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Smooth Criminal

twenty-two.

I kept my camera clutched tightly in my hands as I wandered around the side wing of the stage, trying to figure out what a decent angle would be to shoot the bands from for tonight’s set of pictures, but my brain kept wondering back to the conversation I had with Zack earlier.
Lisa Ruocco will always be the girl he cries to when it’s all over.”
The sentence replayed itself over and over, like a broken record that couldn’t be silenced no matter how hard you tried. Alex would never do that to me, though. He even admitted that I was the only person he wanted in his life. That has to mean something.
Don’t get me wrong. I know Alex doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to the dating game. He’s notorious at Dulaney for having a new girl hanging off his arm every other week, if not every other day. He’s the guy everyone automatically assumes is the reason a girl is sobbing hysterically next to her locker for a month. But who’s to say he hasn’t changed? People change all the time. Maybe this was his time; maybe the two of us were going through changes together.
I willed myself to believe this as I crouched behind the curtain wing next to Jack, who was climbing on top of the speaker as the guys performed their hearts out to Coffee Shop Soundtrack. I lazily pressed my finger to capture the moment, not feeling into the whole photography thing at the moment. Jack noticed me in my hiding spot and waved quickly, mouthing a quick ‘HI’ at me before going back to giving his attention and energy to the crowd.
“This next song,” Alex spoke into the microphone, breathing heavily, when the song came to an end and the screaming came to a small, soft murmur amongst the teenagers that made up the crowd before them. “This next song is a song I wrote about someone special to me. It’s about that one person who’s always been there for me when my life seems to go to shit. It’s called Noel.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, my stomach skyrocketed into my throat as the pop-punk based guitar riff flooded the venue.
Your lips are a hot flame, baby. And our chemistry is kerosene,” Alex’s voice invaded my ears but I refused to look up at that stage. I knew this song relatively well. Everyone back at home knew this song and we all knew exactly what and who it was about.
I fought back the tears threatening to fall as I unwillingly listened to Alex sing about Lisa in front of a crowd of hundreds of people, capturing snapshots of the excited crowd who had no idea how badly this song was tearing me apart inside. I finally dared myself to look up at the stage and immediately made eye contact with a particular bassist who was looking over at me with sad, concern-filled eyes. I bit my bottom lip as the vibrations coming from the music shook through my body right down to my sorrow-filled core, causing me to take note of how hollow I was truly feeling at that moment. Everything seemed to fade away all at once, my eyes unable to focus on anything around me as the thoughts twirled through my head, making me dizzy and sick.
How could I have honestly been that fucking stupid? People like me do not date people like Alex Gaskarth. That’s not how this works. And I was dumb enough to think that I was special enough to break the status quo and make this work somehow. Oh, God, how wrong was I?
I couldn’t take the anxiety of being in the same vicinity as Alex, knowing that he was here and singing songs about her. I quickly fled from the stage and hustled to the green room where my bag was and snatched it from its resting spot on the couch where I had left it when we had arrived earlier. I ripped my VIP pass that was dangling from my neck and hastily chunked it across the room in frustration, a pathetic whimper coming from the back of my throat as the laminated pass soared and hit the wall with a soft thud.
I had to get out of here.
I turned on my heel and slammed the door behind me; the hallway was empty and quiet with the exception of All Time Low vibrating through the walls, Alex’s voice taunting me as my Converse-clad feet padded down the hallway in a panicked sprint to get the hell out of there.
I reached the doorway at the end of the maze of halls and threw myself into the parking lot. The sun had been down for a while and the warm Texas air hit my face with a slight breeze as I stood in place, unsure of what my next move was. I didn’t have a car, I had about ten bucks in my bag, and I’m sure once everyone knew I was missing, there was going to be a search party out for me. But then a feeling I was unfamiliar with settled over me as I began calmly walking towards the road. My insides, once pulsing with anxiety and anger and hurt, began to settle down and an eerie calmness took it’s place. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about what was going to happen to me. I didn’t care if someone jumped out of their car and shot me, kidnapped me, anything. I just simply did not care. I was done caring. I was done fighting for something that didn’t exist. Zack was right - Alex was always going to love Lisa Noel Ruocco and I was just another project to him. I meant nothing more than just another score in bed. And the sick part was that all the signs were there and I was just too stupid to notice. I was so caught up in having someone show interest in me for the first time, I didn’t care what was at stake. So as I walked down the sidewalk, unsure of where my feet were leading me to, it wasn’t Alex I was angry at. It wasn’t Lisa, it wasn’t Zack, it wasn’t anyone but myself for being so blind to what was right in front of me. How could I honestly be so stupid? Girls like me do not get guys like Alex and I couldn’t believe I was so caught up in my own ignorance to try and prove the universe wrong.
“You win!” I shouted out loud to the night sky. “You fucking win! I get, okay?”
“Do I get a prize for my winnings?”
I jumped at the voice that came from behind me and was hesitant to turn around to see where it came from. But my body betrayed my mind and turned around anyway. A tall guy, definitely older than me, stood there with a soft smile on his face as he peered down at my figure.
“Fox,” he spoke again. “Benjamin Fox.” I noted the way his smile reached all the way to his green eyes as he spoke and extended his hand for me to shake.
“Stella,” I said softly and shortly, not in any mood to be making any new friends.
Benjamin flipped his slick, brown hair from his eyes and took a moment to take me in. I shifted awkwardly under his gaze and avoided looking at him at all costs.
“Well, Stella… You seem to be in a bit of yucky mood. I know something that will most definitely cheer you up.” Benjamin didn’t give any further explanation as he began walking forward, most likely expecting me to keep up with him. I almost didn’t go. I almost convinced myself that he was some creep who was going to rape me or kill me or possibly both. I almost turned back around and went back to the comfort of the venue where Matt and Zack and Amanda had probably already noticed I was missing. But despite everything in my body screaming at me not to go, I found myself shuffling to keep up with Benjamin’s wide strides as he led me to the unknown.

“So who were you yelling at anyway?” Benjamin asked after we had walked in silence for a solid ten minutes. I kept my eyes straight ahead as we walked through the night.
“No one,” I responded sharply, not wanting to talk about it. He nodded his head thoughtfully, getting the hint that the topic wasn’t up for discussion.
“Am I allowed to ask why you’re over here then?” He continued to ask questions.
I shrugged my shoulders and kept my eyes forward as I said, “My friends are playing a show at that venue tonight. I’m supposed to be in there but I wasn’t really feeling up to it.”
Benjamin nodded his head and then kept quiet as we walked some more. Eventually we ended up in front of a Neighborhood Walmart on a street corner. I watched as Benjamin walked straight up to the automatic doors and disappeared into the cold atmosphere of the store, leaving me behind in a confused daze.
“Are you comin’ or what?” Benjamin asked when he realized I was no longer following him. I awkwardly shuffled to catch up with him once again as we sauntered into the store, the AC and smell of fresh produce hitting me in the face. I followed my new partner through a few aisles as he hunted down what he was looking for. Eventually we came to stop in front of a shelf full of wine and other alcoholic beverages. I eyed them all carefully as Benjamin went straight for a twelve pack of Bud Light Lime.
“Pick your poison, ma’am. My treat.” I nervously glanced up and was met with Benjamin’s beaming smile.
“H-How old are you?” I asked once I found my voice, picking up a bottle of pink Moscato.
“Twenty-two,” he shrugged, flipping his hair from his face for the millionth time in the short period of time I’d known him. I nodded my head slowly, ignoring the feeling of guilt that was fulfilling my gut. I shouldn’t be here. I should be at the venue… I should be with my friends. Not at Walmart with some random guy who’d picked me up from the side of the road. “Earth to Stella.”
I averted my attention back to Benjamin, who had been staring at me like I was crazy. And I might as well have been for what I did next.
“That one,” I responded with wavering confidence as I pointed at a massive bottle of pink wine. “I’ll take that one.”
Benjamin gave me an approving smirk, swiping the bottle from the shelf and turning to the other side of the aisle to grab a twelve pack of beer for himself. We made our way to the check-out line, awkwardly shuffling next to each other in silence, the creaking of our sneakers drilling their way into my memory as the time I allowed a stranger from the streets of Texas to get me drunk. Assuming we were about to get drunk, that is.
The cashier didn’t even card us as Benjamin forked over the thirty dollars and some cents for our beverages and we were on our way. Simple as that. The two of us walked back out into the comforting night, my hair sticking up on my arms as the humid air smacked against my body.
“Here’s to winning and shitty nights,” Benjamin said as he cracked open a can of beer after unscrewing the bottle of wine and handing it to me. He raised his can to my bottle, to which I clinked with a content smile.
“Here’s to bullshit vacations and lives that were fucked from the beginning,” I stated. Benjamin gave me a head rightful nod as I brought the bottle to my lips, tilting my head back and allowing the lukewarm liquid to dance down my throat with a bubbling ease. “This shit’s fuckin’ good.”
“So. Stella.” Benjamin took a second to take another sip from his can. “Where are you from? Because you sure as shit ain’t from here.”
“Baltimore,” I responded, putting an unnecessary emphasis on the ‘B,’ popping it a bit with puckered lips.
“Maryland? You’re from fucking Maryland?” Benjamin let out a heartfelt laugh, dropping his head back a bit as he did so.
“As a matter of fact, I am,” I chuckled back, taking a long sip of my wine, as if this was to help me prove my point. “I hate it there, though. Absolutely hate it.”
“Then leave?”
Everyone always made it sound so easy; to just uproot your entire life and go elsewhere. Start anew. But there was so much more involved in that. I couldn’t just pack a bag of necessities and fucking leave. Two months ago, I could barely leave my own house on a school night for crying out loud. Leaving Baltimore would end in nothing short of a trainwreck on my behalf.
“I fucking wish,” I finally sighed warily. Benjamin seemed to sense the change in my demeanor and quickly changed the subject.
The two of us ended up walking the streets on the outskirts of Dallas, drinking and talking about whatever popped into our minds, completely clearing mine of what made me so upset to begin with as the night went on. Halfway into my bottle, and I was feeling fuzzy and lightheaded, stumbling over my own two feet as walking became slightly difficult. I veered us into the direction of the hotel I was staying in to the best of my drunken ability as we continued to talk about life. I had mentioned my dad being some hard-ass cop and how he made my life miserable and Benjamin shared about how his mom popped pills to forget about how his dad left them when Ben was merely four years old.
“We’re a mess,” I giggled as we came to a stop in front of the revolving door to the Hilton.
“I think that was why the universe brought us together for this one, beautiful night.” Benjamin flashed me his charming smirk and I giggled even more. “I really liked spending time with you.”
I stopped my fits of giggling and stared up into the mysterious boy’s eyes as he peered down at me with an intensity clouding his eyes that drew me in like a moth to an open flame. I bit down on my lip as we stood there, staring at each other with a different set of eyes than we had been using all night long. Whether it was the desperation for attention or the alcohol, I don’t know. But everything seemed right as I stood on my tip toes and planted a firm kiss on his lips.
The first thought that flashed through my mind was that he tasted drastically different than Alex. Alex’s lips were soft and plush and our kisses always felt sweet… Natural. Ben’s lips felt chapped and tasted of beer and lust. But that didn’t stop me as he eased me down flat on my feet, still connected by our lips that were now furiously moving together to a more angry rhythm than the sweet waltz that was usually shared between Alex and me. Benjamin’s arms snaked around my tiny waist and pulled me closer into his muscular body, his teeth nipping at my lower lip. A moan was let out from my throat and my hands tied themselves in knots within his hair. My back was against the brick wall of the hotel and never in my life had I ever felt so alive, so aware of my body that felt as if I were on fire. His hands roamed the curves of my body as his lips kissed themselves down to my neck, his teeth biting on the spot right below my left ear. I closed my eyes and hummed in appreciation of the action.
“I have to go,” I finally managed to mumble as we made out for a few more minutes against the Hilton in Dallas, Texas.
“Be safe,” he muttered into my neck as we hugged goodbye. “It’s a mad, scary world out there, Sweetheart. We gotta survive somehow.” I nodded my head at his words and waved bye before stumbling my way through the lobby and to the elevator.
On my ride to my floor, my head was in a million different places but not a single one of those places was haunted with Alex, Zack, or anyone else that could have possibly had any kind of impact on my mood. So I was in for a rude awakening as I swiped my room key and opened the door to the room Amanda and I were “sharing” as quietly as I could just in case she was already asleep, using the light from my phone screen to guide my way to the lamp by the window. As soon as I clicked the lamp on, light flooded the room and an entire assembly of people crowded the room. Zack, Jack, Amanda, and Alex were all sitting on the two beds of the room and not a single smile was to be found on my friends’ faces.
“Hi,” I giggled, smiling and waving at them. No one moved a single muscle.
“Stella. Lucille. Underwood.” Zack spat out my name in three separate intervals.
“Zackary Idon’tknowyourmiddlename Merrick,” I slurred happily.
“Where the fuck have you been?!” Amanda finally snapped, unable to keep it in any longer. “We have torn apart this entire goddamn city looking for you! You cannot just fucking run off like that! You could have been killed!”
“Calm down, Dad,” I spat out at her, trying to not focus on how everything and everyone in the room was spinning. I focused on Jack attempting to silently soothe a shaking Amanda. “I went for a fucking walk. Big whoop.” I went to grab a pair of pajama pants and tank top from my bag, ignoring the pissed of stares I was receiving.
“Dude, you’ve been gone for roughly three hours at the least. And you never once picked up the phone to let us know where you were. Or if you were even alive,” Jack scorned me, his voice an eerie calm tone. “We’ve been worried sick.”
“I thought you were dead, you fucking bitch,” Amanda cried out, tears flowing freely from her eyes. Even though everyone else had given me their input, it was Alex that my eyes were drawn to the entire time. The angry flames flickered through every inch of his body, his eyes dim with an emotion deeper than anger. But his eyes weren’t staring back into my own. No, they were drawn to the spot that was still tingling fresh with emotions right below my left ear.
“Nice neck,” he finally spat out sarcastically.
“What? You’ve never seen a hickey before?” I openly and drunkenly mocked him.
“Do you even know his name?” Alex’s rock-solid expression never faltered as he attempted to insult me. I rolled my eyes and gave up on my plan to escape to go change in private and began stripping out of my day clothes in front of everyone. Everyone awkwardly shifted their eyes away except for Alex, who continued to stare me down. I slipped my legs into my pajama bottoms and adjusted the waistband comfortably around my body and slipped my tank top over my head, struggling slightly, my arms getting tangled with the straps as I fought to break through the fabric. When I finally got the top properly onto my body, Alex’s gaze was still glued to me. I arched my eyebrow at him in annoyance.
What?” I finally shrieked out at him.
“What? What? You come back at fucking three in the morning, drunk off your balls with a hickey, and you have the audacity to ask me what?” He began yelling furiously at me. “Stella, I don’t think you fucking get it!”
“No, Alex!” I pointed a drunken finger at him, stepping closer to the bed he and Zack were on. “I don’t think you fucking get it! You do not get to sit there and feed me all of these bullshit lies about how I’m ‘the only girl for you’ and how much you ‘care’ about me and blah blah blah and then go and sing to hundred people about how much you love Lisa fucking Ruocco! I bet you don’t even care about me! I bet the only thing you actually cared about was fucking me! Well congradu-fucking-lations, buddy! Ya fuckin’ did it! You not only fucked me physically, but you fucked me mentally and emotionally and I’m done! I’m sooo done, Gaskarth,” my voice evened out from a hysterically scream to a scary, calm tone. “I don’t think I care what you meant to me at this point because I know now that I actually meant absolutely nothing to you all along. Zack was right; this was nothing more than a sick little game to you. And I was the prize. Well congrats, dude. You won. You can go home and cry to Lisa about how awful and miserable your life is and you two can go off and be happy together until you decide you’re bored again. Well next time you get bored, don’t come cryin’ to me, man. Save it for the next girl.”
“Stella,” Jack warned me.
“Y’know,” I ignored Jack’s warning and kept going. “I envy Tom, I really do.” The room was dead silent as everyone waited with wide eyes for me to keep going, not too sure of where I was taking this. “If I had to live with you in my life every single fucking day, I’d kill myself, too.”
“You fucking wh-” Alex grumbled angrily, leaping at me from the bed and tackling me to floor, unable to even get the whole word out as the back of my hand collided with his cheek. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion from that point. Alex fighting me on the floor, Amanda screaming hysterically from the bed, her head buried deep into her palms as she sobbed and shrieked for it all to stop, Jack lunging toward Alex as Zack went for me.
“Guys, I’m taking her to bed,” Zack said as he finally pried me from Alex’s tight clutch. “She’s so drunk, she won’t even remember this in the morning.”
Zack shoved Alex’s body off of mine with a grunt and pulled me to my feet, trying to keep me from falling flat on my face. My body was so exhausted from the events of the evening, it began to shut down almost immediately. My eyes refused to stay open and my head began to spin indignantly as nausea settled in. My body felt weak as I began to violently shiver against Zack’s body. The sounds of Amanda’s hysterical sobbing and Jack’s hushed attempts of comfort to her and Alex faded in the distance as Zack carried me down the hall and into his room that he was sharing with Rian.
“Stella?” Rian asked groggily as Zack entered their room.
“She’s drunk, man. Tomorrow’s gonna be a bitch for her,” Zack sighed as he laid me down in a bed. I allowed the cloud-like feeling of the pillows to consume me as the world spun underneath my eyelids. I let out a pathetic groan, willing the spinning to cease. Without any warning at all, my eyes shot open and my body lurched to the side of the bed as bile and wine fled from my stomach and into the trashcan I’m assuming Zack had just placed next to me. Without a single word, Zack sat behind me and held my hair out of my face as my body tried to rid itself of the foreign waste in my system. Rian emerged from the bathroom and handed me a hand towel, which I graciously accepted. Once I was almost positive I was finished throwing up, I curled myself into a ball and cried. My mind was in a million different places and I was confused and I just wanted to be anywhere but here. My body shook violently against Zack’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me as I sobbed for what seemed like hours.
Maybe my dad was right. This was what he was trying to protect me from all along. How dare I go against his orders and try to think that I was smarter than him… Nothing in my life was going to be the same when I woke up the next morning or when I got back home. No matter how hard I tried, there was no possible way I could go back to how my life was before I left for Texas. And there was no way in hell I could go back to living my life the way it was before I had met Alex. So I did all I could do to make the situation more bearable for the time being - I bawled and bawled and bawled until my body couldn’t take it any longer and eventually fell asleep as the sun was just awakening.

Notes

Now that's some heavy shit... I know Tom's death isn't really something most writers bring up in their fics and I'm not 100% sure if I've crossed a line with this chapter and that fight, but I just wanted to throw out a disclaimer that, in no way, do I think that about Alex's brother. I know it's a touchy subject for this fandom, but sometimes, as a writer, you have to pick at a few wounds in order to get something done. And I mean, it's a fight scene between a girl and her boyfriend. When girl's get as pissed as Stella was in this chapter, we all say things to lash out to make them hurt as badly as they hurt us, regardless of whether we mean it or not. I dunno. I feel good about this chapter and where it's putting me in regards to the direction I'm taking this story, but at the same time, I feel like this chapter is super edgy and emotional... I'll let y'all decide.
As always, thanks for reading. And hello to the 3 new subscribers I've gained since the release of the last chapter. Welcome aboard the crazy trainwreck. It's not over yet.
-Kate.

Comments

This was one of my absolute favorite stories. I am very curious to know if you are going to continue with this? Because I have to know what happens next.

BreaClift. BreaClift.
6/14/21

I want to know if there is going to be sequel to this story?

BreaClift. BreaClift.
3/26/19

I don't remember anything. I need to restart this. Damn, all I remember is loving this. Only more reason to read it all again.

Haha, keepin' it real. :) No worries, the only one that was kind of concerning was the Blink-180 because I think that's the first time I've ever seen that. XD But I figured it was a typo.
:)

Nanook Nanook
1/4/19

@Daydreamers her big reveal will be in the last chapter ;) hang tight.

katybear18 katybear18
1/4/19