Dizzy Hurricane
He's Not On Vacation
I looked around my room. Clothes scattered across the floor, shoes thrown every which way but it wasn't a wreck. I could find everything, I swear to you. It was just my excuse to give me something to do when I was home alone on a Friday night like I always was. I could hear a faint beep from my computer.
LondonBoy: MAXXXXXXWELLLLLLLLLLLLLL:)
WhiskeyPrincess: What's up Gaskarth?
LondonBoy: Well, you see. I'm actually doing NOTHING tonight. Weird huh?
WhiskeyPrincess: Oh my god, you mean, ALEX GASKARTH is NOT going out on a Saturday night? That's new.
LondonBoy: Yeah.. Don't tell the guys though. They think I'm out doing things.. I just wanted to go clear my head.
WhiskeyPrincess: Clear your head? Are you sad or something?
LondonBoy: You could say that. OR you couldn't. It would just depend on what you thought I was feeling.
WhiskeyPrincess: Terrible answer. Something's wrong. I'm not that big of an idiot Alex.
LondonBoy: I know Max. I know.
WhiskeyPrincess: Do you wanna come over. Then you wouldn't be completely lying to the guys about what you're doing.
LondonBoy: Well.. Are you parents home?
WhiskeyPrincess: Are they ever?
LondonBoy: Well, no, but I know they don't like me.
WhiskeyPrincess: Well, fuck them. Come over.
LondonBoy: I like you better when you're numb and feel nothing. You're less hostile ;)
WhiskeyPrincess: Oh, you're just a jerk.
LondonBoy: Be there in ten. Love you.
WhiskeyPrincess: Yeah yeah.
LondonBoy has signed off
I quickly picked up my room and threw on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. No way in hell was I wearing what I wore last night and all day today. I wasn't sure what was wrong with Alex but he wasn't himself. I could fell in in my heart. I knew him like the back of my hand and he was hiding something from us all.
I ran down stairs as his car door shut so I could have the door open.
"Max!" he said giving me a huge hug. "I kinda brought some stuff.. I was hoping I could just crash here. My house is kind of.. Not where I wanna be."
"Has that ever not been fine kid?" I said kissing his cheek. "Come in, I can make us some macaroni and cheese or some popcorn or something if you're hungry."
"I'm not that hungry.. I'm kind of.. Depressed?"
I sat on the couch and stared at him. His eyes were red, puffy and glazed over with tears.
"Oh, Alex.. Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Kind of.. I can't tell the guys cause I just don't know how... I feel like they won't understand." he laid on the couch beside me resting his head in my lap. I twirled strands of his hair between my fingers.
"Remember how I said my brother was on a vacation?"
"Yeah."
"Well.. I lied.." his voice was smaller than usual, as if he were choking on his words. "He killed himself, it's my fault. All of it. I'm a fucked up person Max. I drove my best friend to kill himself." I watched as the tears fell down the side of his face. "I mean.. My parents don't blame me, but they should. I ruined all of our lives."
"Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong I'm sure. What exactly happened?"
"I don't know.. I just remember we got in a huge fight and he left and next thing I know he had killed himself.." Alex buried his face in my lap and cried.
What do I do? I've never seen the boy upset, let alone cry his eyes out.
"Alex.. Shhh. Hey now. I'm sure it isn't the way you're making it out to be. Have you thought about anything you just told me?"
"Well.. I think about my brother, but I try to not think about him not being here."
"Well, he's his own person. I'm sure you were trying to help him right? Just kind of.. Think of the happier things about your brother. I mean.. I know it sucks that he isn't here, but would he really want you to dwell your entire life over this?" I wiped the tears falling from Alex's eyes and looked at him.
"Why is it you're the only one who hasn't tried to go all 'oh my god Alex, i'm so sorry. Here's a bag of candy and some hugs. I love you' over this."
"Cause that's now what you want? You don't like being comforted, you like being talked too. You'd much rather me yell and scream at you then act all fake consoling over it."
"Yeah.. Maybe that's why you're the only one who get understands."
I loved him. I've always loved him and I knew I had to do everything I could to not see him a wreck.
"Now, this slumber party. I'm in a cuddle party mood."
"Oh, well, are you ever not in a cuddle party mood?" I said laughing and I walked up to my room.
"Well, no.. But I think it's the curse of your bed. It's like.. the perfect be. I'll never understand."
I'd rather have Alex's bed, he'd rather have mine. I'd rather have Alex's band shirts, he'd rather have every album I owned. I loved how quaint and peaceful his house was, he loved how loud and colorful mine was. We were polar opposites. If I loved something, he hated it and vice-versa. The only thing we could agree on is he deserved a shot at the big time.
"Hey Max."
"Yes?" I said looking over my should at him sprawled out on my bed.
"I love you, you're like, my very best friend."
"I know. I love you too kid. Now scoot over. I'd like to lay in my bed too."
"Fine, fine. We can share." he said patting the spot next too him on the bed. I rested my head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. He was softly humming the tune to some of the songs they had been working on lately every now and again he'd kiss the top of my head until I fell asleep. This was the way I loved my life. Being around Alex, just us with nothing to interrupt us.
LondonBoy: MAXXXXXXWELLLLLLLLLLLLLL:)
WhiskeyPrincess: What's up Gaskarth?
LondonBoy: Well, you see. I'm actually doing NOTHING tonight. Weird huh?
WhiskeyPrincess: Oh my god, you mean, ALEX GASKARTH is NOT going out on a Saturday night? That's new.
LondonBoy: Yeah.. Don't tell the guys though. They think I'm out doing things.. I just wanted to go clear my head.
WhiskeyPrincess: Clear your head? Are you sad or something?
LondonBoy: You could say that. OR you couldn't. It would just depend on what you thought I was feeling.
WhiskeyPrincess: Terrible answer. Something's wrong. I'm not that big of an idiot Alex.
LondonBoy: I know Max. I know.
WhiskeyPrincess: Do you wanna come over. Then you wouldn't be completely lying to the guys about what you're doing.
LondonBoy: Well.. Are you parents home?
WhiskeyPrincess: Are they ever?
LondonBoy: Well, no, but I know they don't like me.
WhiskeyPrincess: Well, fuck them. Come over.
LondonBoy: I like you better when you're numb and feel nothing. You're less hostile ;)
WhiskeyPrincess: Oh, you're just a jerk.
LondonBoy: Be there in ten. Love you.
WhiskeyPrincess: Yeah yeah.
LondonBoy has signed off
I quickly picked up my room and threw on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. No way in hell was I wearing what I wore last night and all day today. I wasn't sure what was wrong with Alex but he wasn't himself. I could fell in in my heart. I knew him like the back of my hand and he was hiding something from us all.
I ran down stairs as his car door shut so I could have the door open.
"Max!" he said giving me a huge hug. "I kinda brought some stuff.. I was hoping I could just crash here. My house is kind of.. Not where I wanna be."
"Has that ever not been fine kid?" I said kissing his cheek. "Come in, I can make us some macaroni and cheese or some popcorn or something if you're hungry."
"I'm not that hungry.. I'm kind of.. Depressed?"
I sat on the couch and stared at him. His eyes were red, puffy and glazed over with tears.
"Oh, Alex.. Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Kind of.. I can't tell the guys cause I just don't know how... I feel like they won't understand." he laid on the couch beside me resting his head in my lap. I twirled strands of his hair between my fingers.
"Remember how I said my brother was on a vacation?"
"Yeah."
"Well.. I lied.." his voice was smaller than usual, as if he were choking on his words. "He killed himself, it's my fault. All of it. I'm a fucked up person Max. I drove my best friend to kill himself." I watched as the tears fell down the side of his face. "I mean.. My parents don't blame me, but they should. I ruined all of our lives."
"Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong I'm sure. What exactly happened?"
"I don't know.. I just remember we got in a huge fight and he left and next thing I know he had killed himself.." Alex buried his face in my lap and cried.
What do I do? I've never seen the boy upset, let alone cry his eyes out.
"Alex.. Shhh. Hey now. I'm sure it isn't the way you're making it out to be. Have you thought about anything you just told me?"
"Well.. I think about my brother, but I try to not think about him not being here."
"Well, he's his own person. I'm sure you were trying to help him right? Just kind of.. Think of the happier things about your brother. I mean.. I know it sucks that he isn't here, but would he really want you to dwell your entire life over this?" I wiped the tears falling from Alex's eyes and looked at him.
"Why is it you're the only one who hasn't tried to go all 'oh my god Alex, i'm so sorry. Here's a bag of candy and some hugs. I love you' over this."
"Cause that's now what you want? You don't like being comforted, you like being talked too. You'd much rather me yell and scream at you then act all fake consoling over it."
"Yeah.. Maybe that's why you're the only one who get understands."
I loved him. I've always loved him and I knew I had to do everything I could to not see him a wreck.
"Now, this slumber party. I'm in a cuddle party mood."
"Oh, well, are you ever not in a cuddle party mood?" I said laughing and I walked up to my room.
"Well, no.. But I think it's the curse of your bed. It's like.. the perfect be. I'll never understand."
I'd rather have Alex's bed, he'd rather have mine. I'd rather have Alex's band shirts, he'd rather have every album I owned. I loved how quaint and peaceful his house was, he loved how loud and colorful mine was. We were polar opposites. If I loved something, he hated it and vice-versa. The only thing we could agree on is he deserved a shot at the big time.
"Hey Max."
"Yes?" I said looking over my should at him sprawled out on my bed.
"I love you, you're like, my very best friend."
"I know. I love you too kid. Now scoot over. I'd like to lay in my bed too."
"Fine, fine. We can share." he said patting the spot next too him on the bed. I rested my head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. He was softly humming the tune to some of the songs they had been working on lately every now and again he'd kiss the top of my head until I fell asleep. This was the way I loved my life. Being around Alex, just us with nothing to interrupt us.
