RIAN'S POV

I walked down the streets wearily. I stared up at the risen full moon and imagined the things Jack would've said about werewolves... When we first met he managed to trick me into believing he was a werewolf... His hairy legs helped...

My parents went out for the night and me being me I forgot to take my keys with me tonight. I was planning on spending the night alone until I got a phone call off my girlfriend Cassadee. We spent some quality time together.

It was around half seven... Nowhere's open at half seven. Only the Starbucks on the corner, but I never have liked coffee much... Not really.(A/N I know Rian loves coffee) It was starting to get quite cold and the darkness was intimidating.

Wondering around this area is basically a way of saying 'Hey! I wanna die!' Speaking of, I wonder how he's doing... I couldn't bear to stay with him this time... Watch him destroy himself all over again. it hurt me enough to help him go through it all before.

I knew letting that asshole back in Jack's life was a mistake. I even warned him. But I guess he thought Alex had changed.

We all did.

Even I had started to crumble and let down my guard when it came to the caramel haired guy. He'd seemed to grow up in those years... I kind of understand why he ran off... But I'll never forgive him. I swore that to myself the first time he left.

I'll never forget.

Although, I thought Alex wouldn't leave, especially after Jack told him about the last time. Evidently Alex is a bigger douche then any of us thought was possible.

As I thought back to previous events I noticed I had automatically ended up outside the dreaded Starbucks. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders deciding to go inside. I went in and walked over to the counter, there was no one there so I waited.

I know for a fact that this place closes in fifteen minutes. Where the fuck is everyone!? I waited around for a while before letting impatience get the better of me.
"HELLO!?" I called into the back room. A young girl came stumbling out and looked up at me terrified. Am I really that scary?
"S-sorry," She blushed and logged into the till before turning to me. "What can I get for you?" I bit the inside of my lip.
"Do you still do those cold things?" She looked confused for a second before nodding.
"Frappuccinos?" I nodded. "What flavour would you like?"
"Uh..." I looked up at the board and noticed a list. "The... Uh... Coffee one..." She nodded.
"Size?"
"Small." The girl charged me for the drink before starting to make it.

I sat down whilst I waited for my drink. I eavesdropped into her conversation, turns out there was another employee behind the doors.
"ALEX!"
"YEAH!?" The reply came. It was barely audible over the machine whirring.
"CAN YOU BRING ME A CUP FOR A FRAPPUCCINO! I'M ALL OUT!" I sat watching the girl stop the machine and shake the contents of the container.

A caramel haired guy came out from behind the- HOLY FUCK THAT'S ALEX!

- - - - - - - - -

JACK'S POV

I lay on the bed watching Home Alone. Zack had set up the player for me before leaving to go to the pub with some guy called Martin.

I probably know him but it's not like I actually care who he is.

If his name was Kevin I might though. I curled up under my duvet cover and stared at the screen. I sighed when I remained unamused. I looked over to my right and saw my goldfish swimming around.
"Now I know how you feel little buddy," I whispered to him and stroked the front of the bowl glumly.

These parts of the day were the worst. The parts when Zack's not here. It's so lonely I just want to go and hang from the ceiling in the bathroom by my neck. I scratched my arm self consciously and hissed. I looked down at the red marks and bit my lip.

"No... I promised him," I told myself. Right at this moment of time, I couldn't care less what I promised.

I looked back to the screen for a few minutes then back down at my arm. Fuck.

There was a stream of blood leaking from the open wounds. Zack's going to loose it. I made my way into the bathroom and cleaned them up. I rubbed them in antiseptic wipes and grimaced at the pain that shot through.

I deserve every bit of it though. After all, it's my fault he left. It's always my fault. I don't know why Zack didn't let me die that day. I could be gone, all this stuff would't be happening and Alex could be happy without me. Alex can manage on his own. If he doesn't need me, and Zack doesn't need me then who does?

I'm jobless, broke and a relapsing self harmer.

What more can go wrong!?

I grabbed the first aid kit and managed to wrap a bandage around my healing wrist. I went downstairs and into the fridge. I pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and went back upstairs.

Back to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet and took out all of my antidepressants. I went back into my room with my supplies in hand. Zack won't be back until tomorrow. He won't find me until then.

It'll be too late for him to save me.

I swigged from the bottle and balanced it in between my legs. I popped out all of the tablets and put them, one at a time, into my mouth and drowned them in the JD. As I popped in the last pill I carried on chugging the drink.

The bottle emptied and I lay there... Shocked... And confused...

When was this what I've become? I've turned into a charity case... Someone that I used to want to help... Through music...

This is it... This is the end.

I felt sleep over come my jagged looking body. I ran my hands over the stubble on my chin one last time and closed my eyes in defeat.
"No going back now," I whispered smiling slightly. All the pain and misery will finally leave me. I can be alone at last. "Zack!" I remembered I hadn't left him a note. I tried to move but couldn't. I couldn't even lift my eyelids... I hope he understands.

I don't want him to hate me.

- - - - - - - - -

ZACK'S POV

I was out with Martin again. Ever since Alex left I lost the closest friends I had. Rian left me completely alone with Jack. We all know he's better with dealing with struggles like this. I've never been big on social situations and now that Jack's... changed... I can't voice my views to anyone.

I can't even have a normal conversation with Jack.

I can't have a normal conversation with Martin either. Every time I do I just end up thinking about Jack and hoping that he's doing all right on his own. I can't loose him. He's given up on life but life hasn't given up on him.

Martin was sighing when I managed to snap out of my thoughts. He patted my shoulder and I looked up at him with my dull eyes.
"Have you even slept in the past few months?" I nodded. "Well?" I shook my head and looked down at my drink. Just plain cola. I don't want to risk it...
"I can't... He's just... You know..." Martin nodded. He rubbed my back soothingly.
"I'm here for you Zack. I can see you really don't want to be here right now. You're worried about him again." It was a statement but I answered again
"Yeah... I always am... I don't want him to be hurting Martin..." He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Come on. Let's go to his and we'll drink something there. Then you don't have to worry." I thanked Martin as he led me out of the door and to my car.

I haven't slept at my own house since Jack's depression. I worry about his next move. Who can blame me? He's resorted to cutting and drinking... He scares me on a daily basis. No matter how hard I try he will never stop. He looses his temper if I ask him to.

I've had a bad feeling all night about coming back home. I'm just glad Martin has come with me. Without him... I don't know what I'd do. Honest. We pulled into Jack's driveway and I instantly noticed the lights on in the living room.
"Fuck." I unbuckled my seatbelt and made my way into the room quickly. "JACK!? JACK!?" He wasn't in the downstairs rooms. I searched them all. Martin was only just rushing in. He's had a few to drink though.

I ran up the stairs with tears in my eyes. I hope he hasn't done something stupid. I don't know what I'll do if he has. He'll hurt a part of me every time he hurts himself. Every time that he has fresh cuts I cry in the bathroom.

I ran into his bedroom, the place I left him, I saw him lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Their was a smashed bottle on the floor and a packet of antidepressants empty and on the bed next to him. I ran to his side not bothering to avoid the glass.

I grabbed his wrist and felt for a pulse. "Jack!" I felt a weak beat in his wrist and called for Martin. I couldn't control my eyes. They were weeping on their own accord. "Jack, please don't die. Don't leave me too. Do it for me Jack. Please. If you die so does a part of me remember? Jack! Please!" Martin was by my side and phoning for an ambulance. I held onto Jack's hand tightly. Only letting go when a paramedic helped me into the back of the ambulance. Martin mentioned meeting me their and I nodded.

I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings right now. I'm just hoping that Jack pulls through. I don't know what's happened to that little spark inside of him. The part of him that could entertain a room.

I cried in the ambulance.

I cried when I was told he was comatose.

I cried when the nurse told me he probably wouldn't survive the night.

- - - - - - - - -

ALEX'S POV

The day at work was a slow one. Every one was so miserable. All day. Mainly old people and teenagers, no one I actually cared about.

By the end of my shift I was tired. All I wanted was to go home but I could hear Lisa talking to someone in the cafe. When she called for me I muttered abuse under my breath. I searched for the cups and made my way out of the back room and handed her the cups.
"Mind if I shoot off?" I smiled.
"Alex!?" I turned around to see a evil potato glaring at me.
"Shit... Uh... Hey Rian." I watched his face go red. It reminds me of that game... Hot potato.
"Yeah. Hey." I could see he was gritting his overly white teeth.
"Uh...How're Jack and Zack?" I saw his shrug of a response and frowned. Lisa was watching me in amazement. Being my girlfriend she knows it all. Every little thing.
"I don't speak to those two. I told Jack it'd happen again and he didn't believe me."
"What'd happen again?" I looked at him in confusion and he sighed.
"You left him again dick. All he does is cry and mope around... At least, that's what he was doing when I last saw him." I nodded and closed my eyes.

I find it hard to believe myself. I don't even truly know my reasons behind it.

I was just a general dick.

"Rian... I didn't mean to leave him... H-He said-" Lisa rubbed my back and tried to soothe me.
"It's okay, baby." Rian glared at me.
"Of course not Alex. Just like the first time. It's just a repeat of history right!?" Rian took his drink off the counter and stormed out. "I hope you're happy with your life Alex."
"YOU LEFT HIM TOO!" I yelled. Rian turned.
"It was different!" He left. Lisa bit her lip and looked up at me.

I stropped to the back room and grabbed my black hoodie and messenger bag. I locked the back door. I went over to Lisa and hugged her.
"Please... Stay with me tonight." I whispered into her hair.
"Of course."

Lisa grabbed her stuff and followed me out of the shop. She locked the door behind us and took my hand as we walked down the street. She led me to my home and took my keys out of my bag, she unlocked the door and let me go in first.
"Let it all out now Alex. It's okay. It's just me." I nodded in response and let the tears flow.

I blame myself for it all. And I'm right to. There's nothing I can do here. I'll just have to wait for karma to take it's toll on me.

Every bit of pain and suffering I get left with I deserve. All of it.

What I don't deserve is Lisa, and my family. I wish I had Jack though...

It seems wrong but even Lisa knows that given the choice I'd choose him over her. Any time. There's no question about it at all.

I love Jack Barakat.

But I've fucked him over two times, too many.