"You look absolutely dead." This was all I could say when Josh came home this afternoon, since he stayed with Max last night because he was way too smashed to come home. I'm so offended that they all did Jaeger-bombs without me.

"And I fucking feel it. I honestly, for the life of me, can't remember anything that happened past midnight." He replied, and I knew he wasn't wrong. I haven't seen him this bad since the night out we (collective, aka the usual crew) had when Take Off Your Colours was released. That was years ago.

"Well, you'll be fine by tomorrow. At least you've showered, so y'know you're not too bad. Want coffee?" On a scale of one to ten on the hungover scale, I'd say he was a good eight at the least. Bless him.

"No, my head's banging. I just want to sleep till I'm seventy-five."

"No you don't, unless you want to miss the birth of your daughter, which you won't be. You're half responsible for her conception, and if I'm dying on that delivery table, you're coming down with me." And to this, all he could do was sigh.

"I know, I know. That still doesn't change the fact that I want to sleep, though. Will you give me a shout in an hour? I'll be less dead by then." He kissed my forehead and was out cold on the sofa five minutes later. Meanwhile I, carrying his baby, was left to my own company. Again. After me going to Tesco this morning with Sarah and doing all the shopping and then cleaning and changing the bedsheets (I mean I did spill jam on them this morning, buy anyways..) and generally just being a fantastic girlfriend, and Josh comes home to sleep. Typical man.

---

Not one, not two, but THREE hours later, Josh decides to surface. I'm highly glad I wasn't hanging off a cliff waiting for him to wake up, and he should be highly glad I didn't go into early labor. I swear to God.

"What time is it?" Josh asked, joining me at the countertop where I was painting my nails. They were now "black like my soul" as I would've said in my scene days where I listened to Bring Me The Horizon and thought I was a legend.

"Half six. I hope you're happy you've wasted a whole fucking day, now." I shot back, painting my last pinky-finger nail and blowing on it to dry it.

"Aww c'mon, don't be snippy, Rach." Josh sighed and sat on the bar stool opposite me, before putting his head in his hands and giving me that same look he always does so I lowkey know he's sorry for rubbing me up the wrong way but also not giving a shit about anything. "Hey, d'you get your hair cut?"

"Took you long enough to notice. I did, yeah, Sarah did it for me last night. Like it?"

"Yeah, its lovely. Makes you look older in the sexiest way it could do. You should have it like that in future, in my opinion."

"Thanks, babe. Oh and fyi, I did try to wake you because I called you about four times, but you were snoring so loud you probably couldn't hear me. I ended up having to put my in-ears in because you were that bad."

"No I wasn't, but okay then. How's the baby? Has she kicked you anymore or calmed down?"

"Oh no, still kicking up a storm. You'll feel it later if I sit close enough to you with my bump inwards. It's weird, to say the least."

"That's a good sign, I suppose. I'm still deciding on a name, but I'm leaning more to Charlotte, because I just really like that one. Oh, that reminds me, when d'you want me to do up the spare room? Like I'll need to know so I can sort stuff out, y'know?"

"Charlotte's nice, love. There's no hurry, since she'll spend the first year or two in our room and at times in bed with us, so whenever you fancy, really."

"Not much help, but okay. I hate to break this conversation about our beloved daughter, but I'm bloody starving. I know you're wary of takeout now, but is there anything at all that you want?"

"There's one of those frozen curries on the bottom shelf of the fridge, y'know the Tesco one you like? Then there's dry rice there for me. I was quite wary of eating rice since I'm expecting, but I read online that its alright, so."

"Cheers, that'll do me. I read that aswell the other night, and thought it was a bit peculiar since rice is grown underground."

"Wait, when did you read it?"

"The other night while you see asleep, I went researching all stuff to do with pregnancy and young babies on websites that my mum told me about, just so I had an idea on what to expect from you till you give birth, and then both you and the baby when she's born. Why?" Now that's probably the sweetest thing he's ever done for me.

"Thanks Josh, there wasn't much need, but I still appreciate it. So, you want that curry then, yeah?"

"Yeah, but I'll sort it out, along with yours. You go sit down and find something for us to watch for the evening, and I'll follow you in in a while." I shrugged and didn't dispute it. I went channel surfing for about ten minutes before I found something to watch, and settled for Big Brother for something to have a laugh at. This was literally my favourite show on the planet.

---

Later that night, I was in bed reading some book that Sarah made me buy about being a first-time mum and wearing my god-awful school teacher glasses, and Josh was in bed next to me playing FIFA on the Xbox while muttering swears under his breath every couple of seconds. Of course, as I'd guessed she would, Baby was, kicking again and driving me crazy, but not as much as she has been in the past couple hours. Guess she got tired.

"Alright, love? You needn't think I can't hear the little moans of pain for making every once in a while." Josh asked, not lifting his gaze from the screen.

"I'm fine, Baby's just kicking." I replied, taking off my glasses and rubbing my eyes before yawning. Things were going to get serious, since Josh paused the game. He never paused FIFA ever.

"So, I was thinking," he said, before sighing. "I think we should name the baby Charlotte, because I keep clinging to th st name for dear life. What d'you think?"

"I like it, its quite nice. I've also been thinking all day, and I've really, really considered breastfeeding the baby. Like, really."

"Yeah?" He seemed pretty sunny about that idea.

"Yeah. I found out I can do both bottle and breast feeds, so if I change my mind, I've an alternative route. Plus, I've heard that mums who breastfeed their babies tend to form bonds with them, and I'd love that."

"You just do what you want, and what you feel is better and right for both you and Charlotte. At the end of the day, I'm all for you doing either. I'll still do bottle feedings, but if you're going to breastfeed Charlotte complete, I'll change her nappies instead because fair's fair. Right?"

"Thanks, babe, but I'll do whatever I have to because we made a bet. And on that note, I'm heading to sleep, because I'm shattered."

"Alright, so. But will you watch me play one match first?"

"Fine, if I must. I mightn't stay awake for it though."

So I did that. I pushed myself closer over to Josh's side and put my head on his chest while he got into playing that FIFA match. Of course, Charlotte kicked twice more and Josh could feel them both, which made me all sunshiny and happy and excited, while I just felt more tired.

Oh, how we are both easily amused.

Notes

"I'm not British" I say as I drink my 7th cup of Yorkshire Tea and watch Jamie Oliver when I should be studying. I'm not actually British.

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