I Want You, I Need You.
I Missed You
“Addison Michelle Gaskarth! Paxton Gerard Gaskarth! It’s getting ready to storm, it’s time to come in!” I said standing in my backdoor and looking at the three year olds. They looked up grinning at me.
“Yes Mommy!” they said, before running into the house. They had barely touched the doorstep when it started to pour. Indiana wasn’t my favorite place in the world, but it was away from Baltimore.
I had moved away from Baltimore at the age of 18, just out of highschool when I found out I was pregnant with Addie and Paxton. I didn’t even tell my boyfriend where I was going. I just up and left. Alex was in a band, All Time Low, and he didn’t need kids weighing him down. I knew he’d be a great father, we just weren’t ready for them.
“Let’s eat dinner, okay?” I said. They nodded quickly before running into the kitchen and sitting at the table. I brought them their macaroni and cheese before flipping the TV to MTV, where they were doing an interview with All Time Low.
“Hey! It’s Uncle Jack!” Addie yelled when she saw it. I ran my hand through her hair and smiled.
“Yup. That’s Uncle Jack, Uncle Zack, and Uncle Rian” I said.
“Who’s the other guy.” Paxton asked.
“He’s one of my friends, too. But you don’t know him. His name is Alex, and guess what?” I said.
“What?!??” They said, excitedly.
“He has the same last name as you.” I said.
“Is he our daddy, Mommy?” Addie was too smart for her own good.
“Yes, baby. He is. But Mommy didn’t tell him she was having you.” I said. Once they were down, I gave them baths before tucking them in. I heard my cellphone ringing in the living room, so I ran down to answer it, sighing when I saw it was my sister. I had been dreading this call.
“Hello?” I said.
“Jazzy.. It’s mom.” Kaitlin trailed off. She sounded like she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong Kait?” I said.
“She’s gone, sis. I meant to call you this morning but I didn’t know if you had to work, or anything and I’ve been at the hospital all day making arrangements.” she said.
“So when’s the funeral?” I said.
“3 days. Viewing’s in 2" she said. I gulped. That meant I was going to see the guys again.
“Okay, I’ll be there. Can I stay at your place?” I said. She agreed and I went to get the car ready and I prayed Alex hadn’t changed his number. So I texted Jack to find out, relieved when I found out he hadn’t. I sat on my porch, smelling the after rain smell as I dialed Alex’s number. It took me a few deep breaths before he answered.
“Hullo?” His accent was thick because of sleep.
“Alex?” I said.
“Jazzy?” He was awake now.
“Yeah. I uh, need to tell you something rather important.” I said.
“Okay? Should I sit down?” He said.
“Probably. And you have to let me explain before you freak out” I said.
“Okay. Deal. Now spill.” he said.
“Okay so you know how I left right after highschool? Well I moved to Lebanon, Indiana. And I moved because I was pregnant. They’re yours, obviously. Their names are Addison Michelle and Paxton Gerard Gaskarth. They’re three years old. They both have brown hair and brown eyes. They refer to Jack, Zack, and Rian as their Uncles and they asked me tonight who you were and I told them “that’s Alex. He’s also one of my friends and guess what? He has the same last name as you” and Addie being as smart as she is asked me if you were their daddy and I said yes and then I confessed I had never told you and I’m really fucking sorry because I knew you’d be a great father but I didn’t want to weigh you down and” I started sobbing.
“Shh. Jazzy, listen to me. It’s okay. I understand completely. Now, is there more to why you’re so upset or are you really overwhelmed to talk to me.” He said.
“I uh, called to tell you guys that my mom died this morning, too. I’m going back to Baltimore to help Kaitlin with arrangements and stuff.” I said.
“Shit, I’m so sorry baby. If you need me to watch the kids while you and Jessica work things out for the funeral, I can do that. You helped me so much when Daniel died, I think I owe it to you.” he said. I burst into sobs again and I felt a little hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Addie standing in the doorway.
“Mommy, I woke up and you weren’t in the house. Are you okay?” she said. I nodded and pulled her into my lap.
“Who’s with you.” Alex said, I had forgotten I was on the phone with him.
“Addie.” I answered, looking at the girl and her brown curls.
“Can I talk to her.” he asked, kind of nervous.
“Sure. I’ll put you on speaker.” I said. I let Addie hit the speaker button on my iPhone and I told Alex to talk, but he couldn’t find the right words.
“Addie. Say something to your daddy. So he’ll know you can have a conversation with him.” I said.
“Hi Daddy.” Addie said, shyly. I grinned as I heard Alex exhale.
“Hi baby girl” he said, barley a whisper.
“Mommy, can I go get Paxton?” she said. I nodded and she ran inside to wake her brother up.
When I pulled up in front of my sisters house, I saw Alex’s car in the driveway.
“Hey kids, Daddy’s here.” I said. They were already bouncing in their seats but that just made them more excited. I unbuckled them and they ran towards the door and quick found they could crawl through the doggie door. I laughed as I opened the door and saw them standing in front of Kaitlin and Alex staring.
“Hey kiddos” She said giving them each a hug and a kiss. Alex had lost his ability to talk again.
“Alex, breath” Kait said, shaking him.
“Oh, um. Thanks.” He said. “Hey kids.” he grinned at them before picking them up.
“You’re going to spend the day with me and Uncle Jack, okay?” he said. The nodded eagerly, and he took them out the car. I smiled, he had just met them and he was already so good with them
“He’s really good with them, you know. Do you regret not telling him?” she said.
“I’ve regretted it since the day they were born. But yeah, he is really good with them. This is what could’ve been if I stayed.” I said. I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around to see Alex.
“I left my keys here.” he said walking around me. He was almost to the door when he turned around.
“Oh and Jazzy?” he said.
“Yea.” I said.
“I missed you” he walked over to give me a kiss before he went to spend time with our kids.
“Yes Mommy!” they said, before running into the house. They had barely touched the doorstep when it started to pour. Indiana wasn’t my favorite place in the world, but it was away from Baltimore.
I had moved away from Baltimore at the age of 18, just out of highschool when I found out I was pregnant with Addie and Paxton. I didn’t even tell my boyfriend where I was going. I just up and left. Alex was in a band, All Time Low, and he didn’t need kids weighing him down. I knew he’d be a great father, we just weren’t ready for them.
“Let’s eat dinner, okay?” I said. They nodded quickly before running into the kitchen and sitting at the table. I brought them their macaroni and cheese before flipping the TV to MTV, where they were doing an interview with All Time Low.
“Hey! It’s Uncle Jack!” Addie yelled when she saw it. I ran my hand through her hair and smiled.
“Yup. That’s Uncle Jack, Uncle Zack, and Uncle Rian” I said.
“Who’s the other guy.” Paxton asked.
“He’s one of my friends, too. But you don’t know him. His name is Alex, and guess what?” I said.
“What?!??” They said, excitedly.
“He has the same last name as you.” I said.
“Is he our daddy, Mommy?” Addie was too smart for her own good.
“Yes, baby. He is. But Mommy didn’t tell him she was having you.” I said. Once they were down, I gave them baths before tucking them in. I heard my cellphone ringing in the living room, so I ran down to answer it, sighing when I saw it was my sister. I had been dreading this call.
“Hello?” I said.
“Jazzy.. It’s mom.” Kaitlin trailed off. She sounded like she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong Kait?” I said.
“She’s gone, sis. I meant to call you this morning but I didn’t know if you had to work, or anything and I’ve been at the hospital all day making arrangements.” she said.
“So when’s the funeral?” I said.
“3 days. Viewing’s in 2" she said. I gulped. That meant I was going to see the guys again.
“Okay, I’ll be there. Can I stay at your place?” I said. She agreed and I went to get the car ready and I prayed Alex hadn’t changed his number. So I texted Jack to find out, relieved when I found out he hadn’t. I sat on my porch, smelling the after rain smell as I dialed Alex’s number. It took me a few deep breaths before he answered.
“Hullo?” His accent was thick because of sleep.
“Alex?” I said.
“Jazzy?” He was awake now.
“Yeah. I uh, need to tell you something rather important.” I said.
“Okay? Should I sit down?” He said.
“Probably. And you have to let me explain before you freak out” I said.
“Okay. Deal. Now spill.” he said.
“Okay so you know how I left right after highschool? Well I moved to Lebanon, Indiana. And I moved because I was pregnant. They’re yours, obviously. Their names are Addison Michelle and Paxton Gerard Gaskarth. They’re three years old. They both have brown hair and brown eyes. They refer to Jack, Zack, and Rian as their Uncles and they asked me tonight who you were and I told them “that’s Alex. He’s also one of my friends and guess what? He has the same last name as you” and Addie being as smart as she is asked me if you were their daddy and I said yes and then I confessed I had never told you and I’m really fucking sorry because I knew you’d be a great father but I didn’t want to weigh you down and” I started sobbing.
“Shh. Jazzy, listen to me. It’s okay. I understand completely. Now, is there more to why you’re so upset or are you really overwhelmed to talk to me.” He said.
“I uh, called to tell you guys that my mom died this morning, too. I’m going back to Baltimore to help Kaitlin with arrangements and stuff.” I said.
“Shit, I’m so sorry baby. If you need me to watch the kids while you and Jessica work things out for the funeral, I can do that. You helped me so much when Daniel died, I think I owe it to you.” he said. I burst into sobs again and I felt a little hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Addie standing in the doorway.
“Mommy, I woke up and you weren’t in the house. Are you okay?” she said. I nodded and pulled her into my lap.
“Who’s with you.” Alex said, I had forgotten I was on the phone with him.
“Addie.” I answered, looking at the girl and her brown curls.
“Can I talk to her.” he asked, kind of nervous.
“Sure. I’ll put you on speaker.” I said. I let Addie hit the speaker button on my iPhone and I told Alex to talk, but he couldn’t find the right words.
“Addie. Say something to your daddy. So he’ll know you can have a conversation with him.” I said.
“Hi Daddy.” Addie said, shyly. I grinned as I heard Alex exhale.
“Hi baby girl” he said, barley a whisper.
“Mommy, can I go get Paxton?” she said. I nodded and she ran inside to wake her brother up.
When I pulled up in front of my sisters house, I saw Alex’s car in the driveway.
“Hey kids, Daddy’s here.” I said. They were already bouncing in their seats but that just made them more excited. I unbuckled them and they ran towards the door and quick found they could crawl through the doggie door. I laughed as I opened the door and saw them standing in front of Kaitlin and Alex staring.
“Hey kiddos” She said giving them each a hug and a kiss. Alex had lost his ability to talk again.
“Alex, breath” Kait said, shaking him.
“Oh, um. Thanks.” He said. “Hey kids.” he grinned at them before picking them up.
“You’re going to spend the day with me and Uncle Jack, okay?” he said. The nodded eagerly, and he took them out the car. I smiled, he had just met them and he was already so good with them
“He’s really good with them, you know. Do you regret not telling him?” she said.
“I’ve regretted it since the day they were born. But yeah, he is really good with them. This is what could’ve been if I stayed.” I said. I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around to see Alex.
“I left my keys here.” he said walking around me. He was almost to the door when he turned around.
“Oh and Jazzy?” he said.
“Yea.” I said.
“I missed you” he walked over to give me a kiss before he went to spend time with our kids.
This was really cute. I liked it. :)
2/28/16