Dark affairs

We doze off for a while in the shady spot in the park and then go and meet the guys back in the venue for sound check early because there's nothing else to fill the little time with.

Alex doesn't show up and Mac the guitar tech takes his place without anyone making a fuss, nobody seemed to have expected him to show up anyways.

The hours until the show consist of lazing around, playing with Max, watching TV and eating snacks.
I don't know how the guys are all so skinny, if I would constantly consume these amounts of junk food and sit around so much I would be twice my size.

I guess they all work it off on stage every night.

It is ten minutes before the guys are on and Brian the tour manager loses it because Alex is still MIA. By now he is screaming messages on his voice mail as Alex hadn't answered his phone to any calls and pacing the green room like a caged animal.

"I swear to god, if he doesn't show up within the next minute I'm gonna strangle him and tie him to the bunk until the next show" he growls.

I raise my brows and look at Jack because normally Brian is the chilliest guy you can imagine but even Jack looks unamused. Seems like everyone is done with Alex's escapades.

It's another five minutes until Alex and Lisa arrive, nobody says anything as they rush backstage, the guitar techs handing Jack and Alex their guitars and they are shoved onto the stage.

I decide to stay in the green room as Lisa is watching the set from the side stage and I don't want to interact with her.

I am angry at her for not being able to get him here on time. I mean, at least the guys only missed sound check when they were with me.
Does she not care about the band?

The opening act comes off stage, SWMRS, right?
The guys look not a day over twenty and we start to really talk to each other for the first time.

I find out the drummer is Billie Joe Armstrong's son but he and the rest of the band are really unpretentious and cool. So I enjoy myself and before I know it All Time Low has finished their set.

They come in for drinks and then Jack, Rian and Zack hit the showers.

Alex who has not acknowledged my existence since Lisa arrived, announces that he will shower at home, pulling his wife close and tucking her under his arm as they walk off and leave without a goodbye.

We all look at each other speechless.

It is an unspoken rule that even when there is no official party the bands and crews hang out after the job is done. It is important to keep the group of people close. To put up this show every night, everybody has to work as a team and every job is as important as the guys that are performing on stage.

So this obvious arrogant behaviour from Alex isn't really appropriate and I can see that Brian is fuming as it is his job to have things running smoothly.

Jack and I stay for a while and chat with people and we have a few drinks and then we say goodbye and head off to my apartment to spend the night.

We take a cab and on the drive I casually ask what was up with Alex today, he changes the subject immediately and although I would like to hear his view of things I can sense that he doesn't want to talk about Alex's behaviour tonight, so I decide to drop the subject and when we arrive we both crawl into bed and quickly fall asleep cuddling.

.......

Brrrrrr, Brrrrrrr, Brrrrrr....

I open my eyes to see my phone lighting up and vibrating with a call on my nightstand.

I slowly shuffle closer and the call is gone just when I pick up the phone. I squint at the screen to see it's after 3am and I have three missed calls from Alex.

I sigh in exhaustion, what the fuck! Why does he wake me up in the middle of the night?

I'm just about to drop the phone and go back to sleep when it goes off again.

I get up quickly and leave the bedroom closing the door behind me to not disturb Jack who is sleeping soundly in my bed.

I walk to the kitchen and answer the call while putting the kettle on.
"Hello?" My voice is still hoarse and raspy with sleep, I clear my throat.

I hear nothing on the other end and take my phone away from my ear to look at the screen but the call is still connected. "Hello?" Maybe it was a pocket dial and I got up for nothing.

"Mickey," I hear Alex whispering, "can I talk to you?"

"I don't know, Alex?" I reply salty, "can you? Are you done ignoring me?"

"Mickey, please," he says. Nothing more and he sounds choked up.

I sigh and open the cupboard to take out a mug and put a teabag in. "Okay, I'm listening."

I have no idea what's going on and I don't know if I really care. He has managed again to piss me off for the umpteenth time these last few days. The water is boiling and I pour it in the mug and take out milk and sugar and some cookies to make this late night call more pleasurable.

"...in person, I'm outside your house." Alex adds.

I groan, "Oh for Christ sake," I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my face, "come up then."

I end the call and take out another mug to make another cup of tea for my unexpected guest.

When I open the door for him I don't really look him over but turn around and walk back to the kitchen with him following me, I gesture to the seat opposite me and place the tea in front of him.

He holds his head down but nods in appreciation and takes milk and sugar and stirs his drink for a while. We haven't spoken a word since he showed up and I get impatient.

"As much as I enjoy this tea party, Alex, it's the middle of the night and I would like to get a few more hours of sleep, so do you think we could maybe speed that up a bit?" I know I'm not really very empathetic here but can you blame me?

He looks up at me for the first time and I realise he must've been crying.

"I'm sorry Mickey but I didn't know who else to call." I sigh but say nothing and just sit back with crossed arms waiting for him to continue.

After a few moments he runs his finger through his hair and pulls at his strands.

"I'm just so confused!" Again he falls silent and stares into his mug as if he could see his future swirling in the clouds of milk.

"Uhm, Alex, you're not giving me much to work with here, can you be more specific?"

I brace myself for another long silence but then he slowly starts to explain, his voice small and his eyes not meeting mine.

"This whole week was like a roller coaster, when I am with you and Jack, I'm happy, carefree and relaxed. I have no fears and no image to uphold.
But when you are gone I fall into a pit that is deeper than it ever was, my thoughts consume me and worries nearly suffocate me. I have loved and hated this week more than any tour before."

He finally looks up into my face but I don't have a reaction because what am I supposed to say to this? So he looks back down and continues while his fingers trace the rim of his mug. His wedding band reflecting the light from the little reading lamp on the table.

"When I heard that Liz was gonna pick me up I was elated, I hoped I could finally relax and feel at home again. I felt really bad for all the thoughts and feelings I had about you both this week, so I made sure to show my wife how much she means to me."

He makes another pause and I have to restrict myself from scoffing or making some sarcastic remark. It probably wouldn't go down well right now.
So I just impatiently tap my fingers on the table because I still don't see any point in his story.

"The reason why I was late for the show tonight was because Lisa and I had.."

I quickly cut in, "Alex, I don't think I need to know what you had."

He glares at me and goes on, "...an argument, Mickey. We had an argument about you. Lisa was mad because according to her I was too obviously nice to you."

Now I can't hold back and huff and roll my eyes. Alex looks at me and goes on staring into my eyes with a glare.

"So you all might think I was rude ignoring everyone and leaving straight after the set but I was trying to set things right with my wife." He pleads with me. "And then we lie in bed after we.."

"Urgh" I stop him again.

"...after we had sex," he goes on relentlessly "after I made love to her," he keeps torturing me, "and all I can think of is YOU!" He got louder at the end sounding angry.

Okay apparently this is all my fault now!

I decide to tell Alex the truth so I lean forward and lay my hand on his and he grabs it with both of his hands and holds onto it as if I would drift away if he would let go of me.

"Alex, look. A lot of things happened this week, there were a lot of misunderstandings, insecurities and arguments.
Jack and I realised we've been too naive and just rushed into this polyamory thinking it would be a walk in the park and it'll turn out alright.
The truth is we don't really know and trust each other enough to share one's partner with someone else. We were confused as well and doubted our emotions.
We decided it would be best to take a step back and get to know each other better. So if you want to stop this, we're cool with that, it clearly does nothing for your mental state."

Alex eyes had widened during my speech and he starts shaking his head, "No, no, Mickey, please, you guys can't just leave me." He pulls my hand closer burying his face in my palm. "Please!" He cries.

I get up and grab him and pull him into my arms. "Sh, no Alex, we'll not gonna leave you, we will always be your friends but I really think we need to stop this love triangle. It got us all into this mess."

His body is shaking in my arms but I feel him nodding his head in agreement and then suddenly his lips are on mine and I kiss back.

Notes

Enjoy!