::Brook::

It took me a few moments to process Alex’s incredibly random confession. I know that he had a lot of skeletons in his closet from past relationships but this wasn’t exactly one I was expecting.

"Please don't look at me like that," Alex eventually said, breaking the silence.

His eyes were a bit darker than usual and held a sad and disappointed look I’d never seen from him before. He would barely make eye contact with me.

"Look at you like what?" I asked, shaking my head a little to pull myself from my own thoughts.

"Like I'm the scum of the earth," he said softly, his eyes casting down again.

"I’m not looking at you like," I said, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Honest. I'm just not sure where that outburst came from."

"I've just been trying to tell you these things for a while and this one finally just spilled out," he said with a shrug, backing away slightly so I was no longer pinned between him and the kitchen counter. “Perfect timing, huh?”

“It’s okay,” I said, giving him a small smile.

"Come," he said, taking my hand and leading me over to the kitchen table.

Alex took a seat at the head of the table and I sat to the left, adjacent to him.

"Can I tell you more about it?"

“If you want to, of course."

He looked incredibly uncomfortable and I felt really bad making him talk about it but he did bring it up and I couldn't help but think maybe he needed to talk about it.

"She worked in the main office at my high school. I'd gotten to know her a bit because I spent a lot of time there. You know, to either get late passes or because I'd been sent to the Principal for one thing or another. She saw me a lot," Alex started.

I nodded slowly and had to ask the one question that kept repeating in my head.

"How old was she?"

"She was twenty-six and when it started I was seventeen," he explained.

I nodded slowly. It was easy for me to not show any kind of judgement on my face. It was a pretty big part of my job.

"After a while it was almost hard to hide the attraction I felt towards her and had to watch myself carefully when I spoke with her in the main office."

"This is hardly what I'd call an affair, Alex," I assured him, trying to make him feel better.

"I’m just easing you in,” he said.

He looked up at me briefly and then looked away again just as fast. I reached across the table to give his hand a squeeze to try and relax him a bit. I wanted him to be comfortable talking to me about anything.

"One day I had gotten detention. I couldn’t tell you what for. She ended up being called in for the proctor of that session of detention. I think the teacher that was supposed to be there had to leave early for some emergency. Our principal was pretty strict about detention and wouldn’t cancel for anything. I was sure fate was on my side this day in particular because not only was she there but I was the only student there somehow.”

I just nodded.

“It was probably the best detention ever. It was the first time we were every alone really and we just talked for the entire hour straight. It never felt like she was watching me in detention. We really connected and figured out we had a lot in common. The age difference didn’t even phase us.”

I nodded again. It didn’t seem like he was looking for any sort of response from me since he was still avoid eye contact at all costs.

"Things escalated quickly after that. We started sneaking around and meeting up at coffee shops in the middle of nowhere and soon after that started, we started hooking up. At first it was innocent kissing in the back of my car but eventually we started doing a lot more."

"You would sleep with this woman in the back-seat of your car?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

He nodded. "I couldn't sneak her back to my house because if she got caught my parents would flip. They didn't like when I brought home girls my own age much. I couldn't imagine how they'd react to someone so much older."

"When did you find out she was married?" I finally asked.

"She had finally invited me to her apartment. I had seen a picture of her in a wedding dress with her husband. I asked her about it and she said she'd been married for two years. Her husband worked long hours and traveled a lot. She said she'd been lonely until she started seeing me."

Lamely, I nodded again.

"I was with her in their bed and it made me feel sick for only a minute before I decided that I was going to make her choose me over her husband if the time ever came for her to have to make a decision."

"Did that time ever come?" I asked.

"Of course it did. Towards the end of the school year, I told her that I was in love with her. I expected her to say it back but she didn't. Actually, she kind of laughed at me.”

“Yikes,” I winced.

“Yeah… Shortly after that she told me that she couldn't be with both of us anymore. She flat out told me there was nothing I could do to convince her to leave her husband."

"That must have been really tough to hear,” I said, resting my hand over his again to get him to look at me.

He nodded. "I realized she was in it for a whole different reason than me. Shockingly, I was the one developing the feelings and wanting something more and she just liked the idea of sneaking around and getting off when her husband around."

“You were just a kid,” I said, shaking my head.

"I think that’s what made it so much harder I was young. I didn’t know anything about love and adult relationships. Back then I thought that I did but I didn’t. The whole thing made me feel so worthless, like if I wasn't good for her, I would never be good for anyone."

"Alex," I frowned, giving his hand a squeeze. "You don't feel that way anymore do you?"

He looked finally up at me for the longest time since we sat down.

"Sometimes."

I frowned again. "Well don't. That woman seriously had some issues if she was okay cheating on her husband and messing with the feelings of a kid."

Alex shrugged. "What I probably should have added before was that while I was with her, I had also started seeing Lina, she's my ex that I share the dogs with. I'd been dating Lina on and off since junior year and in our senior year we were on a lot more than off but it wasn't until after everything happened and we graduated that I started developing feelings of love towards her."

My stomach tightened a bit at the mention of this ex-girlfriend. I guess I had a lot to live up to if they were together for so long.

"I think it was almost a pity thing at first. I knew how it felt to be in love with someone who was in love with someone else. For a while she was kind of the only thing I could count on and it was probably really terrible, but I knew no matter what I did and how I messed up, she'd always be willing to take me back so I never had to worry about being alone. I treated her terribly for a long time just so I wouldn't be the one to get hurt."

"What would you do?" I asked.

"When we first started touring it was the worst. I would pretty much cheat on her the first chance I got. I wasn't proud of it and while I wanted it to make me feel better, it only lasted until the next morning and then I felt shitty all over again and I would call her and tell her and she would get upset and break up with me on the phone. Then I'd be so upset from that, that I would just go on a binge for a week or two where I just partied harder than usual and hooked up with anyone and then eventually I would come back home and see Lina and we'd get back together and the whole vicious cycle would start over."

"Do you ever see..." I trailed off when I realized Alex never told me the name of the woman from school.

"Michelle..." he filled the name in for me. “No. Last I heard she moved to Philly with her husband when she got pregnant."

"Do you still love her?" I asked and immediately hated myself for it.

"No," he shook his head, his eye locking on mine now. "Definitely not,” he let out a small laugh.

“Good,” I replied with a small laugh myself.

“I don't think about her much either. I guess the reason it all came bubbling out now is because I just wanted to make sure you knew exactly what you’re getting yourself into with me.”

I smiled softly and leaned over to give his cheek a kiss.

"You're not the only one who's damaged in this relationship, my dear, remember?"

"Right,” he said, his eyes lighting up a bit. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to sound excited."

I laughed a little and moved my chair a little closer to him.

“It can really mess a girl up when you find out the guy you thought was the one has been cheating on you.”

Alex’s face quickly dropped and I had a feeling I knew exactly what he was thinking.

“So you’ve decided to jump back into the dating world with an admitted serial cheater,” he pointed out shaking his head in disappointment at me. “What are you thinking?”

I shook my head with a laugh.

“I’m thinking that it’s time to take a risk and not pass up the chance for something really great.”

“Really?” he asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Of course. I’ve had plenty of time to be upset about the things that happened to me but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?”

"Definitely," he nodded.

I smiled, scooting a little even closer to him and resting my head on his shoulder.

"You okay now?"

"Yeah," he smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I actually feel better."

"Good," I smiled. "I think it's kind of a good thing that we both have relationship issues."

"You do?" he asked, looking down at me, sounding a little surprised.

"Because we're both able to take this slow and not constantly obsess over the future and where this is going. That's also why I think it was a good thing that you were away for so long at the beginning of this."

"Yeah?"

“Yeah. Like you said, it was just nice to focus on getting to know each other. I’m pretty sure there are things you know about me that some of my closest friends don't even know."

I watched his lips slowly turn up into a smile.

"I liked that part too. I’ve never really did that before with a girl. I was friends with Lina all throughout middle school and high school before we started dating so I knew everything about her just by being friends and I guess she’s technically been my only girlfriend. The other girls weren’t really worth getting to know that well…” he rambled.

"Well, I'm happy to be the first," I said, smiling right before he kissed me.

"Are you sure all this doesn't change your mind on running scared?" he asked, pulling away from my lips just enough for his words to be audible.

"No," I shook my head. "If anything it makes me want to stick around even more.”

I leaned over to kiss him again just as the timer from the oven went off causing us both to jump back, laughing and slightly startled.

“Pizza time,” he said excitedly, jumping up from his seat.

“Wait," I said, standing up and reaching for his hand. "Just one more thing."

"Wha-"

I cut him off before he could finish that sentence with a hand kiss to his mouth.

"That's all," I smirked, leaning away before Alex pulled me in for another kiss.
***

Notes

Story Title: Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly
Chapter Title: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
Brook's outfit.