Paint You Wings
four
I tossed around in my covers, squeezing my eyes closed and trying, in vain, to get some sleep.
Sighing, I opened my eyes, sunlight was peeking through the blinds and I knew that Gracie would be up soon. I had spent all night lying in bed, my head revolving around the events of the night. Alex, his arms, how he smelled and how his voice sounded. The memories soon took over and I ended up sobbing, my chest heaving with them.
It was useless trying to get to sleep now; I swung my legs out of the bed and slipped my arms into a fluffy pink robe Brianna had gotten me for Christmas. I paused on my way out, taking in my appearance. My eyes were puffy and red, the whites were blood shot. I looked like I’d spent all night taking drugs. With a shake of my head, I laughed at myself, why was I worrying what I looked like. Not like anyone ever visited me, especially with the neighbourhood I lived in.
I wrenched open my door and strode into my kitchen. It was small to begin with, but with my fridge and other essentials it was even more cramped. But it was all I could afford. After assembling all the necessary ingredients for pancakes I set to work on preparing breakfast.
Gracie skipped out of her bedroom, with energy only a 5 year old could have at this time of the morning. “Mommy!” she screamed, running towards me with her arms wide open. I grinned at my little girl and bent down to scoop her up into my arms. “I missed you!” She threw her arms around my neck and dropped a kiss on my cheek.
“Mommy missed you too, Princess.” I smiled at her, kissing her button nose which made her squeal. Beneath my smile and façade I felt terrible, the image of her crying passed through my mind and I just couldn’t forget it. “So,” I said as happily as I could. “What does Princess Gracie want for breakfast?”
Her whole face lit up like I’d just said I was taking her to Disneyland. I swear, this kid and her food, she reminded me so much of her father. “Can we have pancakes?” I nodded and stepped out of the way so she could see the already cooked pancakes behind me. Her adorable grin popped into place, dimples flashing into view. She clapped her little hands and started fidgeting so I’d put her down. “Yay!”
I shook my head at her, amused. She flounced over to the small wooden table and slipped onto her chair. It was decorated with unicorn stickers and rainbow colours that she’d coloured on with her pens. After plating up the pancakes I joined her, placing syrup in the middle and watching her with a stern look.
“Gracie,” I warned her, watching as she started piling on the syrup. She looked away, her cheeks going slightly pink.
“Sorry Mommy,”
I was just about to put a slice of the pancake into my mouth, already tasting the fluffy texture and the cinnamon flavour, when the doorbell rang. I sighed and placed my fork and knife down with unnecessary force. “Stay here,” I told my daughter, pushing back from the table and walking to the front door.
Who could be visiting? My mother refused to step a foot into my neighbourhood, never mind the building I lived in. This side of town had always been dubbed as the prison side of town; it was where most of the thieves, drug users and ex-convicts lived. Of course, when I found out I was pregnant I had no choice other than to move out and this was the cheapest place I could find.
I opened my door, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest when I saw who was on the other side.
“Alex,” I muttered disdainfully. My hand clenched around the doorknob as I stared at his smiling face. That smile still lit up a room but now it made me want to punch him instead of kissing him. Okay, maybe I still want to kiss him, only a little though!
“Ruby?” his tone sounded more questioning than I would have thought considering he was knocking on my door, who else did he think was going to answer?
“What do you want? How do you know where I live?” My voice was getting louder and louder as my anger increased, it took me a minute to remember that Gracie wasn’t far away making me lower my voice until I was hissing at him. “What are you doing here?”
He grinned, raising a nonchalant hand and running it through his messy hair in a way that once had made me want to jump his bones. “Visiting an old friend, it’s a small town Ruby, wasn’t hard to find out where you live.”
“So what?” I scoffed at him. “You’re a stalker now?” I heard movement behind me and I knew Gracie had got curious and abandoned her beloved pancakes. “Whatever, I’m busy. If you’ll excuse me,” I went to close the door only to have Alex jam his foot and arm in the way, blocking any hope of closing the door on him and my past.
“Mommy,” Gracie called from behind me. I took a second to glance at her, her brown hair was in a wavy mess and her green eyes were wide as she looked at me and the arm sticking through the door. “Who is it?”
I relented; Alex pushed the door open when he felt that I’d given up resisting him. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing so hard that this wasn’t happening, that my past wasn’t about to meet my present.
I watched as Alex looked at the small girl in front of him, his eyes widening with shock. It took him two minutes to recover, then he strode over to my daughter and knelt down so he was eye-level with her. “Hello there beautiful.” He earned her dimpled smile, her eyes twinkling at him. My heart clenched at the sight. “Now what would your name be?”
“Gracie,” she whispered, suddenly shy in front of the much bigger and imposing man. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, a nervous habit that I was trying to break her out of. She never took her eyes off Alex, as if she was as entranced by him as I was. “Gracie May Harrison.”
I bit my lip, watching for Alex’s reaction. His shoulders were tense; his face – which I could only see in profile – was thoughtful as he looked at the little girl in front of him. I could almost see the cogs turning in his brain, working out dates. He pulled his eyes away from Gracie and let them rest upon me, a question clear in those brown orbs of his.
“Gracie,” I said, wincing at how strangled my voice sounded. After clearing my throat I tried again, finally gaining my daughters attention. “Gracie, go and get ready for school baby.” She looked up at me, her eyebrow drawing together in anger, her cheeks turning a shade of red.
“Mommy that is rude, you don’t leave when you have guests,” she protested. “I don’t even know his name.” I rolled my eyes, trust one of my life lessons to come back and bite me in the ass. I placed my hands on my hips and looked at my daughter with a stern look.
Alex obviously saw my temper rising with her and turned toward her once more, holding his hand out in front of him. “My name is Alex Gaskarth, beautiful.” Gracie grasped his hand in hers and the difference between them was almost laughable. His was ten times the size of her dainty one. “Now you go get ready for school while I talk to your Mommy.”
“Do you want to play with my dollies with me?”
“Gracie!” I gasped, exasperated at her determination to rebel against what I was telling her. “Go get ready for school or I will not take you to Camilla’s party.” That had her scuttling off in a hurry, making a beeline for her bedroom. After taking a few calming breaths I turned towards Alex who was straightening up from his crouched position.
“How dare you come into my home, without my permission, may I add.” I yelled angrily at him, storming forward and poking my finger into his chest. He glared down at me with just as much ferocity as I was. The tension was so thick you could cut through it with a knife.
“Is she mine?” his question was simple yet it had me gasping for air, my lungs seemed to have closed up and it felt as if every breath I took in got lodged in my throat. “Ruby,” he said firmly. “Is she mine?”
“No,” I murmured, clutching at my chest as if I was having a heart attack. It kinda felt like I was. “She isn’t. But really what does it matter if she was? You’d just go back on tour and leave again anyways.” He clenched his hands into fists, his breathing getting heavier with his anger. His eyes, normally easy-going and happy looked furious.
“No I wouldn’t, don’t do that Ruby. Don’t you dare act like you didn’t want me to go,” he said through clenched teeth. I scowled, his words cut deep, no the wounds of the past were already there he was just pouring in the salt.
I was seconds away from punching him, from lashing out and pouring the anger over the past few years into that punch. “Alex! You can have Sally,” Gracie told him, brandishing an uber thin, plastic, blonde doll from behind her back.
He smiled tightly at her, the anger still simmering beneath the playfulness of his expression. I was grateful for that, for him acting as if he wasn’t angry for her sake. “Hey Gracie, how would you like to go to school in a big bus?”
I gritted my teeth together. “That’s very nice of you, but we’ll have to decline.” I informed him stiffly. The conniving buggar.
Gracie’s eyes had lit up, the thrill of something new making the excitement from getting pancakes for her breakfast seem miniscule. “Yes! Can we Mom? Can we?” I shook my head at her, but then she gave me those damn puppy dog eyes. Something Brianna had taught her, obviously.
“Fine,” I threw my hands up in the air. Alex beamed triumphantly. I looked down at my robe and pyjamas. “I just need to get ready.”
Sighing, I opened my eyes, sunlight was peeking through the blinds and I knew that Gracie would be up soon. I had spent all night lying in bed, my head revolving around the events of the night. Alex, his arms, how he smelled and how his voice sounded. The memories soon took over and I ended up sobbing, my chest heaving with them.
It was useless trying to get to sleep now; I swung my legs out of the bed and slipped my arms into a fluffy pink robe Brianna had gotten me for Christmas. I paused on my way out, taking in my appearance. My eyes were puffy and red, the whites were blood shot. I looked like I’d spent all night taking drugs. With a shake of my head, I laughed at myself, why was I worrying what I looked like. Not like anyone ever visited me, especially with the neighbourhood I lived in.
I wrenched open my door and strode into my kitchen. It was small to begin with, but with my fridge and other essentials it was even more cramped. But it was all I could afford. After assembling all the necessary ingredients for pancakes I set to work on preparing breakfast.
Gracie skipped out of her bedroom, with energy only a 5 year old could have at this time of the morning. “Mommy!” she screamed, running towards me with her arms wide open. I grinned at my little girl and bent down to scoop her up into my arms. “I missed you!” She threw her arms around my neck and dropped a kiss on my cheek.
“Mommy missed you too, Princess.” I smiled at her, kissing her button nose which made her squeal. Beneath my smile and façade I felt terrible, the image of her crying passed through my mind and I just couldn’t forget it. “So,” I said as happily as I could. “What does Princess Gracie want for breakfast?”
Her whole face lit up like I’d just said I was taking her to Disneyland. I swear, this kid and her food, she reminded me so much of her father. “Can we have pancakes?” I nodded and stepped out of the way so she could see the already cooked pancakes behind me. Her adorable grin popped into place, dimples flashing into view. She clapped her little hands and started fidgeting so I’d put her down. “Yay!”
I shook my head at her, amused. She flounced over to the small wooden table and slipped onto her chair. It was decorated with unicorn stickers and rainbow colours that she’d coloured on with her pens. After plating up the pancakes I joined her, placing syrup in the middle and watching her with a stern look.
“Gracie,” I warned her, watching as she started piling on the syrup. She looked away, her cheeks going slightly pink.
“Sorry Mommy,”
I was just about to put a slice of the pancake into my mouth, already tasting the fluffy texture and the cinnamon flavour, when the doorbell rang. I sighed and placed my fork and knife down with unnecessary force. “Stay here,” I told my daughter, pushing back from the table and walking to the front door.
Who could be visiting? My mother refused to step a foot into my neighbourhood, never mind the building I lived in. This side of town had always been dubbed as the prison side of town; it was where most of the thieves, drug users and ex-convicts lived. Of course, when I found out I was pregnant I had no choice other than to move out and this was the cheapest place I could find.
I opened my door, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest when I saw who was on the other side.
“Alex,” I muttered disdainfully. My hand clenched around the doorknob as I stared at his smiling face. That smile still lit up a room but now it made me want to punch him instead of kissing him. Okay, maybe I still want to kiss him, only a little though!
“Ruby?” his tone sounded more questioning than I would have thought considering he was knocking on my door, who else did he think was going to answer?
“What do you want? How do you know where I live?” My voice was getting louder and louder as my anger increased, it took me a minute to remember that Gracie wasn’t far away making me lower my voice until I was hissing at him. “What are you doing here?”
He grinned, raising a nonchalant hand and running it through his messy hair in a way that once had made me want to jump his bones. “Visiting an old friend, it’s a small town Ruby, wasn’t hard to find out where you live.”
“So what?” I scoffed at him. “You’re a stalker now?” I heard movement behind me and I knew Gracie had got curious and abandoned her beloved pancakes. “Whatever, I’m busy. If you’ll excuse me,” I went to close the door only to have Alex jam his foot and arm in the way, blocking any hope of closing the door on him and my past.
“Mommy,” Gracie called from behind me. I took a second to glance at her, her brown hair was in a wavy mess and her green eyes were wide as she looked at me and the arm sticking through the door. “Who is it?”
I relented; Alex pushed the door open when he felt that I’d given up resisting him. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing so hard that this wasn’t happening, that my past wasn’t about to meet my present.
I watched as Alex looked at the small girl in front of him, his eyes widening with shock. It took him two minutes to recover, then he strode over to my daughter and knelt down so he was eye-level with her. “Hello there beautiful.” He earned her dimpled smile, her eyes twinkling at him. My heart clenched at the sight. “Now what would your name be?”
“Gracie,” she whispered, suddenly shy in front of the much bigger and imposing man. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, a nervous habit that I was trying to break her out of. She never took her eyes off Alex, as if she was as entranced by him as I was. “Gracie May Harrison.”
I bit my lip, watching for Alex’s reaction. His shoulders were tense; his face – which I could only see in profile – was thoughtful as he looked at the little girl in front of him. I could almost see the cogs turning in his brain, working out dates. He pulled his eyes away from Gracie and let them rest upon me, a question clear in those brown orbs of his.
“Gracie,” I said, wincing at how strangled my voice sounded. After clearing my throat I tried again, finally gaining my daughters attention. “Gracie, go and get ready for school baby.” She looked up at me, her eyebrow drawing together in anger, her cheeks turning a shade of red.
“Mommy that is rude, you don’t leave when you have guests,” she protested. “I don’t even know his name.” I rolled my eyes, trust one of my life lessons to come back and bite me in the ass. I placed my hands on my hips and looked at my daughter with a stern look.
Alex obviously saw my temper rising with her and turned toward her once more, holding his hand out in front of him. “My name is Alex Gaskarth, beautiful.” Gracie grasped his hand in hers and the difference between them was almost laughable. His was ten times the size of her dainty one. “Now you go get ready for school while I talk to your Mommy.”
“Do you want to play with my dollies with me?”
“Gracie!” I gasped, exasperated at her determination to rebel against what I was telling her. “Go get ready for school or I will not take you to Camilla’s party.” That had her scuttling off in a hurry, making a beeline for her bedroom. After taking a few calming breaths I turned towards Alex who was straightening up from his crouched position.
“How dare you come into my home, without my permission, may I add.” I yelled angrily at him, storming forward and poking my finger into his chest. He glared down at me with just as much ferocity as I was. The tension was so thick you could cut through it with a knife.
“Is she mine?” his question was simple yet it had me gasping for air, my lungs seemed to have closed up and it felt as if every breath I took in got lodged in my throat. “Ruby,” he said firmly. “Is she mine?”
“No,” I murmured, clutching at my chest as if I was having a heart attack. It kinda felt like I was. “She isn’t. But really what does it matter if she was? You’d just go back on tour and leave again anyways.” He clenched his hands into fists, his breathing getting heavier with his anger. His eyes, normally easy-going and happy looked furious.
“No I wouldn’t, don’t do that Ruby. Don’t you dare act like you didn’t want me to go,” he said through clenched teeth. I scowled, his words cut deep, no the wounds of the past were already there he was just pouring in the salt.
I was seconds away from punching him, from lashing out and pouring the anger over the past few years into that punch. “Alex! You can have Sally,” Gracie told him, brandishing an uber thin, plastic, blonde doll from behind her back.
He smiled tightly at her, the anger still simmering beneath the playfulness of his expression. I was grateful for that, for him acting as if he wasn’t angry for her sake. “Hey Gracie, how would you like to go to school in a big bus?”
I gritted my teeth together. “That’s very nice of you, but we’ll have to decline.” I informed him stiffly. The conniving buggar.
Gracie’s eyes had lit up, the thrill of something new making the excitement from getting pancakes for her breakfast seem miniscule. “Yes! Can we Mom? Can we?” I shook my head at her, but then she gave me those damn puppy dog eyes. Something Brianna had taught her, obviously.
“Fine,” I threw my hands up in the air. Alex beamed triumphantly. I looked down at my robe and pyjamas. “I just need to get ready.”
Notes
Hey guys. Thanks for all the comments! :D They make me smile like a crazy person.So this might be the last chapter for a little while cause I'm taking part in NaNoWriMo and I'm trying to concentrate on that one piece.
Love you all. :)
Maddie. x
MORE PLEASE
3/25/14