Ash’s POV

I was so relieved to hear that none of Alex’s friends weren't here anymore (an exception for Jack, I saw his car outside). Before coming back here, I wandered around in the rain, crying my eyes out. I had no clue what had just happened. I thought Luke actually cared about me, he even accidentally told me he loved me! But I guess I was wrong. First he tried to force me into something I didn’t want to do, and then he hit me because I tried to get away. My face was burning and throbbing, and I couldn’t help but think how stupid I was. I was a bitch, just like Luke told me. I was worthless… I was nothing…

I stayed out until one in the morning, not caring about all the dangers that could be lurking out there. It didn’t matter anyway. I was hurt enough already, I didn’t give a fuck if anybody tried to hurt me more. It wasn’t the slap that hit me the most, it was more the reason why it happened. He had been so sweet and understanding at first, why was he trying to get me to do more all of a sudden? It was all my fault. There was no way I would be able to keep a guy like im around somebody like me without actually putting myself out there and being open to whatever he wanted to do!

When I entered the house, my hair dripping, my dress ripped apart from falling over and getting stuck in bushes, and my makeup smeared all over my face, I was surprised to see that Alex’s parents were nowhere to be seen. Well, that was until I remembered they were out with friends for dinner, and probably wouldn’t be home until later, and seeing how late it was now, it was very likely they stayed at their friend’s house. It just meant it was a lot easier for me to sneak in without anybody seeing me like this.

I slowly crept through the dark house, going up the stairs so I could take a shower. Not bothering to check myself in the mirror, I stripped off what was left of my clothes and stood in the warm water, not feeling anything. Although the water was hot, I felt like I was still in the cold pouring rain. Nothing could comfort me anymore. I ran my hands over my face to get rid of the smudges makeup, wincing as I touched the tender part at my eye. The stinging feeling of his hand hitting my skin flashed through me again, making my pull away my hands as quickly as possible and turn off the shower. I rushed to put on my underwear and pajamas, not wanting to be naked much longer than necessary.

Just as I was about to slip into my room, I heard laughing and talking coming from Alex’s room, meaning that he and Jack were still up. Deciding it would be best to let them know I was back, I knocked on the door before carefully opening the door, standing so they would only be able to see a silhouette of me.

When I say both Alex and Jack looking at me, illuminated by one of their phones, I decided to speak up, “hey, I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m back and going to bed.”

“How was the date?” Jack asked while stretching out.

“It was good,” I mumbled, slowly walking back before they could ask me any more questions, “goodnight.”

I heard them say goodnight back to me while I closed to door. Maybe they realised that something was off, but I really didn’t care at the moment. I just trudged back into my room, happy that neither of them followed me, and huddled underneath the covers. It was still dark and cold. Dreading going to school the next day, I let more tears fall.

It felt like just a couple of seconds after I fell asleep when I was woken up by a loud scream. I shot up in bed, trying to find out if it was in my dream or in real life. When I didn’t hear anything for a while, I thought it might have either been me or my imagination. But then more laboured mumbling continued. It was like the person was trying to say ‘no’ over and over again.

I got out of my bed and slowly opened my door to inspect the noise further. There was dimmed light coming out from underneath Alex’s door and I could hear the noise more clearly now. Jack’s voice was there as well, and crying started. I really did not know what was going on, but I still tiptoed across the hallway and opened the door. Alex was shaking and crying, trying his best to catch his breath. Jack was next to him, trying to get him to calm down, but it didn’t seem to work.

“What’s going on?” I asked, but not too loudly in case I would make everything worse. I had never seen Alex like this before and Jack looked like he was trying to do a usual routine. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to go, but I really looked like things were going wrong from where I was standing.

“It’s never been this bad!” Jack looked at me with pleading eyes, like he thought that I knew what I was supposed to do. And that was when it all settled in. Alex was having an anxiety attack. I did not know why, but I did know that that boy needed help. There was no way I was going to let him pass out.

I quickly took a seat next to Alex, on his bed, while Jack stood up so Alex wouldn’t feel crowded. Before doing anything else, I grabbed Alex’s sweaty hand and put my other one on his chest, causing him to look up at me. I didn’t know whether or not he was actually paying attention to me, but having him look at me maybe it seem like I was able to reach him better.

“I’m going to fucking die!” he screamed, sobs breaking his voice while his breathing became more rapid.

“No, you won’t,” I tried, rubbing circles on his chest like I would do to my brother when I hadn’t found a method that always worked, “it’s going to be ok.”

“I’m dying!” he sobbed once again, shaking his head at my statement.

I had to try another method, but I didn’t know which one. Whatever I did, I had to be very careful. As much as whatever I did could help him, it could also make everything a whole lot worse. I only knew what to do if it was my brother, but I never had to help anybody else before. This was a whole new situation, and I was freaking out myself, but I couldn’t let Alex know that.

“Maybe you will,” I started in the calmest and softest voice I could possibly use, “but you won’t die by yourself. I’ll be right there with you.” I had to make sure to continue talking to he wouldn’t have time to overthink everything I said and change it into something a whole lot worse. “It will be like a Romeo and Juliet situation. You get to pick who you want to be, I don’t mind who I am.”

Yes, I knew Alex and I weren’t in love, or anywhere close to that. But I knew for my brother that telling him stories would sometimes help, and it seemed like it was working for Alex as well However, he still hadn’t calmed down fully. So, I continued, “you know, being Romeo actually wouldn’t be so bad. I would be able to have all those sword fights with the people that are against us. Do you think I would be good at that? I mean, I might be able to handle a sword pretty well.”

I continued until I felt his breathing go back to normal, mentioning all the things he would be able to do if he were to be Juliet. Slowly but surely he seemed to calm down, and reflecting back on it I had no idea how it worked. I basically retold a love story/tragedy where I would play the guy and he would play the girl. If anything, that should not have helped him at all, or he should have gotten even worse. But it seemed to have worked.

Before I could ask him how he felt now, he frowned up at me, still in a confused daze, “what happened to your eye?” I winced as he reached up to graze his finger across it, causing him to give me a stern look.

“Nothing,” I told him, hoping he would forget about it and just leave it be. There was no way I was going to tell anybody about what happened. It was way too embarrassing.

He looked at me as if he wasn’t hearing me right, not believing me one bit, “but it’s all bruised.”

Well, shit. I didn’t think it was that bad. Sure, it did hurt a lot, but i didn’t think it was visible! Was it even possible to get bruised from somebody slapping you? I thought that only happened when you were punched! I was going to have to cover this up tomorrow, or else I would get so many weird looks at school. Shit!

When I didn’t answer, Alex started to force me to answer him by asking me more questions, “did Luke do this to you?”

I couldn’t wait too long with giving an answer, or he would know. So, I quickly made something up, opening my mouth before I had the whole lie set out in my head, “no, well… yes, but not directly. We went to his place after having dinner, and he went to the bathroom. I walked out of his bedroom to get something to drink, but he opened the door exactly at the same time. He didn’t know I was walking past. So, the door hit me right in the face. I didn’t know it would actually give me a black eye.”

I was actually kind of surprised with how believable I sounded. I chuckled in the right places as if I were remembering the awkward, embarrassing, and funny moment. But in reality, nothing like that happened. Alex and Jack didn’t need to know that, though.

“Ok,” Alex muttered before rolling onto his side and closing his eyes to fall asleep. He was probably exhausted, and I wasn’t blaming him. I actually was also pretty tired, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep anymore.

“Are you going to stay here?” Jack asked while climbing under his own duvet on the mattress on the floor, “or would you rather go back to your room?”

“I think I’ll stay here, just to make sure everything’s ok,” I told him, but I also just wanted to stay here because I felt better surrounded my people now. However, I wasn’t sure where I was going to sleep. I couldn’t just assume that Alex would allow me to sleep in his bed, and the mattress Jack was sleeping on looked way too small for me to join.

Luckily, Alex wasn’t asleep yet, and heard us talk. He shuffled over more to the side and told me to sleep beside him. I immediately felt more safe and comfortable, and I was pretty sure Alex did as well. Before any of us fell asleep, Alex asked me how I knew what to do. So, I told him about Kayden’s condition and about the song I wrote about him. I even mentioned the whole accidental suicide attempt. It felt good getting it all off my chest, and Jack and Alex seemed to understand.

We all closed our eyes knowing just a little bit more about each other.

Notes

This chapter might seem a bit random, but think about it this way: maybe there's some weird connection shit going on? It can't just be a coincidence that Alex has an anxiety attack the same night Ash gets abused? Or maybe something else happened?