Alex-

In the days following the tour's departure from Las Vegas, things between myself and Brook were back to normal. I was still careful to make sure I didn't drink too much and put myself in a situation to be an idiot again, at least not yet.

We had just arrived in Chicago after an overnight drive and Brook was like a little kid waiting for Christmas. She had plans for us to see her brother and while I was nervous as all hell to finally meet him, I couldn't help but be excited seeing how excited Brook was.

"Good morning," I smiled when Brook's eye fluttered opened and she caught me watching her sleep again.

"Yeah," she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her face into my chest.

"Everything okay?" I asked, gently combing my fingers through her sleep-knotted hair.

She shook her head and muttered "headache" into my t-shirt. I chuckled a little.

"Do you think that has anything to do with with the two bottles of wine you guzzled down with Emily and Tay last night?"

She looked up at me and shook her head.

"No. It's one of my migraines."

I smiled sadly at her. "I'm not so sure about that."

"I drink wine all the time, Alex. I'm Italian. I've been drinking the stuff since birth."

"Uh huh. And somehow every morning after you drink more of it than you should, you wake up with one of these migraines," I pointed out.

"What are you trying to say?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," I laughed.

"Well then don't say anything. You're too loud and every word that comes out of your mouth makes my skull throb harder."

"Sorry," I whispered. "I think I know how to keep me quiet."

"Good. Do whatever that is," Brook said, her eyes falling closed again as her head rested on my shoulder.

I smirked, leaning down and pressing my lips to hers.

First the kiss was soft and slow but after a couple of seconds, I deepened the kiss just enough to slip my tongue passed her lips. I shifted my body so I was holding myself over her.

"Alex," Brook finally turned her head away from my kiss, making my lips connect with her cheek. "I'm sorry, but right now I think I would much rather listen to you talk my ear off than have sex with you."

"Wow," I laughed. "You sure know how to boost a dude's ego," I said, rolling to my side and facing Brook.

"Alex, sweetheart, if you're ego got any bigger, there wouldn't be room for both of us in this bunk."

"Good point," I nodded. "How about I be useful and get you some Advil and coffee?"

"I would seriously love you forever if you did that," she said, giving me a weak smile.

"You're already going to love me forever," I said, crawling out of the bunk, but stopping to kiss her lightly when I was straddling her body.

"The Advil is in my bathroom bag," she called after me when I dropped out of the bunk.

"I'm on it," I called back, heading to the kitchen area first to start brewing her coffee.

Then I went to the tiny closet area where Brook had stored what she called her bathroom bag, which, needless to say, contained most products someone would use in a bathroom. I dug through the bag a few times before finally retrieving the giant bottle of Advil but before I put the bag away, another bottle caught my eyes and I almost forgot everything else I was supposed to be doing.

I grabbed the smaller bottle and headed back into the bunk with Brook. I sat in the middle with my legs folded under me, slouching a bit so my head didn't hit the top of the bunk.

Sensing the change in my attitude suddenly, Brook sat up too, leaning against the wall.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I found these," I said softly, holding up the prescription bottle of Xanax.

Immediately, I thought of how relaxed and laid back Brook had been so far on this tour. All this time I thought it was because she really had taken the chance to relax and just have a good time. But now after finding those pills, I couldn't help but feel like maybe I had forced her into doing this and she was only getting by because she was drugging herself up.

Brook took the bottle from me and once she realized what they were, her eyes snapped to me.

"Okay? Are you surprised that someone like me would have a prescription for these?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "I didn't think it was necessary."

"Brook. If you need to medicate yourself each day to get by on this tour, I feel like I should know. And I also feel like you shouldn't be-"

"Wait," she held up her hand and cut me off. "You think I'm taking them here?"

"Aren't you?"

She shook her head. "No. I haven't."

"You haven't." I repeated, a little confused and a lot relieved.

"No," she said, reaching for my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I promise that I haven't."

"Then why did you pack them?"

"I wasn't going to. But then Jenn sort of convinced me that I should," she explained.

"What did Jenn say?"

Brook shrugged. "She sort of pointed out the obvious, like how I was going to be around a bunch of new people every day, living a lifestyle much different than I'm used to, being miles and miles away from home and my family..."

I nodded. "And you haven't taken one? Even with all that going on?"

She nodded. "If I can be honest, I didn't even remember I had them until you just handed them to me."

"So, you've really been okay this whole time?"

She nodded with a smile. "Yes, Alex. This has been a pretty amazing experience for me so far."

"Good," I smiled, leaning over and kissing her softly.

"Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you took one?"

"Before the flight to Hawaii," she answered quietly, biting down on her lip.

I looked at her for a second as I thought back to that day.

"You told me you took a Tylenol PM to make you fall asleep."

She nodded. "I know. I lied. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry about me or judge me for it."

"I would never judge you for that, Brook. I understand. Believe me," I assured her, giving her hand a squeeze.

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't have to take one for the flight back," she said with a small smile which made me smile too.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"The next time you ever feel like you might need to take one of those, talk to me about it first? I can try to help you before you do it. Okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded, looking at me a little skeptically. "Of course I will."

"I need you to promise, Brook," I said and the serious tone in my voice definitely drove my point home to her.

"I promise, Alex." she said. "Why are you so worried about this?"

I took a deep breath.

"My brother was on a bunch of this shit when he was going through his issues. And as I got older and understood all this better, I definitely think the medications did him more harm than good. I've never trusted the stuff, yanno?"

She nodded. "Hey," she squeezed my knee. "Your brother and I are light years away in the severity of our issues. I swear to you, Alex. You don't have to worry." I shrugged, trying to force a smile to my face.

"I can't help it sometimes," I said. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

She smiled at me before she crawled over to me and practically sat in my lap.

"Hey," she said softly before pressing her lips to mine. "I thought we said we were done with the sad stuff, right?"

I nodded, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and leaning down to kiss her again.

"You're totally right."

She smiled bigger and this time when she kissed me, she slipped her arms around my neck and pulled me on top of her as she laid back against the pillows.

"I thought you said you would rather me talk your ear off than have sex?" I asked her when she pulled away from the kiss, her hands creeping up the back of my t-shirt and her lips now concentrating on my neck.

"Do you want me to stop?" she mumbled against my skin.

"Fuck no," I said quickly, grasping her waist and holding her in place. I laughed quietly as her lips quickly found mine again, only parting away for a short moment when she slipped my t-shirt over my head.

I carefully helped her slip out of the pajama bottoms that she had slept in, that were really my boxers, and tossed them to the side, along with her underwear and the boxers I was wearing.

"Alex, wait," she said a little out of breath when I settled myself between her legs.

"What's wrong?" I asked quickly. "Are you sure we should be doing this? I mean, you guys are going to have to get ready to head out soon, right? Everyone is awake by now..."

"Stop panicking," I said softly, silencing her with a gentle kiss.
"We have plenty of time if we do it the right way."

"What's the right way?" she asked.

She had just barely gotten the words out of her mouth when I pushed myself into her in one quick movement.

"Jesus, Alex," she half hissed and half moaned. "A little warning would be nice."

I ignored her whining and slowly began to move my hips against hers and Brook quickly stopped complaining and wrapped her arms around my shoulders as I trailed soft kisses up the side of her neck.

When a few soft moans passed through Brook's mouth, I moved my lips to cover hers as I slightly increased the motion of my hips.

"Alex," Brook panted my name and I smirked against her mouth knowing that meant she was close.

"ALEX!"

Both of our heads shot up at the sound of Jack's voice booming right outside the bunk.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I muttered as I halted all movement.

"Answer him!" Brook whispered harshly.

"What? No! Let him think we're still sleeping," I whispered back.

She shook her head. "No. You were already out there. He knows you're up. If he thinks we're sleeping, he's gonna poke his-"

Brook froze mid-sentence when the curtain of our bunk was pushed open just enough for Jack to pop his head in.

"Oh, good!" He smiled, seeing that we weren't asleep. "You're awake!"

"What do you want, Jack?" I hissed, pulling a sheet higher around Brook and me.

I almost wanted to laugh at how oblivious Jack was at the moment.

"I want to go to catering for breakfast. Yanno, before the line gets too long. No one else wants to go. Do you want to go with me?" he asked.

He sounded extremely hopeful.

"Um," I glanced down at Brook who had her face buried in my shoulder to most likely hide the embarrassment. "I'm kind of in the middle of something right now..." I said slowly.

"Oh," Jack said, sounding a little sad. "That's fine. I'll just head over there on my own. I'm sure someone else will be around."

I sighed frustrated as he forcefully closed the curtain.

"Do you believe that he's mad at me right now?"

Brook looked up at me, her cheeks still a little flushed. "Go with him," she said.

"What?"

"Go with Jack," she repeated, rolling out from under me and looking for her clothes.

"Are you for real right now?" I asked as she tossed my boxers back at me.

"He seemed really bummed about something, babe. I think he needs his best friend right now."

"Okay," I frowned as she slipped her t-shirt over her head. "But I'm not exactly in the best position to walk out into public right now," I said, glancing down at my lap.

Brook rolled her eyes as she glanced up at me. "Close your eyes."

"I don't want to close my eyes " I whined.

Brook leaned up on her knees and crawled over to me and whispered in my ear. "Just do it."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I did what I was told and my eyes fell closed. I felt Brook pull the sheet away and even though they weren't supposed to, my eyes flew open when Brook took me into her mouth.
*****

"Jesus Christ, Alex," Jack muttered as we walked our way toward catering.

After I had made myself presentable to the public and gotten dressed, I found Jack in the front lounge of the bus sort of pouting. It took a little while, but I finally convinced him that I wanted to grab breakfast with him.

"What did I do now?" I asked, my eyes snapping up at him.

"Can you at least try not to look so damn happy all the time? It's starting to gross me out."

"Oh," I bit my lip. "Is it that obvious?"

Jack nodded. "As obvious as it was that you and Brook were mid-fuck before."

My eyes widened. "You knew?"

Jack smirked. "What am I an idiot? Of course I knew."

"You're not an idiot," I rolled my eyes. "You're an asshole."

Jack nodded. "It's what I'm best at."

"I need to find a new best friend."

Jack laughed. "No way. You'd miss me too much."

"Highly unlikely," I said as we got on the end of the catering line that was already growing. "So, are you going to come out and tell me why you're in such a bitchy mood or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

"I'm not in a bitchy mood," Jack sort of snapped at me and I raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I guess I'm just a little frustrated."

"About what?" I asked.

Jack was silent for a second, as if he was contemplating if he really wanted to tell me.

"Dude. It's me. Just tell me," I urged him.

"It's just-" he paused when my phone started to ring.

"Sorry, hold on," I said, taking the phone from my pocket and seeing that it was my dad. "Give me one sec, Jack. It's my dad."

I stepped a few feet away from the crowd as I answered the phone. It was a little strange that my Dad was calling. It's usually my Mom.

"Hey Dad," I answered.

"Hi Alex," he replied, his voice a little more somber than usual. "How you holding up today, son?"

I felt my face contort to a confused look before I answered.

"I'm doing great, Dad. Why, what's up?"

"I just know in the past you've gotten a little down on your brother's birthday and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

In that moment it suddenly seemed like my world around me was caving in. I had never missed Tom's birthday since he passed away. Not once. I hadn't meant to forget, it was just amongst all the excitement with the tour and how great things were with Brook, it just completely slipped my mind. And I felt low.

Lower than low.

I felt like shit.

I stumbled my way through the conversation with my dad. I think he knew I'd forgotten, but he also realized how bad I felt about it so he didn't give me a hard time.

After I hung up the phone and made my way to Jack, our best friendship definitely kicked in because he immediately could tell that something was wrong.

"How could I forget his birthday?" I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands.

"You didn't mean to forget, Alex. You've been distracted," Jack tried.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. It's no excuse. I'm such an asshole."

"You're not an asshole," Jack assured me, patting my back comfortingly. "You're just at a really great place in your life right now. You haven't been focusing on the past and the bad stuff."

I shrugged. "How can I go see Brook's brother today?"

"Just tell her the truth, Alex. She will understand."

I shook my head. "No. I don't want to upset her."

"Don't you think your brother would want you to?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what the hell he would want.

Jack nodded and quickly his attention turned to the back of the head of the person standing in front of us. He was clearly uncomfortable with this conversation and had run out of comforting things to say.

We were quiet for rest of the time we waited on that and Jack opted for a to-go box, so he could eat his food back on the bus. I feel like that was mostly for my benefit, because clearly I didn't want to be around many people right now.

"Alex!" Brook chirped when I stepped back on to the bus.

She was sitting in the front lounge, drinking coffee with Rian while she applied her makeup.

She was already dressed for the day and the way she kept talking excitedly made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit for what I was about to do.

"Hey," I forced a weak smile and immediately her mood changed.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I extended my hand to hers and gently pulled her up from the couch.

"Walk with me," I said as I led her off the bus.

"Alex..." she said my name again, much more concern in her eyes than before.

"Look, I don't know how to say this, so, I'm just going to say it, okay?"

She nodded. "Please."

"I'm not gonna be able to go with you to see your brother," I said, avoiding looking in her eyes at all costs.

"You're not?" she asked, taking a step back and crossing her arms over her chest.

I nodded slowly. "I just saw Matt. We're booked for two signings, another acoustic set and a few interviews, plus our regular set."

"Really?" she asked again and I felt like every word that came out of my mouth just dug me a bigger hole.

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, reaching out for her hands and she shrugged me away.

"It's funny... About twenty seconds before you came back, Matt was on the bus, practically doing back flips from excitement because all you had to do today was play your set tonight and do a signing for an hour and a half. You mean to tell me it changed that quickly?"

I took a deep breath. I probably should have checked with Matt before I went ahead with this lie.

"I guess so," I shrugged. "He seemed pretty pissed about it."

I had already committed to this story. There was no turning back now.

"Okay," she shrugged.

"Brook. I-"

She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders again.

"It's fine. What are you going to do? You have to work. I understand." I smiled at her sadly.

"You know I wish I could go, right?"

She nodded. "Yep," she said before turning away from me and heading on the bus.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself as I sent out an urgent mass text to the rest of my band and our crew asking them to please play along and say we're booked all day if Brook asked.

I wasn't entirely surprised when no one replied to me.
***

Notes

Story Title: Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly
Chapter Title: Kelly Clarkson - Dark Side


Do you think he should have told her the truth?
#OhAlex