Sparks Fly
Seventy Three
Brook
“I have a sort of weird question to ask you...” Alex said as he leaned back against his pillows and stretched his arms over his head.
“Okay, shoot,” I replied, taking my spot in the chair next to his bed and kicking my feet up on the side of the mattress. Visiting hours had ended for the day and we had the room to ourselves again.
“Have we ever gone ice skating?”
I tried my best to keep my facial expression neutral. When Alex asked about our first date I left out the part about ice skating. The doctors told us to hold back on some things - that way there would actually be something left to test and see if he remembered on his own or not.
“Why do you ask?”
“This is going to sound so crazy,” Alex sighed. “Last night I had a dream that we went ice skating. And I wanted to talk to you about it this morning, but I didn’t have a chance before the nurses started their rounds and my parents got here. But it just felt so real.”
“Real?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “It felt less like a dream and more like a-”
“Memory?” I cut him off.
Alex nodded again. “Exactly.”
“Well, tell me about the dream,” I suggested, not committing to an answer for him yet.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “It seemed like we were in a park on a frozen lake. It must have been around Christmas time because the trees were all decorated in colorful, twinkling lights.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Do you remember what we were wearing?”
Alex laughed, probably thinking it was a dumb question. “Uh, I don’t remember exactly what I wore, I think jeans and a winter coat, but you were all bundled up in a heavy coat, gloves, scarf, hat...”
“Do you remember what I wore under the coat?” I asked.
“It was some kind of dress. I remember thinking in the dream that your legs must have been so cold.”
“I was,” I mumbled to myself.
“You were what?”
“Alex, you surprised me on our first date with ice skating. On a frozen lake. In a park. Right before Christmas, so there were decorations. And I was wearing a dress so I was definitely cold.”
“Wow,” Alex gasped. “So I remembered something?”
“I don’t know,” I said carefully. “But it seems like quite a coincidence to just be a dream.”
A small smile played across Alex’s lips. “Do you think my memories are coming back to me as dreams?”
I shrugged. “I think you should talk to the doctors about it tomorrow. Have you dreamed about anything else that seems real?”
“No,” he shook his head as that small smile quickly faded.
“It’s okay,” I said, dropping my feet to the floor and reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It’s progress, Alex. You can smile about it.”
“Thanks,” he muttered, his smile starting to come back.
“That’s more like it,” I said, returning his smile.
I reached behind me and retrieved a blanket from the back of the chair. After seeing me fall asleep using a sweatshirt as a blanket, Alex asked one of his nurses to bring me an extra blanket.
“Let’s try and get some sleep,” I suggested, resting my feet up on the side of the bed again and laying the blanket over my lap.
Alex laid down and rolled to his side to face me. “Do you get comfortable in that chair at all?” he asked.
“Not at all,” I answered. “I’ll be making an appointment with my chiropractor once we get back to Baltimore,” I said with a chuckle.
Alex didn’t seem to find amusement with that. “Um...” he paused. “Why don’t you sleep in this bed?”
“Then where would you sleep, silly?”
“Right next to you...” he answered quickly.
“Next to me?” I repeated. “Like we share the bed?”
He nodded. “I know the space is limited but it might be a little better than squishing yourself up on that chair.”
“You’reserious about this?”
“Why wouldn’tI be?” he asked, scooting over so he was as close to the far side of the mattress he could get without rolling off. “I can’timagine we’ve never slept close to each other before
Realizing he was not going to take no for an answer, I pushed his blanket back and hoisted myself into bed with him. We both shuffled around a bit before we got comfortable laying on our sides, face to face.
“This isn’t so bad, right?” he asked.
I stayed quiet for a moment while a rush of different emotions came over me. I tried my best to push down the tears that suddenly began to pool in my eyes but it seemed my best was not good enough.
“What’s the matter?” Alex asked, undoubtedly noticing the tears in my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “This just… sucks,” I sighed.
He gave me a sad smile before gently bringing his hand up to wipe away a few tears that rolled down my cheek. “It does suck. But what part specifically are you referring to right now?”
“Right now?” I laughed despite my tears. “I’m sad because I miss you and it’s hard for me because you’re right here. I’m laying four inches away from you and having a conversation with you and I miss you.”
“I’m sorry, Brook,” Alex sighed. “I’m trying. I swear to you that I am trying as hard as I can to remember.”
“Please don’t apologize. I know you’re doing the best you can and that’s all any of us can ask for,” I assured him.
He was silent for a moment while his eyes just scanned back and forth across my face. “I just don’t know how I couldn’t remember your face… and your smile… and your big, brown eyes…”
“Stop,” I muttered as more tears started to roll down my cheek. “You don’t have to…”
“Sorry,” he forced a laugh. “Go back to telling me what else sucks.”
I shook my head as I tried to force my own laugh. “You want to know what else sucks? All I want to do is tell you that I love you but it’s pointless because it won’t mean anything to you.”
“What makes you think it wouldn’t mean anything to me?”
“Well,” I shrugged. “You won’t remember what it feels like to hear me say it.”
“That doesn’t mean it won’t mean anything to me to hear it…”
I felt a smile slowly start to spread across my face. “I love you.”
Alex returned my smile and lightly ran his fingers across my cheek. “I promise you, one day I will remember what it’s supposed to feel like when you say that and I also promise that I will remember what it’s supposed to feel like when I say it back.”
“I have a sort of weird question to ask you...” Alex said as he leaned back against his pillows and stretched his arms over his head.
“Okay, shoot,” I replied, taking my spot in the chair next to his bed and kicking my feet up on the side of the mattress. Visiting hours had ended for the day and we had the room to ourselves again.
“Have we ever gone ice skating?”
I tried my best to keep my facial expression neutral. When Alex asked about our first date I left out the part about ice skating. The doctors told us to hold back on some things - that way there would actually be something left to test and see if he remembered on his own or not.
“Why do you ask?”
“This is going to sound so crazy,” Alex sighed. “Last night I had a dream that we went ice skating. And I wanted to talk to you about it this morning, but I didn’t have a chance before the nurses started their rounds and my parents got here. But it just felt so real.”
“Real?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “It felt less like a dream and more like a-”
“Memory?” I cut him off.
Alex nodded again. “Exactly.”
“Well, tell me about the dream,” I suggested, not committing to an answer for him yet.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “It seemed like we were in a park on a frozen lake. It must have been around Christmas time because the trees were all decorated in colorful, twinkling lights.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Do you remember what we were wearing?”
Alex laughed, probably thinking it was a dumb question. “Uh, I don’t remember exactly what I wore, I think jeans and a winter coat, but you were all bundled up in a heavy coat, gloves, scarf, hat...”
“Do you remember what I wore under the coat?” I asked.
“It was some kind of dress. I remember thinking in the dream that your legs must have been so cold.”
“I was,” I mumbled to myself.
“You were what?”
“Alex, you surprised me on our first date with ice skating. On a frozen lake. In a park. Right before Christmas, so there were decorations. And I was wearing a dress so I was definitely cold.”
“Wow,” Alex gasped. “So I remembered something?”
“I don’t know,” I said carefully. “But it seems like quite a coincidence to just be a dream.”
A small smile played across Alex’s lips. “Do you think my memories are coming back to me as dreams?”
I shrugged. “I think you should talk to the doctors about it tomorrow. Have you dreamed about anything else that seems real?”
“No,” he shook his head as that small smile quickly faded.
“It’s okay,” I said, dropping my feet to the floor and reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It’s progress, Alex. You can smile about it.”
“Thanks,” he muttered, his smile starting to come back.
“That’s more like it,” I said, returning his smile.
I reached behind me and retrieved a blanket from the back of the chair. After seeing me fall asleep using a sweatshirt as a blanket, Alex asked one of his nurses to bring me an extra blanket.
“Let’s try and get some sleep,” I suggested, resting my feet up on the side of the bed again and laying the blanket over my lap.
Alex laid down and rolled to his side to face me. “Do you get comfortable in that chair at all?” he asked.
“Not at all,” I answered. “I’ll be making an appointment with my chiropractor once we get back to Baltimore,” I said with a chuckle.
Alex didn’t seem to find amusement with that. “Um...” he paused. “Why don’t you sleep in this bed?”
“Then where would you sleep, silly?”
“Right next to you...” he answered quickly.
“Next to me?” I repeated. “Like we share the bed?”
He nodded. “I know the space is limited but it might be a little better than squishing yourself up on that chair.”
“You’reserious about this?”
“Why wouldn’tI be?” he asked, scooting over so he was as close to the far side of the mattress he could get without rolling off. “I can’timagine we’ve never slept close to each other before
I laughed slightly, pushing the blanket from my lap and folding it up and placing it on the back of the chair again before I stood up. “We’ve definitely had our fair share of close nights — especially on a tour bus.”
Realizing he was not going to take no for an answer, I pushed his blanket back and hoisted myself into bed with him. We both shuffled around a bit before we got comfortable laying on our sides, face to face.
“This isn’t so bad, right?” he asked.
I stayed quiet for a moment while a rush of different emotions came over me. I tried my best to push down the tears that suddenly began to pool in my eyes but it seemed my best was not good enough.
“What’s the matter?” Alex asked, undoubtedly noticing the tears in my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “This just… sucks,” I sighed.
He gave me a sad smile before gently bringing his hand up to wipe away a few tears that rolled down my cheek. “It does suck. But what part specifically are you referring to right now?”
“Right now?” I laughed despite my tears. “I’m sad because I miss you and it’s hard for me because you’re right here. I’m laying four inches away from you and having a conversation with you and I miss you.”
“I’m sorry, Brook,” Alex sighed. “I’m trying. I swear to you that I am trying as hard as I can to remember.”
“Please don’t apologize. I know you’re doing the best you can and that’s all any of us can ask for,” I assured him.
He was silent for a moment while his eyes just scanned back and forth across my face. “I just don’t know how I couldn’t remember your face… and your smile… and your big, brown eyes…”
“Stop,” I muttered as more tears started to roll down my cheek. “You don’t have to…”
“Sorry,” he forced a laugh. “Go back to telling me what else sucks.”
I shook my head as I tried to force my own laugh. “You want to know what else sucks? All I want to do is tell you that I love you but it’s pointless because it won’t mean anything to you.”
“What makes you think it wouldn’t mean anything to me?”
“Well,” I shrugged. “You won’t remember what it feels like to hear me say it.”
“That doesn’t mean it won’t mean anything to me to hear it…”
I felt a smile slowly start to spread across my face. “I love you.”
Alex returned my smile and lightly ran his fingers across my cheek. “I promise you, one day I will remember what it’s supposed to feel like when you say that and I also promise that I will remember what it’s supposed to feel like when I say it back.”
I hope you come back to this story and update again. I miss it!
1/9/19