The Beers

High school is already hard enough for any regular teen, but the fact that Jack Barakat chose to hide his past made it a lot harder. He made it harder when he decided to move school, effectively cutting himself off from all of his former friends. He made it harder for himself when he had to hide his body every day, whether it be changing for P.E., or going swimming in the summer. He especially made it harder for himself when kept his secret hidden from his new friends, making sure that, most importantly, his best friend never found out.

It wasn't as if Jack's previous world was filled with judgemental people, he was quite sure that those closest to him would have accepted him just fine. Especially his family, who supported him through every decision. Nevertheless, he chose to move the summer after sophomore year in highschool, ready for new people to see his new self. That's the only choice he thought he had, because even though people would accept the new him, they would always know of his past. That, in his mind, would ruin the legitimacy of his new self. It was a weird way to think, but he was scared. He had always been scared. Some people weren't afraid to be in the spotlight during their transition, but he wasn't one of those.

On Jack's first day of school, he couldn't seem to avoid one particular boy. He was in all of his classes, they literally ran into each other a couple times in the hallways every day, and they even happened to live right next to each other. Jack could see Alex's window from his room, and he occasionally even saw the other boy through it. He tried his best not to stare, but it was hard when their windows were so close that their roofs even touched. It only took them both a week until they realized it'd be smart of them to just start talking already. Jack soon learned the boy's name was Alex Gaskarth. He was cute, blond, and short, and Jack was absolutely in love with him.

Throughout their last two years of school, Alex and Jack were completely inseparable. They were best friends, and along with two other boys Jack met through Alex, Zack and Rian, they had formed the perfect squad. They hung out whenever they could, they all shared similar interests, and we're all very open with each other. Well, everyone but Jack, that is.

As for Jack's liking to Alex, Zack and Rian knew he was completely whipped for the blond without even having to tell them. Jack knew they knew, too, because whenever they would catch Jack going out of his way for Alex, buying him whatever he wanted, or even just staring at him, they'd make comments.

"You should tell him, you know."

"You never know, he might like you back."

"Senior year's almost over, Jack."

"He's been single for two years, but he's going to move on once we hit college."

"Stop waiting!"

"Jack!"

Whenever faced with these comments, Jack would simply shake his head in reply, not stopping until his friends finally shut up. It wasn't something he wanted to talk about, they didn't get it. None of them knew about his other secret, and when Alex came out as gay between junior and senior year, Jack became positive that he'd have no chance with the younger boy anyway. Maybe if he were bisexual, but definitely not if he were gay. So, Jack didn't bother. It was nobody's business, right?

Zack and Rian had been absolutely right. Alex had found himself a boyfriend within the first month of college. They had all decided to attend the same school, even sharing rooms. It was terrible for Jack, because when Alex asked him to be his roommate, he was absolutely terrified. He couldn't say no to Alex, though, so they moved in together shortly. Jack loved it, because he loved seeing Alex everyday, but at the same time, he hated it like he'd never hated anything before. He hated seeing Alex bring other guys over, big, muscley guys that didn't compare to his own scrawny stature at all. He hated the way Alex would ask him if he minded, and he hated the way he always said he didn't mind.

Most of all, Jack hated the parties Alex made him attend. He would be dragged to other people's rooms, always the third wheel, left to sit by himself as Alex either went off with his current boyfriend, or to meet new people. Jack would sit by himself, ignoring the girls that never seemed to realize he couldn't care less about them, as he watched Alex from a distance. No matter how terrible the parties were, he would still go to keep his friends happy. Jack would sip whatever cheap beer he could find, whether it be in a mug, water bottle, or soda cup, since no college student could really afford anything better, as he tried to avoid Zack and Rian's sympathetic glances. His friends had basically given up on him by the end of their freshman year of college, knowing Jack's chances with Alex were hopeless if he never said anything to the younger boy.

That was, until Zack and Rian cornered Jack in his own room one night, when Alex was out.

"Okay," Zack said, trying to sound stern. Although he was much more scary looking than Rian, it was usually Rian that did the serious talking. "You're going to tell us why you're being such a pussy about this whole Alex thing, right now." Jack visibly swallowed in response to Zack's words, causing the latter boy's tone to become less harsh. "I mean, please?"

"Yeah," Rian added, "Because we care, y'know?"

Jack nodded his head quietly, knowing where his friends were coming from. Deciding there was absolutely no reason to hide from Zack and Rian, because he trusted them and they deserved to know, he let the biggest secret he'd been holding in for years finally spill.

"The reason is because I have one, Zack."

"What?" Zack questioned, his eyebrows coming together in confusion. Rian had a similar look on his face.

"The word you just called me. I have one," Jack said, not wanting to actually say the word. "That's why I'm never telling Alex."

"What do you mean?" Rian asked, his face proof that he was starting to understand what Jack meant as he continued to speak. "Oh. You're transgender?"

Jack nodded once again. "I moved schools when I felt I was passable."

"Whoa. That's so cool! Why didn't you ever tell us, man?" Zack asked, breaking out into a grin.

"Cool?" Jack questioned, his face forming a frown.

"Of course," Rian nodded, "It is cool. It's cool that you had the strength to do what you did, and it's cool how you did it, too. I would've never known, not that it would have mattered if I had."

"Oh," Jack smiled, "Thanks, I guess."

"You never answered me, though." Zack said, walking over to take a seat on the couch, with Jack and Rian following him. "Why did you never tell us? And I'm assuming Alex doesn't know, right?"

"I don't know," Jack shrugged, "I assumed it didn't matter. And of course Alex doesn't know."

"Your past matters to us. And why the hell not?" Rian asked jokingly, trying to make light of the situation by pumping Jack up to tell him.

"Again, there's no point." Jack sighed. "He won't like me when he finds out."

"Do you really think he's that bad of a person, that he'd care about something so insignificant as that?" Zack asked, starting to become a bit annoyed.

"That's not what I meant," Jack explained, although he knew he was losing the battle. "It's just that, he doesn't like guys like me anyway, so even if I did tell him, it'd just be a double 'nope.' Of course he won't mind, but I'll be able to tell when the datable switch flicks off, even if I let him know I think I want to get surgeries eventually. It'll either happen when I tell him I like him, or when I tell him I'm trans. I think it's better to not do either, and just keep our friendship static."

"No, I think you're being incredibly stupid." Rian decided. "Find a way to make him like you, and then tell him. I don't think you'll be disappointed by what he thinks."

In probably everyone's opinion but Jack's own, he took Rian's advice too literally. After a week of going to the gym and leaving every day as frustrated as ever, Jack was fed up. He didn't want to have to resort to this, he really didn't, but it almost felt like his only hope. Jack went about the situation by contacting the guy that used to occasionally sell him and his friends weed in high school. From there, he was told to contact another guy, and another guy, and another. Eventually, he was directed to the right person, and was glad when the seller didn't seem the least bit stingy. He might have even been someone Jack would be friends with, if he weren't so uptight about the situation.

Jack barely saw Alex that summer. He saw Zack and Rian a few times, but it saddened him that he met up with Matt, the guy he was getting steroids from, even more than he did with his own friends. The steroids sure were working, though. Jack didn't rely on them completely, and he still went to the gym, but he was glad he'd tried them. There was a noticeable difference all throughout his body, especially in his arms, which he knew Alex liked. By no means was he as huge as Zack was, or even Rian, but they almost completely erased his prior lanky statue. Sure, maybe it was a bit dangerous to be taking extra synthetic hormones on top of the ones he was being prescribed by his doctor, and maybe it was stupid to be buying them from a guy he barely knew, but none of that really mattered to Jack. At least his mom wouldn't automatically jump to conclusions if he was suddenly needing new prescriptions of his own testosterone, because he was using it too fast.

One night, near the end of summer, Jack got a text from Alex. It simply said, 'Let's talk.' Shaking his head, Jack threw his phone onto his bed, before picking it up when he got another text. 'I can see you, you idiot.' Looking out the window, Jack's eyes locked with Alex's. He knew Alex could tell he was in a silent mood, like he always was when he was troubled. Jack could also tell that Alex was in a mood of his own, an irritated mood that he always got in whenever Jack was silent. Sighing as Alex gestured to the roofs between their windows, Jack made his way over to the area, opening his window and climbing out.

"What's up with you lately?" Alex hummed, taking a seat next to Jack on the other boy's side of the roof, and leaning his head on his shoulder.

"Nothing," Jack shrugged.

"Have you been working out?" Alex wondered out loud, removing his head from Jack's arm and looking at it. "Wow."

"Uh," Jack chuckled, knowing it'd be impossible for him to lie to his best friend. He could keep things, but he couldn't lie straight to Alex's face. "Not exactly."

Alex's face fell at that. "Jack, no. You're kidding me."

Shaking his head, Jack mumbled, "I'm sorry?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course I do."

"I thought you'd like it."

"Really?" Alex asked, and when Jack nodded, he scowled. "You're such an idiot. Why would you do this for me?"

Faced with either a lie or the truth, Jack decided he had nothing to lose. "Because I like you."

"You're still an idiot."

"What?" Jack said, expecting a different reaction. "I tell you that, and you still call me an idiot?"

"Because you are," Alex laughed. "That's sweet, I guess, but incredibly stupid. You're fine the way you were before, so please stop."

Jack nodded, and Alex continued. "So, you like me, huh?"

"Mhm,"

"For how long?"

"I, um-"

"Come on, Jack."

"Since the first time I met you."

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah." Jack whispered.

"And how come you never told me?" Alex asked, leaning his head back on Jack's shoulder once again. Since Alex hadn't made a comment on liking Jack back yet, he again figured he had nothing to lose.

"I thought it was pointless."

"How come?"

"I'm trans, Alex." Jack sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. You don't have to give me shit about that, Zack and Rian already did when I told them a couple months ago. I just didn't think there was a point. It's behind me right?"

"You're such a fucking idiot!" Alex stressed, but Jack could tell he wasn't all that mad by the small giggle that followed his words.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Is that really what you think of me? That I won't like you back because of a couple body parts?"

"No, well, maybe. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Don't worry about it. I can't imagine how hard it would have been. When did you start your transition?" Alex questioned, and Jack was glad he was taking such a curiosity in his situation.

"Three years before I transferred schools, I went on T." Jack explained, and Alex nodded.

"And then you wasted the three years after that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you had told me you liked me all those years ago, we probably would have been something by now. I just never really said anything because I wasn't sure if you liked me, either, but I didn't even know you liked guys." Alex chuckled.

"Are you serious?" Jack asked, throwing his head back into the wall when Alex let out a laugh. "You're right, I am an idiot. So, does this mean...?"

Leaning up to press a quick kiss to Jack's lips, Alex smiled. "Yep."

"Great. My mom's going to be so proud of me for bringing you home."

Notes

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