Alex

The silence was almost deafening as Brook and I laid together in my bed. She had the bed sheet wrapped tightly around her body; I had the comforter draped loosely over my waist. I was having a hard time not overthinking what happened tonight but the never ending silence was making that impossible.

What did any of this mean?

Brook wouldn't have slept with me if she didn't still love me, right? She especially wouldn't have slept with me if she had no interest in getting back together. It just wasn't something Brook would do.

I glanced over at Brook and noticed her eyes fluttering open and closed. It was almost like she didn't want me to know she was awake.

I shifted slightly so I was laying on my side facing her. I reached over and lightly touched her cheek, causing her eyes to flutter open again.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi," she replied, a yawn breaking the word in two.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

I know that she wasn't being honest with me. I could tell that she was thinking a lot. And I knew just what she was thinking about. I gave her a light kiss in her forehead.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"For what?" Brook asked; her eyes growing heavy again.

"For spending my birthday with me. For staying tonight. For giving me a second chance at this."

Her eyes snapped open at that last part. "Alex," she said softly. The tone in her voice immediately made my stomach turn.

"W-What?" I asked, shaky.

She sat up slowly, pulling the sheet with her. "Tonight shouldn't have happened. It was a mis-"

"Don't," I interrupted, holding up my hand. "Please, Brook, don't say it was a mistake," I practically pleaded.

Brook was quiet for a few minutes, awkwardly shifting where she sat. "I'm sorry, Alex. But come on, you can't think that this was okay."

"Of course I think it's okay. Anytime we're together is okay," I argued.

She shook her head. "Alex, we're not together anymore," she said and the words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

I sighed. "Yeah. Me too."

"Look. I should just go," Brook said, reaching on the floor for her discarded clothing.

"No," I said louder than I intended to, causing her to jump and turn back to me. "No," I said again, a lot quieter and calmer this time around.

"Alex..."

"Please? Just stay until the morning. It's probably not good for you to drive yet anyway with all the wine you drank."

"Alex," she said again. "I really can't be here anymore."

"Brook, it's my birthday. If you leave now, I really think it may kill me."

I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and held it tight. I was so afraid of her leaving. I needed her to stay. I felt desperate and maybe a little out of my mind. But I just kept thinking if I could get her to stay the night, that everything was going to be okay.

"Alex, this is crazy," she said, trying to pull her arm back from me. "Just get some sleep," I said, coaxing her back to the pillow. "Just get some sleep and I'll make pancakes in the morning and we can talk about all of this like adults. How does that sound?"

She sighed loudly before nodded her head slowly. "Okay."

"Really?" I asked a little surprised she gave in so easily now.

"Mhm," she mumbled, laying down with her back to me.

"Thank you," I whispered, laying down myself.

It took every ounce of self control I could muster not to press myself against her and wrap my arms around her. It seemed no matter how badly I wanted that, she clearly didn't.

From the stillness of the room, all I could focus on was the sound of Brook's breathing. In the time we'd spent together, I started to memorize what she sounded like when she was asleep. And by the deep, long breaths she was currently taking, she was heading to a deep sleep.

It was hard for me to do the same because even though Brook said she would stay until morning for us to talk, I couldn't shake the feeling that she would be gone as soon as the sun was up.
*****

Brook

I left.

I felt really, really bad about it, but when I woke up after a few hours, I knew I had to leave. I wasn't going to be able to handle talking to Alex again. I had nothing left to say and listening to him pour his heart out to me was way more than I could take. I thought about leaving a note for Alex when he woke up but quickly thought against it. All I could think to write was I'm sorry and I was tired of saying it. He was probably tired of hearing it.

I was never more glad it was Saturday in my life. When I got home around seven-thirty in that morning, I went straight to my room and back to sleep. Jenn had woke me up briefly about an hour later to let me know she was leaving to meet with her study group. I just went back to sleep after.

My phone started ringing around ten, waking me up. It had been a really long time since I'd slept that late. By the ringtone playing, I knew it was Alex calling and I just couldn't bring myself to answer.

It was just after noon when Jenn came home and found me sitting on the couch watching some movie. I didn't know which one. Truthfully, I couldn't focus on anything.

"Hey," I said when she walked into the living room. "I didn't expect you home yet."

She threw her bag on the other couch and kicked her shoes off. "I tried to call you to see if you wanted me to bring home lunch, but you turned your phone off..."

I nodded. "Yes. I did."

"Are we going to talk about why? Or why you didn't come home until seven o'clock this morning? Or why Alex is sitting on the steps downstairs looking like he just watched his dog he hit by a bus?"

I sat up straight, my eyes wide. "He's here?"

Jenn nodded. "He said when you didn't answer his calls or texts, he got nervous that you never made it home. But then when he drove by and saw your car out front he realized you were just avoiding him."

"So, now he's just sitting downstairs?"

"He wants to talk. But he doesn't know if he can handle the rejection again."

"So, he's just sitting downstairs?" I repeated.

"He looks like shit, B. I think you should-"

I stood up. "No," I cut her off. "No way. You're not going to start this again. I get enough from Jack. I'm telling him to leave."

"Brook," Jenn followed me to the door. "Go easy on him," was all she said.

I rolled my eyes and jogged down the stairs quickly. I put my hand on the door and paused. I had to mentally prepare for what was about to happen. I took a deep breath and flung the door open. The sudden movement caused Alex to jump to his feet and turn to me.

"Brook." He seemed shocked to actually see me.

"You need to leave," I said, standing just outside the door and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Can we just talk first? Please?"

I shook my head. "I don't have anything else to say to you."

"That's fine. Because I have plenty to say to you."

Jenn was right. He really looked miserable. He did not look this bad last night.

"Okay. Fine," I said, leaning back against the door. "Go on..."

"How dare you," he started and I was definitely taken aback by his harsh tone.

"Excuse me?" was all I could say.

"You just left. After all we've been through together and after all I've done for you, you just left? I'm not looking for any special recognition for what I did for you because I did it because I love you. But I just thought you'd have more respect for our relationship to stick around long enough to try and talk this out... But clearly that was asking too much."

"I'm sorry that I left, Alex. Maybe it wasn't the best decision I ever made. But I had to. And while we're at it, how dare you! I mean- after all that we'd been through, you couldn't tell me that for the first two months we knew each other, you were still talking to your ex?"

"Holy shit, Brook! It wasn't like that. Nothing fucking happened!" he snapped.

"And that's a lie too! You kissed her."

Alex sighed, throwing his arms up in frustration. "I can't believe this is really happen. Why can't you just see that it is not as big a deal as you're making it out to be?"

"I'm not explaining myself again, Alex."

"Yeah. You don't have to," Alex scoffed. "I know exactly what is going on."

"I think you should go now," I said, cutting him off before he could say anything.

"I'm going in a minute. Let me just finish."

"Fine..."

"I get you're all damaged from things you've dealt with in the past. But you can't hide behind it forever. If you ever want to fully move on, you can't be afraid of this," he said gesturing between us. "And I think you're using this Lina bull shit as an excuse to get out before you feel like you're in too deep."

I stared at him. I wasn't sure how to respond to that because as much as I wanted to tell him he was wrong, it sure sounded like something I would do.

Alex didn't wait for me to say anything. He took a few steps closer to me and reached for my hand. "Brook, I love you - more than I think I ever expected to be able to and I'm not ready to give up on us yet."

I felt tears sting the back of my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry. But it was getting really hard to control my emotions at this point.

"Alex," I squeaked out, trying to tug my hand back from him. "I'm sorry."

He nodded slowly and let my hand go. "So what the fuck was last night then?"

"I don't know," I said softly, swallowing the hard lump growing in my throat. "It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have drank as much as I did. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Can we please go get a cup of coffee somewhere and just sit and talk about this? Okay, yes, I may have kissed Lina a handful of times when we first met but that all stopped the second I came home and you were my girlfriend. I get you being mad at me and giving me the silent treatment for a few days but this? Come on. It's just not fair," he vented.

"Not fair?" I gasped. "Of course this is not fair! You messed up, Alex. Stop trying to make me feel like the bad guy here."

"I know I messed up, Brook. And I am so God damn sorry. Please. Just give me a chance to make this right," he pleaded with me.

I looked up at him and immediately wished that I hadn't. His eyes were glassed over with tears and all that did was help my tears roll down my cheeks.

"I can't trust you anymore," I whispered, wiping my eyes frantically. "I'm sorry," I said again, taking a step closer to Alex. I leaned up and pressed a very light kiss to his mouth. "Goodbye, Alex," I said, quickly turning to walk back into the house.

Before I could, Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him, kissing me with much more force than I'd just used. After a few moments of Alex kissing me with all he had, he pulled back.

"You can't fake that, Brook. That's not something you should give up on," he said, his hands grasping my shoulders desperately.

"I have to go," I said, wiggling from his grasp and heading back to my door. "Goodbye, Alex," I said, tears in my eyes again.

I shouldn't have turned around again because when I did, it was just in time to catch Alex wiping tears from his eyes.

He shook his head and glanced up at me before speaking in the most cold tone I'd heard from him.

"You just gave up on the best thing that ever happened to you."
***

Notes

Story Title: Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly
Chapter Title: Mayday Parade - Miserable at Best

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