Just Two Kids Stupid and Fearless
Where Will my Heart Go?
Riley
It’s been a few weeks since that first day of school, and me and Haley were told we were the perfect additions to their little group. Honestly, I really wasn’t used to having more than just one friend. It’s weird knowing that other people have your back, and care about you. I was so used to being lonely, I didn’t know how great it was having a group of friends. Cass has been so kind and accepting, and she seems really glad she finally has best friends that are girls. She wasn’t any different than me and Haley, we bonded instantly on our love for Green Day and red nail polish. It feels like we have known eachother forever, even though it has been a month.
It all just started with my clumsiness, falling on Alex was the best thing that could’ve happened to me on that first day of school. Unfortunately, ever since falling on Alex, I’ve been falling for him. I noticed how much we have in common, and how our personalities fit like two puzzle pieces. He brings out the braver part of a quiet girl, I bring out the sweeter side in a guy who was sorta an asshole. We were having a great impact on each other, I haven’t felt so able to speak my mind in my whole life. I felt like I could tell Alex anything, and he would just be so accepting, and relate to what I was going through and give me a big hug. He was like a teddy bear, I just wanted to be with him all day and cuddle. But, that’s probably how all girls feel around him. In these few weeks, I realized he was a pretty big flirt, and probably treats every girl the way he treats me. Like I’m the only girl he cares about.
Ugh, that is so cliche, when did I become one of those girls? Is this what having friends does to someone, do they just morph into the cliches that appear in Mean Girls, and every chick flick practically? I used to worry about being in public places, and being social with others without losing the ability to speak out of fear. Now I just think about boys, and typical highschool drama. I really shouldn’t be thinking about Alex as anything but a friend anyway, we are both taken. He is with a hotter than hot, fucking model.
There’s no way he would give me a second glance, when he was dating a 10, and I was a 0. Luke has called me a 0 before, and I don’t blame him. Even though it was rude, it’s better than other things he has called me in the past. I miss the way he used to be in the summer, he was so caring and gentle, it’s hard to imagine him like that now. When I first met him, he was just a sweetheart with an acoustic guitar, but he met a group of complete douchebags. They formed a heavy metal band, which really really sucks, they started doing drugs, and everything’s been going town hill. I still try to imagine him as the boy he was before, one day he will snap out of this and realize he is being stupid. I’ve tried to talk him out of it countless times, but nothing helps. Now he is mad at me because he doesn’t like my new friends, but I’m not giving them up just because of him.
“Hello? Earth to Riley, are you even listening to me?” I just then realized Haley was having a one sided conversation with me.
“Oh, geez sorry Haley. I guess I was just-”
“Lost in anxiety land that is your mind, of course. I was just asking you if you did the math homework, Jack has been begging me for mine but I didn’t do it either.” she explained. I nodded, a little taken aback by the comment she said about my mind but it wasn’t like she was wrong. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward Alex’s locker, which Jack was rapidly copying down history homework.
“Do you ever do any homework?” I asked, and dropped my backpack to get out my papers.
“He does this everyday, and says he will pay me back someday.” Alex glared at him.
“Look, I have better things to do than homework. You told me to learn the new chords for the song you are writing, I did, and didn’t have any time for homework. So technically, this is your fault.” he said.
“You’re writing a song?” I asked. I love how artistic and creative Alex is, he could read the back of a cereal box and somehow get beautiful ideas for a next song.
“Yeah, you should come to our band practice after school and hear it. Even though we barely even play we just fuck off.” he chuckled. I swear my heart skipped a beat. I hate how excited he gets me, he is just so attractive and sweet, I still don’t know why he talks to me. I opened my mouth to accept his offer, but then Alex’s girlfriend, Amber strutted over here, pushed him up against the locker and french kissed him. Oh lovely. He put one hand on her face, the other on the side of her bare stomach that was showing.
“Oh my god, I’m blind” Haley complained, making me and Jack laugh.
“You would think they would need to breathe if they were kissing for this long.” Jack stated.
It bothered me how she didn’t even care he was in the middle of a conversation, she just interrupted everyone to devour her boy toy. That’s all she thinks of him as, just a hot body and a cute face, not the smart, funny, kind, talented, perfect guy of my dreams he really is. I hope she feels lucky having him, because you can’t get any fucking better than Alex Gaskarth. You could tell she is in charge of him though, he seems like someone who wouldn’t let anyone push him around, but when it came to his hot girlfriend he was like pudding. I wouldn’t push him around like that if we were together, but we definitely are not. He is with a fucking model, I will never be able to compete with that. She’s a total stick, with flawless skin, legs that go for miles, with boobs that I seriously think are fake. It’s impossible to find an imperfection, but when you look at me, they’re everywhere. My hips are too big, I have short stubby legs, chubby thighs, no flat stomach, and an ugly face. I disgust myself, I probably disgust Luke too. He never tells me I’m pretty like Alex does to Amber, he rarely compliments me in general. It’s probably because of me, there isn’t much to compliment. I wouldn’t compliment me.
“Get a fucking room, we’re in public!” Jack shouted, so Alex pushed her away, and she frowned and protested.
“No sexy…” she whined. I guess me and Haley saw it at the same time because we both burst out into laughter. Her once, perfectly lined, bubblegum pink lipstick was smeared all over her face, and it was all over Alex’s lips.
“It looks like you just sucked off a flamingo.” Haley exclaimed, Jack was wiping tears from his eyes he was laughing so hard. Alex wiped his lips off with his hand and looked pissed at us, Amber pulled out a tiny mirror, and a makeup wipe and cleaned her face. Priss. Haley and Jack were still laughing, leaning against each other for support, those two are so alike, and their laughing was contagious. Soon I was cracking up with the rest of them.
“Shut up, bitch.” Amber growled at me, which made me shut my mouth fast. What the fuck did I do to her? Everyone else was laughing. I started wiping the tears that were forming in my eyes from the laughing, and she took another hit at me.
“Careful honey, you’re goth makeup will smudge. You might as well take it all off, you would look so much prettier without all that eyeliner.” Amber said, the sass in her voice was something I could never match. I looked down, not being able to come up with anything clever to say back to her.
“What do-” Alex started to say something but Haley cut him off.
“Are you fricken’ kidding me? Everybody else was laughing, but you choose to go off on the sweetest person alive. You’re such a bitchass whore, you try talking to me like that and you will get more than just some lipstick all over your face.” Haley challenged, Jack grabbed her wrist to make sure she didn’t jump on Amber right now. Oh no.
“I was just trying to help her out, it’s not too late for her like it is for you. It’s a shame you dyed your hair, it’s a cry for attention. You probably were trying to be creative, but you just look like a demon my little pony.” Amber said. Bitch. I looked up, because I really wanted to see Haley punch this girl in the face but Jack was holding her back, and Alex was trying to stand in front of Amber.
“Oh don’t worry about me, you should be worried about walking down the street, and have everybody thinking you’re a prostitute.” Haley shouted. She’s honestly the best at comebacks
.
“You fucking bitch, you wish you looked like me, I’m a model. I get paid for being hot, while you look like a skeleton with tissues in your bra.” Amber growled, pushing past Alex to get in Haley’s face.
“At least I didn’t buy my boobs!” Haley shouted, causing Amber to gasp. Hah, I knew they had to be fake. Jack started dragging Haley away, while she still had the last word in, and Amber didn’t have a response to set her off. I followed them, I didn’t want to be near that freak show anymore.
“Go cut yourself, emo slut!” Amber shouted after us.
“Huh? I can’t hear you with Alex’s tongue down your throat. Don’t talk with your mouth full sweetie!” Haley yelled.
That was our first interaction with Amber, and that was surprisingly the best we have all gotten along.
The rest of the day went by slowly, I stared at myself a little longer in the bathroom mirror, debating on taking off some of my eyeliner. I didn’t, I liked it, and it’s not like I was wearing more makeup than that, powder face. I left the bathroom, and saw Luke walking by so I caught up to him.
“Hey Lukey.” I greeted, he smiled and kissed my head.
“Hi Riley,” He didn’t seem like he was mad at me anymore, and I couldn’t stay mad at him for long. I just wanted to go home, watch a movie and snuggle together.
“I saw you hanging out with those punk weirdos today. I told you that you can’t be around them.” he demanded, grabbing my hand and holding it tight. Oh boy.
“Luke, I told you they are my friends and I like them. I’m sorry that you don’t like them but-”
“You are going to come to the park with my friends after school, you will see how much better we are than them.” he interrupted me. I looked away, because I didn’t want to see how totally nervous I was. I can’t go with his friends, I know what in the park means. They are just going to go to some sketchy forest and get high, and I don’t want any part in that.
“I can’t Luke, I already made plans to go to Alex’s band practice.” I said, immediately realizing that will start another fight.
“Alex Gaskarth is a douchebag, you aren’t allowed to hang out with that dick. I’m pretty sure he likes you and I’m not okay with that. You are mine.” I didn’t like how possessive he sounded when he said “mine.”
“You can’t decide who I am friends with, I don’t want to hang out with you because I don’t want to go with you and your friends to get high.” I explained, trying to be as calm as I could. I could feel my heart beating faster, because I wasn’t used to getting in arguments like this.
“You never want to spend any time with me!” he argued.
“That’s not what I am saying!” I said. It was impossible to reason with him, he just turns around what I say into another argument. I really don’t want to fight, I started to feel dizzy. This can’t happen at school, not here.
“You think you are so much better than me, because you have a family that cares about you, that would throw money at you whenever you needed it. I don’t, you are just a privileged little bitch that gets everything she ever wants.” he shouted, I noticed people stop walking in the hall to glance our way. People looking at me, this is so embarrassing. I wanted to defend myself like Haley could, but I really didn’t know how. Even if I could, he would turn it around and make it some sort of insult about myself. My mouth seemed to be glued shut, I just stood there trembling, taking in everything he was saying about me. He isn’t wrong, I am such a bitch.
“I care about you so much, but I don’t think you even love me at all. It’s not my fault that you are such a prude that you won’t do anything with me-”
“Stop Luke…” I protested, desperately trying to quiet his loud tone. I felt my throat tighten, I began to panic. I knew I was about to have an anxiety attack, I wasn’t used to anyone screaming at me, especially not in a very public place.
“I’m not gonna stop, you are a-” I’m sure he was about to call me the c-word before Rian stood in between us and pushed him away, not in a violent way that would provoke him, thankfully. I felt arms tightly wrap around me, I glanced over to see Cass, and hid my face in her shoulder. Was it bad I wished she was Alex? I wished she was Alex so bad. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a corner of the abandoned hallway. Alex isn’t my hero, Cass and Rian were.
“Riley, are you okay? You know that none of the things that he said was true, you aren’t any of those terrible names. He is not a good boyfriend, and you don’t deserve any of that, absolutely none of it.” she said, trying to convince me everything was okay. I was still shaking, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of its chest. All I wanted was to lay in my bed and cry. Why would Luke say any of those things if it wasn’t true? I mean, I obviously cause him a lot of pain because I made him to scream in public. He was so fucking mad at me. I wouldn’t have sex with him because I’m not ready, but he is so I don’t know what to do about that. I just want to make him happy, and I want me to be happy too. I realized Rian and Cass were hugging me, and Rian said that I should go to the nurse. Cass could tell by my face that was not a good option.
“You can go to class Rian. We will be in the bathroom.”
It’s been a few weeks since that first day of school, and me and Haley were told we were the perfect additions to their little group. Honestly, I really wasn’t used to having more than just one friend. It’s weird knowing that other people have your back, and care about you. I was so used to being lonely, I didn’t know how great it was having a group of friends. Cass has been so kind and accepting, and she seems really glad she finally has best friends that are girls. She wasn’t any different than me and Haley, we bonded instantly on our love for Green Day and red nail polish. It feels like we have known eachother forever, even though it has been a month.
It all just started with my clumsiness, falling on Alex was the best thing that could’ve happened to me on that first day of school. Unfortunately, ever since falling on Alex, I’ve been falling for him. I noticed how much we have in common, and how our personalities fit like two puzzle pieces. He brings out the braver part of a quiet girl, I bring out the sweeter side in a guy who was sorta an asshole. We were having a great impact on each other, I haven’t felt so able to speak my mind in my whole life. I felt like I could tell Alex anything, and he would just be so accepting, and relate to what I was going through and give me a big hug. He was like a teddy bear, I just wanted to be with him all day and cuddle. But, that’s probably how all girls feel around him. In these few weeks, I realized he was a pretty big flirt, and probably treats every girl the way he treats me. Like I’m the only girl he cares about.
Ugh, that is so cliche, when did I become one of those girls? Is this what having friends does to someone, do they just morph into the cliches that appear in Mean Girls, and every chick flick practically? I used to worry about being in public places, and being social with others without losing the ability to speak out of fear. Now I just think about boys, and typical highschool drama. I really shouldn’t be thinking about Alex as anything but a friend anyway, we are both taken. He is with a hotter than hot, fucking model.
There’s no way he would give me a second glance, when he was dating a 10, and I was a 0. Luke has called me a 0 before, and I don’t blame him. Even though it was rude, it’s better than other things he has called me in the past. I miss the way he used to be in the summer, he was so caring and gentle, it’s hard to imagine him like that now. When I first met him, he was just a sweetheart with an acoustic guitar, but he met a group of complete douchebags. They formed a heavy metal band, which really really sucks, they started doing drugs, and everything’s been going town hill. I still try to imagine him as the boy he was before, one day he will snap out of this and realize he is being stupid. I’ve tried to talk him out of it countless times, but nothing helps. Now he is mad at me because he doesn’t like my new friends, but I’m not giving them up just because of him.
“Hello? Earth to Riley, are you even listening to me?” I just then realized Haley was having a one sided conversation with me.
“Oh, geez sorry Haley. I guess I was just-”
“Lost in anxiety land that is your mind, of course. I was just asking you if you did the math homework, Jack has been begging me for mine but I didn’t do it either.” she explained. I nodded, a little taken aback by the comment she said about my mind but it wasn’t like she was wrong. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward Alex’s locker, which Jack was rapidly copying down history homework.
“Do you ever do any homework?” I asked, and dropped my backpack to get out my papers.
“He does this everyday, and says he will pay me back someday.” Alex glared at him.
“Look, I have better things to do than homework. You told me to learn the new chords for the song you are writing, I did, and didn’t have any time for homework. So technically, this is your fault.” he said.
“You’re writing a song?” I asked. I love how artistic and creative Alex is, he could read the back of a cereal box and somehow get beautiful ideas for a next song.
“Yeah, you should come to our band practice after school and hear it. Even though we barely even play we just fuck off.” he chuckled. I swear my heart skipped a beat. I hate how excited he gets me, he is just so attractive and sweet, I still don’t know why he talks to me. I opened my mouth to accept his offer, but then Alex’s girlfriend, Amber strutted over here, pushed him up against the locker and french kissed him. Oh lovely. He put one hand on her face, the other on the side of her bare stomach that was showing.
“Oh my god, I’m blind” Haley complained, making me and Jack laugh.
“You would think they would need to breathe if they were kissing for this long.” Jack stated.
It bothered me how she didn’t even care he was in the middle of a conversation, she just interrupted everyone to devour her boy toy. That’s all she thinks of him as, just a hot body and a cute face, not the smart, funny, kind, talented, perfect guy of my dreams he really is. I hope she feels lucky having him, because you can’t get any fucking better than Alex Gaskarth. You could tell she is in charge of him though, he seems like someone who wouldn’t let anyone push him around, but when it came to his hot girlfriend he was like pudding. I wouldn’t push him around like that if we were together, but we definitely are not. He is with a fucking model, I will never be able to compete with that. She’s a total stick, with flawless skin, legs that go for miles, with boobs that I seriously think are fake. It’s impossible to find an imperfection, but when you look at me, they’re everywhere. My hips are too big, I have short stubby legs, chubby thighs, no flat stomach, and an ugly face. I disgust myself, I probably disgust Luke too. He never tells me I’m pretty like Alex does to Amber, he rarely compliments me in general. It’s probably because of me, there isn’t much to compliment. I wouldn’t compliment me.
“Get a fucking room, we’re in public!” Jack shouted, so Alex pushed her away, and she frowned and protested.
“No sexy…” she whined. I guess me and Haley saw it at the same time because we both burst out into laughter. Her once, perfectly lined, bubblegum pink lipstick was smeared all over her face, and it was all over Alex’s lips.
“It looks like you just sucked off a flamingo.” Haley exclaimed, Jack was wiping tears from his eyes he was laughing so hard. Alex wiped his lips off with his hand and looked pissed at us, Amber pulled out a tiny mirror, and a makeup wipe and cleaned her face. Priss. Haley and Jack were still laughing, leaning against each other for support, those two are so alike, and their laughing was contagious. Soon I was cracking up with the rest of them.
“Shut up, bitch.” Amber growled at me, which made me shut my mouth fast. What the fuck did I do to her? Everyone else was laughing. I started wiping the tears that were forming in my eyes from the laughing, and she took another hit at me.
“Careful honey, you’re goth makeup will smudge. You might as well take it all off, you would look so much prettier without all that eyeliner.” Amber said, the sass in her voice was something I could never match. I looked down, not being able to come up with anything clever to say back to her.
“What do-” Alex started to say something but Haley cut him off.
“Are you fricken’ kidding me? Everybody else was laughing, but you choose to go off on the sweetest person alive. You’re such a bitchass whore, you try talking to me like that and you will get more than just some lipstick all over your face.” Haley challenged, Jack grabbed her wrist to make sure she didn’t jump on Amber right now. Oh no.
“I was just trying to help her out, it’s not too late for her like it is for you. It’s a shame you dyed your hair, it’s a cry for attention. You probably were trying to be creative, but you just look like a demon my little pony.” Amber said. Bitch. I looked up, because I really wanted to see Haley punch this girl in the face but Jack was holding her back, and Alex was trying to stand in front of Amber.
“Oh don’t worry about me, you should be worried about walking down the street, and have everybody thinking you’re a prostitute.” Haley shouted. She’s honestly the best at comebacks
.
“You fucking bitch, you wish you looked like me, I’m a model. I get paid for being hot, while you look like a skeleton with tissues in your bra.” Amber growled, pushing past Alex to get in Haley’s face.
“At least I didn’t buy my boobs!” Haley shouted, causing Amber to gasp. Hah, I knew they had to be fake. Jack started dragging Haley away, while she still had the last word in, and Amber didn’t have a response to set her off. I followed them, I didn’t want to be near that freak show anymore.
“Go cut yourself, emo slut!” Amber shouted after us.
“Huh? I can’t hear you with Alex’s tongue down your throat. Don’t talk with your mouth full sweetie!” Haley yelled.
That was our first interaction with Amber, and that was surprisingly the best we have all gotten along.
The rest of the day went by slowly, I stared at myself a little longer in the bathroom mirror, debating on taking off some of my eyeliner. I didn’t, I liked it, and it’s not like I was wearing more makeup than that, powder face. I left the bathroom, and saw Luke walking by so I caught up to him.
“Hey Lukey.” I greeted, he smiled and kissed my head.
“Hi Riley,” He didn’t seem like he was mad at me anymore, and I couldn’t stay mad at him for long. I just wanted to go home, watch a movie and snuggle together.
“I saw you hanging out with those punk weirdos today. I told you that you can’t be around them.” he demanded, grabbing my hand and holding it tight. Oh boy.
“Luke, I told you they are my friends and I like them. I’m sorry that you don’t like them but-”
“You are going to come to the park with my friends after school, you will see how much better we are than them.” he interrupted me. I looked away, because I didn’t want to see how totally nervous I was. I can’t go with his friends, I know what in the park means. They are just going to go to some sketchy forest and get high, and I don’t want any part in that.
“I can’t Luke, I already made plans to go to Alex’s band practice.” I said, immediately realizing that will start another fight.
“Alex Gaskarth is a douchebag, you aren’t allowed to hang out with that dick. I’m pretty sure he likes you and I’m not okay with that. You are mine.” I didn’t like how possessive he sounded when he said “mine.”
“You can’t decide who I am friends with, I don’t want to hang out with you because I don’t want to go with you and your friends to get high.” I explained, trying to be as calm as I could. I could feel my heart beating faster, because I wasn’t used to getting in arguments like this.
“You never want to spend any time with me!” he argued.
“That’s not what I am saying!” I said. It was impossible to reason with him, he just turns around what I say into another argument. I really don’t want to fight, I started to feel dizzy. This can’t happen at school, not here.
“You think you are so much better than me, because you have a family that cares about you, that would throw money at you whenever you needed it. I don’t, you are just a privileged little bitch that gets everything she ever wants.” he shouted, I noticed people stop walking in the hall to glance our way. People looking at me, this is so embarrassing. I wanted to defend myself like Haley could, but I really didn’t know how. Even if I could, he would turn it around and make it some sort of insult about myself. My mouth seemed to be glued shut, I just stood there trembling, taking in everything he was saying about me. He isn’t wrong, I am such a bitch.
“I care about you so much, but I don’t think you even love me at all. It’s not my fault that you are such a prude that you won’t do anything with me-”
“Stop Luke…” I protested, desperately trying to quiet his loud tone. I felt my throat tighten, I began to panic. I knew I was about to have an anxiety attack, I wasn’t used to anyone screaming at me, especially not in a very public place.
“I’m not gonna stop, you are a-” I’m sure he was about to call me the c-word before Rian stood in between us and pushed him away, not in a violent way that would provoke him, thankfully. I felt arms tightly wrap around me, I glanced over to see Cass, and hid my face in her shoulder. Was it bad I wished she was Alex? I wished she was Alex so bad. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a corner of the abandoned hallway. Alex isn’t my hero, Cass and Rian were.
“Riley, are you okay? You know that none of the things that he said was true, you aren’t any of those terrible names. He is not a good boyfriend, and you don’t deserve any of that, absolutely none of it.” she said, trying to convince me everything was okay. I was still shaking, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of its chest. All I wanted was to lay in my bed and cry. Why would Luke say any of those things if it wasn’t true? I mean, I obviously cause him a lot of pain because I made him to scream in public. He was so fucking mad at me. I wouldn’t have sex with him because I’m not ready, but he is so I don’t know what to do about that. I just want to make him happy, and I want me to be happy too. I realized Rian and Cass were hugging me, and Rian said that I should go to the nurse. Cass could tell by my face that was not a good option.
“You can go to class Rian. We will be in the bathroom.”
Notes
Oooh! There is so much drama in this chapter! Sorry this took a million years to post, It won't usually take this long. I will try to post at least once a week from now on, and I will try to have long chapters like this.
Poor Riley!
Outfits
*there are lots of outfits on my polyvore account that reveal what might be happening in future chapters heh*
amber http://www.polyvore.com/16/set?id=191943593
cass http://www.polyvore.com/12/set?id=191784046
riley http://www.polyvore.com/17/set?id=191784788
haley http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=192593761
(I'm trying to have the girls all have a different sense of style, but I don't have that great of a style myself so...)
Title credit- Too Much
Such a good story. Please consider picking it up again!!!! :)
7/4/16