Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It

I slammed my car door shut as harshly as I could muster, flinging myself into the driver’s seat as I did so and roughly starting the engine. Today was the absolute worst and I was just going to call it quits on life and go eat my body weight in junk food at home. Of course, it was quite possibly the last food I could afford for the next few weeks, but hey, who cares? I scowled at my steering wheel, gripping it tightly and doing my best to calm down. My manager was an asshole, and I’d just been fired. It wasn’t going well.
I know you’re at work, but this is just a reminder to swing by mine later so I can see your pretty face (that, and my mom baked cookies) xxxx
I stopped huffing when Alex’s name popped up on my phone, reading his text and realising this was possibly the least of my problems. I mean, it was a huge deal, of course, but I had plenty of backups if I needed them. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the least of my problems, but it definitely wasn’t the worst either.
Well, I jut got fired. My phone uck. I’ll ee you in five.
WTF do you mean you just got fired? Are they fucking high? Your ass brings in at least 20 bucks a week from me alone ;) xxxx
Cut back. I’m the only one without, like, a fucking family or omething. AKA, fuck you Holly, you and Maria can tarve xxxx
You’re not going to starve, asshole. I promise, Jack and me will buy you all the noodles you can stomach. Plus, this means you can come round now and I can see your pretty face for longer xxxx
Five minute. Promie.
I threw my phone into the passenger seat, torn between being more frustrated than I started out due to my serious lack of a working s button, and feeling much more relaxed at the thought of seeing Alex four hours earlier than I would otherwise have been. It was now mid-February and Alex’s parents were warming to me quickly. I’d been allowed to stay over a few times and his mother was fast becoming my second mother. Alex acted like he hated seeing us gossiping in the kitchen on a Sunday morning over coffee, but I know he secretly loved his mom getting on with me. As far as I’d heard it from her, no other girl he’d brought around had ever bothered too much with the family as a whole, intent upon getting into and out of the house as quickly as possible without human interaction. Then again, I’d always thought Alex’s previous girlfriends had been a little up themselves, so what you gonna do?
“That was an entire six minutes, Holly,” Alex scowled playfully as he opened the door to let me in. I laughed, shoving him aside so I could get into the house and throw myself on the sofa in front of the TV.
“I got caught behind Miss Daisy,” I shrugged, grinning at him as he shut the door and came to join me.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, putting his arms around me and allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder. I let out a sigh, remembering why I’d felt so crap not even 10 minutes ago. I felt nausea building again as I thought about it, worried about how I was supposed to even live until I found another job.
“Shit,” I said, simply. “I’m as broke as my fucking phone, my car’s on its way. There’s like a 75% chance I’m going to move back in with my mom, and I might shoot myself.”
“Drama queen. Give me your phone.” I handed Alex my phone with a pout, which he utterly ignored as he started messing around with my keyboard. I shuffled away, grabbing the TV remote as he concentrated. I don’t even know what I turned on, choosing instead to watch the way his tongue stuck out as he focused on the task at hand. He was adorable. I didn’t think I’d met anyone who had such a stereotypical concentration face, but he definitely suited it. “There!” He grinned up at me, handing me my phone back with a screen filled with the letter s. I laughed, taking it off him and pecking him on the lips quickly.
“Thank you, baby. You’re my knight in shining armour.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” he laughed, kissing me back swiftly. “And to add to my thorough Prince Charming act: get up, we’re going shopping.” He pulled me from my seat and had me halfway out of the door before I had fully processed what he’d said. What did he mean we were going shopping? Did he not realise being fired meant you had no money? Or was he fully aware and wanted something for himself, without realising that it was a dick move to drag me along?
“What do you mean shopping?” I asked warily as he shoved me into the passenger’s side of his car. He made his way around to the driver’s side and settled himself in before answering me.
“I mean, let’s go to the mall, find us both something hot to wear at tonight’s show and just piss around until you’re smiling again.” He grinned over at me again as he left his street and I felt my heart quiver. He seemed genuinely determined to do whatever he could to get me out of my foul mood, despite how much better I was feeling just being around him.
“I don’t need you to buy me shit to make me feel better. You’re amazing anyway, even if we’re just hanging around in your front room watching bad 90s movies.” I watched his grin melt into a content smile and my heart quivered again. Seeing him so genuinely happy made me beyond ecstatic. I was being totally honest when I said he didn’t need to buy me things to make me feel better: just seeing him happy made me happy. I didn’t know where the boy with the horrid reputation had gotten to, but I couldn’t get enough of this new Alex, this adorable boy who hardly left my side most days and whose smile made my knees week.
“I don’t care, Holly,” he said after a few seconds of silence. “I like to be able to do something for you, even if you don’t need me to. Just choose something pretty and promise me it’ll be your favourite thing forever.”
“What if I choose a cheap ass bracelet?”
“Then promise me you’ll never take it off.”
“Fuck, I love y-“ I stopped short as I realised exactly what words I was about to let out of my mouth. It had been two months since I’d first thought I was falling in love with Alex, but I still hadn’t convinced myself it was real yet. The 17-year-old party girl inside me was fighting her corner well, telling this new smitten version of me she was crazy. She was, of course, failing with every passing moment in Alex’s presence.
I scrunched up my nose with only a little hesitation, waving my hand dismissively at Alex as I tried my best to fake a sneeze. I held the face for a few seconds, before letting my breath out and relaxing.
“Okay, it passed,” I said, forcing a laugh and trying to act like nothing had happened beforehand.
“What were you saying?” The concern lacing his voice made me turn to face him. His brow was creased into a frown and I had a feeling in my gut that he knew what I had been about to say to him. I was torn. I was partly happy that he felt the same way about this ‘love’ nonsense as I did: that it had no place in our relationship and we were happy without it. The other side of me was actually upset that he was so unhappy at the thought that I might love him, as if it was something to be disgruntled about. I mean, what, was my love not good enough for him or something? I pushed the thoughts from my head. This wasn’t the time.
“I love your cutesy alter-ego. I might run away with him.”
“What, is normal me not good enough or something?” He glanced at me, his eyes showing me the laugh he’d just pushed out had been fake, purely to make me relax.
“Normal you is kind of an ass. Cutesy you is, like, my kryptonite.”
“Nerdy you is definitely my kryptonite.” Alex’s hand found its way to my knee, squeezing softly and smiling before turning back to the road. It felt halfway between pitying me and comforting me and I didn’t know what was worse. I hadn’t made any admissions to him, but I felt like this would be the way he reacted if I did. As if there was something wrong with me. I held in the sigh I felt building, jumping from the car as soon as he pulled into a parking space and taking a deep breath before Alex could realise just how suffocated I had been beginning to feel. I wasn’t this girl. I wasn’t this piny, needy girl. I didn’t need anyone except myself. My time with Alex was good for me, and that’s all there was to it. That was what I was feeling. I was feeling looked after and enjoying my time with someone I liked being around. I didn’t need him. “Come on, Hols. Let’s go binge on junk food and spend all of my allowance.” He held his hand out for me from in front of his car. I forced a smile onto my face, taking his hand in mine and allowing him to lead me into the building.
We spent the next hour or so wandering into and out of more stores than I could count. In every one Alex had tried to find something for me to wear for the show tonight (instead of the ratty jeans and t-shirt I wore under my uniform at work, which I’d had no choice to but to be wearing now and planning on wearing if I’d been able to finish my shift). I’d quite craftily managed to distract him with something for himself whenever he’d tried it, but being laden with bags for himself he was beginning to see through me and my tricks.
Which had lead us to where we were now. While Alex had been off paying for some pretzels, I’d spotted a pair of jeans in a store window and tried to sneak myself in to buy them without him seeing me. Sadly, I was easily distracted by pretty things and I’d gotten preoccupied with a necklace on my way to the checkout, which is where Alex found me a couple of minutes later, still debating how my current financial circumstances were going to stack up against the couple of dollars the necklace would cost me. It’s clearly a hard life decision for an unemployed teenage girl.
“Stop being so stubborn!” Alex groaned, reaching once again for the jeans I had in my hands.
“Alex, you don’t need to buy me anything. Honestly, I don’t even like them that much. Let’s just go.” I tried to pout at him to convince him to leave with me, but the only response I got was an eye roll and another motion of his hand, asking me to hand him the jeans.
“You will look amazing in those jeans. I’m going to look hotter than Jack, you need to look… well, as hot as me.” He winked at me and I tried my best not to laugh, despite the smile pulling at my lips which was clearly giving away my amusement. “Just give me the damn jeans, Hol.” I faked a scowl, passing him the jeans while half-heartedly trying to get the necklace I’d been staring at back, which was absolutely ignored by Alex as he marched to the cashier.
“Are you done now?” I asked as he handed over the cash. “Can we go veg out for an hour before we get ready for your show?”
“Does it look like you have a shirt to go with these jeans?”
“No, but I definitely have a shirt somewhere in your floordrobe that would be perfect for tonight.” I smiled as Alex chuckled. “I love your mom. She washes my clothes and then you throw them on your bedroom floor.” He slung his arm around my shoulders and grabbed the bag with my clothes in with his other hand.
“Okay, let’s go. I bought loads of candy while you were trying to sneak away from me.” I laughed lightly, making my way out of the store and toward Alex’s car.

Notes