Ash’s POV
My head was resting against the cold window of Alex’s car. After his short outburst, Alex had managed to convince the administration to let us go home early. The woman behind the desk was originally not planning on letting Alex go, until he pulled me along. She recognized me from just an hour before, and gave us permission. I felt bad. She probably thought I was still feeling sick, while it wasn’t that at all. I didn’t even think she was going to let me go that easily, but, knowing Jack’s mom, she had probably said that if I ever had to go home before the end of school, that I should be allowed. Alex was only allowed to go because he was my ride back home and there was no point in him coming back for 10 minutes of class.

But after all that, I just had wished I hadn’t let Alex take me home. I would have much rather stayed with Jack. Here it was just way too awkward. I could tell that Alex wanted to start conversation, but kept holding back. He was just too afraid. And I hated that. Of course I didn’t mind him not asking questions, because that was exactly what I wanted, but I hated that he looked differently at me now. It was like I was some different person whom he had to be very careful around. I didn’t like it.

For some reason it was like my mind and body were disconnected. Like I had mentioned to many times before, I wanted to refuse talking to him forever, but my body disagreed. Once again, it failed me and started doing things I didn’t want.

“Why did you get mad at Jack?” I mumbled quietly, only barely being heard over the sound of the engine and the tires rolling over the road. My subconscious really wanted to know. I didn’t want to be the reason for them to be fighting.

Alex took a low breath after staying quiet for a while -- maybe he did it because he could barely hear me, or maybe he had to think of an answer -- but he still came up with something to say, “Because I really care about you-- care about your wellbeing. I have been so worried, and Jack just wouldn’t tell me what was going on. And now I found out he knew all along, but decided to keep it to himself instead.”

“I told him to stay quiet,” I whispered more to myself that directly at him, a tears rolling down my cheek. I didn’t know why I was about to start crying again. Everything was just getting me, too much for me to handle. If I hadn’t gone to school, none of this would have happened. I could have prevented it all just by following my gut feeling. But I was too ignorant and tried to be too brave.

After that, Alex didn’t answer anymore. He was silent, concentrating on the road in front of him, lost in thought. I didn’t know if he hadn’t heard me, or if he didn’t have anything to say to that. Not letting Jack tell anybody was very selfish of me, but I didn’t know any better. By doing it, I did not only make it more difficult for Jack, but I was making my friends feel like I didn’t trust them anymore.

But could I at all?

“And why did you follow me?” I asked next. If I was in the question asking mood now anyway, why not just go further? It wasn’t like I could make this whole situation any worse.

“I didn’t do something then, so I had to do something now,” he said in a monotone and cold voice. His knuckles had started turning white, clutching onto the steering wheel way too tightly. Something was going through his mind, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. But that wasn’t the only thing confusing me. His comment also messed with me.

“What?” I asked without even thinking about it first. My mind really was disconnected.

“I- I- I saw what Luke did to you in the parking lot,” he mumbled remorsefully, making me freeze up. He knew and he didn’t do anything! He left me to fend for myself. Every little thing Luke had forced me to do was witnessed by the guy I shared a house with; the one guy who I would have had at least the decency to do something like that for me!

“What?” I repeated, but this time not in a questioning way. My voice was weak, shaking as my vision went blurry. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, but I couldn’t help it. I had been betrayed by someone I didn’t even know could hurt me as much as he was right now. I thought I had pushed him away! He wasn’t supposed to care about me anymore! What the fuck was wrong with me!

“I’m so sorry, Ash!” He shouted before breaking into tears himself, “I’m so sorry!”

He pulled over, not being able to drive in the state he was now. We both just sat there in the unmoving car, bawling our eyes out for different reasons that were connected so strongly.

---
Alex’s POV

The scene had been repeating in my mind ever since it had happened. Every time I closed my eyes, it appeared again, getting worse as time went past. My own mind was making me feel worse for the mistakes I had made. Luke would always grab her, hit her, slam her, making sure she felt as much pain as possible. Sometimes my dream would end with him killing her, and other times it got even worse than that. Ash would look at me, making eye contact, before he forced her into the filthy car. The look she gave me made me want to scream. I couldn’t believe I just let myself let her go like that.

Dinner was silent, everybody unsure with what they could say, too afraid with saying the wrong thing. Ash looked drained from any life she had in her when she came with Jack to school. All the remaining confidence and surety she had built up, was now completely gone. My actions had ruined anything left inside her, and it killed me. If I hadn’t been beating myself up about it before, I certainly was doing it now.

It turned out my mom and dad already knew. I didn’t know if I could tell them, but when they came up in my room later that evening, asking me if I had found out, I knew that it wasn’t necessary anymore. It wasn’t only Jack who had been keeping this from me, but my own parents hadn’t said a word, only telling me that Ash was sick and staying with Jack until she got better.

I guess she never did.

While I was up for another while, still overthinking everything while staring at my empty computer screen, Ash had gone to bed. She was silent, and I wouldn’t even had realised she had gotten ready if it weren’t for her quickly mumbling a goodnight to me. All the doors she opened and closed were done so cautiously, terrified of making a creak. Her footsteps were nonexistent, hiding from any evil lurking around.

I was the one who caused that. I could have prevented it all.

Over time, my parents went to bed as well, while I told them I still had to finish something for homework. But I was still staring at nothing. Homework was the last on my mind right now, even though it always was. My mind wasn’t even focused on music, like it normally was. It was all Ash. Ash, Ash, Ash. I could have prevented it.

Eventually, I fell asleep at my desk, my head laying on my arms while my back was bent in a weird angle. My laptop snoozed, turning of it’s light, causing the entire room to be dark. It all seemed to peaceful from the outside, but in my mind a war scene was going on. My mind was all over the place, fighting with itself to understand what I was feeling. It really couldn’t have been good for me.

I forced myself awake before my dream could end again. I didn’t want to know how I left Ash off this time. It was impossible for me to see her die one last time or feel my heart tear even further. Enough pain had already been caused by the vision.

The house was quiet… but not entirely. I could hear some sniffling, and this time it wasn’t me. I had already gotten used to waking up to myself crying, but my cheeks were completely dry. If it wasn’t me, it had to be Ash. I stretched out, standing up and taking off my jeans, going for some pajama bottoms first.

I would have immediately run over to her. But the skinny jeans were getting uncomfortably tight, and I couldn’t just show up in my boxers. The last thing I wanted was to make her scared. I had already messed up enough. So, I started my way across the hallway and knocked on her bedroom door before opening it.

Her body, lying in fetal position while the blankets were wrapped around her tightly, was shaking, small whimpers coming out of her. I could tell she was trying hold back so she wouldn’t wake up anybody else. Maybe I had actually woken myself up not just for myself; maybe there was a reason I did it; maybe I had subconsciously heard her.

“Ash?” I whispered into the room, entering a couple of steps further, “are you ok?”

I could see her shake her head. Of course she wasn’t ok. What was I expecting? Getting a positive answer out of her? This is why she chose Jack over me. He probably knew exactly what to say and when to say it, while I just did the wrong things the entire time. I didn’t even deserve to have a crush on her like I did. Maybe there was a reason why they had kissed and why it wasn’t me.

“Do you mind if I join you?” I still asked, not wanting to just climb into her bed without permission.

When she raised the covers for me. I slowly climbed in, careful not to make any sudden movements. I wasn’t sure if she was going be ok with this. But when she placed her head on my chest, I knew she wasn’t mad at me. I tried calming her down my running my fingers through her hair, cursing myself for feeling so nervous around her in a situation like this. Right now wasn’t a time for my heart to beat faster.

----
Ash’s POV

When I woke up, I was still pressed tightly against Alex. I had surprised myself by letting him come in my bed. It was one thing to trust Jack that fast, but now I was allowing Alex to do it as well. Only, this time it was different. The decisions I made around Alex were different. They weren’t conscious. Everything happened automatically, like a reflex. While, with Jack, I actually was able to make my own decisions. It was really weird.

I was facing the digital clock on the bedside table. My eyes went wide when I saw it read 10am. We were supposed to be at school two hours ago! I pushed myself off of Alex, one hand on his chest, “Alex! It’s ten am!”

His eyes jumped open, turning to look at the clock before shooting upright, “shit!”

“Alex, language!” Isobel opened the door and glared at her son. Although he swore quite a lot, she always still said something to try an stop it, but it obviously never worked. He had even corrupted me.

“But we are way too late!” Alex exclaimed, pointing at the time. Normally he wasn’t so worried about getting to school on time, so it was weird seeing him act like this. I knew that if he had the option, he would just skip school nearly everyday. Maybe it was because I was here. I always used to be furious if he woke up late. But now, now I couldn’t care less. I didn’t want to go back to school. I knew for sure now that the news had spread around the school like wildfire.

“Relax,” Isobel chuckled and shook her head, “I let you guys stay in and told the school you two wouldn’t come in today. They completely understood.” She gave me a smile that showed how sorry she was. That was the only confirmation I needed to know that, indeed, everybody did know.

“Oh.”

“I am expecting you, Alex, to go back tomorrow.” She gave him one last stern look before leaving the room again, but keeping the door open. Although she knew nothing was going to happen, she still didn’t trust it. But, come on, who trusted their kids in their bedroom with somebody of the opposite gender (or same gender, or no gender, depending if they knew about their child’s sexuality).

Alex let out a small groan and fell back onto the pillow. I smiled down at him, realising how exhausted he actually looked up closer, “mornin’.”

His eyes snapped up towards me in slight shock, before returning my small smile, “morning.”

“I have to call Jack,” I thought out loud, reaching over to grab my phone on the floor of my side of the bed.

“Oh, that’s ok. Should I leave?” Alex showed some disappointment, already getting up to give me privacy.

But I shook my head. I didn’t know what made me trust Alex, especially with how he betrayed me, but I just did. Seeing him disappointed like that actually made me feel sad for some reason. I didn’t want him thinking I was calling Jack because he was the only person I felt like I could talk to. That wasn’t it at all.

“No, you can stay,” I told him, lightly pushing down on his shoulder.

“Okay.” He nodded and resumed his position, looking at me with expectant eyes.

“I just want to tell him you helped me through the night and that you forgive him,” even though Alex never actually said he forgave his best friend, I dialed Jack’s number and put my phone to my ear, still looking right at Alex. I laughed softly, “your hair’s a mess.”

“It’s normally what happens after sleeping,” he laughed along with me.

I couldn’t help but reach out and try to fix his hair while I was letting the dial tones ring. Using my fingers as a comb, I gently took out the knots, occasionally placing a weird strand back in it’s place. His hair was surprisingly smooth to the touch, gliding through my fingers easily (the occasional knot being an exception). I never though his hair was this soft, but it felt so normal to me. All while I was doing this, Alex continued to give me focused eyes, watching my face.

Jack finally answered, not even bothering to say hello first, “Ash, I’m so so sorry for what happened. I’ll slap myself for you. I never knew this would happen. I feel so fucking stupid! I’m so so sorry!”

“Jack, calm down, Everything’s fine. Alex helped me and he says he forgives you for not telling him. It’s all good, I don’t blame either of you, it’s all on me,” I replied telling exactly what I wanted, nothing more, nothing less. He didn’t know about me and Alex crying together but separately, and there was no need for me to explain the dream I had before waking up.

“Don’t say that,” Jack mumbled at the same time Alex was shaking his head at me, “none of it’s your fault. Trust me, ok? None of it is.”

“Ok,” I whispered back, “I’ll let you get back to your school work. Bye”

I hung up the phone before he could say goodbye back to me. My eyes still hadn’t left Alex, who was now waiting for me to finish the phone call. As soon as I put my phone away, he started talking, thinking the exact same Jack was.

He opened his arms for me, and I cuddled into his arms, “don’t ever blame yourself for what happened.

Notes

Everybody's been giving me different opinions about Jack and Alex. Have you guys changed your mind again with this chapter? Who should Ash trust and who shouldn't she trust? Maybe both, and just keep the story going on like this, jumping back and forth between the two? xD