Lily's POV

A week later, and I'm stood in the middle of the living room with Alex's stern stare in my direction. I'd just told him that I wanted to get a job and I'd been offered one. I felt ready to go out and do something while he was with the band. The thing is, it was a job as a bartender. Alex had just shook his head in disapproval.

"Why not?"

Alex bolted off the couch, "you-you just can't. It wasn't long ago that you got targeted at one-"

"That was different. I'll be behind the bar, pouring the drinks not on the other side receiving them. Alex please? It's only for the morning and day shifts."

He walked over, shook his head again, then glanced down at me. His eyes gave away the panic he was trying to hide. "Babe, you-we've come so far together. What if something happens to get us back to square one again? I'm putting my foot down. I'm happy for you to get a job but not this kind of job." He fiddled with his hoodie string, avoiding eye contact.

I understood what he was saying. I just didn't want to get all tucked up in my comfort zone. I needed to step out. "I need to fight my demons. Pushing the images away. Remember?"

"Not like this..." Alex mumbled under his breath and left the room. I heard his heavy footsteps climb the stairs.

I frustratingly sighed, grabbed my phone and went outside to see Jack making his way towards the house. "Jack!" I ran over to him. A huge smile appeared on his face at the sight of me. "Hey," he replied.

"I've upset Alex."

"How?"

"Job searching, been offered a job at a pub. I think I want to do it."

Just as Alex's did, his eyes opened wider. "Is that wise, Lil?"

I shook my head. "Not you as well..."

Jack grabbed my hand and gently pulled me towards his car. "Come, I'll take ya for a drive."

I studied his car and looked up at Jack. "Go on, get in. It doesn't bite," he smirked and got in the drivers side. I opened the door and slid in to the seat. "So is it wise?" Jack repeated and started the car up then pulled out of the drive.

"I only want to feel normal again."

"No one's normal Lily, for some reason I don't think normal even exists." He quickly glanced at me and back out at the road. "Alex just wants the best for you and so do I. You want to know what I think about this job?"

"I think I know..." I mumbled.

"Hear me out. I don't think it's the right thing to go into."

"Yep that's what I thought," I sighed, nearly interrupting.

"I'll tell ya why," Jack continued, ignoring my annoyance. "It's not because of what happened. It's because you're," he gave me another quick glance. "You're not the right type of person for the job. Sure you could do it but honestly, you'd hate it. Seriously Lil, do you really want to be around rowdy drunk people? I don't know, you don't seem to be the person to stand up to someone in a drunken argument. It happens, anytime of the day. Not just the night shifts...please think this through."

l sunk down in the seat. Jack was right. I couldn't even fight the guy off that night. Alex did it for me...

"Ok, let's test it out," he stopped the car and turned to me. "Sup lady," he winked, with obvious humour lighting his expression. "Yooouuu arree sexy." His eyes studied my body. Even though I knew it was innocent, it sent a shiver down my spine. I began to move around in my seat, trying to get comfy again but I couldn't. Jack noticed and turned back. "There you go, you're panicking from that. How do you think you'll be when it actually happens? You're not ready to take this job. No wonder Alex is upset by this."

I stared at my lap as he started the car up and drove back the way we'd come. "Wow...you're good."

"Only lookin' out for my best mates girl." He turned to give me a quick smile which instantly calmed me down. "I heard that you're replacing Zach soon anyway." He chuckled.

"Yea...yea I am." I smiled a little to hide the obvious disappointment in myself.

"Hey, if ya really want a job to do in the mean time, Matt was looking for someone. You any good at sorting things out?"

"Depends on what things?" I perked up at the potential job offer.

"Ya know organising guitars and shit for our shows. It's easy and Alex won't need to freak out about you getting hit on by a drunk stranger."

"I can do that." The words flew out of my mouth without thinking.

"Good because Matt was thinking about giving that job to you."

"Really?"

Jack smirked at the amount of surprise in my voice. "Yea."

We suddenly arrived at home. I darted out of the car to get inside. I smiled as I entered the living room. Alex was perched on a stool, nodding as he strummed the guitar in his arms. I hated to break the peaceful moment. However I needed to, to apologise.

"Alex," I said calmly. He gave me a quick glance and shrugged. "I'm practicing," sadness still filled his voice.

"You're right," I said in hope of a slight grin. It did the opposite.

Alex stood up, muttering something under his breath and walked out with the guitar. I'd really pissed him off.

"Go, follow him Lil," Jack spoke up. "He needs you."

I sat heavily on the couch and sighed. "Not now. I'll leave him to his guitar for a bit."

Jack strolled over to the door. "Don't leave it too long Lil." The tone in his voice was full of concern. It was like he knew something that I didn't. Before I could say anything else he was gone.

I felt terrible about Alex. I took a deep breath and made my way upstairs. I knocked on his door. No reply, so I knocked again but louder. Still nothing. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in.

My heart sank as I saw Alex. His legs clutched to his chest, rocking back and forth in the corner. "Alex?" I quickly ran over.

He stopped rocking, widened his eyes, blankly staring at the other side of the room. "I...I'm sor...sorry." He sounded so vacant that I didn't know if this apology was aimed at me.

I knelt down in front of him, wondering what was wrong. Obviously he's having a panic attack. This seemed to be all my fault. I breathed in deeply. I needed to be calm to take control.

"No, no. I-I nee-need to be." A tear raced down his cheek as he began to rock again. "I'm- I'm sorry," Alex continued. He started to tremble.

I had a strong urge to wrap my arms around him and tell him it will be all right; like he'd done with me however that didn't seem like the right thing to do. "Alex, look at me."

He did then blinked, "Lil?"

"Yes, it's me. Lily." I moved closer and gently smiled. I studied Alex as he placed his shaking hand next to mine and entwined our fingers.

"Please Lily, just remember to breathe and fight this anxiety." His words echoed in my mind.

"What colour are you're eyes?" I'd thought this was a stupid question, pretty much blurted it out without thinking until I heard him answer.

"Brown."

I suddenly felt the shaking stop. I gently rubbed the back of his hand. "Have any pets?"

"Dogs." He leaned back against the wall. Really? He had dogs? I'd never seen them. "How many?"

His breathing went back to normal. "Two...just...stay with me," he stuttered. As he leaned his head on my shoulder, I shuffled back. "You didn't need to see that," he sighed, "but, glad you were here."

In our moment of silence, I listened to his relaxed breathing.

"Was this my fault?" I asked.

Alex turned to me, blinked and wiped his messy hair out of his face.

"I'm sorry Ale-"

"What just happened wasn't you're fault. Yea, you pissed me off with that job but this." Sadness flooded his eyes as he glanced down at the rose tattoo on his hand. "I-I have...had a step brother and I blame myself for his death."

My eyes widened. "What happened?"

"You know the day coming home from the hospital? I told you about losing someone close to me. Well it was him. We had a fight before he died. I've always blamed myself for what happened. It sucks. I hate it." Alex was on the verge of breaking down in tears. I placed my arms tightly round him. "Lily, please don't take this job."

"I'm not going to."

"Really?" Alex's sad blood shot eyes lit up.

"Jack talked me out of it. You're right, I can't- I'm sorry..."

Alex smiled. "Jack?"

I nodded.

Alex leaned back against the wall and sighed with relief, letting go of everything that had just happened. "Lily, I love you."

Notes

I'm glad I managed to give Alex a panic attack here. I'd written it a while back but up until now, it wasn't fitting in with the story but I really wanted to keep it in.

Anyway, I totally had a dream about part of this chapter last night. I was with Jack and Alex after a show at their house that they both lived in. Alex had gone to sleep in his room and I was left with Jack, he was super nice. He showed me his pet lizard and talked about an episode of the Simpsons haha. Then Alex emerged from his room. Jack said to him if he needed help tidying his room, I was awesome at organising stuff. It didn't click until later on this morning before posting this, that it was because of the bit in the car with Jack and Lily. I'd read it to make sure it was ok before going to bed, so it was fresh in my mind haha. :)