Alex’s POV:

To say the next day back at school was awkward was an understatement. Usually, I never felt this way, but I actually regretted sleeping with Mickey. Don’t get me wrong, although it was in the back of her car, it was great. Honestly, it was better than the first time despite the cramped space, and I hoped I performed better. I just felt horrible. I don’t know what it was exactly, it just didn’t sit right.

And it was showing.

Not only did I feel sick to my stomach, but Jack was now constantly teasing me. I never intended on telling anyone what happened, just because I had no idea how it happened either and was still making sense of it myself. But Jack didn’t need to ask. He was already back at the bonfire, sitting all by himself, by the time Mickey and I strolled back. Either he had been super quick or Mickey and I had been in her car for way too long. At least that boyfriend of her’s never found out or didn’t give a fuck.

So, yeah, here I was feeling shitty about something I used to do on a weekly to daily basis. That fire-truck-red haired girl was consuming my life.

I was walking to my next class, which was almost on the opposite end of the building, all by myself while trying to collect my thoughts. There was barely anybody around since I was already a little late. With my mind not being fully on getting to class on time, I was strolling very slowly, my feet barely moving as I tried to put one and one together. Neither understanding what was going on or avoiding a furious teacher was going to be achieved.

Apparently, however, I wasn’t the only one still in the hallway--or at least the hallway and the direct surrounding. As soon as I walked past a small janitor’s closet, my arm was tugged on harshly and I was pulled into the dark room. Well, that definitely got me to break away from my internal dilemma and come back to the real world.

Who would even do that? But then I saw the familiar bright red hair that somehow seemed to stand out despite there barely being any light.

“Mick--” I started to ask her what she was doing, but before I could even get out her name, her lips were pressed roughly against mine.

She didn’t take any time before her hands went down my waist and to my belt, giving it a good pull to unbuckle it. I stood there in shock, not knowing what to do other than going in autopilot and kissing her back. I didn’t even know if I wanted this. Mickey definitely did, but I was too taken aback to fully register what was actually happening.

Once she managed to pop the button of my jeans, she broke away from me and gave me a friendly smile. “Hi.”

I took this moment to take a deep breath, my heart racing as I stared at her. “Mickey, we probably shouldn’t--”

But it didn’t matter. She was pressed up against me again. I couldn’t do anything to stop her--I physically couldn’t. My mind was blank and I didn’t have the mental capability of pushing her away. This wasn’t any good; as much as I loved being with her, this wouldn’t do either of us any good.

Even when she worked her way down, my back pressed against a cabinet to keep me upright, I didn’t even reach out to stop her from what she was doing, as much as I was screaming at myself to do so. As soon as she was kneeling in front of me, I couldn’t help but succumb.

Not long after, Mickey was running her fingers through her hair to get out the knots. She had managed to get dressed with lightning speed, more focused on looking presentable again without giving away to the public what had happened in here. I, on the other hand, was fumbling to put my jeans back on while keeping an eye on her.

I hoped that maybe I would feel satisfied, happy that this had happened, yet the heavy feeling of regret only got worse. Something made me feel guilty. I had used girls the same way Mickey was using me before, and I always assumed they enjoyed it as well. If they felt this way every time afterward, I sure as hell felt bad for them. This was absolutely horrible.

“Hey, Mickey?” I said without even knowing what I was going to say, now fully clothed though. She just hummed in response, not saying a word. So, I continued with what I was subconsciously thinking. “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Do what?” She asked, turning around to look at me, her hair swooping over her shoulder.

“What we’re doing right now.” I pointed at the both of us. “This thing going on between us.”

“You mean having sex?” She bluntly put it, not beating around the bush. Having a conversation meant being straightforward. There was no time for embarrassment.

“Yeah, it’s not right. I don’t want this. You said yourself that having sex with people you’re friends with will get messy. I don’t want that to happen; I’d rather be friends with you than fuck-buddies. As fun as it is, things just won’t work out in the end. I will always value friendship more than whatever this is”

“Okay…” She whistled and picked up her backpack from the ground. After hanging it from her shoulder, she walked up to the door.

As soon as her hand went on the handle, I grabbed her other wrist to stop her from leaving. “Look, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Offend me?” She looked at me as if I had two heads. “If anything you’re offending yourself! As far as I know, you’re famous for sleeping around. This is just ruining your reputation.”

“What?”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes at me. “Oh, come on. I see the way you look at me, practically undressing me with your eyes. I finally give you what you want, and what do you do? You decide it isn’t for you because you value friendship over sex. Don’t give me signs that scream at me that you want to bed me and then change your mind; don’t act like you’re my friend and don’t threaten me with secrets just to get in my pants.”

“Mickey, no, that’s not what I’ve been doing.” I shook my head, afraid that she was going to leave with this wrong view of me. Sure, I used to be that way, but not this time. “Something is very wrong if you believe me being nice is just so I can fuck you. I honestly want to be your friend, that’s why I’m breaking this thing off before we get too far into it. Not only for me, but also for you, and strangely enough for Devon.”

“I should feel guilty about cheating on him, huh?” She finally let go of the door handle and slumped against the door instead. “I don’t, though, not at all. Maybe it’s because we don’t have anything emotional going on, maybe it's because I know for a fact he’s also sleeping with other people. I don’t know and I don’t really care. It was nice to have a little break from him… Maybe I should break up with him... or wait it out a little longer.” A smirk started appearing on her face.

“In the end it’s all your decision, but it doesn’t have to be this way.”

“Didn’t you just say you wanted to stop this?”

“I don’t mean that.” I sighed. This was getting much more serious than I had intended to, but if I was already risking her walking out on my life, I might just as well say everything that was on my mind. “I mean all of this. Everything you’re doing. I get that you occasionally want to have some fun, I do as well. But this is going way too far. You don’t need to be reckless and throw your life away. Be smart, set your goal to be graduating, and who cares what you do after that. I also don’t want to be in this shithole, but I know that not finishing school will screw me over. It’s the least I can do. You said yourself that you used to do great in school. Just make that come back a little bit, it doesn’t even have to be anything too drastic, just enough to let you graduate this year.”

She shook her head at me, her hand reaching for the handle once again. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what, Mickey?” I stressed, my own frustration starting to bubble up. “I can’t understand you if you never let me in.”

She snorted and looked me up and down with a judgmental look. “I’ve let you in, alright.”

And from that point on I knew that whatever I was going to say wasn’t going to reach her anymore. I could try as hard as I wanted, but she was too set on her stubborn attitude. Nothing was going to work, it would only break my relationship with her further.

Yet, my mouth betrayed me and continued trying to help the lost cause. “Once again, not what I meant. Just know that letting somebody help you by letting them in isn’t a bad thing. You’ll be surprised by how good it feels.”

“No, I was right. You really don’t understand.”

She opened the door and walked out without checking if there was anybody on the other side who could catch her. The bright light reflecting from the floor in the hallway made me squint my eyes, but it didn’t take long. As soon as Mickey had left, she also closed the door. I let out a frustrated groan and rubbed my eyes.

I had to do something, but she just wouldn’t let me. That red-haired girl was way too far gone in her ways to realize how bad she actually was doing. I should have given up right there and then as I was left to look at all the cleaning supplies, but that wasn’t going to work. Alex Gaskarth did not give up that easily.

A little after the school bell went to signal that lunch had started, I opened the door and walked out in a similar way Mickey had done. The few kids directly outside looked at me with wide eyes out of shock, but I ignored them. I was too focused on thinking of breaking down that hard shell. I had finally started to break it down, and now I was back at the start.

As I walked through the hallway, fully intending on going to the cafeteria and endure Jack’s teasing, I heard a high pitched scream come somewhere from behind me. It sounded way too familiar to let it be.

Notes

Look at that! I wrote another chapter! How did I do this???!?!?!?
Also, I keep forgetting to write a chapter title? Like I keep writing Chapter x: and not actually giving it a title. What am I doing?