I Love You More

“Hey Y/N.” I heard from behind me.

“Hey Andy.” I replied.

Andy is one of my work friends. Well really my only work friend. He’s quite attractive. Tall and muscular with dark hair and hazel eyes and he is a major flirt. That’s just part of his personality but that doesn’t stop the rumors floating around that he and I have something going on. The rumors are kind of my fault because I don’t deny them when I’m asked about it. I usually reply with my love life isn’t work related.

Andy is just a nice guy but we do hang out a lot. Most mornings we meet for coffee. That’s probably why the rumors started in the first place. He and I both know that I don’t care to have a relationship with anyone.

“So you’ll never guess which band is in town this week playing a sold out show.” He said with excitement.

All Time Low.

“I have no clue.” I said playing along.

“Only our most favorite band of all time. All Time Low.” He said with a smirk.

Called it.

I gave him the shocked excited reaction he was looking for.

“And guess who has tickets the said sold out show.” He said waving an envelope in my face.

My jaw dropped. I honestly didn’t think he would have been able to get those tickets. We were working when they went on sale and they were sold out in five minutes. It wasn’t that big of a show either. Just under three hundred people.

“So what would you do in order to get one of these here tickets.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“I can’t go. I have plans.” I said turning back to my work.

“Bullshit. Plans with who?” he asked.

He knew me too well dammit.

“I don’t have to divulge my love life to you.” I said sarcastically.

“Oh come off it. What love life? The only men in your life are me and Arthur.” He said with a scoff.

Arthur is our sixty year old boss and he was right to an extent.

“Hey, I never said it was plans with a guy.” I said catching him off guard.

“No, I’ve know you for three months. I know your patterns. I know you go to the same coffee shop every morning and then you go home and watch movies except on Fridays you order take out and Skype with your Mom in Maine.” He said.
Fuck. I tell him too much.

“Whatever. I still have plans and I’m still not telling you about them.” I said trying to concentrate on my computer screen.

I just needed to finish this article and I could go home. My friend Lisa was picking me up and we were going to hang out and get ready before the show. I am in fact going to the All Time Low show, but I don’t need a ticket. Lisa is dating… well Alex is her fiancé. Yes Alex the lead singer of my favorite band. The same Alex that up until a few years ago I had a crush on. Then I met Lisa and they are more than perfect for each other.

She and I were calling this our date. We hadn’t seen each other for like a month because work and life and stuff got in the way but we talked to each other like once or twice a week and we’ve been planning this date for months. Today was all planned out. She was picking me up from work, I was getting out early, and then we were going to go get lunch. It would be like two but we wouldn’t be eating until later if at all after the show. Then we were going to go to her house and get ready. We already went shopping weeks ago so that was all settled so we were just going to hang out and get dressed and do our makeup and stuff. It was going to be fun.
I had just finished my article when I got a phone call. I hit print on my computer and then picked up the phone.

“This is Y/N. How can I help you?” I said.

“Hi Y/N. You have a woman named Lisa down here asking for you.” said the lady at the front lobby desk.

“Can you send her up? I’ll meet her at the elevator.” I said hanging up the phone before the woman responded.

I speed walked to get to the printer and grabbed my papers. I just made it to the elevator when Lisa was stepping out. I pulled her into a quick hug and then grabbed her hand pulling her with me.

“I just need to drop this off and grab my stuff then we can go.” I said as I pulled her.
I dropped my article in the box outside my boss’s door and then we made our way to my cubical. We had been there for barely a minute when someone came up to talk to us.

“Y/N, who’s your friend?” said Andy from behind me.

“She’s not interested.” I said.

Lisa lifted her left hand to show the engagement ring.

“Damn it Y/N. Why do you have to kill all of my fun?” he said with a laugh.

“That’s my job. To save your perspective dates from actually dating you.” I said sarcastically.

“Oh so is that why you look familiar. Y/N tried to pry me away from you?” said Andy to Lisa.

Shit I knew he would recognize her. I grabbed my things as fast as I could.

“Okay let’s get out of here. I’m starving.” I said grabbing Lisa by the hand and practically dragging her to the elevator.

“What was that all about?” she said looking at me like I was crazy.

“I’ll tell you in the car.” I said as the door opened.

We speed walked to her car and once we were in, buckled and she had the car started did I turn to her to explain.

“Okay so Andy is a major All Time Low fanboy. He practically stalks Alex’s Instagram. I was afraid he was going to recognize you but we couldn’t get out before he tried to hone in.” I explained.

“Oh my god. Really?” she said with a laugh.

I nodded and laughed along.

“So when was the last time you talked to Jack?” She asked.

“We texted like a week ago.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

I met Lisa first a couple of years ago. Once I got to know the guys, Jack and I started to flirt constantly. It was just kind of a fun thing until one night he kissed me. Eventually the kiss led to more and yeah. I’m one of Jack fuck buddies. I don’t really mind. It doesn’t change the fact that Lisa is my friend and I still get to hang out with her if things between Jack and I don’t work out.
Jack and I talk a lot. Almost every day. He’ll find something funny and send it to me or we go back and forth on snapchat with selfies. I don’t do nudes. I told him that right from the start, but that doesn’t stop him from asking. I always say he get enough nudes from his other “friends”. The fact that we talk so often is just fuel for the guys to tease me about. It’s become a sport. I hang out with Lisa as often as I can and sometimes the guys are home. They all know about me and Jack. I don’t care though. I get to hang out with one of my best friends and my favorite band and that’s the coolest thing.

Lisa pulled up into the house she shared with Alex and we got out and made our way inside. Once in I kicked off my shoes and grabbed some of her clothes to change into. We were only stopping so I could change. I hate the whole business casual. Give me some jeans and converse over a tight skirt and heals any day.

“So when was the last time you actually saw Jack?” Lisa asked me once I was changed and we were in the car on the way to the restaurant.

“Last time they were in Baltimore.” I replied.

“So it’s been a while?”

“Yeah, but we still talked all the time until recently.” I said with a sad smile.

I did find it a little worrying that Jack hasn’t texted for a while. I don’t want to text him and push it though. I don’t want to come off a clingy. I mean we aren’t a couple. It’s just weird that all of a sudden he stopped texting.

“I hate that he keeps stringing you along.” said Lisa.

“What? I knew what I was getting into when this whole thing started with Jack. I didn’t want a boyfriend.” I explained.

“Are you blind?” she said looking over at me and then back to the road.

“Sometimes.” I admitted.

I was never good at finding lost things.

“Y/N, I can tell you’ve developed feelings for him. Just the way you talk about him and the look on you face when you said you two haven’t talked for a while. You like him more than you want to admit.” she said.

“I think you’re seeing things.” I replied with a laugh.

Yeah I like Jack. He’s fun and cute and he can be really sweet at times but I don’t have feelings for him. I’m just a booty call, but I did think we were kind of friends. What with the way we talk and all.

“Okay, whatever. Let’s just go stuff our faces.” said Lisa as we were pulling into the restaurant.

“Amen to that.” I said causing us to giggle.

We had a good time just talking shit and stuffing our faces. It was a nice change to the monotony of my everyday life. It also helped me forget the fact that despite Andy trying to hang out with me all the time, I was lonely. It felt nice to have human contact with someone who knew me personally.

I don’t let people in easily. Lisa and I hit it off right away when we first met. Then she introduced me to the guys. Aside from having a mini panic attack in the bathroom when I realized her boyfriend Alex was actually Alex Gaskarth, it was really easy to let Alex and Rian in.
Jack kind of made it harder from himself because from the moment he laid eyes on me he started hitting on me. Once I let him in though, he and I got close. Close enough to start having sex apparently. Zack and I are both too shy to really talk much but I feel comfortable around him. Every time I see him I get a smile and a tight hug like he’s seeing an old friend but no words are ever really exchanged except for hi or hey.

Those four guys had become my friends in a way. The guys, Lisa, and I hung out a lot when they were all in Baltimore. Even after I started sleeping with Jack they didn’t treat me any differently. Except for the jokes. Lots and lots of jokes. Most of which I found funny.

“I swear to god I can’t move.” I said sitting back in my chair.

“I don’t think I can drive. I ate way too much.” Lisa replied.

“Well if we don’t leave soon, we won’t have time to get ready before the show.” I said starting to get up.

“Ugh…” was her only reply.

We paid and then went out to her car. The drive back to her house seemed shorter that it really was because of the nerves that had set in. Or was it excitement. I don’t know but once we pulled into her driveway a light fluttering started in my stomach.

Once in the house we both went up to Lisa’s bedroom where we had stashed the dresses we were going to wear to the show tonight. Lisa’s was a navy blue dress and she was going to wear a leather jacket over it. Mine was all black with long sleeves made of lace and it was backless and dipped quite low.

Lisa did her hair and makeup while I played around with a strand of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail. I had no clue what I was doing with my hair. My makeup on the other hand just needed touch ups and I put on a darker brown to define my eyes a bit more with a thicker application of liner with a flick added.

“So what are we doing with your hair?” she asked as if she had read my mind

“Curls…um maybe like half up or something. I don’t really know.” I said.

In the end we curled it and then worked it into a loose braid. My hair was so long that I couldn’t just leave it down because it would completely cover my back. When the braid was done I pulled it over my shoulder so it hung in front of me.

“I feel like Elsa.” I said and then started singing Let it Go.

“You’re not wearing a blue dress nor is your hair blond.” said Lisa over my singing.

“No but my hair is part blond.” I said pointing out the end of the braid at my ombre hair.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

“Come on. We don’t want to be late.” She said grabbing her jacket.

I followed suit and grabbing my leather jacket. It was just long enough to cover my exposed back and I didn’t want to show it off until I got to the venue. This is when the butterflies really started to kick in. I was so nervous slash excited I was surprised I wasn’t bouncing in my seat.

We wouldn’t get to see the guys until after their set which was totally fine with me. We got to enjoy the concert then hang with the guys. Lisa said they had like a week off before they had to leave again for their last show of this part of tour. Then the guys were going to go their separate ways for like two months and then it was back on the road.

I think Lisa was more excited to see Alex that I was to even be going. She couldn’t stop smiling and talking. The closer to the venue we got the bigger her smile got and the more my excitement turned to nervousness. The light fluttering I had before had now turned into a full on tornado of butterflies. Why in the hell was I so nervous?

We made our way to the venue and one of the crew let us in. We made our way to the small space beside the stage that had been set up for us and thankfully it was unseen by the crows. Alex knew Lisa was going to be at the show but I’m almost positive I was never mentioned.
In this little section was as few groupies looking to sleep with one of the guys in the band, Lisa, and I. One of these groupies was a bleach blond with a huge rack. Don’t judge me for looking, they were hard to miss. It didn’t help that she was like six two with the stripper heals meaning her boobs her at eye level with me in my converse. Again, don’t judge me for wearing converse with a dress. They were black that was matching enough.

All nervousness was forgotten when the guys started to play. It was the best show I’d ever seen not that I have many to compare it too. At one point the entire crowd was chanting for Jack to sing. I could tell he was blushing majorly but he did it anyway. While they were playing their last song the groupies and Lisa and I were brought back to the dressing rooms where we were to meet up with the guys.

We hadn’t been there for very long before Alex burst thought the door and made a b-line straight to Lisa picking her up and spinning her before setting her down and laying one on her. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Zack was next into the room. When he saw me had flashed me a bright smile but I could see the surprise in his eyes. He gave me a hug that lasted longer that it normally would. While he was hugging me I heard the other guys come in. Zack let me go but was standing right in front of me blocking my view.

Before I could say anything Alex was hugging me. Unfortunately I was able to see over his shoulder. What I saw made my heart drop into the pit of my stomach. Jack basically had his tongue down the blonde’s throat. I don’t know why I felt like I was going to vomit but I hid it as best as I could.

Rian was over soon and once again I saw surprise in his eyes when he say me. I watched him look over at Jack and then to me. He saw in my eyes that I had no clue what was going on. He was next to pull me into a hug but I knew this one meant something different.

“He said he broke it off with you. We weren’t expecting to see you here. What happened?” he said in my ear so no one could hear.

“I honestly have no clue. He just stopped texting a week ago. It’s no big deal. I came to see you guys play. Not him.” I said back.

When Rian pulled away he had a look of pity in his eyes that I slightly resented. Did everyone think I had feeling for Jack? Did Jack? Is that why he just stopped talking to me? I pushed the thoughts and nauseous feeling away. I was here to see my friends. Not Jack.

Alex had his arm around Lisa and they were standing in a group consisting of me, Rian, Zack, and a couple of the groupies that were clearly trying to get Rian and Zach’s attention by giggling and sticking their boobs out. Rian seemed completely oblivious to their efforts while Zack didn’t notice because he currently had his arm around my shoulder.

He and I we talking. Like actually talking for the first time…ever.

“So, how did you like the show?” he asked.

“The best one I’ve ever seen but that’s not saying much. This is only my second concert but both of them were you so...you took my concert virginity.” I said my cheeks going red when I realized what I said.

“Wait what?” said Alex hearing the word virginity.

The group went silent and all eye were on me. The only noises that could be heard were Jack and his friend in the corner.

“I just said that you guys took my concert virginity. Last year when you were in town was my first time going to a concert therefore you took my concert virginity.” I explained.

About halfway thought my first sentence, the noises from the corner stopped. I knew Jack had finally seen me and now his eyes were glued to me. I could see him out of the corner of my eye.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard it put like that. I like it.” said Alex oblivious to the fact that I now had a set of eyes boring into my back.

The groupies finally gave up on Rian and Zack and had now slunk off to find a crew member. So now it was just Lisa and I and the band. Oh and the blonde who was still sitting on Jack’s lap. I refused to look in his direction. I was not going to initiate conversation.

The five of us continued to laugh and joke. Then Alex suggested going back to his house to
hang out. The five of us were in but Jack wasn’t directly invited therefore he said nothing. I wondered if he was going to come along or if he was going to take the blonde home. Why does it matter? I don’t care. Jack can fuck who ever and what ever he wants.

The five of us left the dressing room and made our way to Lisa’s car. Alex got in the driver’s seat and Lisa sat up front. I sat between Rian and Zack. Rian on my right and Zack on my left. In order for the three of us to fit, Zack had to put his arm around behind me, and even then my arm was flush against his side. He just smile a small smile down at me.

That night I drank too much and forgot about Jack completely. He never ended up showing and honestly I had fun without him. Still all night the guys and Lisa kept throwing me looks. I started taking a shot every time I got a look. Let’s just say Zack is really sweet and held my hair while I was in the bathroom leaning over the toilet.

I sat on the floor wiping my mouth and Zack sat next to me.

“I’m sorry.” I said trying not to breath in his direction.

“It’s okay.” He said putting his arm around me.

“What happened that I missed?” I said.

I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about but apparently Zack did.

“Everyone had been giving him a lot of shit because she hadn’t been sleeping with anyone. Like not a single girl. About a week ago, he said that he broke it off with you. He said something about you getting a boyfriend and that you couldn’t see him anymore. We were all surprised to hear it. He looked a little sad but he started sleeping around so we figured he was over it. When I saw that you came to the show, I knew something was up. I saw the look on your face when you saw Jack and Anna. You thought you were going to hang out with Jack. Y/N we all know you really like Jack. That’s why we were so surprised when he told us you had a boyfriend.” said Zack.

Before I could respond, I was leaning over the toilet again. This time it wasn’t because of the overabundance of alcohol I had consumed. No this was because I realized I fell for Jack Barakat. I didn’t know it nor could I have admitted it to myself if it were for this moment when I realized I had lost him for good.

Then the questions started streaming in.

“Why did Jack think I had a boyfriend? Even if I did have a boyfriend why in the hell would he think I wouldn’t want to see him? I love him. Fuck I love him. Fuck.” I said not really meaning to speak out loud.

“Shh, its okay.” said Zack pulling me over to him.

I didn’t realized I was crying until he wiped them off my face.

“Why?” I said.

He didn’t reply. He knew what I mean. Why didn’t I see it sooner? Why did it happen in the first place? Why did it happen to me? With Jack?

I spent the early hours of the morning bawling my eyes out on Zack’s shirt until I cried myself to sleep. After that I’m assuming he carried me to the couch because that’s where I woke up with my head in his lap.

My head was pounding. I reached up to rub my face and I noticed that my mascara had been taken off. I peeked an eye open. It was too bright but I looked down at what I was wearing. Someone had taken my dress off and put me in one of what looked like Alex’s shirts and a pair of Lisa’s shorts I assume.

“Don’t move. I have water and aspirin here for you.” said Zack when I tried to move.

At the mention of water, I realized how thirsty I was. He helped me sit and then put a glass and two pills into my hand. I didn’t even open my eyes. I just took them and gulped down the water.

“Do you remember much from last night?” he asked once I had emptied the water.

“Unfortunately. I need to pee.” I replied

I had already vomited and cried my eyes out in front of him. I have no clue who changed me out of the dress and into these clothes so he could have seen me naked. I had no shame left when it came to him.

“Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?” he asked.

“No, I can do it.” I said standing and then almost falling. “Okay, so maybe I do need help.”

He walked me to the bathroom but once we got to the door I told him to stay and then closed the door behind me. I did my business and then looked myself over in the mirror. My makeup had in fact been taken off. I stared and my red puffy eyes. I even looked like I bawled my eyes out. The dark circles that I always had looked about six shades darker. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. I felt awful.

“How is she?” I heard Lisa say from the other side of the door.

“She remembers everything.” Zack told her.

“Does she remember what she said when she woke up?”

“I don’t know. I asked her if she remembered what happened last night and her reply was
unfortunately.” He said.

“I’ll go start the coffee.” She said and then I heard soft footsteps walk away from the door.
I washed my hands and then made my way out of the bathroom. My foot somehow got stuck on something and the floor was fast approaching my face. Luckily Zack had good reflexed because he caught me before I actually fell.

“Do I need to carry you or do you thing you can walk without tripping over your own feet.” He said setting me back upright.

My only reply was sticking my tongue out at him. He picked me up bridal style and carried me to the kitchen.

“Put me down. I can walk I can do it. Put me down.” I said as loudly as I could without it hurting.

He put me down at the kitchen bar and I laid my face on the cool marble counter and closed my eyes.

“Should we give her back her phone? It’s been ringing all night.” said Alex now joining the party.

“How many messages does she have from Jack?” Lisa asked.

“None. They are all from this guy Andy. Is that the boyfriend or something?” he asked.

“No Lex. She doesn’t have a boyfriend. Andy is some guy from work. He tried to hit on me until
I told him I was engaged.” She said.

“Just give me my phone. He probably just wanted to talk about the concert. He’s an All Time Low fanboy and I told him I couldn’t go to the show with him because I had plans.” I said reaching my out for my phone without opening my eyes.

I put it up to my face and opened my eyes.

“Ugh! It’s like the light of a thousand suns.” I said loudly making my head hurt.

I heard Alex snort. I flipped him off.

There were a lot of pictures of the show. Then there was one of the five of us leaving the venue and walking to Lisa’s car. The message with it said:

“What the fuck? Is this you? What are you doing with the band? Oh my god you’re friends with Alex’s Fiancé. That’s why she looked familiar.”

I had six missed calls. All from Andy.

“Y/N where are you. Its noon and you still haven’t shown up for work. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

Then the last one.

“Look Y/N, I’m really worried about you. Please, call me.”

“Ugh…” I said.

“What?” Lisa asked.

“Andy.” Was all I said.

“So who’s this boyfriend I heard about?” Alex asked.

“What boyfriend? In the last month the only people I’ve even talked to a Lisa, Andy, and up until a week ago Jack. Fuck, Zack said something about a boyfriend last night. Why would he think I had a boyfriend?” I said sitting upright too quickly making the room spin.
I stuck it out.

I opened Instagram. The last eight pictures all featured one person in some way or another. The first was a picture of my lunch. It thought it looked cool but in the corner you could see Andy’s hand. The next was Andy holding two coffees and it looked cool so I posted it. Then it was a selfie. The caption said “Lunch date”. The rest of the pictures had a piece of Andy in them.
The one week ago I posted a selfie of Andy and me at the bar. He had gotten me to come out for a drink, it had happened a couple times but not often, and he took a selfie on my phone of him kissing my cheek. My face was scrunched up and I was clearly trying to pull away. The caption said “eww cooties”. Dammit. Jack mush have seen this.

I put my phone down and put my head back on the cool counter. I can’t think anymore. It hurts too much.

“Oh.” I heard Alex say.

I can only assume he saw the picture. My phone beeped again. It was an Instagram notification.

Elle tagged you in a post.

Elle was one of Andy’s friends at the bar. I opened it and saw that it was a picture where I was sitting at the bar with my head resting on my hand while Andy was next to me making out with some girl he had just met. The caption said “Y/N, always the third wheel”.

Without thinking I liked it and reposted it. I added my own caption saying “Story of my life.”

I laid my head back on the counter and called Andy. I left the phone on speaker.

“Y/N? Oh god are you alive?” he said instead of hello.

“Barely. Did you cover for me with Arthur?” I asked.

“Of course. I told him you had the flu. What the fuck is going on and why do I have a picture of you with All Time Low?” he said his voice going an octave higher.

I heard Alex chuckle.

“I don’t know. Why are you taking creepy pictures of me and my friends?” I said with a slight smirk.

“So the girl I met yesterday was…”

“Yes.” I said cutting him off.

“Fuck! Now I feel like shit.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and neither could Alex.

“Is someone there with you?” he asked.

“Well seeing as I’m still at Alex and Lisa’s they would probably be in their own house. So yes.” I replied.

“No I mean near you. I thought I heard someone.” He said.

I had to cover my mouth so he didn’t hear my laughter. I looked up at Alex. He was grinning which made it harder for me to control my laughter.

“Ow… my head. Lisa, is the coffee done yet?” I said knowing fully well that Andy could hear me.

“Yeah here you go. Alex do you want some?” she asked.

“Please. Love you.” said Alex with a smile.

“Holy shit!” we heard Andy though the phone.

The three of us couldn’t hold the laughter in anymore.

“I hate you Y/N.” said Andy at hearing our laughter.

“Dude, I heard you liked the band.” said Alex though the last of his laughter.

“Fuck yeah. You guys are awesome.” He replied.

“Cool, but just remember the next time you hit on my girl I may have to kick your ass.” He said.

“If I had known I wouldn’t have done it. I feel like shit. I swear it’ll never happen again.” He said sounding worried.

“Okay I believe you. How did you like the show?” Alex asked.

“Best one yet. They get better every time. Although I missed my karaoke partner.” He said.

“Hey, I was there singing along. I just wasn’t with you.” I countered.

“I’m not going to complain too much because you weren’t there to show me up. I actually sound good when you’re not around.” He laughed.

I could feel my face growing warm.

“I’m not that good and you suck either way so…”

“Hey!”

The whole room laughed again.

“So why didn’t you show up to work?” Andy asked.

“Partied too hard.” I said.

I knew Andy was giving me a yeah right look.

“Y/N since when do you have more than two drinks let alone party?” he asked.

“Wow Y/N, this guy’s got you down.” said Zack finally entering the kitchen.

“Where did you go?” I asked.

“Um to shower and change. I had puke, tears and drool on my clothes.” He said looking at me.

“I’m sorry!” I said.

“Wow, it sounds like you did party. I guess I don’t know you as well as I thought. I have to get back to work. Feel better and don’t pull this shit again for a while. I’m not sure how often you can have the flu so I don’t think that excuse will work again.” said Andy.

“Thank you again for covering for me. I owe you.” I said.

“I’ll collect in sexual favors.” He said suggestively.

“Not in a million years. How about I buy lunch?”

“Deal. Bye.”

“Bye.” I said hanging up the phone.

We were all silent for a few minutes then Alex started filling in Zack about the Instagram picture and all the shit that had gone down. Then suddenly something hit me.

“Who’s clothes and I wearing and who saw me naked?” I said sitting up and cutting the guys conversation off.

“You don’t remember?” Lisa asked.

“I remember passing out on Zack then nothing else.”

“Zack and I were the only sober ones. He came and got me. I took off your makeup and undid your hair. Then I had Zack help me get you dressed. You were practically dead weight.” Lisa said.

“I didn’t look at anything.” Zack cut in.

“We had just gotten your dress off when you came too and you just kept saying “I love him. Why do I love him?” while crying. I can only assume you were talking about Jack.” She finished.

“Someone kill me now.” I said putting my head back down.

I felt Zack’s hand on my back rubbing in soothing circles.

“Of all the people I could have fallen for, it had to be Jack fucking Barakat. Please, someone kill me now.” I muttered but I’m sure everyone heard.

“I know it won’t make you feel better now but form the moment he started…uh when you became involved, he stopped sleeping around. The only people that knew about you were Rian, Zack, and I so they were constantly teasing Jack. I think he really liked you.” said Alex putting his hand on my lower back below where Zack was rubbing.

“I shouldn’t be like this. We weren’t official. He didn’t want to be and neither did I honestly.”

“Well you can’t help who you fall for.” said Zack.

I groaned in reply. I’m really happy that he’s actually talking to me and he’s not being as shy anymore but really? He was not helping my situation. I fell for a guy I can never actually have. I’m fucked. Well actually not anymore but you know what I mean.

“I need to go home and shower. Thanks for the clothes. Um you wouldn’t happen to know where my things are.” I said to Lisa.

“I packed your stuff and it’s by the door. Zack, will you take her home? You can use my car.” she said.

Zack nodded then turned to me.

“So am I going to have to carry you to the car or can you walk?” he said it in a joking way but I could see the seriousness in his eyes.

He was actually going to carry me if I needed it.

“I should be fine but if I fall I’m sure you can just catch me.” I said with a smirk getting everyone to chuckle.

“I’ll see you soon.” said Lisa as Zack and I walked out of the door.

“Yeah. Love ya.” I said closing the door behind me.

I actually managed to walk from the kitchen out to the car without stumbling or feeling dizzy. Thank god for coffee.

I went to get in the car but Zack opened the door for me before I even got there.

“I can open the door ya know.” I said with a smile.

“Yes but I like being a gentleman.” He replied.

I chuckled and got in the car.

The car ride home was a quiet one but the silence was sort of comforting. Comfortable silence with Zack Merrick. Any girls dream. We pulled up into the parking lot of my apartment and he insisted on walking me up. I think that he still thought I was a little drunk.

Once in my apartment he sat my stuff on my couch and turned to me.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself. I can stay if you need me to.” He said.

“No you don’t have to stay and don’t you have like family or something you need to go visit before you leave again?” I said.

“Whatever. Just don’t hurt yourself. I’ll feel bad.” said Zack.

“Get out of my goddamned apartment so I can shower. I don’t need you to see me naked again.” I said with a smile.

“I didn’t see anything.” He said on his way to the door.

“Hey wait.” I said running over to the door.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to thank you. For taking care of me and…for finally talking to me. I’ve always felt comfortable with you but I’ve always wanted to get to know you. I’m glad I finally did.” I said biting my lip and my cheeks going red.

Zack came over and pulled me into a hug.

“Jack is an ass and he doesn’t deserve you. If he doesn’t get over himself soon I may have to steal you.” He said with a laugh.

I knew he was joking but I could tell on some level that he was completely serious. Why couldn’t I have fallen for someone like Zack? Someone who’s sweet and not a man whore.
Fuck.

“Nah, it’d be too weird. I fucked one of your friends.” I said.

“Yeah that would be weird. I retract my previous statement.”

I laughed and he walked out of the door.

I made my way to the bathroom and stripped down. I felt so gross. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and I just stood under the stream of water pelting down on me. I thought back to the last time I had seen Jack.

“Hey Y/N can I come in?” he asked from outside the bathroom. I had woken up next to him and before he could wake up I left and got in the shower.

“Why?” I said not really wanting him to come in.

The glass door on my shower was totally see though and I felt really uncomfortable.

“I gotta piss. Come on let me in.” he said.

“Fine. The door is unlocked.” I said with a sigh.

He came in without even looking and went straight to the toilet. I noticed he was completely naked and I looked away. I felt even more uncomfortable hearing him pee but at the same time I really wanted to look over at him. I’m sorry but he’s fucking sexy as hell.

I looked over and caught Jack staring at me.

“What?” I said when I caught him.

“Nothing you’re just really fucking hot.” He said walking over and opening the door to the shower.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He didn’t answer he just climbed in and pushed me against the cold wall. I inhaled sharply at the contact. I felt his hands go to my ribs as he collided his lips with mine. As his lips massaged mine. I felt his hands slowly move down my sides to my hips. There was tender bite mark from where he had gotten a little too rough last night and now his thumb was pressed to it.

The sensation of cold from the wall and hot from the water combined with the pleasure if the kissing and the pain in my hip cause me to moan out. I felt Jack stiffen significantly against my stomach.

“Jack…” I said as him mouth moved from mine to trail kissed down to my neck.

“Jack.” I repeated.

He hummed against my skin.

“Come on. I have to go to work…we need to stop.” I said moaning in the middle of talking because Jack found that spot on my neck that drives me crazy.

“No. Can’t. Stop.” He said between kisses and nibbles to my neck which were driving me crazy.

“I can’t be late. I’ll lose my job.” I said managing to hold in the moans this time.

I put my hands on Jack’s hips to push him away but instead he pressed himself even closer.

“At least let me call out.” I said pleading now for him to stop.

I just needed him to stop so I could think clearly. I needed to gain control somehow. Then it hit me. I reached between us and grabbed ahold of Jack. He threw his head back at the sudden contact. He was now putty in my hand. Only what I had in my hand was a lot harder than that.

“Oh fuck. Why are you so good at that?” he said talking about that hand job I was currently giving him.

I was able to push him against the wall so I was now positioned by the open shower door. His head fell back and his eyes were closed. This was my chance. I let go of him and quickly exited the bathroom. I heard him groan at the loss of contact and I knew I had to get to my phone before he caught me. I had my phone in hand when he rounded the corner. I saw his face form into an evil grin.

He ran at me and before I could get away I was tackled to the floor with both hands pinned above my head. He instantly started attacking my neck.

“Jack seriously, I need to call out if we’re going to continue.” I said.

He groaned but let go of my hands. He was still going at it on my neck. I dialed my work number and someone answered within minutes.

“Hi this is Y/F/N Y/L/N and I’m calling out of work today.” I said into the phone trying to keep the moans at bay.

Jack wasn’t having it though. I felt him moving from my neck to my collarbone. I knew where this was headed.

“What is the reason you are calling out?” side the woman on the other end of the phone.

“I-I’m not feeling well.” I said stuttering because Jack had reached his destination.

I hung up the phone before she could say anything else. I looked down and Jack now attacking my nipple with his mouth and let out the dirtiest moan I’ve ever heard come from me.

We fucked on my living room floor.

The water going cold brought me back to the present. I shut the water off and grabbed a towel from the rack on the back of the door. How can I love someone that I hate so much right now? I hate him for making me feel the way I do. I hate him because I knew if he was to show up on my doorstep right now, I’d take him in a heartbeat. Even if it was for one night. I would be content to be his fuck buddy forever if it meant I got to spend even and hour with him. I hate him because I love him.

I dressed in underwear and a t-shirt that hung really low on me. I’m almost positive it was one of Jack’s that he had left at my house. Then made my way out to the living room. I looked to the spot in front of the couch where I had last been with Jack. Dammit. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? I closed my eyes trying to clear my head but all I saw was Jack kissing that blonde.
I grabbed my phone and texted Andy.

“I need to get out of the fucking house. Meet me for coffee?” I texted.

Not even a minute later I got a reply.

“I’ll meet you at the same place as always.”

I didn’t really care what I looked like so I threw my hair up into a bun and slid into some black skinny jeans before slipping my feet into a pair of TOMS by the door. I grabbed my phone wallet and keys along with some Chapstick. Never leave the house without Chapstick.

I decided to walk instead of take my car. I needed the time to clear my mind. I’m glad it was a warmer spring day because I totally forgot a jacket. I made my way to the little coffee shop Andy and I always go to. When he saw me he had to do a double take.

“Holy shit,” he said pulling me into a much needed hug. “How are you so fucking hot in an oversized t-shirt?”

I just laughed. Andy knew that he was totally friend-zoned but that didn’t keep him from making remarks that are specifically designed to make me blush. That and Andy hand only seen me out of my work clothes twice. One of them being at the show last night. I sat at the table with him and he slid a cup my way.

I picked it up taking a sip and humming when the gloriously hot liquid filled my mouth. My love affair with coffee is getting slightly out of hand.

“Are you done making out with your coffee?” said Andy with a laugh.

I just groaned.

“Okay… so holy shit you know All Time Low. Were you ever going to tell me or were you just going to continue to fangirl with me over them?” he said with a smile but I saw the hurt in his eyes.

“Yes I know the guys and no I didn’t plan on telling you. I try to keep my personal life and professional life separate but seeing as you don’t ever leave me alone you now fall under both.” I said.

“Does that mean we can finally make out?” he said with a smirk.

“No. Making out is what got me in this whole fucking mess.” I said not really meaning to say the last part.

“Which one did you make out with?” he said with a knowing smirk.

“Just know that I hate you.” I said before going into the whole Jack debacle.

“So yeah, I fell for a man whore and he broke my heart.” I said my eyes tearing up.

Andy who had now moved to sit beside me, pulled me into a hug.

“Babe…” he said.

I was now crying all over his nice shirt. I tried to pull away but Andy just tightened the hug.

“Shh…you can’t help who you fall for. Believe me.” he said.

I looked up at him.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“Okay you can’t tell anyone. Promise?”

“Yes of course.” I said.

“You swear on your life?”

“As long as you don’t tell anyone about me knowing All Time low or the Jack thing, your secret is safe with me. I mean who am I really going to tell?” I said.

“You have a point. Okay… I’m…” he paused.

“You’re?” I prompted.

“Gay.”

I snorted. I wasn’t trying to be mean but I just never pictured it but Andy looked mad and a little sad.

“I’m so sorry but that was really unexpected. You’re just so…” I said not being able to find the word.

“Overcompensating. I try to hide it by flirting with anything with a vagina. The bar friends don’t even know.” He said.

“I’m the only one of your friends that knows?” I asked kind of shocked.

“Yes.”

It was my turn to pull him into a hug. I wish I had never looked up. At the exact moment I did, my eyes met with none other than Jack Barakat’s. He shook his head and turned in the other direction.

Ya know what, he can make out with some girl and expect me to not get jealous but I can’t even hug a friend and he get jealous. No. I’ve fucking had it with Jack Barakat. I’m done. No more feelings. I pulled away from Andy.

“Ya know, it feel so good now that someone knows.” He said with a genuine smile.

“Well I guess we are going to have to change bars.” I said taking a sip of my coffee.
Andy looked at me questioningly.

“I’ll start looking for good gay bars. I’m a pretty good wing woman if I do say so myself.” I said causing Andy to snort into his coffee.

“You have to be joking.” He said.

I just shook my head.

He and I continued to talk and laugh. It felt good to laugh. We had been there for hours and it was starting to get dark when my phone rang. I looked at the caller id and it said Alex was calling me.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey Y/N. Just calling to see how the boyfriend is doing.” said Alex.

“Jesus Christ Lex, he is NOT my boyfriend.” I said before tuning to Andy.

“Andy, can I tell Alex? They think you’re my boyfriend and about ready to CASTERATE these idiots.” I said making sure I said castrate into the phone.

Andy nodded.

“My friend, the only kissing my cheek in the picture, is fucking gay. He just came out to me like two hours ago. Not only that, but he’s not my type. No my type is tall, dark, sexy as hell, and plays guitar for All Time Low. Now If I hear one more thing from anyone about Andy being my boyfriend I will go on a murderous rampage. Jack is the only type I have and I fucking hate myself for admitting that. I fucking hate myself so much right now. So excuse me while I get shitfaced on fireball and forget for one minute that I’m fucking in love with your best friend.” I said then hanging up the phone.

“Please tell me you have fireball at your place.” I said turning to Andy.

He nodded.

“Good because I don’t want to go home and be reminded of Jack fucking Barakat.” I said.
That night I drank away my sorrow with cinnamon whisky with my now openly gay friend. I passed out on his floor. Surprisingly I did not have a hangover the next morning. Okay so maybe I passed out because of how mentally tired I was.

I reached for my phone. Even though I’m mad I couldn’t bring myself to turn twitter notifications off on Jack’s twitter. I scrolled through knowing full well what it would do to my heart.

@JackAllTimeLow: I have some important news that I’m going to share either tomorrow or Monday. This is really big for me and I would appreciate your support.

I read the replies and most of them were along the lines of OMG I knew you were gay. I had to laugh because I knew that couldn’t be what it was. My curiosity was peaked but I pushed it to the back of my mind and continued to scroll.

@AlexAllTimeLow: @JackAllTimeLow I’m so fucking excited for you man.

@JackAllTimeLow: @AlexAllTimeLow you may be excited but I’m fucking scared and nervous.

@zackalltimelow: You can do it @JackAllTimeLow.

@riandawson: @JackAllTimeLow you won’t regret it.

What the fuck is going on. Ya know what. I don’t even fucking care. I just need to get out of here. Out of Baltimore. I got up and was met by Andy in the kitchen.

“Fancy a road trip?” I asked.

“To where?” he said replying with a question.

“I don’t know. We’ll flip a coin. Heads we go left, tails we go right. We’ll drive five hours and then turn around. I have a GPS so we can find our way back.” I said helping myself to the coffee sitting in the pot.

“Wait you’re serious?” he said looking at me incredulously.

“Yeah. Of course.” I said.

“You saw the tweets didn’t you.”

I nodded my head.

“Let’s go.” He said going off to his bedroom, I’m assuming to get dressed.

We left the apartment within twenty minutes and made our way to mine which wasn’t actually that far away. Once in my apartment I went and changed and grabbed a few things then made my way down to my car. It was ten am. If my plan worked, we wouldn’t be back until ten pm and then we could go straight to bed and go to work in the morning.

My plan went flawlessly. We got completely lost and then found our way back. I dropped Andy off at his apartment and then drove back to mine. I didn’t check my phone all day and it was great. I turned it off and even after I got home I didn’t turn it on. I don’t want to be available to anyone. The first thing I did when I got home was showered and the second was sleep.
In the morning I dressed more casual than I normally did. I wore a pair of dark blue skinny jeans paired with a pair of really cute black flats. I wore a black dress shirt that was made of a silky material but was loose and thankfully not see though. I took the time to curl my hair and I planned on leaving it down. I went for natural makeup meaning under eye concealer and mascara. Then I was ready.

I was going to have a good day. Nothing was going to bring my mood down. I was happier today than I can remember being in a long time. I grabbed my things and walked to work. Andy met me at my desk with coffee and a smile.

“So can I still hit on you or is that just going to be weird now?” he said with a smirk.

“It’s would be weird. Very weird.” I said taking the coffee and sitting at my desk.

First on my to-do list I called down to reception.

“Hello?” said the lady on the other end.

“Hi this is Y/F/N Y/L/N. If anyone asks of me can you tell them I’m not available? If a guy named Alex comes can you just call up so I can talk to him?” I asked.

“Sure.” She said in a chipper voice.

I hung up and got to work on my next article. I needed it to be good because I misses Friday. While I may not exactly like my job, I love writing and this was how I was going to work my way up some day writing a book. That’s the dream at least. Around lunch time Andy peaked around into my cubical.

“Hey have you been on Instagram recently?” he asked.

“No, my phone isn’t even on.” I replied.

“Okay well you might want to check it out.” He said going back to his own desk.

I was so confused. I fished my phone out of the drawer I had put it in. The first thing I saw was that Jack tweeted something. I opened it up.

@JackAllTimeLow: Okay plan one fucked up so here we go.

@JackAllTimeLow: Go to my Instagram.

I did just that. What I saw shocked me. He posted a picture of him kissing a girl. She had her eyes squeezed shut and her nose was wrinkled. Her brown hair was up in a messy bun that turned blonde as it got to the end of her hair. It was a really sweet picture. I didn’t know he had taken it. I looked at her again and tears sprang into my eyes. I scrolled down to the caption.

This girl is the most beautiful, smart, amazing girl I’ve ever met. I fucked everything up with her because I was scared of my own feelings. I was scared because I felt so strongly for her. Feel, I feel so strongly for her. I love this girl with every fiber of my being and I fucked it up because I was scared. I knew that she had feelings for me but instead of telling her how I feel I fucked up. Now I’m sure she hates me and it’s all my fault. If you love someone, tell them before you lose your chance forever. Y/N I love you and nothing will ever change that. I’m so sorry I’m such a fuck up. I love you.

The tears were streaming down my face. Jack just publically told the whole world that he loved me. I liked the picture. I had no choice. I wanted him to know that I had seen it. I felt arms wrap around me from behind.

“Shh…come with me.” said Andy practically picking me up and making me walk to the elevator.
I got so many stares because of the tears streaming down my face. Everyone here loved gossip so I wasn’t surprised to see some of the people head to the stairs.

“Just warning you, there are actually a lot of people that work here that like All Time Low. Now that that picture has been posted, you are going to be the center of attention. Some of it may not be good. Just know, I’ll stick with you no matter what.” said Andy with his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

The elevator doors opened to reveal the lobby. I didn’t look around. I couldn’t. I just buried my face in Andy’s side. Thank god I put on waterproof mascara. I assumed he was taking me outside but all of a sudden he stopped. I looked up to ask why but what I saw made me forget the question I was about to ask.

“Come on. I just need to talk to her.” He said.

“I’m sorry but she said she wanted no interruptions today. I can’t let you go up.” said the woman behind the front desk.

He turned and eye contact was instantaneous. I acted without thinking. I ran straight at him. I’m surprised the impact didn’t knock him over but he caught me and hugged me tighter than I have ever been hugged before. It was so tight that I was lifted off my feet.

When my feet touched the ground again his hands went to my face and wiped the tears from my cheeks. Those hands that felt so…familiar. I could feel the callouses that were on those hands from playing. I sighed at the feel of his hand. I didn’t realize that I had closed my eyes until I opened them only to be met with a pair of chocolate brown eyes that were spilling over with tears.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too but it was as if someone had stolen my voice. I clutched at his black V-neck shirt. He knew how those shirts drove me crazy because his tattoo peaked out from under it. I couldn’t tear my eyes from his. Still my voice was gone. I tried to swallow but nothing happened. I tried again and I felt my throat loosen.

“I love you too you fucking idiot.” I managed barely above a whisper.

I knew he heard because his face split into a wide grin and soon he was leaning in. The moment his lips met mine everything was forgotten. Him making out with that girl. The look on his face when he saw me hugging Andy. The fact that I was in the front lobby of my work place out in the open for everyone to see me kissing this man. There was only him and me.
I felt like I was floating but that may have been from the lack of oxygen. He picked me up causing the kiss to break. I didn’t care because now I was hugging him and he was whispering in my ear how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that was all I could have ever wanted. I could hear applause but it was far away and I just didn’t care.

“I hate you for making me love you so much. So fucking much.” I whispered in his ear.

“I love you more. I love you more than you could ever know.”

Notes

I've posted this on Mibba and Tumblr so I thought I would post it here too.
Let me know what you think?
Thank you for reading.