Rumours Ruin Reputations

Third date. Me and Jack. At a zoo. It was happening. This was our first public date. It was pretty early to be honest. Everybody would be able to see us walk around together and the paparazzi would probably be following us, thinking their hiding spots behind bushes were the most secretive places ever (I always saw them. It’s pretty difficult to miss a large camera poking out). I wasn’t so sure about our relationship becoming public yet. I knew I was going to get so much shit about it, and while I liked Jack a lot, I didn’t know if that was suddenly going to change. At the third date there’s still a possibility of finding out you actually don’t like each other as much as you originally thought. Imagine the headlines I would get then: Playing Around with Stevie, first Divorcee next fooling around. But, I was willing to take the risk. I did like Jack that much, now I just had to find out if he liked me that much as well.

I went to pick Jack up so we could go to the Zoo together instead of come in separate cars again. When I saw I went to pick him up, I actually meant David and I. There was no was I was going to be able to go out without at least one bodyguard with me. I was lucky that it was only David, and not a couple of other guys I did not really know. To be honest, I did not need strangers walking around with me the entire time while I was on a date. Kinda ironic if you ask me. People were always following me around just because of who I was. But it still felt different to me, while it really wasn’t all that much.

“Hey, are you going to be following us around the entire time?” I asked David as I moved forward to lean between the two front seats -- Jack and I were sitting in the back together -- so I could look at the person I was speaking to. I just wanted to be able to talk to Jack without somebody listening in, and since David didn’t like Jack too much already, I knew he was likely to do it.

David rolled his eyes, not looking away from the road however. “I have to, that’s what I’m here for.”

“But maybe you could stay at least 5 feet away from us the entire time,” I suggested in the most innocent voice ever, adding puppy dog eyes for some extra effect, “you know, since you aren’t planning on leaving us, so we have a bit of space.”

“I can try my best, but there is a chance that it will be just under five feet, because I don’t have some weird brain that can calculate distances automatically. And it might be very busy in some places, so I’ll have to come closer. I can’t have more than two people in between us, I have to be able to keep an eye on you--”

As he continued to speak, I pressed down the button that made the divider slowly come up. I didn’t just use it for quick outfit changes, sometimes I was just fed up with David, especially if I was talking to someone else. More so if I was on a date. Plus, I really didn’t feel like listening to all his reasoning about having to be very close to me. I understood that he was concerned and that he was just doing his job, but I needed my space as well. Luckily, sometimes the ‘I’m your boss’ card worked. Maybe I was going to use it later.

“Did you just…” Jack pointed at the black screen keeping David from hearing anything we were saying or seeing us do stuff. We could literally do anything we wanted back here and nobody would notice.

“Yes, yes I did,” I nodded and found his hand on his lap, intertwining our fingers before I softly leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. This was probably the most contact we were going to be able to have. I was fine with going on a date in public, but I did not necessarily have to show a lot of PDA. Not just because of the media, but also because I just was that type of person. I was never to one to constantly kiss in front of people, but I didn’t mind one or two kisses. Just no coupley stuff for me when I was outside.

We were able to cut the cue to enter the zoo, which helped with reducing the amount of paparazzi at the beginning. Of course they’d eventually find out and all come, but it would first take some time for them somehow get the information and then make their way to this place. It was a small little treat. Now all I had to do was hope people would get the hint that I was doing something else and not ask me tons of questions plus wanting a selfie. I really didn’t mind short conversations, especially on days I wasn’t doing anything. But I felt like it would be rude towards Jack. He was probably also used to people coming up to him, but I didn’t want to be spending all my time and attention on other people. This was a date, and it was about me and Jack. Of course the occasional selfie was fine. I just didn’t feel like doing one of those things were I would just stand in one place for an hour just taking pictures with people and giving autographs. It happened to me the last time I went to Disneyland.

That probably sounded very aloof, but I can promise you I didn’t mean it that way. Just imagine a hot sunny day, a day that makes you sweat your ass off, and then a whole swarm of people following you, begging for something which you’re happy to give, but then they stay around for a lot longer. Yeah, that didn’t really help my case… did it? Let’s put it like this: selfies are ok, asking me a question or two is also ok, standing in the way of everybody else is not.

We walked around, David keeping his distance like I asked him to (yes, I used the ‘I’m your boss’ card on him just to make sure he’d do it). I was pretty amazed by all the animals we were able to see. Of course we were basically the only couple of only adults there, surrounded by families, but it was still very fun. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had been to a zoo. All I knew was that I had never gone with Travis, so it was nice to be making a memory like this with Jack; a memory that was completely new, nothing to relate it to.

“You know, I haven’t been to a zoo in ages,” I told Jack as we watched lemurs run around in their enclosure, both of us leaning against the fence to see them properly, “the last time was probably before I moved to LA. Probably in sophomore year of high school, actually.”

“No way, really? I don’t believe you.” Jack shook his head in disbelieve, taking his eyes of the animals we were observing, and instead staring at me with his mouth slightly ajar.

“I’m telling the truth!” I gasped in mock hurt and lightly hit his shoulder without hurting him. “I always used to go with my sister when we were younger. Because of our age difference, it was a fun thing to do together. The last time I went was when I was 16 and she was 7. I didn’t have a car to drive us and the bus no longer went all the way to the zoo, so we couldn’t go anymore. At one point we went almost every week. You can say we definitely used those annual passes quite a lot at that time.”

“Well, that definitely sucks,” Jack turned around so his back was against the fence now, paying more attention to me and my story, “but you could always take her again now. Sure, you guys live basically live on the opposite ends of the country, but the next time you guys see each other, it might be a nice thing to do again. It will be like reminiscing the good times.”

I burst out laughing, thinking his idea was the funniest thing ever. He really did not know the relationship I had with my sister now. It would be a nightmare to take her out with me. I just couldn’t do it. “I hope you’re joking. There’s no way that would ever happen. Seriously, she hates my guts. We can’t be around each other without constantly fighting, unless we completely ignore each other. Plus, she’s sixteen years old. No persuasion or blackmail will make someone like her come to a place like this. If anything, she’s the one who acts like a pretentious celebrity, not me.”

“Sounds like fun,” he joked and started walking towards an empty bench.

I followed him, quickly taking hold of his hand. “Trust me, it really isn’t.”

We both sat down and continued our conversation. I told him a bit more about how badly my sister and I got along nowadays, but I didn’t think Jack understood how serious the situation actually was. Of course he knew that we would bicker constantly, but he didn’t quite get that it went far enough to physically cause pain to someone. No, not accidentally hurt the other, intentionally hurt the other. I always tried to be civil, but my sister would make it impossible. She would keep pestering until I finally gave in, and then she’d, for example, push me down the stairs. I considered myself mature enough not to hurt her back, but I had thought about it so many times.

When Jack told me about his family, I actually started to envy him a bit. He had a great relationship with both his older brother and sister, something I had always wished to have. But I knew better than to be jealous of him. In my mind, that was just weird. I found out that his parents had moved back to Lebanon, where the rest of his family, except his brother and sister, lived. It must have meant that he didn’t see them very often, but then again, I didn’t see my parents all that often either. Yes, that was because of my sister as well. I wanted to spare my parents all the fighting that would occur. They didn’t deserve that.

After we finished our conversation, we started planning which enclosures we still wanted to see. The penguins were highest on my list. They had always been my favourite animal since I was very young. Seriously, when I was around nine years old, I wanted my whole room to be penguin themed. Of course it never happened, but it shows my obsession with them. I mean, how could you not adore them? They waddled funny, the noises they made were absolutely hilarious, and who doesn’t love the movie Happy Feet. In my world, they were absolutely the best thing that could ever exist.

I looked up from the map when we were done, only to see a heavily pregnant woman with a toddler in her hand, looking around, in desperate need of a seat. She was only standing a couple feet away from us, so I stood up and offered my seat to her. At least I managed to make a stranger smile today. She really seemed so grateful. I could only imagine how she must have been feeling on such a hot day.

No, but seriously, I could really only imagine it. Not many people knew this about me, but I couldn’t have kids. My mom realised something was off about my periods when I was 14 years old, and that’s when the doctors found out. I was given birthcontrol to try and regulate it, to ‘cure’ me before I got older, but it never really worked. Even with the birth control, I would not always get my periods while they should have helped. Sometimes I could go for eleven months without having a period. It was completely normal for me to finish one round of birth control without getting any results. If you want to look at it from an optimistic point of view, there was still a one in a million chance that I could naturally get pregnant!

Now do you understand why I felt so uncomfortable with people always asking Travis and I when we would be having kids after we married. It seriously affected me. I actually became depressed for a while, not feeling good enough for Travis, feeling like I was a failure. Nobody found out about it happening to me, and Travis was there for me the entire time, but it still took my a while to get over it. And I was still very young at that time. Nobody should have to become depressed because they are being pressured into something they shouldn’t even have to think about at that age. But it was impossible if you lived in the world I lived in.

I just hoped it wouldn’t happen again now that I was slowly getting older. Sure, I was only 25, but I was also only starting to date again. As soon as things would start getting serious with someone, the question would start: marriage, kids, families. I didn’t want to think about that yet! But, hey, if Jack and I dated for a while, only to find out that it wasn’t going to work out, I would be way too old to have kids with the next guy I found anyway. I had nothing to worry about. Except if Jack would leave me because I couldn’t give him kids…

No. I was thinking too far ahead. I had to live in the moment, not start planning out my entire future. That was just absolutely pathetic!

“And here we are, the penguins,” Jack announced as we walked the final steps. There was a pool with water and a plastic-like surrounding that was decorated with large rocks. The penguins were standing of the stone in herds, looking around the place, while there were three constantly jumping in the water and climbing back out.

“Fuck yeah!” I whisper-shouted, not wanting to get glares from all the parents here with their young kids. I did not want people making stuff up about me just because I said one swear word. You see, you really have to watch out a lot more when you’re being watched and expected to be a role model the entire time.

I rushed towards the glass barrier, already loving the weird things my favourite animals were doing. Jack walked up behind me not much long after. He stood right behind me and placed a hand on the railing on either side of me, leaning forward to look over my shoulder easily. I was too excited to warn him about all the paparazzi going crazy with their fancy cameras, so I just let him stand there.

“Hey, umm, Stevie, I need to tell you something before I forget,” he mumbled in my ear after letting me watch the penguins for a while. Something in his voice was telling me he felt guilty and regretful, maybe a little bit sad.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” I asked, trying to sound happy as if I hadn’t heard his tone of voice, turning around so I could look right at him while he told me what was going on in his mind.

“I’m going on tour again in a week,” he replied, feeling guilty about not telling me before, “August 9th to be exact. It will be pretty long, until the 24th of November, so I probably won’t be back until the 25th or 26th.”

“Oh.” Was all I managed to say while I processed the information he had just presented me. It really was quite long, especially since we just started dating. “Well, it’s too early on in our relationship for me to come visit you on tour for a longer period of time…” Jack nodded in agreement, so I came up with another idea, “but we can always text like we did before, and FaceTime. Also, I’ll be happy to come to your show in LA or somewhere close to LA. And then we can resume things when you come back.”

“Are you sure?” He scratched the back of his head.

“Yes, I will be waiting for you if you wait for me,” I promised him and waited for him to nod before I pressed my lips to his.

Notes