A Story to Tell Your Friends

It had been a week.
I’d stopped calling Jack a couple of days ago, but I’d still called him more than I dared to admit. Alex and Lisa hadn’t mentioned it, so I only assumed that Jack had kept it to himself. I didn’t know if it was to help me save face when they called or if he was avoiding the inevitable backlash he would face if they ever found out he’d ignored my calls so consistently. Tammy had no suspicions regarding just how upset the entire thing had made me. We’d gone out again last weekend, and again last night, and I’d plastered a smile on my face. I’d chosen to not speak of the situation on my Twitter feed anymore, burying my head in the sand and sending out only things that made me seem like I was okay. Jack had continued to act normal too, or at least I hadn’t noticed any change in his interactions. He seemed completely fine, something that again Lisa and Alex hadn’t countered when I’d mentioned it to them.
Lisa refused to talk to me about him. Only ever saying that he would call eventually when he stopped being a child. I’d been annoyed at first, but quickly learned to keep it to myself because Lisa wasn’t about to give in and spill everything. Alex was a little better. He also insisted Jack would call eventually, but he’d at least mention him in passing, giving me small updates on what the entire band had been up to. I felt a little better that this entire situation had brought me closer to Alex and that he was so cool about it all. He didn’t judge me for what I’d said to cause all this. Honestly, he’d been the one to convince me that it wasn’t my fault. I’d spent most of the last week beating myself up over what I’d said and when I finally let that slip to Alex, he’d only insisted that I had nothing to blame myself for. That while my wording and my timing hadn’t been the best, it was definitely Jack’s problem that he’d decided to freak out and not my own.
The second week passed in much the same way. Every time I’d felt the temptation to call Jack, I just remembered how he’d ignored me before, so there was no use attempting to call him now. It had been two weeks without a peep and I was still torn in my emotions. While I was angry with him and the way he was acting, my chest still ached without him and I found myself crying more often than not.
I’d spent twenty minutes crying in a toilet stall at work on Wednesday when he’d once again (out of the blue) posted about how single he was on his Twitter. I felt pathetic. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d cried over a boy this much and over so little. It had taken me a week and a half, but it had finally dawned on me in the bathroom as I tried to hold myself together, that I’d let myself in for more than I had anticipated.
I thought about the way my day had brightened when he had called me or shown up at my work. The way his grin made my heart flutter and the sound of his voice filled my stomach with butterflies. I tried to remember a time when I’d laughed more than I did just being with him. How everyone had commented on just how happy I sounded, even those who didn’t know a damn thing about Jack. And then I thought about the way I felt sick constantly, checking my phone in the blind hope that he had called or text and it’d all just been a dream, that it wasn’t as bad as I thought and maybe Jack hadn’t seen my messages, or maybe he’d just been so busy he didn’t have time. I thought about the way my chest ached when someone mentioned him or he pretended I didn’t exist.
I realised, crying on the bathroom floor, that I’d allowed myself to fall in love with Jack Barakat and I couldn’t claw my way back out.
I’d pulled myself together after that. Wiping my face, checking my makeup and getting back to work. I was going to bury it deep inside and pretend it wasn’t true. Why on Earth would I do anything else? He’d swanned into my life without a care in the world and swanned back out the exact same.
You’re definitely more of a Dandelion than a Geralt.
I’d smiled smugly when I posted that. Comparing him to a bard who wandered about sleeping with girls and making them fall for him before he upped and left without so much as a goodbye seemed fairly apt. I’d suffered the backlash from Lisa when she’d called me later that day, insisting everything was still fine and to just give him time. I’d laughed harshly, telling her I’d all but given up. It was kind of true. After my realisation and the radio silence, I’d basically resigned myself to being miserable forever. Alex, on the other hand, had called me and laughed. He told me it was hilarious and, yes, Jack did deserve it for being an ass. While the pair of them were best friends, Alex had more than once told me he was an idiot and that he was glad I was keeping it off the internet for the most part. I’d listened to him after that first day, giving Jack the space to calm down without inciting him into further anger by posting anything inflammatory about him. Until, of course, I annoyed myself by realising how I’d felt. It wasn’t Jack’s fault by any means, it had been I who had been weak and allowed him to worm his way into my heart, but I could only express my anger by taking it out on him. No one really understood, but at least the joke wasn’t completely lost on everyone.
Jack was getting a two week break from the tour in a week’s time and I was honestly scared. I didn’t know if he was still going to be returning to LA, or if he was going to stay in Baltimore. I was worried I would run into him in the street and break down while he looked right through me. Every day that brought me closer to his return, I felt more and more anxious. I ran through every possible scenario in my head. Would he acknowledge I was there? Would he try and act normal, or would his face curl with disgust at the sight of me? What if he showed up at my door, trying to apologise?
I was still angry, there was no denying it. I didn’t know if I could face him and act civil. But at the same time, I didn’t know if I could face him and not break down entirely, like the pathetic mess I had become.
I was barely eating, barely sleeping. I was constantly tired, but threw all my time into work. I stayed late and came in early, trying to make everything perfect. I was trying to distract myself from him and I was failing. I’d had a couple of passing comments about Jack after he’d first left, but they died off as soon as I said I hadn’t heard from him. I could see Sam occasionally glancing at me with concerned eyes as I went about my daily business, but I ignored it. Every time he asked, I insisted I was fine, with the best smile I could muster. Anything involving planning for All Time Low went to Anya and I had a notion that Clive had been made aware of my situation in some respect. Even if it was just that I had had a close relationship with two of the guys, that was enough for him not to plant anything about them on my desk.
It finally came down to the day of Jack’s return and I felt worse than I had in weeks. I hadn’t slept at all the night before and I’d dragged myself into work before 8 to get started on what I had left. I’d burned through about 3 weeks’ worth of work in the last week and a half because of how many extra hours I was throwing in.
“Clara, can I have a word?” Clive asked softly from his office door. I flinched inwardly, suddenly feeling self-conscious once again. I nodded however, and walked into his office, shutting the door behind me and smiling brightly. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I replied, trying to seem confused. I was hoping I’d been hiding how bad I looked and how much I’d been working.
“Don’t lie to me. You come in before everyone else and you don’t leave until well after everyone else. You’re burning yourself out.”
“It’s nothing. I’m just going through some stuff and I’d rather work than focus on something I can do nothing about.” I shrugged, trying to pass it off as no big deal.
“Go home, Clara.” I stiffened at his words, staring at him wide eyed. “Take today off. You more than deserve it. Get some rest and come back in tomorrow. No earlier than 9, though.” I bit my lip, trying to think of any way I could get out of going home and having to think about how close Jack now was to me. “I mean it. Get some sleep, you look awful.” I forced a smile, thanking him and grabbing my things as I left. I raced out of the building once I’d left the office, positive that if I was going to run into him anywhere, it would be in one of the many hallways of this building. At least I knew he would avoid my office unless he was deliberately trying to see me.
I didn’t take Clive’s advice. I put my feet up on the sofa and thought about everything. I had thought about calling Lisa just to see if Jack was returning with Alex, but I knew better by now than to interrupt on her reunion with Alex after three weeks. I’d spoken to her so much over the past few weeks that I half thought she knew more about me than even Tammy did. While she refused to so much as mention Jack’s name, she was constantly calling just to chat and keep up to date with everything, which I had to admit, I really appreciated.
I already knew that I wasn’t going to tell anyone that things had gotten so bad I’d been sent home from work. I knew what a mess I’d become, I didn’t need anyone else knowing it too. And so, there I sat, in silence for the rest of the day.

Notes

Okay, still not feeling 100% on this chapter, but it's needed.
Next one is the beginning of a couple of good chapters, promise.