Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It

Dinner was awkward to say the least.
My mother was acting chirpy, but it wasn’t fooling me. She’d yet to say another word to either Alex or myself, while talking non-stop to Isobel, meaning Isobel had barely managed to say another two words to Alex or myself since the pair of us had returned from my bedroom. Despite that, however, she did keep looking at Alex and I with a small smile on her lips. I was hoping it meant she approved. Our dads were deep in football conversation, so that just left me and Alex to talk to each other.
“Have you heard from Jack?” I asked, frowning at my empty notifications. “I’ve been texting him and Marissa all day and neither of them are replying.” Alex shrugged, swallowing his mouthful of food.
“Um, I called him this morning before she got there, but radio silence since.” I scowled, taking a bite of my turkey. I wasn’t enjoying silent treatment. It either meant everything was going spectacularly, or spectacularly badly. If it was mediocre, I’d have had plenty of text messages from them both by now. I wasn’t happy about not knowing which it was.
“Oh, so you know Jack too?” Peter piped up, my dad having just left the table to grab himself another drink. I nodded lightly.
“Since forever,” I laughed. “We’ve been best friends for years.”
“So, is that how you two met?”
“Dad,” Alex groaned. “I told you that’s how we met.” Peter waved him off and I stifled a giggle. I noticed both mine and Alex’s mothers had stopped talking to each other to listen.
“Yeah, I had to relay a message to Jack in school one day and he introduced me to Alex.”
“Sounds nice and straightforward, definitely not like my son.” Alex snorted into his plate and I kicked him under the table. The start of our relationship had been anything but straightforward, but I didn’t exactly want to tell his dad we had a one night stand that accidentally turned into something more.
“What can I say? He’s a sucker for blondes, and I’m really persuasive when I want to be.” My dad laughed, catching the last of my words as he came through the door.
“You always have been, Holly,” he assured me. “By aged three you could pull puppy dog eyes that got you anything you wanted. You’ve only gotten better at getting your own way since.” I snorted, not sure if it was a compliment or not but taking it anyway. I wasn’t going to argue.
“I took her out for lunch near Halloween and she basically told me she was my girlfriend,” Alex told them both. I nudged him with my shoulder playfully.
“Shut up. You didn’t exactly argue.”
“I think that’s the worst part,” Alex laughed. “You even got me to publicly go and see a Harry Potter film for the first time since I hit puberty.”
“Please. You were drooling over Hermione more than I was drooling over Draco.”
“I was drooling over your robes more than anything.”
“Oh, my God!” I shrieked, throwing down my fork. “I totally forgot. Hold that thought.” I ran from the room, grabbing my car keys and pulling Alex’s present from where it had been hidden under my driver’s seat.
“Where have you been hiding that?” He laughed, seeing the parcel in my hand when I re-entered the dining room.
“In my car. I could hardly leave it in my apartment. You and Jack sniff surprises out like bloodhounds.” I handed it over to him and he quickly got to work opening it up. A grin spread across his face when he saw the red and black fabric, laughing at me again.
“Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. I told you I’d get you a set for Christmas.” I laughed lightly as Alex pulled the robes from the remainder of the paper, our parents laughing as he threw it around his shoulders, still grinning with the Gryffindor crest visible on the front. “I almost got you a wand for your birthday, but I figured that was a step too far.”
“I never thought a friend of Jack’s would be a good influence on you, Alex,” his mother laughed from across the table. I smiled brightly, happy to have had some sort of good impression on her.
“Yeah, Jasey Rae is a good influence on boys,” he snorted, taking the robes back off and folding them up. I hit his chest lightly, shooting him a look that reminded him I didn’t exactly want him joking about my reputation in front of our parents.
“Anyone can be a good influence on Alex Gaskarth,” I shot back. He cringed lightly, realising that it probably wasn’t the best dig to make at this point.
“Nope, just you. I checked.” He shot me a grin, regaining his composure and kissing me softly on the cheek. “Thanks, cutie. Your present is still tucked away in my bedroom. I’ll grab it later.”
“Good idea! Why don’t you come over later, Holly? We’re having a movie night. You’ll make a better addition than Jack normally does.”
“I’d love to, Mrs. Gaskarth,” I replied, smiling. I ignored my mother’s pursed lips, merely happy to have an excuse she couldn’t argue with to get out of the house. “But, if I know anything about Jack, I know he’s showing up anyway.”
“Very true,” she laughed. I glanced at Alex, seeing a smile on his face and feeling a fluttering in my stomach. Despite his relaxed attitude, deep down I could see that me getting along with his mom had been important to him, which was beyond adorable. I’d always been told that you can tell how good of a person a guy was by how important his mother was to him, and just that one smile told me everything I needed to know.
“What do you think, mom? Can you spare me for a couple of hours?” I looked at her pointedly, knowing my best shot at getting out of the house was to ask her in front of guests, while also making the point that I was currently on speaking terms with her so she couldn’t try to accuse me of being childish and ignoring her. Ironically, she was always the more immature of the two of us, despite the fact she had the advantage of age and lacked my stupid teenage hormones. I smiled sweetly at the sour look on her face, catching a glimpse at the smirk Alex was suppressing next to me.
“I mean, it is Christmas, Holly.”
“Oh, let her go,” my dad said, waving off my mother’s concerns. “It’s only a couple of hours. She won’t be doing any good hanging around here with nothing to do but talk to us two.”
“Thank you, daddy,” I grinned, leaning over a kissing his cheek quickly, knowing my mother had been outvoted.
“Home by ten,” my mother told me an hour later as I was following Alex and his parents out of the house, having already said goodbye to my dad.
“Midnight,” I challenged, knowing we’d both settle on 11 and I’d be late home anyway. “I’m only next door.”
“With your boyfriend,” she hissed.
“And his parents,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “They’ll take good care of me. Besides, I think Jack and Marissa are coming over too.”
“Fine, twelve. But no later.” I grabbed the spare key to the house she was offering me and said my goodbyes, following Alex quickly before she could take it back. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the door shutting behind me and caught up with Alex on his porch.
“That looked like fun,” he chuckled.
“She’s a pain in my ass,” I told him, rolling my eyes again. “She was never this antsy when I actually was going out and getting myself into god awful situations. Now I’m trying to do a nice, normal thing like watch movies with my boyfriend and get to know his parents, she’s flipping out like I’m going to go on a drug binge or something.” I wrapped my arms around Alex’s waist, allowing him to pull me into a hug. I breathed him in, content to be in his arms for the first time in a couple of days and just happy to finally have some time alone with him.
“Come on, Hol, she’s your mom. She’s going to worry about you.” My heart fluttered as he rubbed my back comfortingly, but I forced a pout onto my face.
“But she’s so annoying,” I whined.
“It’s her job,” he laughed. “Stop being a brat.”
“Stop being an asshole.”
“I’d love to, but it’s my default.”
“Alright, fine,” I sighed, admitting that I had been a little bit of a spoilt brat all day to her. Yeah, sure, she was irritating, but Alex was right. She was my mother, she was bound to be protective over me. I’d always been so independent that her protective nature had been irritating since before I could remember and I’d found her fairly smothering as the years went on, but I knew she meant well at the end of the day. “She’s a little overprotective, and that’s irritating, but she’s got her heart in the right place.”
“Exactly.” I smiled up at him, feeling his lips on my own before I even had chance to fully take him in.
“I can almost guarantee she’s watching us through the curtains,” I muttered against his lips. I felt a smile on his face, but he didn’t pull away.
“Gross,” he muttered back. “I missed you, she can deal with it.” My heart fluttered for the second time in less than five minutes. He was absolutely killing me. It had been less than forty-eight hours and he was acting like it had been months. I was more than happy to express myself to Alex, but the thought of being the needy girlfriend who pined for him after just over a day was something I couldn’t face, and he was acting like it was no big deal. This wasn’t even new. He’d go home on a night and all but smother me in the morning telling me how much he’d missed me, how much he’d wished he’d stayed over.
And, every time he said it, my stomach dropped to the floor and my heart skipped more than just one beat. I felt the same. I pouted every time he said ‘goodbye’, yearning for him to stay with me, to wake up with his arms around me and the duvet on the floor from how much he fidgeted on a night. For all his tossing and turning, his crude remarks and the way he took over my TV to watch frickin’ wrestling and football, I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather have with me at all times.
If I’d remotely believed in it, I’d have told you I had all the signs of being in love with Alex Gaskarth.
I’d spent more nights than I’d like to admit to tossing and turning, replaying that thought in my head. I’d never thought it had been possible for me before. I’d had sweaty palms and flutterings in my stomach, but I’d never considered it to be love. I’d never looked at a couple in the park and thought ‘oh, that’s sweet, they’re so in love.’ I’d only ever felt nauseated at pointless displays of affection and Hallmark nonsense.
And then I’d spend my weekend with Alex. He’d show up at my door with coffee and a smile and I’d feel my legs turn to jelly at the look on his face. He’d abandoned me one Sunday earlier in the month for a ‘secret’ band practice that none of the girls had been allowed to go to, so I’d spent the day watching chick flicks with Marissa, and he’d shown up at school the next day with daisies and the look of a child who thought he was going to be shouted at. I’d all but fallen to the floor as my legs felt like they were going to give beneath me, especially since I’d only mentioned once that I much preferred something simple like daisies to something extravagant like roses, and he’d remembered.
And, yet, despite the cuteness overload he threw at me some days, he was still that arrogant boy who’d first grinned at me way back in October. He was still so perfect for me, I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather spend my time with. We still fit together like it was nobody’s business, throwing sarcasm around like there was no tomorrow, and knocking each other down a peg when we were being too much, just like he’d just done in calling me out for being a brat.
“Ew, come on guys, get a room, please,” Jack’s voice called out from behind me. Alex and I separated quickly, spotting our best friends making their way up from Jack’s car.
“Well, we keep trying, but somehow you always seem to be there,” Alex retorted.
I took his hand in my own, taking the subtlest deep breath I could manage.
I wasn’t in love with him. I couldn’t be.

Notes