Dark affairs

We sit down at a small table in the hotel bar and Jack takes both my hands in his.
"Mickey, can you promise to let me talk and not interrupt me? Afterwards I will let you do the same, okay? Remember we said we can talk about everything and even if it will make you mad I think we can get some form of agreement, right?"

I take in a slow shaky breath and nod wordlessly.

Here it comes, I'm thinking, he's breaking up with me. Well I do deserve it, the way I acted towards him. I knew this would happen the moment Alex and him would get close.

Yeah you're making a ruin of me.

"Mickey, are you listening?" Jack asks.

I nod again although I zoned out for a moment.

Jack takes a deep breath and lifts my head to look into my eyes. "Okay, I will be brutally honest here because you deserve to know. Alex and I didn't have full on sex yet because none of us has ever been with a guy before so we are still experimenting and I won't lie, it's insanely hot." I wince at this information that I think I did not need to know.

I take my hands out of his grasp to wipe away the tears that are rolling down my cheeks, he takes my hand back and keeps both of mine in his hand, then he gently wipes off my tears smiling sadly.

"Mickey, please listen. Then in the morning we wanted to have breakfast together because that might have been the only alone time we get while on tour. But when I returned to the bus I realised how bad this must look for you and when you got so angry I was afraid that you would hate me and leave me and I didn't know what to do.
I asked Alex to talk to you but he came back telling me he messed up as well and he thinks he made it even worse. Alex threw a fit at Rian when we found out what he said to you and I screamed at both of them and then I cried because I thought I had lost you."

He looks down at our hands and strokes the back of my hands with his thumb.
"I thought I needed to give you space until you calmed down. Then Phil makes this stupid remark and us laughing was the dumbest thing we ever did. So when you got up and sat beside this other dude, I was sure that I had messed up completely.
Alex convinced me to go over and talk to you but you just shot me down again. So I just left.

Mickey, I'm sorry about all of this, if I could I would go back and do it all differently but I can't. I can only hope that you can forgive me because, believe it or not, I love you and I want to be with you. I have been nearly losing my mind these last hours when I didn't know where you were and if you were safe. I'll stop everything with Alex because nothing is worth losing you."

He looks up as he stops talking and his eyes are so big and shiny and he just looks at me for a reaction but I feel numb.

"Mickey, please tell me what's going through your mind. I want to talk this out." He begs so I try to gather my thoughts to explain him how I feel in a speech that makes sense although nothing in my head makes sense at the moment.

"You know, this morning I just assumed you guys would come pick me up for breakfast together, just like we did with Alex, so yeah I was really shocked when I found out you didn't want me there. It just confirmed what I had been afraid of the whole time, you preferring Alex over me.
Alex claiming you were running late didn't really help. I had found out he lied to Rian so I didn't believe whatever he was trying to tell me.
I was convinced you had lost all interest in me.
I don't know when or why everything escalated so much but my thoughts just spiralled into the worst possible outcomes.
When you all laughed at me in the restaurant it was my proof you all hated me and I couldn't stand to get back onto the bus with all of you. And when you left me with this guy without even trying to get me to come back, it made me feel so worthless.
This guy then tells me about his wife and how much he loves her and how glad he is to have her and I thought, I want that too. I want a man that would be proud and happy to be my boyfriend and that would fight for me but you guys can have every girl you want, why would you bother with me."

"Oh my god!" Jack exclaims and cautiously opens his arms to offer a hug. I accept and nuzzle my wet face into his soft shirt. "I would fight for you, Mickey. I am proud to have you. I was an idiot, I thought you wanted space. Girls are so complicated! If you tell me to leave you alone, that's what I do. You have to tell me what you want because I don't get it. And I don't want anyone else, you are more than enough for me."

I think for a while and turn my face to the side to speak up again. "I guess we rushed into things. We haven't really known each other for too long. Maybe we should take a step back and first try to get to know each other better, you know, what makes us tick and so on."

"You mean the deal with Alex?" Jack asks.

I shake my head. "Yes and no, I'm talking about us as well. I think this whole thing happened because our relationship isn't as strong as we thought. I feel everything was easier when we were just seeing each other without the boyfriend/girlfriend label." I sigh and let my head fall back onto his chest.

"No, Mickey, it wasn't. I want you to be my girlfriend. Remember, you said we could work through everything and I believe we can." He puts his hand to the back of my head and pulls me even closer as if he is afraid I would run away. "But I agree, we better call off the deal with Alex and work on us."

He gets up and holds out his hand to me. I take it and he pulls me up and into his arms.
We stand there hugging and he sways us lightly.

"Would you let me spend the night with you and we can talk, I want to know everything about you. What you love, what you hate, what you got for your birthday when you turned twelve, everything." He looks at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes and I nod smiling.

"Okay, but let's order some snacks and drinks with room service, it's gonna be a long night, Barakat."

We go up to my room to cuddle up in bed. Jack raids the mini bar again and I tell him my boss will flip out if he sees my hotel bills but he just shrugs it off. We lie there and just enjoy each other's company, Jack feeding me goldfish crackers and spilling red wine onto the sheets because we're laughing so hard. He holds me in his arms and we just talk.

It feels good to be close again not only physically but also emotionally.

It's in the early hours of the morning that we finally decide it's time to sleep when Jacks phone rings.
He checks it. "It's Rian." He tells me staring down on his screen confused. I nudge him to take the call and he answers, putting him on speaker.

"Rian what's up, why are you calling in the middle of the night?" Jack asks and I can still hear the residual anger in his voice, probably from the fight they had.

"Uh, uhm, yeah sorry Jack, but - okay, I don't know - but - can you maybe come back to the bus? I'm really worried. Something's wrong with Alex and I don't know what to do."

Notes

Break, break, break...oh, hi, guys! Hope you like it! Cliffhanger? Well a little bit.