I never expected my life to turn out the way it did. Really, no one expects how their lives are going to really turn out; they mostly get a central idea of what could happen. I know I did, but instead, my whole idea got turned upside down. I never expected I would marry Bring Me the Horizon's lead vocalist, Oliver Sykes. I never expected to carry and birth two children, a little girl and boy, just three years apart from each other. I never expected to leave Baltimore, my home-town and loving home, and move to Los Angeles, California to become the owner of a small music store in the city. I never expected to lose the love of my life, the love of my life I had years before I had Sara and Axel, years before I met and married Oliver. I miss him everyday, but I never talk to anyone about the day my life turned upside down. Only Oliver knows, and even then, we never bring it up. I try to keep him in the past as best as I can, to save myself the heart ache.

Oliver was at work, working with his managers about his clothing line, Drop Dead. He would be gone most of the day which left me alone with the rascals. I watched as Sara would run down the steps, clad in hand was her brother's Transformer action figure, and Axel would follow after her in an angry huff, chanting, "Give it back, butt face! Give it back!" Being Sara was the oldest, at the ripe age of seven, and Axel following after her at the age of four, this pestering each other stage was nothing more than normal to me. I groaned, watching Sara run around the kitchen table in a complete circle a good dozen times before running into the living room where I was. She jumped onto the couch, jumping up down since she knew she could tower over her little brother.

"I got your Bumble Bee, ha-ha!" she laughed in the poor boy's face. In response, Axel stomped over to me with his arms crossed, pouted lip sticking out.

"Daddy, Sara won't give me my toy! I want it!"

"Nope, you're not getting your toy back, ha-ha!" Sara declared, jumping off the couch and was about ready to make another route to the kitchen when I sighed and announced,
“Sara, back over here right now.” Sara stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around guiltily, handing back Axel’s toy once making her back over to the sobbing boy and I. The two lil tikes were about to make their ways back to their rooms upstairs when I stopped them with, “Kids, come here. Daddy wants to tell you a story.” They looked at me surprised.

“A story?” Axel asked in a hushed tone. “Like, when Sara and me go night-night?”

“Yeah, something like that.” I picked up Axel and plopped him down on my lap while Sara criss-crossed on the floor, staring up at me with her chocolate brown orbs. I looked into my son’s eyes, smiling as his one brown, one green orb stared into mine. His was a unique baby; both of my beautiful children were. Jack would be proud…

As much as it broke my heart, I wanted to tell my children about the man who changed my life for the better. I sat back, petting the blonde hairs on Axel’s small head. “I want to tell you both a story that means a lot to me, and I hope one day, you’ll take this story and get the lesson of never taking life for granted. Never take anything you have for granted and expect it to last forever. I did, and I wish I hadn’t, babies.” I know they were only seven and four, and they probably hadn’t had a clue of what I was mumbling about, but I knew at least one of them would remember me saying this and recall it their future endeavors as young adults. “So, once upon a time, I was in high school…”

---

Dulaney High School was a school in Baltimore that was attended by mostly middle-class kids. It wasn’t some fancy high school; we were all just B-More teenagers just doing whatever it took to graduate and make it far in life. I didn’t take high school that seriously. I mean, I would pass my classes with C’s, the occasional B, the almost impossible A, but I would mostly take school as a joke. I knew I wouldn’t need half the classes I took to become a rock star. I just wanted my own band, to tour, and be just like Blink-182. They were my idols, and I was determined to be just like them one day.

Freshman year, I got to meet my future All Time Low members: Zack Merrick, Rian Dawson, and yes, the beautiful Jack Barakat. The band was what brought Jack and I together, what made us fall in love. As freshmen in high school, us as a small, garage band could only do so much. We played at our school’s music festivals, band competitions, events, and we even landed a few gigs in small clubs in town. As our high school years added up, we got bigger and noticed more by record labels. We would perform in big clubs and festivals in Maryland, even on school nights, and return home smelling like pot, booze, sweat, and determination. Most of the time, it was just from our surroundings, but we would be lying if we said we never had a blunt or shot while doing these gigs.

The more we performed, the more letters and calls we would get from record labels wanting us to come in and record a demo. We rejected most since all four of our parents wanted to discuss college, but soon enough, after fighting with parents and trying to make every excuse in the book to assure this was the way to go, we agreed to come into the record company, Hopeless Records, office to record a demo. That demo set us off into our futures, for we were signed to a three year contract with Hopeless, and we were soon known as All Time Low, the pop punk band from Baltimore, Maryland.

We grew big, and we grew big fast. Small nightclub performances turned into venues which turned into stadiums. By 2005, we had our first album, The Party Scene, released, and by the time we had to retire our band in 2016, we had seven albums out and topping the charts. We even were featured in a Freeform movie called Fangirl which revolved around a chick who was obsessed with our band. To say we got pretty far would almost be an understatement.

All the while, Jack and I developed the strongest of feelings for one another. In high school, we promised to never let a relationship come between us and the band. We didn’t want anything to ruin what we were started, but by the time we had made and released our album Dirty Work in 2011, we had to break that promise. Jack and I had feelings that were just too strong to mask any longer.

We were performing at a small venue in Philadelphia when we had our first, official kiss. We had finished the show off with our favorite single from Dirty Work, Feel like Dancin’, and the whole band was covered in sweat yet smiling a mile a minute. I said my goodbyes to the fans, telling them how much I loved and appreciated them, and said that I hoped they had a wonderful rest of their evening. Zack and Rian had retreated back to the showers to get cleaned off while I was wiping my face off in front of the dressing room’s mirror. My hair was soaking wet, and my face was completely flushed. My face was buried in the towel, so when Jack came over and twirled me around to face him, it took me by total surprise. “Jack!” I gasped out. Jack gave me his award-winning smile, chuckling.

“Scare you?” he asked, as if he didn’t see the goosebumps that dressed my pale skin.

“Shut up, you know you did!” I went to turn around, but his strength kept me right in front of him. “What’s wron -- “ Before I could finish my statement, Jack planted one right on my lips. I squeaked out in surprise. Jack was kissing me! I couldn’t believe it. The shock subsided in a matter of milliseconds, however, for I went in for the kill. I kissed back with as much passion as he gave, my hand reaching to cup his cheek. After moments of our lips moving in a beautiful sync, Jack pulled away with that smug smirk still on his face.

“Feel good, Lex?” he whispered. I looked into his eyes lazily. In this moment, I knew I couldn’t hold back any longer with how I felt about that beautiful, charming, Lebanese boy.

“I love you.” I grumbled before smashing our lips together again. By the end of the night, the two of us had made pretty rough and beautiful love, and we announced each other as boyfriends to the entire band the following morning. After almost seven years of denying and pushing back feelings, Jack and I finally caved in and made it official.

---

The two of us were happy. We were open with our relationship, everyone accepting as for who we were. We pleased a lot of fans, them saying that Jalex was officially real. We knew what the whole Jalex ship was, and we found it funny that we made it an actually thing. At shows, we would kiss each other on stage, talk smack on each other, and still hold such a close bond that we knew would never break. We were head over heels for each other, and after three years of a relationship, I knew Jack Barakat was the one for me. He proved that to be true, too, because on my 27th birthday, Jack proposed to me on the patio of an Italian restaurant.

We were in Vegas for a show we had booked there just days before, and Jack decided him and I could stay just a bit longer to “take in the luxuries of Vegas”. Little did I know that that was code name for proposing to me. I almost choked on my pasta dinner when I saw Jack rise up, get down on one knee, and open a velvet box that held the ring to our future. “Alex,” he whispered, “you’ve been the love of my life since I met you at 14 years old. You were just this awkward little punk, but I knew that that was why I fell so hard for you. I didn’t want to accept it, but now that I think about it, I’m glad I did. I’ve now dated you for three years, and I know this is the right thing to do. Alexander Gaskarth, will you marry me?” By then, I was hysterically crying, covering my mouth to censor my harsh sobs. Without any words, I accepted his proposal with a hard nod. He laughed, slipped the ring on my finger, and kissed my knuckles. All I could do was yank the male up and hug him as tightly as I could without suffocating him.

We had decided on a wedding date just two months after the engagement, setting it to be April 9th, 2016. We made sure we wouldn’t have any other events going on, whether it was with tour or recording sessions. Little did we know, work wouldn’t be the reason why I wouldn’t be walking down the aisle to him that day.

---

After the engagement, our lives were starting to sail smoothly. We worked hard with All Time Low and continuing to plan our beautiful wedding. We had our album, Future Hearts, coming out just the spring of 2015, and we had our Back to the Future Hearts tour coming up with Against the Current, Sleeping with Sirens, and Yellowcard following the album release. All was going to plan until just days before the release party of Future Hearts. I had been getting so sick for weeks beforehand, barely being able to eat, yet my stomach felt constantly bloated. I was worried I was coming down with a horrible flu, so I decided to go to the doctor. Going into the doctor’s office, I was making sure I wasn’t catching a flu. Coming out of the doctor’s office, I wished that I was catching a flu. The doctor looked me in the eyes that day and said, “Alexander, you’re seven weeks pregnant.”.


I couldn’t believe my ears. Jack and I weren’t even married, and I could have sworn we were protected whenever we made love. I just assumed the protection broke or we forgot, and it made my feelings all the more fearful. I came home that day from the doctor’s pale, shaking, and horrified. I didn’t know what kind of reaction I was going to get from my fiance, and honestly, the idea of him breaking up with me was enough to push me to almost sike out of telling him, but I mustered up the balls to do it.

I came home to find Jack hovering over a turkey sandwich on the counter. He was spreading mayo on the bread with a soft hum of a tune, and my presence made him turn around and smile. “Hello there, you! I was wondering where you were; want a sandwich? I got the lunch meat out.” All I did was shake my head. I walked over to him slowly, my eyes moist. I was on the verge of tears, and Jack knew it, too. “Baby, what’s the matter? Did something happen?” I had to just be blunt; I couldn’t sugar coat it.

“I went to the doctor because I’ve been really sick, and… I’m pregnant, Jack.” The words came out like venom -- they made me sick to even admit. I was carrying a child out of wedlock, and I felt so horrible to put Jack through this, our band and fans through this. Jack looked at me with wide eyes.

“You’re… pregnant?” he said in a whisper, his skin washing over in paleness. I nodded, tears dripping down my cheeks.

“Yes… I’m pregnant. I’m so sorry, Jack. I thought we were protected, I thought this wouldn’t happen. I’m so sorry, I’ll abort it if you --” Just like our first kiss, Jack cut me off by placing his lips against mine. All I could do was mumble incoherent words against his lips before he pulled back. A smile was on his eyes, his eyes staring into my own.

“Baby,” he chuckled, “it’s okay. I’m actually really happy we’re having a baby of our own. Didn’t you always say you wanted a family, Lex?” I looked at him, nervous.

“Y-Yeah, but… we aren’t even married.”

“So? It happens, baby. We will still get married, even if we have a baby of our own attending the wedding. It’s okay!” His assuring words made me crack a small smile, nodding quickly. He blushed and hugged me tight. Rubbing my back, he cooed, “It’s going to be okay, we got this! We will do this together!” However, after the release party, I would going through this all alone.

---

It was now days after the release party, and Jack and I decided to catch a movie at the theater in town. We hadn’t announced the pregnancy yet since we wanted to plan out something cute to do it with. Jack wanted to make his birthday party invitations have something do with him being a dad, but I thought that was ridiculously corny, so we decided on waiting until we found out the gender to post the announcement. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

We decided on a horror film, seeing the movie Unfriended. The movie was sort of expected and cheesy, but since I noticed Jack was majorly into it, I decided to keep my mouth shut and just check my phone from time to time. I scrolled through my Facebook feed to see Jack’s status update just minutes before we entered the theater.

Jack Barakat: Going to see a movie with the beautiful fiance tonight. I love him so much.

Blushing, I liked the status and commented,

Alex Gaskarth: You’re adorable. Love you.

By then, the movie had ended and the theater lit up. Everyone exited with their own conversations starting to arise. I sat up and held onto my large bucket of popcorn. Jack raised a brow. “You’re taking it with you?” he asked as we headed out of the theater. I gasped, shoving a wad of the buttery goodness into my mouth.

“Duh? I’m eating for two now, Barakat.” It felt funny saying that I was eating for not only myself but for my growing child. Jack could only laugh and shove my shoulder.

“Fine, mama bear.” he huffed playfully.

We walked down the strip where the theater rested, retreating to the car. I had finally finished off my tub of popcorn, throwing it in a rubbish bin that we passed by. I laced my fingers with Jack’s, sighing softly. “I can’t believe we’re going to be parents… The baby will be born before the wedding, and.... It feels so surreal.” I whispered. Jack rubbed his thumb across my hand.

“We can do this, Lex. We’ll be one big, happy family.” he smiled. I nodded with a soft grin. We got to our car and buckled in, Jack starting the car. A truck was coming down the road, Jack awaiting for it to pass. However, when it came towards the strip of cars that were parked along its path, the passenger side window rolled down and gunshots began to spew from the window. It shot at each car in its path, people in them or not. I screamed at the top of my lungs as our car was the second car to be shot up like a piece of garbage. Our windows exploded around me, the blasts of each shot making my ears ring. Glass littered itself all over my leather coat and beanie, some cutting into my trembling hands.I was ducking under the window, my hands shielding my head as if it would protect me from any bullet that made its way towards me. The bullets never stopped blowing, my hysterics never stopped balling. I knew my life was about to end. Finally, the bullets stopped, and the only sound I could hear was the faint screech of tires and the ringing that was left in my ears.

I was scared to lift my head. I didn’t want to lift my head to have a gunman right beside my now busted window and blow my head off. I waited for a moment, waiting to hear if anything was around me -- heavy breathing, more bullets, anything. Once I didn’t hear another peep of danger, I slowly lifted my head. I took in my surroundings; bullet holes were scattered all over the windshield, my window all over my back and floor beneath my feet. “Jack, are y-y-you okay?” I asked out loud, not even looking in his direction. Nothing spoke to me. I thought it was my ears still messing with me, so I asked again, “J-Jack, baby, you okay?” This time, I turned to his direction, and I instantly regretted it. Beside me was my beautiful, innocent fiance, covered in blood and bullet holes. He was shot in his chest, his shoulder, his neck, and three times in his head. I just stared in horror at the sight of my fiance’s limp corpse leaning over into my lap, basically. His lifeless eyes stared at the gear shift, his lips slightly parted with blood staining his teeth. Jack was dead, shot to death, and I sat here with my life.

Screaming at the top of my lungs, I scrambled out of the car, falling to my knees on the ground. “Help!” I begged out loud, watching as a crowd formed, phones to their ears. “They shot him! They shot my fiance, he’s dead!” I chanted. Continuously, I screamed for help and announced Jack’s death out in the open. I was barely able to breath, tears streaming down my cheeks. Everything suddenly faded as help was coming, my chants coming out like muffled whispers and the people’s assurances sounding cloudy as I fainted against the concrete.

---

Jack was pronounced DOA that night, and with all the cars those people shot up, we were the only car occupied on the block, meaning Jack was the only one who lost his life. Once I fainted, EMS arrived to take me to the hospital for checking while Jack was removed from our car by the coroner. Although Jack was the only one who lost his life to those awful people, one other person lost their life that night with Jack -- our baby. From all the stress and horror my body went through, once I fainted, my body rejected the life of our baby. I miscarried right on the sidewalk. By the time I woke up, I was told both Jack and my baby were gone, and I was all alone. Yeah, I survived with only cuts on my hands, and yeah, I got to have my life, but two people who deserved their lives just as much as me didn’t have them. One didn’t even get to start their life.

I remained at the hospital for only six hours after the incident, and when I was released, I just sat by the fountain of the hospital, staring into it with dead eyes. In one night, I lost the love of my life, my unborn baby, and my future. I was alone now; I wouldn’t get my wedding that following year, I wouldn’t get to go into labor and have my baby, and I wouldn’t get to experience anything with Jack as my husband and our unborn child at my side. Then and there, all I desired most was to be with them and take my life to do so.

---

I never took my life that day, as obvious as it may be, because five years after Jack and my baby’s deaths, I met Oliver Sykes. We were at the same gay nightclub in Sacramento, me being in California since I moved right after that tragic night. I moved there for a fresh start at life, and once I met Oliver, I got my fresh start. We got to talking, went on a few dates, and we were married just two years after meeting. Six months after our marriage, I found out I was pregnant with Sara, and we traveled to Los Angeles to get a bigger home. After Sara’s birth, I opened up my music store, A&J’s Music, which stood for Alex and Jack’s music. Since Jack was my biggest inspiration to get All Time Low off it’s feet while also being the most important person in my life, aside from Oliver, I knew he had to be in the name of my career. Three years after the opening of my store, I conceived Axel and had him on Oliver’s birthday that year. After Axel’s birth, I finally felt content in how my life turned out. A husband, two kids, my own music store -- I knew Jack was proud of my life, and I knew he was proud of me being strong enough to move on.

---

“... and that’s how I’m here today.” I finished the story with a content sigh. Looking down, Sara was snoring on the floor while Axel snored softly in my arms.

“That was one hell of a story, Lex.” perked the voice of my husband, him leaning on the wall that led into the kitchen. I looked up with a blush, giggling.

“I guess I bored them to sleep.” I chuckled. Oliver scoffed, leaning down to pick up Sara.

“At least we don’t have to struggle with putting them to bed, yeah?”

We got into bed that night, it passed midnight, and I was curled close into Oliver’s arms. I looked up at him with a sigh, smiling softly. ‘I never thought I’d tell that story again, but honestly, I’m glad I told them. They deserve to know and understand.” Oliver nodded, kissing my head.

“I’m proud of you, you know. You’ve been pretty strong through life after losing him.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, lacing our fingers and shutting my eyes. “I have you now, and I know it was meant to be this way.” Before letting myself fall into a peaceful sleep, I smiled and whispered, “Oh, by the way, make room for one more around here…. I’m pregnant.”

Notes

ok w0w this was so long to write and i was writing it while hella exhausted so YEAH

i thought of writing a sad ass one shot bc why not. i decided to leave it off where alex announces he's preggers with another bb which i thought would be cute as fuck.

if requested, i may add a second part to follow up on his third pregnancy, but only if requested!!!

hope you enjoy this :))))

xoxo krys