Opposites Do Not Attract
A Weird Way To Solve
Ash's POV
I stared at the pile of books in front of me. Some of the covers were folded in half, while some corners were bent at weird angles. I hadn’t taken my time to take out each book carefully. As soon as I came into my room and locked my door, I threw them all onto the floor so that the bookcase was empty. They were all standing in the order of books I had read last to books I hadn’t touched since I put them on the shelves. But that wasn’t right. I was going to go through my alphabet countless of times just so everything would be. Just like when my mom died, all the books in my room had to go from A to Z.
The loud banging on my door didn’t faze me. I didn’t even seem to realise that my door was nearly being knocked off its hinges. My mind was still clustered and noisy. All the screaming and laughing was still echoing in between my ears, haunting me with images every time I blinked and closed my eyes for a bit too long. However, as soon as I placed another book on the right place, they’d leave for just a second. The only thing that would make it all better was if I made sure all of those books were in the right order.
I was about halfway through, ignoring the ‘the’ so many classic titles had at the beginning and went straight for the first noun, verb, adjective, or adverb, when my door was suddenly knocked down. The loud crashing sound brought me out of my trance completely as I quickly looked at what had caused the ruckus. Zack was standing there, clutching his shoulder as his t-shirt was sitting lopsided. He was just standing there, not sure what to do now that he had managed to succeed. Lucky for him, Jack and Alex rushed past him as soon as they realised the door was actually gone.
“Oh, thank god!” Jack exclaimed as he saw me sitting on the floor, not doing much except for looking at my books. I just looked at them unemotionally, not sure what to think about what was going on.
“We-- We thought you were-- We thought you were doing something harmful,” Jack continued as he sighed in relief, but Alex didn’t seem as happy. He frowned as he saw me, realising something. I didn’t listen to Jack’s rambling as he kept going on and on about how happy he was to see that I was fine, and went back to organizing my books. They didn’t understand.
“Jack, shut the fuck up!” Alex suddenly yelled, getting frustrated at his best friend, “it’s obvious that she’s not fine!”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” He replied in a calmer tone than Alex, but still not in the friendliest tone out there. “We both know we were afraid of what we’d find if we got the door open, don’t act like you’re not at least a little bit happy about that.”
“Jack, something’s wrong, can’t you tell?”
I glared at them as they kept talking about me as if I wasn’t there to hear it all. When they finally realised my stare, they stopped bickering and quieted down. I hated the fact that Alex was able to read me so easily. He didn’t know my big secret yet, and now he was going to find out whether I liked it out not. Eventually he’d realise how screwed up I actually was, only to leave me. I had let myself fall in love too quickly again.
I knew that I was worthless of love and would never feel it again, but Alex had deceived me into thinking that it wasn’t true. But now, as soon as he knew about my medical condition, he’d look at me differently. He was only going to prove my point. Nobody was ever going to want me. I had been used and I wasn’t normal. It just didn’t work like that, people who were different weren’t loved.
Alex decided to just go for it, ignoring Jack’s questioning look as he sat down next to me, inspecting what I was doing. Looking back and forth between the books on the floor and the books on the shelf, he wasn’t sure what was going on. He couldn’t manage to make sense of it at all. At least he was smart enough to realise that it actually had something to do with the books, and not like I threw all my books out of the bookshelf in frustration, just to feel guilty and pick them back up. This was much deeper than that.
“Hey,” he said in a quiet voice, as if he was talking to some small lost child, “what are you doing?”
I didn’t open my mouth and instead placed down the next correct book. If he wanted to figure me out, he was going to have to do it himself. I wasn’t going to tell him everything without having put up a fight myself.
“I can see you’re putting back your books. But you’re not just putting them back…” Alex started thinking out loud, wondering if he would be able to solve this mystery. “You’re actually taking time choosing which book should go next. Wait, let me look again. Animal Farm, Beauty and the Beast… Are they… they are in alphabetical order! But why?”
I pulled out three books with fitting titles. While I wasn’t going to talk to him, it did not mean that my books couldn’t speak for me. Othello, Catching Fire, The DUFF. I handed them one by one to Alex in the right order, hoping he’d understand, but at the same time hoping he wouldn’t ever find out.
I quickly looked away as I handed him the last book, not wanting to see his expression, and saw that Jack had left. I felt a little disappointment, since Jack was the one person I had gone to for help the very first time, but maybe he had realised that this one was for Alex. And maybe it was for the best. I didn’t need two people knowing how fucked up my brain was.
“I don’t know what these mean.” Alex mumbled, sounding defeated even though he hadn’t spent long thinking about it. “How are these connected at all? Othello’s a Shakespeare play, The DUFF is a girly teenage book, and Catching Fire is about a badass girl. I’m pretty sure you’re not trying to tell me you’re a badass girl who is a girly teenager and will play in a Shakespeare play. Not that that isn’t possible, but I don’t feel like that’s what it is. Can you help me out here?”
I picked up another book and put it right next to the last book I had placed on the shelf. That was my hint to him.
“Please, Ash-- Wait, alphabetical order…. C, D, O? What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged, not being able to help in out anymore without giving it away. Instead, I picked up the next book, only to find that the back cover was folded in several ways. It annoyed the hell out of me that the pattern on the back was no longer aligned perfectly anymore. Now I was never going to be able to read the book again in peace. All I was going to be able to think about was that stupid imperfection. I tried and tried to get the corners to straighten out again, but the stupid crease just wouldn’t go away.
I threw the book to the other side of the room out of frustration. I didn’t care that it was one of my favourite books and that I had read it so often already that the pages weren’t as sharp as they used to be anymore. Those stupid wrinkles were going to ruin it for me every single time I saw it again.
Alex looked at me with wide eyes, not having expected such aggression to come out of me. “Woah. Umm… it seems like you’ve got some major-- C D O, OCD… oh my god… Ash…”
I gave myself away.
While Alex was trying to figure out what to do next, I quickly grabbed the books away from him and placed them back into the empty slots. I didn’t know what to do either. I just stared at the disorganized mess in front of me before I finally burst out into tears, still trying to keep them back as much as possible. But as soon as Alex’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his lap, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. All the emotions of that day came out as once.
He just held me, trying to calm me down until he finally decided to ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I was already too far in to stop the word vomit that happened as I explained it all. “It started when my mom was dying. I felt like she’d survive if I made sure to always do these small things, for example make sure all our books were alphabetized. But that was just a stupid thing to do, because there was no way she was going to survive. It just drove me insane when she did die. I guess it’s why I’m so ok with her death now, I was never going to let myself go down that road again; it wasn’t my fault, and it also wasn’t hers. I really was fine all that time and never felt any impulses again, but I guess it came back now. I don’t want it to be back, Alex!”
“Shh, it’s ok,” he rubbed my back as I started bawling my eyes out again.
“No, no it’s not. You probably hate me now and realise you made a mistake ever having a crush on me, or kissing me, or having feelings for me, or loving me--”
“I would never regret that, ok? This doesn’t change anything,” he quickly planted a soft kiss on my lips, not wanting to be caught by our friends, “I love everything about you, don’t tell yourself otherwise. All I want to do is help you through this. Luke’s in jail and he isn’t getting out soon, there’s too much evidence. There were some more girls who claimed he’d try to do things. You don’t need to worry about him coming back. He’s gone forever. So, now those two things are covered, let’s get you out of this room, I’ll ask Rian if he will order that bookcase for you, I know he’ll do it as precise as possible.”
I stared at the pile of books in front of me. Some of the covers were folded in half, while some corners were bent at weird angles. I hadn’t taken my time to take out each book carefully. As soon as I came into my room and locked my door, I threw them all onto the floor so that the bookcase was empty. They were all standing in the order of books I had read last to books I hadn’t touched since I put them on the shelves. But that wasn’t right. I was going to go through my alphabet countless of times just so everything would be. Just like when my mom died, all the books in my room had to go from A to Z.
The loud banging on my door didn’t faze me. I didn’t even seem to realise that my door was nearly being knocked off its hinges. My mind was still clustered and noisy. All the screaming and laughing was still echoing in between my ears, haunting me with images every time I blinked and closed my eyes for a bit too long. However, as soon as I placed another book on the right place, they’d leave for just a second. The only thing that would make it all better was if I made sure all of those books were in the right order.
I was about halfway through, ignoring the ‘the’ so many classic titles had at the beginning and went straight for the first noun, verb, adjective, or adverb, when my door was suddenly knocked down. The loud crashing sound brought me out of my trance completely as I quickly looked at what had caused the ruckus. Zack was standing there, clutching his shoulder as his t-shirt was sitting lopsided. He was just standing there, not sure what to do now that he had managed to succeed. Lucky for him, Jack and Alex rushed past him as soon as they realised the door was actually gone.
“Oh, thank god!” Jack exclaimed as he saw me sitting on the floor, not doing much except for looking at my books. I just looked at them unemotionally, not sure what to think about what was going on.
“We-- We thought you were-- We thought you were doing something harmful,” Jack continued as he sighed in relief, but Alex didn’t seem as happy. He frowned as he saw me, realising something. I didn’t listen to Jack’s rambling as he kept going on and on about how happy he was to see that I was fine, and went back to organizing my books. They didn’t understand.
“Jack, shut the fuck up!” Alex suddenly yelled, getting frustrated at his best friend, “it’s obvious that she’s not fine!”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” He replied in a calmer tone than Alex, but still not in the friendliest tone out there. “We both know we were afraid of what we’d find if we got the door open, don’t act like you’re not at least a little bit happy about that.”
“Jack, something’s wrong, can’t you tell?”
I glared at them as they kept talking about me as if I wasn’t there to hear it all. When they finally realised my stare, they stopped bickering and quieted down. I hated the fact that Alex was able to read me so easily. He didn’t know my big secret yet, and now he was going to find out whether I liked it out not. Eventually he’d realise how screwed up I actually was, only to leave me. I had let myself fall in love too quickly again.
I knew that I was worthless of love and would never feel it again, but Alex had deceived me into thinking that it wasn’t true. But now, as soon as he knew about my medical condition, he’d look at me differently. He was only going to prove my point. Nobody was ever going to want me. I had been used and I wasn’t normal. It just didn’t work like that, people who were different weren’t loved.
Alex decided to just go for it, ignoring Jack’s questioning look as he sat down next to me, inspecting what I was doing. Looking back and forth between the books on the floor and the books on the shelf, he wasn’t sure what was going on. He couldn’t manage to make sense of it at all. At least he was smart enough to realise that it actually had something to do with the books, and not like I threw all my books out of the bookshelf in frustration, just to feel guilty and pick them back up. This was much deeper than that.
“Hey,” he said in a quiet voice, as if he was talking to some small lost child, “what are you doing?”
I didn’t open my mouth and instead placed down the next correct book. If he wanted to figure me out, he was going to have to do it himself. I wasn’t going to tell him everything without having put up a fight myself.
“I can see you’re putting back your books. But you’re not just putting them back…” Alex started thinking out loud, wondering if he would be able to solve this mystery. “You’re actually taking time choosing which book should go next. Wait, let me look again. Animal Farm, Beauty and the Beast… Are they… they are in alphabetical order! But why?”
I pulled out three books with fitting titles. While I wasn’t going to talk to him, it did not mean that my books couldn’t speak for me. Othello, Catching Fire, The DUFF. I handed them one by one to Alex in the right order, hoping he’d understand, but at the same time hoping he wouldn’t ever find out.
I quickly looked away as I handed him the last book, not wanting to see his expression, and saw that Jack had left. I felt a little disappointment, since Jack was the one person I had gone to for help the very first time, but maybe he had realised that this one was for Alex. And maybe it was for the best. I didn’t need two people knowing how fucked up my brain was.
“I don’t know what these mean.” Alex mumbled, sounding defeated even though he hadn’t spent long thinking about it. “How are these connected at all? Othello’s a Shakespeare play, The DUFF is a girly teenage book, and Catching Fire is about a badass girl. I’m pretty sure you’re not trying to tell me you’re a badass girl who is a girly teenager and will play in a Shakespeare play. Not that that isn’t possible, but I don’t feel like that’s what it is. Can you help me out here?”
I picked up another book and put it right next to the last book I had placed on the shelf. That was my hint to him.
“Please, Ash-- Wait, alphabetical order…. C, D, O? What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged, not being able to help in out anymore without giving it away. Instead, I picked up the next book, only to find that the back cover was folded in several ways. It annoyed the hell out of me that the pattern on the back was no longer aligned perfectly anymore. Now I was never going to be able to read the book again in peace. All I was going to be able to think about was that stupid imperfection. I tried and tried to get the corners to straighten out again, but the stupid crease just wouldn’t go away.
I threw the book to the other side of the room out of frustration. I didn’t care that it was one of my favourite books and that I had read it so often already that the pages weren’t as sharp as they used to be anymore. Those stupid wrinkles were going to ruin it for me every single time I saw it again.
Alex looked at me with wide eyes, not having expected such aggression to come out of me. “Woah. Umm… it seems like you’ve got some major-- C D O, OCD… oh my god… Ash…”
I gave myself away.
While Alex was trying to figure out what to do next, I quickly grabbed the books away from him and placed them back into the empty slots. I didn’t know what to do either. I just stared at the disorganized mess in front of me before I finally burst out into tears, still trying to keep them back as much as possible. But as soon as Alex’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his lap, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. All the emotions of that day came out as once.
He just held me, trying to calm me down until he finally decided to ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I was already too far in to stop the word vomit that happened as I explained it all. “It started when my mom was dying. I felt like she’d survive if I made sure to always do these small things, for example make sure all our books were alphabetized. But that was just a stupid thing to do, because there was no way she was going to survive. It just drove me insane when she did die. I guess it’s why I’m so ok with her death now, I was never going to let myself go down that road again; it wasn’t my fault, and it also wasn’t hers. I really was fine all that time and never felt any impulses again, but I guess it came back now. I don’t want it to be back, Alex!”
“Shh, it’s ok,” he rubbed my back as I started bawling my eyes out again.
“No, no it’s not. You probably hate me now and realise you made a mistake ever having a crush on me, or kissing me, or having feelings for me, or loving me--”
“I would never regret that, ok? This doesn’t change anything,” he quickly planted a soft kiss on my lips, not wanting to be caught by our friends, “I love everything about you, don’t tell yourself otherwise. All I want to do is help you through this. Luke’s in jail and he isn’t getting out soon, there’s too much evidence. There were some more girls who claimed he’d try to do things. You don’t need to worry about him coming back. He’s gone forever. So, now those two things are covered, let’s get you out of this room, I’ll ask Rian if he will order that bookcase for you, I know he’ll do it as precise as possible.”
Notes
Only happy things from now on... I hope.
I'm trying tow write as much as I can, so this story can end as soon as possible. It will still take a while with a couple of chapters, so don't freak out yet. I will write something after this. I'll ask you guys what you will like the most.
Actually, let me ask you now. I got a couple of options, but I won't take this choice fully into consideration yet until after I put up the epilogue (you might want to change your choice after that). So these are the options:
- The Sequel to this, but I suggest you wait for the epilogue before this is your final choice.
- A new Alex story. I have this one completely planned out (I know, surprising). It will involve some time traveling, but it isn't sci-fi or anything like that. Alex somehow travels back in time to meet a girl who helps him learn the ropes of the 1880's. However, something goes wrong and he accidentally bring her back. (This is the one I'm most confident in writing other than the sequel, I might even be more confident).
- A Zack story. A girl hitchhikes to get to her new destination (I don't have much planned here, but yeah), but she acts the way she does for a reason.
- Another high school story, but much different from this one. I'm not sure who it will be, you guys can chose, but it would probs be Alex. Two Options here:
- A girl moves with her brother, only she has a child and was running away from her problems.
- (Just going to use Alex's name) Alex moves and get's shown around by the most popular girl in school (not a bratty girl, but actually a nice one). Little does he know about the death that happened in the summer break and how his life is going to now get involved in it.
- And a Jalex one (I don't know if I'm any good at writing those, though). It's basically Alex discovering through his best friend/ friend with benefits that's a girl. She tries to set Jack and Alex up. (I have literally nothing planned at all for this except a possible prologue, so I probably shouldn't have given it as an option).
@Daydreamers
I happen to cringe xD
5/25/20