"Thank you Cleveland," I shouted into the microphone as my band went into their last song.

This was everything I needed to keep my mind off of everything that had been going on. Sometimes it felt like too much, other times I barely noticed it at all. To have the person you loved more than anything throw you out hurt. On the same token the meaningless sex I could get on tour made it feel like I was in my early twenties again.

The last notes rang throughout the air and the air was heavy with sweat from the crowd and us. I hugged the guitarist and drummer as we walked off the stage. The cheers were deafening. The guys were waiting in the back, Alex holding out a cup of Fireball for me.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I laughed as I took it.

"Guilty," he laughed.

We had a rule to not go on stage drunk to ensure that the audience got the best show ever. Afterwards, however, there were no rules. I packed my bass away and let the crew do the rest. I was exhausted from the show and I took that as a sign of success.

"Shay," Mike, our drummer said, "are you ready to get fucking wasted"

"Hell yeah," I yelled back.

I went into All Time Low's back stage room and sat on the counter across from them. Rian was warming up and Zack was out, probably lifting weights before they went on or something similar. Jack and Alex were having a back and forth that Rian had headphones on so he could ignore it.

"I'm telling you Jack, there is a place where you can buy peanut butter flavored condoms," Alex said just before he locked eyes with me.

"I'm so glad that all these years later nothing has changed," I laughed.

"You know, you have your own dressing room."

"Yeah, but if I drank in there I couldn't torment you."

He threw the football that was next to him at me and I dodged laughing.

"Watch it! You made me spill some Fireball," I laughed.

"You're not even gonna share," Jack asked.

I tossed him a beer from the cooler that I was standing next to. He caught it before it shattered against the floor.

"Be careful," he scolded me as I laughed.

"I thought y'all stopped drinking before you went on stage after that one time you almost puked," I couldn't help but laugh.

"Look, I was eighteen and didn't know how to handle my liquor."

"So what's different? You're older cause you still can't handle your liquor kitty."

"Squirt you push your luck sometime. You know not to call me kitty."

I pouted at Jack, he knew how much I hated being called squirt. I stuck my tongue out at him and Alex and all they could do was laugh. The nickname stuck from the first time Jack and I got drunk together. I was a good seven inches shorter than him and he wanted to make sure that I never forgot so he insisted on calling me squirt. I called him kitty cause when I first heard his last name I missed all of it except "cat" so the name just stuck. Alex called him kitty one night and it was the only time I saw Jack throw a punch at anyone.

I felt my phone vibrate so I left the room to take it.

"Emma, hi. How are you," I asked.

"Where is Kreuger's food," she asked, skipping my question.

"In the closet in the kitchen. How do you not know?"

"Stop asking questions. Britt is there taking care of him and she's saying she can't find it. Did you buy him more food?"

"I've been on tour for a month and you made it clear that I couldn't see Kreuger or you so no. You took him, I assumed that meant that you took his responsibility. Who's Britt?"

"So now my girlfriend is supposed to buy food for your mutt?"

"You took him in the break up, if you don't want him I'll gladly stop there and pick him back up when I get back into town."

"Whatever."

She hung up and I was left very confused. She had a new girlfriend; we hadn't been separated that long. I hadn't even thought about moving on at this point. Had she even loved me in the first place? Why did she suddenly not love Kreuger; she had demanded I leave him when we split but now it was inconvenient for her to have him there?

"Shay, are you alright," Alex asked. "I heard yelling."

"Yeah," I lied. "Lets get fuckin drunk and party!"

He laughed and rolled his eyes to me as he went to grab his guitar. I felt a little bad lying to him but I liked pretending that everything was okay all the time. It made me just that little bit happier. I chugged what was probably my fifth cup of Fireball and threw it in the trash can that I was next to. I watched as the guys scuttled onto stage and the crowd erupted into a loud cheer.

---

It was after the show and we were all on the guys bus drinking and playing Truth or Dare like we were in college. Rian was stripped down to his underwear from a dare and Mike was naked from a combination of a dare and a refusal for other dares.

"Yo Squirt," Jack yelled. "Truth or Dare?"

I thought for a second, trying to think about my decision seeing as I was already topless from some refusals and I wasn't planning on getting more naked than I already was. I could feel their eyes on me more than they had been the past few rounds as they were waiting for my answer.

"I guess dare," I almost asked.

"Hmmm...,"Jack said, trying to come up with something.

"Make out with Alex," Mike chirped up from where he was sitting.

"Sure, I dare you to make out with Alex," Jack said.

Fuck. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Obviously I had to go through with it but things had just been patched up again with Alex and we both were kind of newly single. This could complicate things and I was already in a weird place mentally and I wasn't really wanting to go through with it but I really wasn't wanting to get more naked than I already was. Well I guess here goes nothing.

I crawled into Alex's lap and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Our lips locked and the crowd that was watching suddenly didn't exist anymore. As he slipped his tongue into my mouth all I could think of was being eighteen again. For the first time in a while things felt right.

Notes

I deleted most of this because I didn't like what I had so enjoy the new approach. Her and Emma's dog is named after Freddy Kreuger because I just think that was a cool name for a dog and seeing that my puppy is named after a horror movie character it seemed fitting to me. I know this chapter is kinda cheesy but enjoy.

Title Credit: Move Your Body - My Darkest Days