Alex-

After the rough night I had with Brook, I wasn’t surprised when eight in the morning rolled around and I was wide awake. Brook had basically cried herself to sleep with a fistful of my t-shirt in her hand. It was as if she felt like if she let go, I’d disappear. Throughout the night, between her tears and sobs, she kept asking me to assure her that I wasn’t going to leave.
At that point, come Hell or high water, I wasn’t going anywhere.

Once I finally got Brook to calm down and fall asleep, my own anxieties kicked in and I began to question everything that happened that could have set Brook off. I had convinced myself it was nothing I could have done because Brook wouldn't beg me to stay with her like she had if I was the reason she was so upset.

The only theory I kept coming back to was something to do with that couple in the lobby of the restaurant. She looked ten times more uncomfortable around those two than she did at the height of Jack's act like a dick performance. I desperately wanted her to tell me what was wrong but I also knew it had to be something really heavy and I did not want to force her.

I had barely gotten any sleep; I kept tossing and turning as I thought about Brook. Once I decided I was up for good, I spent about half an hour watching Brook sleep. I contemplated trying to go back to sleep but I quickly realized that wasn't going to happen, I carefully wiggled away from Brook's grip and made my way into the kitchen.

I wanted to do something nice for her, so I started going through the cabinets, pulling out the ingredients I would need to make waffles. After I finished the waffles, I started to brew a pot of coffee. When everything was done, it was just after nine and I was really surprised that Brook hadn't even woke up yet.

I made a plate for Brook. I was sure to only put a little bit of syrup on the plate because I knew Brook wasn't the biggest fan of the stuff. She didn’t like sticky. I made her coffee just the way I knew she liked it and I carefully carried the plate and the mug into Brook's bedroom. I almost felt bad for waking her up.

I set the plate and the mug down on the night stand and crawled back into bed with Brook and lightly pressed a kiss to her lips, her cheek and the tip of her nose before she started to shift in her sleep and her eyes blinked open.

"Good morning," I whispered.

"Morning," she said softly, her voice was raspy and I wasn't sure if it was from just waking up or from crying all night.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, gently pushing some hair away from her face.

"I'm okay," she replied, her voice still super quiet.

"Good," I said, kissing her forehead gently. "Are you hungry? I made waffles."

"I'm not right now,” she shook her head a little. “But they smell great."

I nodded slowly, a little disappointed that she didn't want to eat, but I accepted her with open arms when she scooted over and curled herself up into my side.

"Thank you for everything last night," her quiet voice said after a little while of silence.

"You're welcome," I said, running my hands softly through her hair. "I'm just not sure why you're thanking me."

She picked her head up from my chest and looked me in the eyes.

"You didn't leave last night. You stayed through the entire night and held me while I cried and you didn't push me to tell you why."

"What was I supposed to do?” I shrugged. “Leave you to cry all night alone? No way."

She sat up a little, a tiny smile on her face as she lightly kissed my lips.

"I just really appreciated it, that's all."

"It was nothing," I assured her. "But you're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah,” she nodded. “Momentary lapse in sanity last night, I guess."

"I don’t want to force you to talk about anything but I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me,” I said, giving her leg a gentle squeeze.

"I'll tell you," she said. "But it's kind of a long story."

I leaned back against the headboard and folded my hands behind my head.

"You have my attention."

She smiled, a little bit bigger this time, leaning forward and kissing me lightly again.

"Whenever you don't want to hear anymore, tell me and I'll stop."

"Okay," I nodded slowly and I watched as it seemed like she sorted her thoughts in her head.

"That guy you saw me talking to last night was my ex Josh. Liz, the girl he was with, was who I walked in on him in bed with."

"Shit," I hissed under my breath, nodding for her to keep going.

She took a deep breath and continued.

"The engagement ring that you probably couldn't tell she was wearing on her finger once belonged to me."

I started at her for probably too long. It took a few extra seconds for what she just said to sink in.

"You were engaged?"

“I was,” she nodded. "We were about a month out from the wedding when I walked in on him."

I shook my head, an angry knot already beginning to twist in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh and I should probably mention that Liz was hired as an engagement present by my aunt and uncle in New York to be my wedding planner."

"You're kidding?"

“Not even a little bit,” she shook her head. "I caught my husband-to-be in bed a month before our wedding with the wedding planner."

The knot in my stomach tightened as I reached for Brook's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry."

"Needless to say I called off the wedding and I don't know if you know this but calling off a wedding is almost more work than planning one."

“Damn,” I shook my head. "I couldn't even begin to imagine."

"Being so close to the actual date of the wedding, almost all of the responses had come back. My mom, Jenn and my Aunt Marie had to call all the guests, well at least the guests invited by my side of the family, and let them know this wedding wasn't going to happen anymore."

"Did they tell everyone why?" I asked, not sure it was an appropriate question.

“Out of respect for Josh’s parents, I didn’t think it would be right so I decided to tell everyone that Josh and I realized we were too young to be getting married.”

"That was awfully nice of you," I commented, giving her hand a squeeze.

“Josh and I met during freshmen orientation when I started my first semester at Towson University, before I transferred up to Delaware. We basically started dating a few weeks later and were together ever since. I got very close with his family and I knew it would have broken his mother’s heart to hear that her precious son was really a big, fat jerk.”

I just nodded and waited for her to continue with her story.

"As it would turn out, calling off the wedding would be the easy part. Mostly because my mom and Jenn did everything. My mom was very good friends with the ladies who owned the dress shop where I was getting my dress and my bridesmaids dresses from. She told them the real reason why the wedding was being called off and they agreed to give everyone who ordered a dress a full refund. My mom was even able to get a refund back from the venue. It was impressive.”

"Well, at least that sounds like good news," I tried.

"You'd think, right?" she said with a slight chuckle. "I didn't want the money. I felt like it was tainted. I did the right thing and got Josh’s half of the money back to him, but I took my half and just donated it to different local charities. I did the same thing with gifts we’d gotten from our Engagement Party and that I got from my Bridal Shower. I gave a lot of the kitchen stuff to the school's Home-Ec Department."

"Wow," I nodded. "That's pretty cool of you."

"Yeah. I guess," she shrugged. "I didn't keep my cool for long though."

"Go on," I encouraged her.

"The first week after everything happened, I was mostly just mad at him. I couldn't believe that he would do something like that to me. I wanted to know what was wrong with him that made him think he could get away with it."

I suddenly got the feeling that this story was about to take a much serious turn by the way her body language changed. I squeezed her hand again to let her know I was there for her.

"My own head became my worst enemy. I started thinking less what was wrong with him and more what was wrong with me. I had just started working at the school so I was working a lot. I wanted to impress the people at the school so any chance I could volunteer for something, I would. I wasn't around a lot and when I was, most of our time together involved wedding plans. I thought maybe I forced him on someone else just because I wasn't there."

"Brook, even if you did work a lot, that doesn't give him-"

"I know," she shook her head. "At least I do now."

"Good," I nodded.

"It got worse though," she said quietly. "I started questioning myself and how I looked. I started thinking that I had known Josh for so long that I got too comfortable with him. I knew I had put on a few pounds since graduating college and I ended up convincing myself that I had pushed him away because I let myself go, for lack of a better phrase.

I could barely fathom the words she was speaking. The knot in my stomach continued to twist painfully.

"Brook. That's insane. You should never- You're so-"

I couldn't even form a complete sentence.

"I know," she nodded again. "But back then I didn't and let the idea consume me. Little by little I began to notice a lot of the mutual friends Josh and I had gravitated towards him. I was left practically friends-less. I couldn't even let myself think of what he could have possibly said to them to convince them to take his side. But either way, they did, and the whole thing pretty much destroyed my self-confidence. I completely shut down. I stopped talking to anyone. I had moved back in with my parents and I only left the house for work and while I was there I pretended I was okay. I couldn't really expect kids to open up to me if they knew I was such a mess."

She paused for a moment, seemingly gathering her thoughts. I noticed tears welled up in her eyes a few times but they never actually passed her eyes lids.

"Brook, you don't have to tell me anymore. I get it," I told her, squeezing her hand again.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice a little strained. "I want to tell you everything."

"Okay," I nodded for her to continue.

She took a deep breath and continued to speak.

"I used to look forward to work and now I absolutely love it but then it was torture. I felt like such a phony. There I was talking to kids about their problems and giving them advice to get through things and I was miserable over a guy. I was shutting out whatever friends I had left. I was barely eating and I stopped doing anything I used to do for fun. I knew so much better than everything I was doing to myself but I just couldn't snap out of it. I knew my parents were worried but I think they were afraid if they questioned it that they would freak me out more. So they just let me do my thing and then finally everything came to a head..."

She trailed off and looked up at me for a second. For most of this story she had been avoiding all eye contact with me.

"The actual day of the wedding came and everyone around me tried to go about their day like normal. My parents went out to do their regular Saturday afternoon errands. I woke up late and went to take a shower and when I came out I heard my phone beep. I had a missed call and a new voicemail. I was going to ignore it since the missed call came from an unavailable number but something made me listen. It was Josh and he went on and on about how sorry he was. He missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. Especially that day. He wanted to see me, to see if we could talk and see if there was any chance for us ever being an us again."

"God, Brook. Please don't tell me you called him," I sighed.

"No. I didn't call him. After I listened to the message a few times, I completely broke down. I locked myself in the bathroom and collapsed to the floor. I was so confused and felt so out of control with everything and I couldn't handle it anymore. All the pain I felt was just too much. So, I cracked."

I watched her as she shoved the comforter off of her body and held her right arm up for me. It took a second or two for my eyes to focus on what she wanted me to see. When I finally found it, my mouth dropped open almost a little too much. On the side of her wrist, she had a thin scar that was about two inches long.

"Y-You did that to yourself?" I asked lamely, my thumb lightly brushing over the scarred skin.

She nodded, the tears finally slipping out and onto her cheeks.

"I cut myself and for about five minutes I felt great. I could see the cut on my wrist and watch the blood trickle down my arm and I could say I felt pain but I knew where the pain came from and I could control it happening again."

I couldn't look at her. I couldn't take my eyes off her wrist. I had no idea by getting to know Brook that deep down she was such a broken, fragile girl.

"I only did it that one time. It was almost a good thing that I did it."

I looked up at her. I could tell my face looked very confused.

"How is that possible?" I asked, reaching over and wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Every time I see it, I'm reminded of how I felt back then and how totally unworthy it Josh was. It was so stupid for me to let him have such control over my life. Granted, it’s still a scar and it does bring back memories of all the pain but believe it or not, it was the beginning stages of me getting better."

"Oh yeah?"

"Jenny came over and found me in the bathroom. I made her swear not to tell anyone what she saw. She promised she wouldn't if I got help. So I did. I actually started talking to one of my old professors from school who had opened a practice in Baltimore. I always had a really great relationship with her and I felt really comfortable talking to her about all these private and personal things."

"How long did you see her until you felt-" I trailed off. I wasn't sure what the right word was. "Okay?"

"It took a few months. It was hard to feel confident in my own skin again, it still is sometimes but I'm okay now. I have my moments from time to time but I know how to handle it better now."

“Wow,” I said lamely, leaning back against the headboard again. “I had no idea you were so screwed up,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Brook let out a small laugh, much to my relief, as she lightly kicked my leg with her foot.

“Well, now you know and I hope it gives you a little insight into why I’m a little weird about meeting new people and stuff.”

“It helps but it still sounds crazy to me. How you could possibly think someone wouldn’t like you is just absurd to me.”

She smiled. A real smile.

"You're sweet," she said, leaning forward and kissing me softly. "And just so you know that breakdown last night after seeing him wasn't at all because I have any kind of feelings for him anymore. At least not good ones."

"I know," I nodded.

“When things are going well in my life, I’ve always sort of been the kind of person to wait for something bad to happen. I’ve been so happy these past few months and seeing them together last night sort of brought me back to that dark and scary place and I didn’t like it."

“I’m sorry,” I frowned.

“Don’t be,” she assured me. “If anything, I should be thanking you, to be honest.”

“Thanking me?” I asked.

“Since we’ve met, I’ve definitely felt more like myself than I have in the last year or so. It’s something I don’t know if I can ever thank you for enough.”

“Brook…” I said quietly, leaning my head to the side. “You do not have to thank me for that.”

“I do…” she said with a shrug.

I smiled and pressed a kiss to her mouth.

“Can I ask you something?”

"Sure," she nodded.

"Did you say that the girl was wearing the engagement ring that he had given to you first?"

Brook laughed a little and I was glad she saw the humor in it.

"I sure did. How incredibly tacky, right?"

"It’s probably the most incredibly tacky thing I've ever heard," I laughed. "Hey, I have an idea!"

"What?"

I reached for her right arm and unclasped the bracelet I'd gotten her and clasped it again around her left wrist. I looked up at her and she gave me a confused smile.

"Now when you look down at this wrist, you can see the bracelet and think of me instead of any of the bad stuff."

She was quiet for a few seconds and I saw tears begin to pool in her eyes again and for a second I thought I'd done something wrong.

"Thank you," she squeaked out before throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing me into a tight hug. "Really. Thank you, so much."

"You don't have to thank me," I assured her again, wrapping my arms around her waist and hugging her just as tight, pulling her into my lap.

"No," she pulled away, placing her hands on my shoulders. "When this whole thing with you started, I was really scared. There were so many reasons that should have sent me running but instead you bull-dozed your way through the walls I built up around myself and you made it so easy."

"So easy for what?” I asked, touching her cheek lightly.

"For me to fall for you,” she said before pressing her lips to mine.

"I could say the same for you, my dear," I said against her mouth before kissing her back.

"Do you think we stand a chance?" she asked, pulling away just a little.

"I think so," I nodded. "You're worth fighting for."
***

Notes

Story Title: Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly
Chapter Title: Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer

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