Jack.

I break into a sprint and when I get home I run to my room and shut my door, grabbing the note on my bed and ripping it up. I collapse onto my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. Today was going to be my day today was going to be the day and that stupid kid ruined it! I’d be dead right now! Now I have to go to school today and deal with everyone. I’ll never build up the courage I had to even hold that gun to my head! It took me years of staring at that gun to reach that point.
So as usual, I don’t sleep and my mom wakes me that morning. I shoved my gun back in my closet and I pretended to sleep until she opened my shades and shook me awake.
“School, get up.” She says. I just throw the pillow over my head. “Leaving in a half hour.”
“Whatever.” I mumble. She groans and leaves the room, shutting my door. I move the pillow and lie on my back, staring at the ceiling. Someone knocks on the door and I don’t say anything, so they come in. It’s May. “What do you want?” I ask her, my eyes still on the ceiling.
“Was that you… this morning? Running through the hall and slamming your door?” she asks. I sit up and look at her.
“Why?” I ask. She sighs.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
“I’m fine, now can you leave so I can change?” I ask her. She rolls her eyes and leaves, shutting the door again. I get up and change into a black sweater and black jeans. I do my hair, not satisfied, as usual, and just throw a beanie on.
I go downstairs and see my mom and dad downstairs. My mom is cooking breakfast and my dad sitting in the living room, reading the paper. My dad looks at me and smiles.
“Just the guy I wanted to see.” He says, getting up. He’s dressed in his police uniform for work, which is somewhat threatening to me, but I’ve managed to look past it. He drapes an arm around my shoulders and I stiffen. “I get out of work early today, want me to take you to the shooting range?” He asks. I’m about to shake my head, but then nod.
I could use practice with a gun. I’m definitely going to attempt this again.
“Awesome, I’ll pick you up from school and we’ll go for an hour.” My dad says.
“Bassam, should you really be teaching a seventeen year old kid to shoot a gun?” my mom asks him. He scoffs. “Seventeen year old boys hate almost everything, what if he kills someone?”
“Joyce, come on. Be logical.” My dad says. The only person I’ll be killing is myself.
“Breakfast is ready!” my mom shouts. Now’s my time to bounce. “Bassam, think about it.”
“I’m… going to head out.” I say.
“You’re not going to eat?” my mom asks, slight worry in her voice.
“I never eat breakfast. You know that.” I tell her.
“You’re skin and bones dude, at least take some to go.” My dad says, handing me a bagel from off the counter. I sigh and take it, my dad patting my back. “See you later.”
I don’t respond, I just head for the door. I leave my house and head to school, throwing the bagel on the ground and looking at every chance of death I see. I eventually get to the hell hole and when I get there, people just snicker towards me. I get to my locker and shove books in there and then in my bag.
When I turn, I see a familiar person down the hall. Then it hits me.
This morning. He was the one who stopped me. He was the one who thinks he saved me. Son of a bitch, he goes here?
He looks up and makes eye contact with me, both our eyes widening. I slam my locker and turn, going the opposite direction. I quickly walk down the hall and turn the corner, seeing Rian. Great.
“Hey dude!” Rian greets.
“Hey!” I greet, high fiving him. “How was your weekend?” I ask him.
“It was fun. I went bowling with Cassadee’s family on Saturday after dinner. Her family loves me.” He tells me. I smile.
“Who wouldn’t?” I ask him. He smiles at me and asks how my weekend was. Well… Saturday, I cut and cried. Sunday, I cut and cried. This morning, I almost killed myself, so we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if that boy hadn’t interfered. “It was boring, but you have more of a life than I do.”
“Yeah.” He laughs. I roll my eyes and smile. “Are we still on for band practice after school?” He asks me. I stop walking and scrunch up my face. ”What?”
“I totally forgot.” I groan. “My dad asked me to go to the shooting range with him after school.” I say. He nods and smiles.
“Don’t worry about it, dude. Just come over after.” He tells me. I nod and we keep walking. We eventually get to homeroom and I spot the kid talking to the teacher. I groan. “What?” he asks as I realize what I did.
“Uhm, nothing.” I say. We sit down by Zack and Cass and they tell us about their weekend even though I already know what Cass and Rian did.
“Band practice tonight.” Zack says.
“Yeah, about that.” I say. Zack hits me and I smile at him. “I’m coming late, Jesus.” I laugh. “My dad is taking me to shoot a gun later.” When I say that, I feel eyes on me and not my friends’ eyes.
“Man, I’d love to have a police dad.” Zack says.
“You can’t get away with anything. The only perk is I get my own gun.” I tell him. He shrugs and nods. “Trust me, it’s not that great.”
“I want my own gun.” Zack says. Rian and Cass just roll their eyes at him and I smile, glancing over to see the kid looking at me.
“What would you even do with it?” Rian asks.
“Shoot targets.” Zack says just as Ronnie walks by us and hits me in the back of the head, calling me a fag. “My first target would be him.” Zack mumbles.
“Why does he call you that?” Cass asks, looking at Ronnie.
“It seems to be the only insult he knows.” I mumble, looking down, playing with my sleeves. Rian rubs my back.
“Forget about him.” Rian says. “You’re better than he is anyway.”
“Yeah.” I say quietly.
So class starts and it’s boring as always and at the end our teacher makes the new kid come up and introduce himself.
“I’m Alex. I play guitar and sing a little. I enjoy reading. I moved to America from Essex, England and went to a private school and now I go here.” He explains, glancing at me who’s giving him some slightly dirty looks, but he disregards them. “That’s pretty much it.”
“Nice to meet you Alex, you can sit down and the rest of the period you have to talk.” Our teacher says. Rian turns right around to me and Zack in his chair and puts his hands on the table.
“Singer.” He says.
“No.” I say. Rian and Zack both look at me.
“Why not?” Zack asks.
“We don’t even know him.” I say. They look at him and then at me.
“That’s why you friend him.” Rian says. “I’ll be right back.” He says, getting up and walking over to Alex. I sigh and pull out my ear buds, plugging them in.
“Is there a reason you don’t want him to be in the band?” Zack asks. I look at him. He interfered with my suicide attempt. Of course I have a reason to not want him in the band, but I can’t tell Zack that. I shake my head and put my ear buds in. “Jack, you can tell me while Rian is over there.”
I just turn on my music and ignore him. Rian comes back with Alex and I look up, staring at Alex. You know what sucks about this? Now that I see his face, I find him attractive, which is another reason why I don’t want him in the band. I’m not gay and I don’t need another reason to hate myself.
“This is Zack, he plays bass and this is Jack, he plays guitar.” Rian says. Alex looks right at me and I try not to show I’m uncomfortable, so I put on a smile and pretend I’m happy like I do every day.
“Hey.” I greet, holding out my hand, hoping my sleeve doesn’t slide down. He hesitantly shakes it and I smile at him.
After class, I get up and leave as fast as I can and when I get down the hall, someone grabs my arm. I look over and see Alex.
“Get away from me.” I say, ripping my arm out of his hand and walking away from him.
“Jack.” He calls. I don’t answer, I just keep walking.
Sadly, Alex is sitting with us at lunch, so I guess I have to sit through it. Alex keeps glancing at me throughout lunch, but I don’t say a word to him. Rian and Zack find it weird that I’m not accepting him, but I just keep everything to myself. I can’t talk to Alex. I’m not gay.
I’m not gay. I think he’s attractive. But I’m not gay. I can’t be gay. My parents would hate me. My friends would hate me. Everyone would hate me. I’m not gay.
After school, I head home, Alex of course trying to talk to me.
“Alex, seriously stop.” I tell him.
“Why can’t you at least thank me?” He asks me. I turn and look at him.
“Because I wanted to die, Alex.” I snap. “I held the gun to my head, I was going to pull the trigger. I wanted to die and you ruined it.”
“But you seem so happy here.” he says.
“Seriously?” I scoff. “Do you not see how people treat me?”
“Your friends treat you how you’d want them to.” He says. “I don’t see the problem.” He tells me. I shake my head, a sarcastic smile playing on my face.
“You haven’t seen the worst of it. Neither have my friends, so just back off.” I snap, walking away from him.
I kind of feel bad for how I’m treating him, but he’s trying to get in and I can’t have that. I can’t fall for him. I can’t let him in.

Notes

A new chapter:D Comment and tell me what you think, please:D
Title Credit: Smile by Bryanstars
-Jenna