Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It

The door slammed shut loudly in Jack’s face as I stormed back into my apartment. He had frustrated more than I imagined he ever could. Who was he to tell me what to do? I was going to make my own decisions and tell him in my own damn time. Jack had no say in the matter. This was entirely between Alex and I, nobody else had any say. Honestly, it hardly even had anything to do with Alex at this point. If I didn’t have some kind of twisted feelings for him, I wouldn’t give a damn about him and his ‘mystery girl’. Alex and Marissa were sat on the sofa, staring at me wide eyed, while I glared at them.
“Someone go comfort lover boy,” I snarled. “I’m sure he needs to bitch about my selfish ways to at least one of you.”
“I’ll go,” Marissa offered, shooting Alex a look I didn’t quite catch. Honestly, they could be sending each other ‘do me right now’ looks, and I wouldn’t give a damn right now. Alex could be living up to his reputation and messing about with us both and I wouldn’t care. The logical side of my brain was telling me that I did, in fact care, and that I was glad Marissa was going out to talk to Jack instead of Alex. I had a feeling that if Alex spoke to Jack, Jack would tell him everything just to spite me. I shot a glare in Alex’s direction at the thought as Marissa moved to the door. This was his fault. He was the reason Jack and I had just had our first big fall out. Honestly, we bickered, every friend did, but Jack and I had never blown up at each other like that before. We generally understood boundaries and he’d never said anything like he’d just said to me. I huffed angrily, moving toward my bedroom and slamming the door before Alex could even think to move from his seat.
I threw myself on my bed, glaring at the ceiling. Why did this have to happen? Jack and I had a perfect relationship not a week ago, and I had to go and sleep with Alex. Not only that, I had to start having feelings for him. Real, stomach fluttering feelings. All of which culminates in exactly what just happened outside. Jack was right, of course, I did have to tell Alex everything, but I was determined to put it off just as long as I could. I didn’t want to have to face the repercussions of deceiving him the way I had.
“Holly?” I heard through the door, a soft knocking accompanying it and pulling me from my thoughts.
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped as the door began to creak open. I sat up, my back facing away from the door so I didn’t have to face him. I didn’t want to look at him right now. I was still trying to blame him for the entire mess I had created.
“Sorry, you know I think it’s cute,” he said quietly. The bed sank behind me and I felt his hand on my back. “Come on, Jase, what’s going on? You’ve never fallen out with Jack before.” I scowled at his words. He didn’t know me, so how could possibly know anything about my friendship with Jack?
“How would you know? You don’t even know me! You come in here acting like my best friend or something. I’ve known you a week, Alex, not even that. You know nothing about me.”
“But I do know Jack. He would tell me if he’d fallen out with you, he always talks about you, even when you’re being a bitch to him.” I smiled lightly at the joke. He almost made it impossible to be mad at him. I wanted to hate him, but I was struggling. “Besides, I told you I was trying to get to know you, didn’t I?” I sighed, realising I was taking my anger at myself out on him and he didn’t deserve it. He’d been incredible since I’d met him, all but perfect in fact, and I was the one being an asshole. His hand moved from my back, instead wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder. I relaxed into him, leaning against his chest.
“You did,” I conceded.
“Exactly. I’m trying, Jase, honestly. I just want you to trust me. I’m here if you want to talk.” I chewed my lip, debating how best to let him know about Jodie. I didn’t want to have to tell him just how I knew what she was up to or why I knew she was lying, but I wanted to make sure that he at least had a chance to prepare, so he wasn’t swept away in her lies.
“Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind on Saturday.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s Jodie,” I sighed. “She’s going to tell you something and you need to ignore her, Alex. I know what she’s going to say, and I know it’s a lie. Don’t ask me how, I just do.”
“What are you talking about?” I could hear the confusion and concern in his voice. I didn’t know how best to explain it, or what I could say without giving myself away entirely. I wasn’t ready to tell him today. I just wanted a couple of nice days with him, to see if he was worth telling everything to, and then I’d let him know everything.
“You’ll find out on Saturday, I promise.”
“Pinkie promise?” I laughed at the sight of his little finger sticking out for me to take. I curled my little finger around his, still smiling. And he told me I was the abnormal one in this pairing because I didn’t swoon over him, and he’s acting like a child instead of a seventeen-year-old. “You’re cutest when you smile. It hurts me to see you upset.” My heart fluttered at his words, and I inwardly swooned, despite my previous decision not to do so. I adored just how much he seemed to care about me already, and I struggled to think of anyone else who seemed to care as much as he did. The argumentative voice in my head telling me it was all just words became quieter every time he spoke and my doubts were becoming nothing but a twinge in the back of my mind.
“I wasn’t upset; I was angry. There is a difference.”
“Okay, it hurts me to see you… feeling… bad emotions?” I laughed at his struggle to find the appropriate words, considering earlier he’d told me it was his job to be good with them.
“You’re adorable, do you know that?”
“It’s been mentioned.” I turned my head quickly, seeing the smirk on his face and placed a small kiss on his cheek. His ego didn’t faze me. It honestly made him more attractive to me. I couldn’t deal with boys who doubted themselves constantly, especially when I was so arrogant myself most of the time. “You don’t take long to bounce back, do you?”
“I’ve learned to deal with it over the years,” I shrugged, turning my entire body so I could at least half face him, without allowing him to detach his arms from my waist. “There’s no point dwelling on shit. You either do something about it or move on. Besides, you make it impossible for me to stay mad at anyone.”
“I love it when I make you happy. It honestly makes my day.” I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks once again and ducked my head, letting my hair fall over my face in the hopes that he wouldn’t be able to see the crimson shining through the blonde strands. “Oh my God. I made you blush. I made Jasey fucking Rae blush. I can’t believe it.”
“You always seem to do it. Feel proud, you’re the only boy that manages to do this to me sober.”
“I do feel proud. You’ve just boosted my reputation with the guys like tenfold.” I pretended to glare at him through my hair, making him laugh at me and pull me closer. “Although, now I’m worried. Who was the last person to do this to you drunk?” My stomach quickly knotted itself at his words and I gulped quickly, trying my best to maintain a calm exterior. Alex had been the last person who had done this to my drunk, and I couldn’t very well say ‘you, when we hooked up last week’ without having him flip his shit. I paused, acting like it was a difficult question, while pretending to think of a way of not lying through my teeth.
“The guy I hooked up with on Saturday.”
“I feel less proud. You’re kind of a blush whore.” I snorted, hitting him lightly and trying to pretend I was insulted at his words.
“I am not. I don’t give away my blushes for nothing, Alex. Besides, if you’d asked me this question a week ago, I would have told you ‘some random dude about six months ago’. So, there. I’m not a blush whore.”
“Okay, sweet cheeks, calm down. My bad. Clearly, I caught you at a bad time.”
“You’re damn right you did.” A grin had spread itself across Alex’s face, replacing the smirk that had been lodged there previously. I heard the front door closing in the main room and sighed. I had to apologise to Jack, I knew that. He didn’t deserve the way I’d blown up at him. I just hoped he’d returned with Marissa and hadn’t stormed home in a fit of rage, which was actually likely.“Wait here, I’m gonna see how Jack is,” I told Alex, slipping out of his grasp quickly and making my way to my door. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Jack’s dark hair over the sofa, noting that Marissa was decidedly absent.
“Marissa’s in her room. I’m not allowed to leave until we make up,” Jack said, sounding sad and turning toward me. I felt guilty at how upset he sounded, though I was glad he wasn’t still angry at me.
“Well, feel free to leave whenever, I’m over it,” I shrugged, grinning at him.
“I’m sorry I pitched a fit,” he told me. “I know it’s your decision, but you deserved to know what I think. You’re my best friend, Jasey, but I’m not going to act like I think what you’re doing is right. I’m not going to lie to you.”
“I know,” I replied, biting my lip and moving over to the sofa, sitting on the arm and facing him. “I’m sorry for starting all of this. You’re right; I’m being selfish.” I paused, glancing at my bedroom door, which I’d left wide open, seeing Alex watching the pair of us from his spot on my bed. “You win, I’m taking your advice.” Once again, I was weighing my words carefully before I let them leave my mouth, knowing that a misplaced word could sell me out to Alex.
“You mean soon?”
“Very,” I nodded. I watched a grin spread across his face at my words and I felt my guilt seep away. While I hadn’t actually done anything about setting things right yet, just making the decision to do it helped to ease the feeling in my gut telling me I was doing something utterly wrong.
“Thank God. I’m already bored of keeping your secrets for you.” I snorted at his words, flashing at grin through my bedroom door at Alex to tell him he was okay to come out now.
“You know, most days I have absolutely no idea what you two are talking about,” he told the pair of us, leaning on the doorframe and watching us, arms folded and a small smirk on his face.
“Frankly, Alex, that’s the point,” I laughed. “You think we want you knowing our deepest, darkest secrets? Please.”
“I used to know all of Jack’s dark secrets though,” he pouted.
“Did you know he’s secretly been in love with me since Middle School?” I watched Alex scowl playfully as Jack tried to suppress his laughter. “No, see, I didn’t think so. I know his darkest secrets, Gaskarth.”
“Fine. I guess I’m not wanted here. I’ll just leave.”
“No! Wait!” I shouted as Alex moved to make his way to the door. “Just because Jack is secretly in love with me, doesn’t mean I’m secretly in love with him.”
“Thanks, Jasey,” Jack let out sarcastically. “Just make a move on my best friend while I’m sat right here, why don’t you?”
“So, who are you secretly in love with?” Alex asked, smirking once again.
“Marissa.”
“That’s hot.”
“You’re gross, Gaskarth. I don’t even believe in love. It’s all bullshit for people being co-dependent. It’s a very ‘look at me, I’m better than you because I have someone and you don’t’. To put it bluntly, it’s Hallmark crap. Why can’t I just like spending time with someone without having to attach some bullshit label to it?” Alex cocked his head to the side, though he didn’t seem fazed by my outburst. The first time I’d expressed the opinion to Jack, he’d ranted about how incredible it would be to be in love; that it made the world a better place. Alex, on the other hand, seemed to relax at my statement. He continued to surprise me. I expected him to try and change my mind, but instead he just smiled at me.
Jack started to do exactly what I expected and try and change my mind, trying to drag Alex into it with him, though without success. The more I thought about Alex, the more I knew that I wanted to be honest with him. I was beginning to feel excited to tell him everything. I already cared about him as much as I cared about Jack and Marissa, if not more. I could feel myself spinning out of control and this was only just the beginning.
Alex Gaskarth was going to be the boy I stuck around for in the morning, had he not become that boy already.

Notes

I have literally just finished typing this, because I keep getting caught up in other stories. Oops.
Merry Christmas, guys. Have a fabulous time over the next few days. <3