A Story to Tell Your Friends

My feet were lifted from the floor and I laughed loudly as I began to spin around. The smell of body odour assaulted my nose as soon as my feet left the floor and my heart raced.
“Put me down!” I let out, still laughing and holding on to Jack as if my life depended on it.
“Never.”
“For fuck’s sake, Jack; Geralt is going to get jealous.”
“I don’t care,” he laughed, putting me back on the ground but not letting go of me. “I’ll fight him if I have to.”
“You don’t go head to head with a Witcher, Jack.”
“You’re such a fucking nerd, Clara.” I snorted at his response, resting my head on his chest and smiling softly. “So, how’d I do?” The noise had dissipated while the crew set up for A Day to Remember, though Jack still had to shout a little to be heard above the crowd.
“You were incredible,” I sighed. “Even when you factor in embarrassing me in the middle of your set.” Jack’s chest vibrated next to my head as he chuckled and I pulled my arms around him a little tighter, enjoying how it felt to hold him close.
“You deserve it for falling for my cheesy pickup lines.”
“You both make me sick,” I heard Tammy shout. I detached myself from Jack and raised my eyebrows at her as she stood next to Alex. Both of them were looking at us with a disgusted look on their faces. “You’re just a mushy ball of cheese and I hate it.”
“Aw, boo-boo, are you jealous?” I teased, making her scowl at me.
“No, just you hated the guy three weeks ago and now you’re acting like a teenager.” Now it was my turn to scowl at her as I noticed Jack shift uncomfortably next to me. I didn’t know if it was because he knew just how pissed I’d been, or if he hadn’t spoken to Tammy to know if she was still pissed at him, but I felt Jack’s discomfort within me too. Plus, I still hadn’t told her what had happened when she’d left me alone at the bar.
“I happen to like acting like a teenager, thank you.”
“Shit, I hate you so much. I hope you suffer a small papercut.” I bit my lip at her words, trying not to laugh. Tammy and I had a guilty pleasure for McBusted, whom she had introduced me to when stalking Alex. Her gushing had been helped when she told me Mark Hoppus had collaborated with them on this particular song.
“I hope your boss makes you stay for a half hour more, because I hate your guts,” I told her with a straight face.
“And I wish I didn’t love you anymore!” She sang, finally. I laughed as a grin spread across her face, signalling that she had been joking all along. I saw the boys wince slightly and laughed even harder.
“So, did you find them when Tammy was stalking me, or you were stalking Mark?” Alex asked.
“Tammy stalked you.” I saw Alex sigh and heard Jack start laughing next to me.
“Seriously, you’re the biggest nerd I’ve ever met,” Jack told me, slinging his arm over my shoulder. I grinned sheepishly, feigning innocence.
“I have no idea what you mean. I regularly update myself on British bands.”
“No, you don’t. You encourage Tammy in stalking us.” I snorted, putting my arm around his waist.
“Get up and get over it.” I heard Alex sigh again when he realised I’d quoted the song he helped them write and Tammy and I burst out laughing once more.
“We need to stop being friends with fans,” he told Jack, looking at the pair of us like we’d grown an extra head.
“Hey, I haven’t been a fan in years. It’s not my fault Tammy is a freak,” I replied, trying to suppress my laughter.
“Yeah, and she knows enough obscure things to make me seriously worried.” I snorted again, finally choosing to drop the topic, mostly to stop Alex feeling uncomfortable. I constantly forgot that Tammy knew more about these guys than any random person should probably know.
“So… I didn’t suck then?” Jack asked as we walked down the hallway, behind a bickering Alex and Tammy.
“I didn’t say you didn’t suck,” I countered, smile pulling at my lips. He’d detached himself from me and I fiddled with my hands, unsure on how to act around him. I’d been clinging to him for most of the night, but it had all been reactionary, or he’d initiated it. I still wasn’t sure what we even were. “I mean, you’re no Blink 182, but I guess you aren’t half bad.”
“Did you even know any songs beside ours?” He chuckled. I felt a small blush creep its way onto my cheeks as he referred to Six Feet Under the Stars as ‘our’ song. I knew it was cheesy and he probably didn’t remotely mean it in the way I’d interpreted, but I couldn’t help but allow my heart to flutter at the way he said it. I still felt a little angry at him occasionally for what he'd done, but every moment I spent with him threw that more and more out of the window and I could feel myself falling more and more in love with him every second.
“Dear Maria and Weightless,” I nodded. “But they’re the newest songs I knew. And I only knew Weightless because Tammy told me Mark was in the video, so I binge watched the video.”
“He’s in it for five seconds, Clara. You’re such a groupie.”
“Hey! I went for Mark, and stayed for you guys ripping on yourselves.”
“That doesn’t make you any less of a groupie.”
“No, but apparently, I’m your groupie.” I cringed when I realised what I’d said and quickly tried to recover myself. “Well, for now. I always intended to work my way up to being Blink’s groupie.”
“Smooth, real smooth.” I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to stop myself from covering my face out of sheer embarrassment for the millionth time that night. I was determined to stop being such an idiot. I barely knew how to act around Jack and here I was making jokes about how we’d slept together and holding his hand like he was my boyfriend or something. “Shit, I need a beer,” he laughed, running his hands through his hair.
“Oh, God, yes.” I groaned. I didn’t normally drink beer, but it definitely sounded like a good idea right now.
“I’ve got a cooler of it in the dressing room, come on.”
“You’re on a huge arena tour, and you have a cooler full of beer in your dressing room? Classy.” I snorted.
“The bar isn’t open all day. I needed a backup.” I rolled my eyes at him as he grinned, laughing at each other. He led me in the opposite direction Tammy and Alex took when we hit the nearest corridor, pulling me into a room on the left about halfway down. I looked around the room, noting just how much it looked like a tornado had ripped through it, and knew this was where Jack had spent most of the day. I sat on a sofa at the back of the room, waiting for Jack to dig out the drinks from the cooler he was shifting through. After a few seconds, he came over with two bottles, cracking them both open and handing one to me before sitting down next to me. I saw him frown slightly as he looked over at me, but it quickly passed and I shook it from my mind. I’d probably imagined it anyway.
“So…” I started awkwardly, suddenly realising this was the first time we’d be alone since we’d started talking again. “How’s the tour been?” I asked, lamely. We hadn’t discussed his tour much during our conversations, choosing instead to focus on inane small talk and making jokes at each other, trying desperately to avoid confronting our own feelings. I had avoided this topic in particular because I half expected him to tell me about some girl he’d met and I didn’t know if I could take any more pain from him than he’d already dished out.
“I want to say it’s been incredible, and I wouldn’t be totally lying if I did, but it’s had a cloud hanging over it,” he told me, smiling meekly. I bit my lip, turning away from him. I didn’t want to get into this right here and now but I knew I couldn’t avoid it entirely. “I missed you,” he told me, after a few seconds of silence.
“I can almost guarantee I missed you more,” I sighed, looking back at him just in time so see him looking me over. I took a sip of my drink before wrapping my arms around myself again. I’d lost a lot of weight in the weeks he’d been gone and I hadn’t gained almost any of it back. I didn’t know if he could tell, but I didn’t feel comfortable the way I was, especially with the way he was looking at me.
“I can tell.” I shifted again, wrapping my arms tighter around myself.
“Let’s not dwell,” I told him. “I’m here to have a good night.” He frowned again and this time I didn’t ignore it. “I know. We need to talk, and I’m not avoiding that. I just think now isn’t the time.”
“Sorry,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair again.
“Don’t be sorry,” I groaned, frustrated. “You’re doing exactly what you should be and you’ve done exactly what I’ve wanted for weeks. You’re being incredible and I’m just being an ass all day, every day.”
“You think you’re being the ass?” He asked, incredulous.
“Yes! I dumped my feelings on you. I told you I was in love with you, then I told you I didn’t want to be near you. Of course I’m an ass.”
“No matter what you think, you’re not the biggest ass in the room tonight. I didn’t speak to you for a month. You did exactly what you needed. If I was anyone else, I’d be encouraging you not to speak to me right now.” I picked at the label on my bottle, staring at my fingers intently as I did so. I didn’t know what to say. I still didn’t want to get into this right now. I felt Jack’s fingers under my chin, turning my face so I had to look at him. “What happened to you, Clara?” He asked softly, worry in his eyes.
“Not right now, Jack. It’s not the time.”
“Was it my fault?”
“Jack, please,” I begged. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I thought about the mess I’d let myself become. I was getting back to normal, but it was taking longer to get back than it had taken to get myself into this mess. I knew I’d have to admit it eventually, but I couldn’t right now.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” he told me softly, resting his hand on my cheek and brushing away the tears as they began to escape from my eyes. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me anything right now. You just need to know I’m here when you’re ready to tell me.” I nodded quietly, finally looking up to meet his eyes. I could feel his breath on my face and I wanted nothing more than the close the gap between us, but my emotions still turned from hot to cold in an instant and I’d already upset myself once tonight. I knew if I kissed him before we really talked about what had happened, I would regret it.
I turned my head away from him, forcing him to drop his hands as I hastily wiped away the remaining dredges of tears that were still left in my eyes and taking a sip of my beer. I was beyond glad I’d invested in waterproof mascara. Three weeks ago, I’d told myself I wouldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable in front of him again and here I was trying not to cry after being alone with him for less than twenty minutes. And yet I knew I’d open myself up to him more before the end of the night. I wanted to give him the chance to make things right again, but if I started talking now, I wouldn’t stop for the rest of the night.
“Come on, I think we’d best get back before they miss us.”

Notes

I wish this was a happier chapter, because I am in a genuinely ecstatic mood today.
You guys probably don't know, but I'm doing my Masters degree in Creative Writing.
I got some feedback from an assignment a couple of days ago, and my lecturer gave me a Distinction for my creative work and said nobody scored higher than me in our group overall for this assignment. Haven't stopped smiling since he told me on Tuesday.
Apparently, I'm a good writer. Who knew?


FYI, when I refer to McBusted, (if you didn't know) the song Mark sang on was called I Hate Your Guts, and Alex helped write Get Over It. Listen to them. I love them. <3