.” Alex said softly. Annabelle let out a long breath, but did not open her eyes. This request had been a long time coming.
“What do you want to know?” Annabelle asked, her eyes still shut.
“I don’t understand your relationship with her.” He replied truthfully. Annabelle peeped out at him from one eye. It closed again.
“I’ve never really liked my mother.” She said, “Everything about her makes me sick. She’s so artificial…” Annabelle paused, “like candy. Even before my Dad died, she was never maternal or motherly.”
“How did he die?”
“I remember my mother getting off the phone, she said, I have to go out now for a little while. She left me with one of her friends. He was okay, but now I’m fairly certain she was sleeping with him. She came back hours later, and she sat me down and said, ‘honey, your father just died in a car accident.’ She wasn’t even crying. I didn’t really understand.
“A while later I found out about funerals, and I asked her why we hadn’t had one for dad. She told me that we did, that I must have been in shock if I didn’t remember. I disputed her. We never had a funeral. This was one of the first times she had properly hit me. It’s embarrassing going to primary school with a split eyebrow and having to make up a story as to how you got it.
“From then I was pretty much alone. I mean, my mother has been there. She’s not present though; she just lives for herself. She doesn’t care at all about me. She treats me as this horrible burden on her life. Only being obsequious if she has a guest.” Annabelle opened her eyes, to watch Alex’s face. He was stunned, but trying not to show it. “She sleeps with a lot of guys. So she either bribes me to stay out of her way, or threatens me. I think the worst thing is the mental manipulation. I mean, it’s not really fair manipulating a little kid like that. It wears you down, as well. The marks, the bruises, the cuts, you can cover up; they heal. It’s the constant erosion of what you think is right and wrong that gets to me the most.”
She sighed, her face stony.

The rest of the bus was asleep, Kara and Rian leaning on each other. Zack his head lolling, bouncing as the bus went over bumps in the road. Alex held Annabelle tightly; it was all he could do. He pressed a kiss hard into her temple. Words could not suffice for the how he was feeling. A shiver went through Annabelle. Looking up at him, she smiled, appreciating the way he transmitted the words he could not say through his body. This was the most wonderful place to be, in his arms, neither here nor there. The way he held her made her feel so safe, so calm. She wished she could stay in his arms forever.
“What’s going to happen?” Annabelle asked, her voice small.
“When?” Alex asked, holding her tighter.
“After tonight, when…this is over.”
Alex rested his cheek on the top of her head and she pressed herself into his chest. The taste in her mouth could not be swallowed.
“I don’t know.”

Notes