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Smooth Criminal

thirty-five.

I wiped down the foggy mirror after wrapping my towel closely around my body, not thinking twice about how there was more towel left over to tuck than usual. I did, however, notice the dark circles under my sunken in eye sockets. I glared back at my reflection with lifeless eyes, not sure if I cared too much about the fact that I had been rapidly losing weight in the last month or two. I was curious to see how much weight had actually been shed, though, so I pulled Parker’s bathroom scale from under the sink and recalibrated it. It’s been a while since this thing had seen the light of day.
I dropped the towel to the ground beside me and nervously stepped on the scale.
114 flashed back at me in bright red numbers. My eyes widened and I started shaking.
I had always been a steady, healthy 143 pounds. That was the average weight for someone standing at five feet and five inches.
So how on God’s green Earth had I managed to lose twenty-nine pounds in such a short time span?
I quickly shoved the scale back under the sink and dared myself to look at myself in the mirror. My hip bones jutted out in an awkward fashion, my collar bones were plain as day with little to no fat protecting them. My eyes darted down to my thighs, my favorite attribute to my body. Gone. They had withered away into two twig-like things. I made a circle with my hand, my index finger and my thumb almost touching as I placed it around my upper arm.
The sight of myself made me want to hurl, but I had become somewhat better at fighting those urges lately, keeping down forty percent of the food I had been consuming on the rare occasions I happened to be hungry enough to eat. That wasn’t that often, obviously. I looked like a fucking skeleton.
With shaking hands, I grabbed the towel and rewrapped it around my body tightly before making a beeline towards my bedroom.
I had five minutes before Parker and I had to leave for school, so I opted for a pair black leggings and an over-sized grey sweater that swallowed me whole at this point. I didn’t have enough energy to care about my makeup lately, going with the bare-minimum of a single coat of mascara. Sleep had become far more important than makeup, okay?
Parker and I exited our rooms at the same moment, Parker eyeing me cautiously but not saying a word as we made our way out to his car.
“You look, uh, you look cute today,” Parker stammered on our drive to school. The air between us was awkward. It was as if now that I was aware of my unhealthy appearance, everyone else in the world was, too.
“Thanks,” I muttered lamely, slipping my black Vans on my feet. He could spare me the small talk today, thank you.
When we pulled up to the parking lot, the first thing I noticed was Alex and Lisa sitting by a tree, laughing. I rolled my eyes, too tired to react to this all too familiar site anymore. Alex thinks I really had no idea he was spending so much time with the mentioned ex-girlfriend, and honestly I wasn’t too sure I cared anymore. I was about five seconds away from an argument leading to our breakup. Like I told Amanda, if he wanted to be with her, he can be with her. Absolutely no one was stopping him. So I don’t know why he felt the need to keep playing me like everything was fine. I also didn’t know why I didn’t just stick up for myself and end it all like I knew I needed to.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and hopped out of the car, not even bothering to go to Alex like I usually did. I went to the lunch tree where I knew I’d find Amanda and a pack of cigarettes waiting for me.
“That’s a look,” she nodded at me as I sat down at the table next to her. My hand immediately reached for the new pack she had promised me yesterday, tearing it open with my skeletor hands.
“Bonnie and Clyde are together again,” I muttered with the cigarette between my lips, reaching for the lighter.
“So you haven’t spoken to him today?” Amanda questioned, taking a drag off her own cigarette. I shook my head. “Stells, you need to talk to him. Like soon. I’m not saying apologize for what you said, but you do need to figure out what the fuck is going on.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing she was right, as always.
“I hate you for always being right,” I spoke my thoughts aloud. She smiled sweetly at me as the bell for first period rang. The two of us hastily put out our cigarettes, spraying ourselves with Bath & Body Works’ latest scent.
“Have a good day,” I shouted at her as we parted ways.
“Talk to him,” she yelled back at me.
I hope she was looking at me so she could see the finger I was giving her.

Once again, Amanda and I had migrated first to the lunch tree before any of our other friends had arrived. I sucked down two cigarettes before anyone else showed up. Alex was the last to arrive. He planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek before sitting down next to me. I didn’t look up from the novel I was deeply engrossed in. Alex cleared his throat. I still didn’t look at him.
“Uh, hello?” He finally spoke up. I looked up at him with bored eyes. “Nice to see you, too?” I shrugged and went back to reading my book. “Stella Lucille Underwood.”
I snapped my head up, glaring at the boy with furious eyes.
“Unnecessary,” I snapped harshly at him. He knew I hated being called by my full name. It reminded me too much of my dad.
“I’m sorry, but you’re not exactly paying attention to me and I’ve barely seen you since Monday. It’s fucking Friday.” Alex’s voice grew louder as he spoke.
“Do not fucking yell at me,” I shouted at him. “You’re the one who started this bullshit.”
All conversation around us came to a cease, all eyes falling on Alex and me. I didn’t even care. If Alex wanted to do this now, we could do this now.
“Me?” Alex shouted. “Me?!
“Yes. You,” I openly mocked his shrieking tone. I could see the question of how turning in his mind and forming on his lips, so I took it upon myself to cut him off and continue. “You literally cannot stand to be away from her! I don’t fucking get it, Alex. I really don’t. After everything that happened in Texas, after all of the bullshit we have been through because of her specifically. I do not understand why you’re still continuing to choose her over me!” I sniffled back the tears threatening to fall. I heard Rian mutter something and the sound of Kara kicking him under the table before everything went silent again.
“Stella-“
“Zack even tried to warn me that something like this would happen,” I laughed sadistically. “And I ignored him. Because I trusted you. You tried to beat him to a pulp in public and he even still trusted you to not fuck this up because of that perfectly-sculpted she-devil.”
I was met with silence. I stared Alex, my whole body shaking violently.
“She means nothing, Stella. Absolutely nothing,” Alex finally spoke, his voice calm and steady. He tried to reach for me, but I slapped his hand away.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
Alex sighed and grabbed my wrist despite my protests. His hands were warm compared to my ice cold skin.
“Babe,” Alex gasped softly. I stared at him, knowing this part of the conversation was far over due. I could only push it off for so long before facing the music I didn’t want to listen to. “I can literally fit my whole hand around your wrist with extra room to spare.”
I bounced lightly on the balls of my feet, my lower lip tucked tightly between my teeth, my eyes avoiding his entirely.
Amanda, my guardian angel, knew what was coming and took this as her que to usher our friends away from Alex and me. God bless her soul.
Alex watched the group walk away and returned his gaze back to me once they were out of earshot.
“How much?” He asked me quietly. I continued to avoid eye contact with him and crossed my arms over my chest. “Stella. How fucking much weight have you lost?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered to the ground.
“Bull fucking shit,” he scoffed. He grabbed my arm with enough force to make it known that he was pissed and wasn’t joking around but light enough to not hurt me. “Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t noticed you’ve lost the extreme amount of weight you have. Look me in the eye and tell me you are that oblivious to yourself.”
I stared him in the eye, not saying a word, but breathing heavily. I began shaking once again.
“I’m going to ask you once more, and if you do not answer me. So help me, God,” Alex’s voice trembled with anger. His eyes searched mine for the truth.
“Twenty-nine,” I finally spat at him. “I’ve lost twenty-nine pounds.” My voice evened itself out as Alex stared at me in disbelief. “I weigh 114 pounds as of this morning.”
Alex fell to his knees in front of me and buried his face in his hands. I shifted uncomfortably and stared at him.
“Jesus Christ, babe,” he muttered into his hands. “How? Why?”
“I don’t know?” I squeaked, my voice catching itself in my throat.
“Don’t you see what this is doing to your body?” Alex continued. He stood to his feet and grabbed my arms. “I don’t care how skinny or big or whatever you are. I will always think you’re gorgeous no matter what. But not like this. You… You need help.”
I pulled myself away from him, angry that he still thought I was intentionally doing this to myself. I stared at him with my mouth agape.
“I don’t have a fucking eating disorder, Alexander,” I shouted at him. He scoffed at me.
“That’s why I haven’t seen you eat anything in over a month, right? That’s why Lisa said she’s seen you throw up in the bathroom almost everyday for the last two weeks?”
I slapped him in the face as hard as I could, leaving a bright handprint on his left cheek.
“I don’t want to hear her name come from your mouth ever again,” I demanded, my voice shaking almost as hard as my body. “I’m going to say this one time and one time only. If you want to be with her, Alex, you can be with her. There is nothing stopping you. There is no one stopping you. I want to be with you more than I want anything in my entire life but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot make you want me. I cannot make you want to stay. So if you want her, go be with her.”
I eyeballed him cautiously as he stood in silence, mulling over what I had just said. And then his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his grasp soft so not to hurt my hip bones that you could tell were upsetting him.
“I don’t want her,” he spoke into my hair, his breath hot on my scalp. I breathed in his scent, my brain becoming fuzzy at the calming, familiar smell. “I want you. I need you.”
He pulled himself away from me and kissed me firmly on the lips.
“I love you,” he finished as he pulled away. My lips began to swell from the contact and I smiled slightly.
“I love you, too,” I told him sincerely.
Alex grabbed me by the hand and rubbed it softly.
“But we need to figure out what’s going on with you, baby. I need you to be okay.”
I looked up at Alex through terrified eyes.
“I’m so scared,” I whispered. He kissed me again, his lips tender and reassuring. A few tears that I had been withholding escaped.
“It’s gonna be okay, baby,” he whispered, pulling me into him. “We’re gonna be okay.”
And part of me believed him. Part of me needed my life to be normal, even if it was just for the next few hours. So I nodded my head and allowed myself to sink into his comforting embrace, wrapping myself in the bliss of familiarity after being withheld from it for far too long.

We’re gonna be okay,’ I repeated to myself over and over in my head until the shaking in my bones had been settled, even if for only the time being.

Notes

Hi, hello. Sorry, I momentarily ran away for a second. Things have been crazy and I've been so sick, I can hardly breathe. Throw in a teething toddler, and I've just about lost my goddamn mind.

Thank you so much for the love and feedback! It truly means a lot.
To answer a few questions... Yes, Stella is still grounded from her phone. But she gets it during the school day for "emergency purposes." Because we all know when our parents tried to pull that shit on us, we'd totally not text all day long and erase every text that wasn't there that morning haha. As far as Stella's health issue goes... Let's just say I'm currently living her situation and did not plan this at all haha! Remember, I've been writing this for two years and I've had this plot planned for just as long. But! I can't say anything about myself or the rest of the plot just yet until I post the next chapter. All I can say is shit's about to hit the fan, y'all. It's boutta go dooowwwwnnnn. Five chapters left and many twists and turns are still in the works. So keep ya eyeballs peeled.

As always, thank you so much for reading, subscribing, commenting, loving me. Y'all mean the world to me and I just love you so fucking much, okay?
-Kate

Comments

This was one of my absolute favorite stories. I am very curious to know if you are going to continue with this? Because I have to know what happens next.

BreaClift. BreaClift.
6/14/21

I want to know if there is going to be sequel to this story?

BreaClift. BreaClift.
3/26/19

I don't remember anything. I need to restart this. Damn, all I remember is loving this. Only more reason to read it all again.

Haha, keepin' it real. :) No worries, the only one that was kind of concerning was the Blink-180 because I think that's the first time I've ever seen that. XD But I figured it was a typo.
:)

Nanook Nanook
1/4/19

@Daydreamers her big reveal will be in the last chapter ;) hang tight.

katybear18 katybear18
1/4/19