Ash’s POV

I walked through the venue, trying to find my way around and hoping to see any signs that would show me where the dressing room was. I had literally just arrived half an hour before after an annoying flight that was four hours long. There were some kids screaming a couple seats in front of me, and their parents couldn’t give a shit. I would never have let my kids do that if I had any...

Anyways, this was the first time I got to see my boyfriend again in ages. He was touring around nearly every day of the year, making our time together scarce. Actually, the last time we saw each other was when I had just moved in with him. It had been a really long time coming, and after once having to cancel it, I actually got all my stuff shipped over to his apartment and settled in quickly. Whenever we had time to spend together, it would often be at his place, so I basically already lived there whenever he wasn’t touring. Now it was just permanent and all year round; bachelor pad turned to a girl living there with him as well. A pretty exciting new step in our relationship if you ask me.

Just as I was about to give up and take my phone out to call anybody to come out and find me, I finally found the door with the large green sign saying ‘ALL TIME LOW’ and knocked on it. When there was no reply, I decided to just walk in, the conversation they were having dying out. All the band members happened to be in the room at the same time, some crew members being there as well. But of course, I was actually only here for one person.

“Jack!” I squealed excitedly and jumped into his embrace. He caught me and softly kissed my lips, holding me tightly. I circled my arms around his neck, pulling him to me as close as possible. With the amount I had missed him, I wouldn’t dare let myself go of him just yet.

“Hey,” he whispered against my lips, giving me a loving smile. I was placed back on the sturdy floor as he stroked away a stray piece of hair that was hanging in front of my face.

I hugged him closely one more time, not being able to contain my excitement from finally being able to see him again. Since we rarely got to see each other for extended periods of time, it was really important to cherish these small moments when we did get to enjoy each other’s company.

Next, I gave Rian and Zack a big hug each as well. I barely saw them unless they came over to LA or I visited Jack on tour and had to live with them on a tour bus for a week or so. Somehow, I managed to miss those goofballs. They had been promoted to my best guy friends after Jack and I started dating. And then there was still Alex…

He was getting up from the couch he had been sitting on just seconds before, Lisa joining him as well. It had been a while since our breakup, but things never seemed to go back to 100% comfortable with each other. Sometimes we’d try to be friends, until something got in the way, making our friendship rocky again.

“Hey,” I awkwardly waved and gave Alex a clumsy hug as well.

Although things were pretty awkward between us at this point, I couldn’t just skip him. I had learned my manners at a very young age and wasn’t the person to hold a grudge on somebody for such a lot time, let alone cut them out from my life. It might sound weird, but I actually really liked Lisa. Everybody thought that us meeting each other would have turned into a catfight, both of us hating each other’s guts. You know, girlfriends and ex-girlfriends meeting each other didn’t always work out. However, Lisa and I managed to hit it off really well as soon as we met. We were pretty close friends, occasionally meeting up when the guys were on tour and I still lived in New York.

I gave her a long warm hug. Over time she had grown to be one of the best girlfriends I had.

“Ash, you still haven’t answered our RSVP for the wedding,” Lisa frowned after we let go. She had been so busy with planning her wedding, wanting everything going smoothly and perfectly. I’d often help her when she’d call me, panicking about a minor detail. Of course, I sometimes wondered what it would have been like if I had had married Alex. But it didn’t matter. I had Jack, and I definitely didn’t think of him as second best.

“I never got my invitation… Did you send it to the right address; Jack’s address?” I asked her, the thought of Alex possibly not sending the invitation only occupying my mind for a second.

I had made the decision a couple of months before that I was going to move in with Jack. We had waited a while after our failed attempt, but eventually he asked me again. So, only a month or so after he had asked me, I packed all my boxes and let them make the long journey all the way from New York to LA.

“Ah… I don’t think so. We sent them out before you moved in with him…”

“That’s it then,” I smiled and looked at Jack briefly, “I saw his invitation, though, and I’m guessing you’re only having one wedding.”

“Yep.”

“I’ll be coming then,” I told her happily. I wasn’t going to miss their wedding, even though Alex and I had some history. I just didn’t believe that that was a good reason not to show up to one of my best friends' wedding.

After a while, Jack started getting impatient and tugged on my hand. “Let’s go take a walk, I want to catch up with you.”

“Ok.” I followed him but froze before we reached the door. “Oh, wait. Alex, I got you something.”

“What?” Alex gave me a confused look, making me hold in a giggle. It was known that we could have civil conversations, but that didn’t mean we’d actually start one or have a good one. At least it wasn’t like the annoying ones we had when I had just moved to Baltimore back in high school.

“Umm, yeah,” I got a shoebox-sized box out of my bag and handed it to him. I had made sure to take it with me to LA just so I could give it to him the next time I saw him. “I found this when I was clearing out my apartment. I don’t have much space for it now, so I thought maybe you would like to have it.”

Alex opened the box and saw the contents. He looked taken aback for a moment. “Umm, sure, yeah… thanks.”

“No problem, I just thought it would a shame to throw away.”

This time I actually followed Jack out and we started walking through the confusing and tangled corridors.

He intertwined his fingers with mine and kissed the top of my head. “I’m proud of you.”

----

After The Show

Jack and I were cuddled up together naked in the bed of the hotel room we got to share. He had one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders while I was half lying on his chest. We had just finished catching our breath and had just been lying there in silence. Of course, it was up to us to test out how ‘steady the bed was’ as soon as we entered the room. But, like, can you really blame us? We hadn’t seen each other in weeks!

“You know,” Jack spoke up out of nowhere, the silence no longer present, “I would totally understand if you want to get back with him.”

“With whom?” I acted oblivious, not wanting to have this conversation again. We always had it, and it would always end the same way.

“Alex.”

“Why would I want that? It ended a couple of years ago.”

“I don’t know… The way you guys look at each other… it’s just-- I don’t know.”

I sighed and kissed his bare chest to comfort him. Jack always felt insecure after having seen me around Alex again, any other time he wouldn’t question or doubt the validity of our relationship even a bit.

I looked up at him, running my hand through his hair. “I promise you were never a rebound. I would never kiss my ex-fiance's best friend as a rebound. I really do love you. Promise me you know that that is the truth, ok?”

He moved his hand up and down my bare arm, avoiding my question. Of course, he wasn’t as sure as I hoped him to be. “But you still love him as well, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” I sat up and looked down at him with truthful eyes. I wasn’t going to lie to him, that would only cause problems that I really didn’t want to have in this relationship. “he was my first love. But that doesn’t mean I still love him in the way I used to. I appreciate him, but in a different way than all those years ago. I promise you, you’re the one I love. Sure, Alex was my first love, a special kind you only get once. But you are the man I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. The love you only find once. I am lucky to have been able to find it in the most amazing man I know. ”

“Ok,” Jack smiled as I leaned down to kiss him, “I love you too; so, so much.”

I sighed at him. It always took some convincing, but in the end, he always knew he was the one I'd choose no matter what. Alex was out of the picture, the love I felt for Jack was so strong. But that didn’t mean I didn’t need some time to myself to think it all over again, “I’m going to go outside for a bit. This place smells too much like sex. I need some fresh air.”

“Just don’t be too long, or I will start getting worried. I don’t want anything happening to you.” He cupped my cheek and ran his thumb along my cheekbone.

“I promise,” I took his hand from my face and pinky promised him.

----

Flashback
I started thinking of when Alex and I broke up.

I hadn’t seen him in so long. He was always touring, playing shows in a new city every day, while I was stuck at home, only occasionally flying out to do a photoshoot (in case you were wondering, after I graduated, I became a model. It might seem really far fetched, but I did it with a cause. I strived to help other young girls that were raped, to show them that it was possible to be confident and happy again). We rarely had any time together. Either he was gone, or I had another long working day because there was another magazine that wanted me to model some clothes for them. I really did cherish the moments that we actually did spend together, but I hadn’t been able to visit him on tour for so long just because I was still at school or required to be somewhere. However, I managed to get some time off and decided to surprise him. He knew nothing about my plan, not even suspecting that I would fly out where they were just to see him again. Only being able to see each other through a computer screen for so long was no good for either of us.

I knocked on the door of Jack’s and Matt’s hotel room. Matt, the tour manager at the time, had a spare key to the room Alex was staying in. They knew I was coming, and were ready to help me surprise the person I believed to be the one back then. Jack opened the door and told me Matt had gone out, but that he had left the key here for me. As soon as he saw how excited I was, Jack rolled his eyes and made a silly comment. However, I assured him there was a reason behind it, that I had some good news I knew Alex wanted to hear. He escorted me to Alex’s room and wished me luck.

So, Jack left and I entered the keycard into the door. When I finally managed to get the door to show the green light, I opened it. I was so excited, yet nervous. What if Alex didn’t like what I was going to tell him? Maybe he’d hate me for it. But I knew that wouldn’t be possible and shook my fears away. I pressed the door open; this was the moment I was going to see Alex again…

But I was met with something I had never wanted to see. It was horrifying, immediately making my heart drop. I couldn’t believe it. Alex, the guy I was supposed to get married to in six months, was in bed fucking another girl. When I finally let out a painful gasp, they realized I was there. Alex stopped and made eye contact with me. He looked scared, surprised, but most of all guilty. I ran out before anybody could make another sound. The tears started falling and the loud sobs escaped. Making the whole situation worse, I ran into Jack, who was still making his way to his room.

He stopped me by grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fucking going home and packing my shit,” I screamed and pulled out of his tight grip.

Tears clouded my vision until I got home… or what I used to call home. Although I hadn’t seen them in years, I called Harper and Lianne and managed to stay with them for a couple of days until I could move into the apartment I had found online while I was waiting at the airport.

----

Jack’s POV
Back to Real Time

I watched as Ash put on one of my t-shirt and some pajama shorts. Never had I ever expected to be with her. I was always envious of Alex’s and Ash’s relationship. They seemed so in love and cared about each other so much. I would never be able to find something like that; I had hurt too many girls and I didn’t know how to act towards them. The one girl I had developed feelings for didn’t even like me back. I was basically a hopeless case and felt like I was never going to find true love. It seemed like something foreign to me.

But somehow I did. I now got to share a bed with the girl of my dreams. We never intended on becoming lovers, just like we had said in high school when we shared our first and second kiss. I stayed with her while she was going through a rough time. But one thing lead to another and it just happened. Sure, I had developed a little crush on her during that time, but I didn’t think it would lead to all this.

----

Flashback
The day Ash and Alex broke up was still burned brightly into my mind.

I had just brought Ash to Alex's hotel room. She seemed so excited to see him. Apparently, they hadn’t seen each other in three months. Alex was acting weird, becoming a bit more distant from us as days passed. I thought it was just him getting slightly depressed, and I blamed it on the fact that they never saw each other. I knew that Ash visiting him was going to cheer him up. He just needed to see his one true love and have some sex. Being horny and not being able to do anything about it could get anybody frustrated.

But when I was just two doors away from my room, somebody bumped into me. They were crying hysterically and were running, oblivious to the impact of the hit. I turned around, expecting to have to say sorry to some stranger, only to see it was Ash. At first, I was so confused and I asked her what was wrong, but she only told me she was going to go home and move out.

Alex had to have something to do with this.

I sprinted towards his room and slammed the door open. He was sitting on the bed in just his boxers and his head rested in his hands. There was a girl with him; a girl that wasn’t Ash.

“What the fuck, Alex!” I yelled. But he didn’t answer, he kept looking at the floor.

“You fucking cheated on your fiancee, what the fuck!” I tried again. The girl with fake blonde hair and fake boobs was rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. I looked at her in disgust. “And you’re letting that fucking slut stay here with you! What the fuck is wrong with you! How long have you been cheating on her!”

Alex mumbled something; something I wished I heard wrong.

“What was that!” I had to hold myself back from punching him.

“Six months,” he muttered, “with different girls.”

I ran my fingers through my hair, making it tasseled, “What the fuck, Alex! Don’t expect her to be there anymore when we get back. You fucking messed it all up this time. You’re no friend of mine anymore!”

And with that, I left him to do whatever he was still planning on doing with that ‘girl’. This was low, very low. Not only had he lost the best fiancee ever in the world, but he also lost one of his best friends.

A couple of weeks later, we had a couple of days off. I had kept contact with Ash and decided to visit her; I wasn’t planning on doing anything with Alex anyway. Instead of laughing and joking around with him like I normally did, I made it quite obvious that I didn’t want him anywhere around me… although that was pretty difficult on a tour bus. While I was packing, the other’s looked at me weirdly. I hadn’t told them I was leaving. They didn’t even know the whole story, except for Alex. He had been quiet most of the time.

But now he was the only one to ask where I was disappearing to, “Where are you going?”

“I am going to visit one of my best friends, also known as your ex-fiancee, since she has been crying her eyes out since you cheated on her,” I angrily closed my suitcase and glared at him. Rian and Zack didn’t know Alex had cheated, they just knew they broke up. They looked so shocked and ready to beat up Alex, just like I had been when I actually witnessed it all happening.

Alex just nodded and sat back down. I expected him to stop me and ask me whether I knew where she was staying now. He was supposed to fight for her! He couldn’t just sit there and act like it didn’t faze him at all! But he didn’t care anymore. He acted like it wasn’t a big deal and let me leave without saying another word.

When I got to the apartment Ash was renting, I didn’t know what to expect. She looked heartbroken but insisted she was fine. Something about her looked like she had lost some of the life in her. She wasn’t as happy and perky as she used to be; her eyes weren’t sparkling anymore and everything about her looked solemn.

She brought me to the living room after having placed my small suitcase in the guest room, and she went off to get something. I waited awkwardly on the couch she had bought and looked around the place. Surprisingly, the place already looked comfortable and not like someone had just moved in. Ash came back with a box and opened it before putting it on the coffee table in front of us.

“One day I’ll be able to burn this box, just not yet,” she leaned into my side and I wrapped my arm around her.

I briefly looked at the contents of the box. There were photos of her and Alex, her engagement ring, doodles, and other things that reminded her of their relationship, but there was one object that made no sense to me.

“Hey, Ash, can I ask you something?” I sat up a bit straighter after seeing the thing that I wasn’t expecting.

“Go ahead,” she nuzzled her head against my chest.

“You told me you were going to tell Alex good news when you visited us; what was it?”

She froze and stayed quiet, her face no longer showing any signs of good news, before taking a labored breath, “I-- I had a miscarriage.”

I wrapped my arms tightly around her while she started crying. My suspicions were right. She had been pregnant with Alex’s child. That evening, when she went to go see Alex, she was going to tell him she was pregnant. But just like their relationship, it was no more. Ash was all alone, and I wasn’t going to allow that.

After tour ended, I spent a lot of time with Ash. She was pretty lonely, and I decided that I wanted to cheer her up. Alex hadn’t contacted her, spoken about her, or even showed anything that made us know he was thinking of her. The specific day that I always love to remember was the day when Ash and I decided to make brownies together.

We were making the batter; molten chocolate, cocoa powder, sugar, etc. Baking with her was great fun and the way she concentrated was so cute. I never intended on developing feelings for her, but spending so much time with her had made me realize how great she actually was. Of course, I knew she probably wasn’t ready for a new relationship, let alone with me. I was going to suppress my feelings and not let it get in the way of our friendship. First came comforting her, then I would be able to do something about my own messed up feelings. I couldn’t let the two get mixed up. For some reason, I always developed a crush on the inaccessible girls.

We were about to add flour when she suddenly threw some at me. I thought this was totally unfair, so I, of course, threw some back at her. It resulted in us running around the apartment, getting flour everywhere, until we both slipped in the kitchen and she landed straddling me. We both were still desperately trying to calm down our laughter, but it was impossible until we made eye contact and both turned serious. She leaned down and started kissing me. I didn’t hesitate to let my lips mold with her's when I suddenly realized what we were doing.

I carefully pushed her off me, “I don’t want to be your rebound.”

She shook her head, her face inching closer again, “you’re not a rebound.”

That night, I ended up in her bed, having made love to her instead of a using her as a casual fuck.

-----

Alex’s POV
Back To Real Time

I was sitting on the edge of the double bed Lisa and I were sharing for the night. The box Ash had given me was on my lap and I was admiring everything in it. I picked up our prom photo and grinned at it. We looked so happy back then. She was giggling and I was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Lisa climbed on the bed and wrapped her arms around me. “We can still call off the wedding…”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want that. I love you. There’s a reason why I proposed to you.”

“You also proposed to her.” Lisa rubbed my shoulders as I picked up the engagement ring.

“I should give this to Jack,” I played with the metal in between my fingers, “he’s the one that chose this ring, ironically.”

I was 23 and on tour when I suddenly got the idea. After trying to write a song, I ran out of the back lounge to join everybody in the front and voiced my idea of proposing to Ash. I wanted to marry her and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way. The guys were so happy for me and the next day we all went out to find something that was perfect for her. Everything was either too diamondy or it wasn’t good enough for her. I was about to give up until Jack told me he had found the perfect ring. And boy, was it beautiful. I didn’t care about the price. All I knew was that it was the ring I was going to propose with.

The next thing I got out of the box was a picture of us during our ‘spontaneous’ trip to Malaysia. It was where I proposed to Ash. I had had the ring for so long already, but I just couldn’t build up the courage to ask her. When we went on our 2-week vacation, I planned out a whole thing. I was going to do the classic ‘go to a fancy restaurant and propose’ thing. But when we hiked up to the top of a mountain, I decided it was the perfect time. We took the photo and just moments later I dropped down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I was the happiest man on Earth.

“I started cheating on her six months after I proposed to her. How stupid is that!” I got mad at myself and I started forming tears.

Lisa tried calming me down. “Shh, it’s ok. It’s in the past. She’s happy now.”

I nodded. It was true. We were both in different relationships and were both very happy. I even heard Ash and Jack discuss marriage before. Something in me knew that Jack wasn’t going to take much longer until he'd finally ask her. He loved that girl like I once loved her. I just hoped he wouldn’t make the same mistake I did.

I continued looking through the items. All of our pictures were in there, some weird notes we sent to each other in class and other scrap bits of paper. She had kept all of this for so many years. But I froze when I saw a pregnancy test. It wasn’t the one from when she was raped. But it was definitely positive.

I took an uneven breath, tears finally falling from my eyes. “She-- she was pregnant?”

Lisa let me cry on her shoulder and kissed the top of my head as my tears turned into sobs. I had never cried about Ash since she had caught me cheating. But this was too much. She was pregnant and I never knew.

“I-- I think I’m going to go get some air,” I tried calming down my breath by taking a couple of last deep breaths and let go of Lisa, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Ok,” she let me stand up, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I found Ash sitting on the bench on the balcony. It looked over the lake right next to the hotel. The bright stars were being reflected and the sky was clear. I quietly walked up to the bench and sat down on the opposite side. Ash noticed me and gave me a half-hearted smiled before looking back out.

“I, umm, I was looking at the stuff you had put in the box,” I started, hoping she would talk to me.

“Yeah?” she didn’t look back at me, “I started it in high school to keep all the doodles you made me. But when I saw you with that girl, I went back to your house and packed all my stuff. I found it in the back of our closet and put all the other stuff in it that reminded me of you. My original intention was to burn it, but that never happened.”

“Oh…”

“I reckoned you might have wanted it, so I gave it to you. It is not anything to make you feel guilty or want to come back to me. You made clear years ago that you didn’t care about me anymore. And then later, when you finally decided to show up, I didn’t want to deal with it.”

“That’s not true,” I tried holding her hand, but she had already subconsciously moved it before I even got close, “I just knew there was no getting back together with you.”

“Oh well, it’s the past,” she pulled her knees up to her chest, just like she used to do whenever we watched TV together.

“Yeah… I, umm… I found the pregnancy test.”

“Cool. I was going to tell you, but I found you in bed with that other girl. It was too difficult for me to tell you afterwards.”

“So, umm, what happened to... you know…?” I wanted to know what happened to my child.

“I was already 3 months pregnant, and I wasn’t sure what to do. Sure, I knew I was never going to get back with you, that was out of the question, but I really didn’t know how I was going to deal with it all by myself. Turned out I didn’t have to worry. Having to move, not eating properly, and so many other factors I caused just didn’t go well with being pregnant. One night I woke up with terrible pains and had a miscarriage.”

“Oh…” I didn’t understand how I never knew anything about this. She must have really been shaken up by my wrong-doing. I wondered what it would have been like if I would have been a father now. Would they be in my life? Would Ash still be with me? Maybe I wouldn’t ever know that I had had a child with my ex-long-term girlfriend… or fiancee.

“You know, it still hurts me, especially with all the things going on now with Jack and me.” She moved her hand further away from me and onto her stomach so I couldn’t try to discreetly touch it again, or at least I thought that was the reason. “ I don’t know how my life would have been if I had been able to keep that baby, though. I mean, I probably wouldn’t have been together with Jack, I would have felt way too guilty. Plus, we wouldn’t have been throwing flour at each other, meaning that we would have never kissed,” she chuckled when talking about Jack. She once talked about me like that, but Jack was now in her life. I couldn’t do anything but be happy for her.

While she looked out at the beautiful view in front of us, I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on her. She still looked as beautiful as she always did and I cursed myself for letting her go. I couldn’t deny the fact that she had once been the best thing that ever happened to me, but I had to go and screw it up. Now she was in a happy relationship with my best friend, and there was nothing I could do to change time.

“What’s wrong with you and Jack?” I finally asked, having wondered this ever since Jack once ran out of the venue and had a complete mental breakdown.

“I, umm, I’ve got to go. Jack will get worried and think something happened to me,” she put her legs down and sat up straight, ready to leave. It didn't seem like she was ever going to answer my question.

“It’s always been Jack, hasn’t it?” I spoke up before she could move.

“No,” she let out a light laugh that sounded quite painful, looking right at me, “for the longest time it was you. I couldn’t even think about the idea of ever being in a relationship with anybody else, especially Jack. If anything, Jack would be the last person I expected! Now, don’t you dare make me feel guilty because I never did anything wrong, ok?”

I didn’t mean to say it, but I did, “I still love you.”

She stood up and shook her head. “You don’t love me, you just love the memories.”

Notes

I'm sorry guys :(
This is what I've been planning since the beginning, I couldn't just change it. Do you understand why I was so hesitant about ever making a sequel?
If you guys really want, I'll make a sequel in the future, but for now this is where Ash's story ends.
Goodbye Ashlex.