I should have known something was up with Alex once his whole demeanor began to change. His interests evolved into ones I wasn't used to him being in, his feelings towards sex had changed drastically, and his mental health and stability was plummeting down to a brand new low. I really should have asked him about it before everything started to go down hill, but I got to him before he left me completely, and I got to him just in time.

---

2012

“Lexy,” I spoke as I wrapped my arms around his tiny waist, “I haven't seen you all day. I really have missed you, and I may or may not have been thinking about making love to you all day while I was working on paperwork.” My statement made Alex let out a tiny giggle, and he scooted his small frame closer to mine.

“You’re always thinking about sex, Jack. Your mind is on a permanent sex channel 24/7. It'd be nice if it was on some other channel for a change.”

“Maybe if I got a little sugar, my mind will go to another channel.” I cocked a brow. Alex turned his head to face me, and his brows mocked my own. His eyes also squinted towards me as if he was so shocked that would even come out of my mouth.

“Seriously? Is that your way of coaxing me into sex, Jacky?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I innocently shrugged. Alex rolled his eyes and decided to pull my body on top of his. Instantly, Alex pushed our lips together roughly, and I gladly accepted the roughness. My tongue, only seconds into the make out session, poked at Alex’s lips to be granted access. My tongue was given entrance into Alex’s warm mouth, and soon, our tongues had a battle of which was dominant. Mine, of course, won dominance.

20 minutes into the make-out was when all our clothes were off, and our naked bodies were pressing against each other's with great force. Alex was panting and practically begging for me to enter him, but when I grabbed the lube from the shelf and began to lube up my wrapped willy, Alex stopped me and said, “Can you do me a favor?” I looked at him with a perplexed expression.

“Favor? What kind of favor?”

“When…when you touch me or fuck me, can you refer to my hole as my, um, pussy?” The favor made me look at Alex as if he had a million heads on his shoulder. Was he trying to get into a new kind of fetish or something? Why on earth would I refer to his ass as a vagina?

“You… You want me to refer to your ass as your vagina? Like, why?” I asked. Alex sat up on his elbows, and he looked at me with saddened eyes and a frown.

“It's just…something I want to try, I guess. It might make me feel good when you do it. It might even give me a sense of you sounding really dirty.” Alex’s explanation wasn't at all enough to make me even begin to understand why the hell I was supposed to refer his junk to a female’s parts. I sighed, shaking my head.

“Lex, I just don't think I'll feel comfortable doing that. I get you want to try something new, but I'm not into that. I'm sorry.” My words made Alex’s whole expression change, and soon, he was getting out of bed and getting back into his clothes. I watched him appalled. “W-What are you doing? I thought we were going to have sex!” Alex turned to me and gave me a look that leaked of venom.

“I am not in the fucking mood for sex anymore. Just, leave me alone. I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.” With that, Alex slammed the door of our bedroom along with the bathroom door, leaving me in the bedroom with the worst case of blue balls.

---

2014

Two years of just blow jobs wasn't going to help my sexual needs, but I wasn't going to go out and have anyone else fulfill those needs, so I was just going to have to deal with it until Alex got his head out of his ass. He wouldn't let me touch him ever since the whole “call my ass a pussy” incident, and whenever I would try to make love to him again, he would suggest it once more. I would go on to deny wanting to do it, and I would soon turn into the bad guy. I didn't understand why Alex wanted to me to call his stuff that name so much. Why was he so caught up in that damn fetish?

I was sitting in my room with my XBOX on. I was playing South Park: The Stick of Truth; it was a birthday gift from Alex. As I played it, I heard a lot of rummaging around in the bathroom that was connected to our shared room. First, I heard someone smash something against the counter, and then, I heard someone hissing and screeching as if they were in an awful a lot of pain. I began to worry, so I paused my game to go investigate. I walked up to the bathroom door and cracked it open a bit since Alex had a habit of never locking doors. When I looked inside, Alex’s back was towards the door, and he was hunching over into the tub while he sat on the toilet. What made me run to him was the fact that blood was dribbling down the side of the tub from his arm.

“Alex!” I shouted in horror. I ran to his side and witnesses a blade being jabbed into his skin. I slapped the razor blade away, startling him, and held his arm out to my vision. Carved into his arm was the word TRANNY in capital letters. Blood covered the letters along with the rest of his arm. My eyes were drenched in tears at the sight. I took a towel, wrapped it around Alex’s lettered wound, and cradled him in my arms while he cried in my chest. I had no idea why he would carve such a word into his skin that would permanently be with him due to scarring, and for some dumb ass reason, I never asked. I just pushed the whole event aside as if it never happened.

---

January 2nd, 2016

Another two years have gone by with no sex and no such thing as a happy Alex. After the cutting incident, I decided to put Alex into therapy to see if a doctor could straighten out his feelings. The therapist diagnosed him with a depression and prescribed him pills that would boost his mood up a bit. It saddened me to see that Alex was only getting his happiness from drugs, but I guess it was the only way I was going to get my old Lex back.

Lately, Alex’s behavior has went from odd to eerie. He sits and just reads female magazines about dresses and make up while also reading about estrogen therapy. I watch as he takes notes from the web pages he reads this stuff on. I want to ask him why he is reading up on that kind of therapy, but I don't. I don't want to piss him off by intruding his private online matters, so I leave him alone.

His style has changed drastically as well. His hair has gotten rather long because he refuses to cut it. He pulls it back in buns, and I have to say, the whole “mun” is not something that suits Alex at all. He wears a lot of bright colors like pinks and purples, and he wears flats instead of sneakers. I guess he wants to go into a new style. Although it doesn't fit him, I won't complain, I guess.

It was that night at dinner, however, when I finally spoke up. I needed to know what was going on, so I set my fork done, finished chewing the last piece of eggplant in my mouth, and spoke up with, “Alex, we need to talk.” Alex looked up with widened eyes.

“Hm?” he purred a response.

“You've changed so much over these passed four years. Your style, your reading habits, your…fetishes? You're just not the same you, Lex, and I really need to know what's going on. Can you please talk to me?” My words must have hit a sore spot, for Alex set down his fork and looked down at his feet. He was silent for a moment or two before he finally spoke up.

“My gender is the problem.”

“Your gender?” I wondered, “What do you mean?”

“I don't feel like a boy, Jack. I feel like I'm a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I hate it. I've felt like this for years, and… I guess it's just really hitting hard now. I've looked into everything, and I just feel like the transition is the best option for me.” Alex looked up at me with moist orbs. “J-Jack, I want to be a woman.” His words struck me by utter surprise. I had no idea that my boyfriend, for all these years, had been feeling this way. Everything he was doing made complete sense to me now, and it made me feel stupid for not catching onto it all sooner.

Honestly, all I could do was stare at my boyfriend with widened eyes, and that didn't help Alex’s feelings at all because he soon let out a choked sob. I knocked myself out of my trance and ran to his aid. “Baby, baby, baby. Don't cry!”I begged. I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his trembling back.

“I…I bet you want to leave me, huh?” Alex heaved. I pulled away from him and shook my head.

“Why would I do that? I fell in love with you for who you are. Your gender will not change my love for you, Lex.”

“Really?” Alex perked up with surprise.

“Of course. I will go through this journey with you every step of the way, I promise.” My words made Alex smile wide and press his lips against mine. I kissed back, smiling just as wide as he was. “You know, you're going to be a pretty hot woman.”

“Oh, shut up, Jack.”

Notes

This one shot really hits home because my partner is transgender. He is a FTM, female to male transgender, and I support him 100%. I wrote this because i wanted it to show the struggle yet the strength people who have gender identity issues go through. Although it was all in Jack's POV, I hope you got a little bit of that feeling.

I really hope hope you enjoyed this little one shot before I go to school tomorrow.

xoxo krys