Sing Me To Sleep
Sweet And Devine Razor Of Mine
Pierce's POV
I hung my head as I entered the large, cod building. Rian by my side, I glued my lifeless eyes to the floor.
I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at Rian's, with Rian, in his warm embrace, welcoming me to a world of no pain and no Kyle.
I could tell Rian was going to do or say something to him today. Of course, I would stop at nothing to make sure nothing was said on the matter. The matter being Rian and his friends witnessing my daily nightmare of abuse from my so-called boyfriend.
My eyes returned from the floor and to my locker, which I had arrived at. I was so distracted from my thoughts, I didn't even hear Rian say bye to me before leaving and going to his own locker. I mumbled a goodbye before twisting the handle and flinging open my locker. I placed my rumpled books into the heartless locker before a pciture caught my eye.
It was stuck on the inside of my locker door.
Me and Kyle.
He was drinking a beer, absoluetly wasted, whilst I was stood beside him; trying to smile but really terrified. I remember feeling terrified because before they took the picture, he growled in my ear "smile bitch or else".
So I did. I smiled in the picture, I smiled throughout the party, I smiled on the way to his house, I even smiled when he unlocked the door. I only stopped smiling when he hit me, repeatedly, over and over. Harder and harder each time.
I couldn't go school the next day, my face was swollen and bruised. No make-up could hide what that bastard did.
Snapping from my broken train of thought, I pulled my iPod and headphones from my bag and into my pocket, plugging in the headphones. I shoved my bag into my locker. It didn't contain anything I needed.
My guitar was already in the music room, and I was planning on listening to my music every lesson.
I trucked down the hallway, my converse squeeking on the ground. I had Science now, with Kyle. How I loathed sitting there all lesson, listening to him and his friends talking about a load of shit I didn't care about, while his arm had a death grip on my shoulder.
I suppose I could move and sit some place else, but that'd cause more shit than it's worth. I pushed open the cracked Science door and took my place next to Kyle, at the back. I decided on sitting next to Kyle, at the back. I pulled out my iPod just as the jocks started talking about their shit.
Flicking through my songs I chose the one that had be stuck in my head all day.
Adam's Song by Blink 182.
I had renamed that song my theme tune as I related to it so so much. I felt as if Mark, Tom and Travis had written it about me. Every lyric, every word and every beat just connected with me physically, mentally and emotionally. I usually fell asleep, or cried myself to sleep, listening to this song.
I close my eyes slowly and fell deep into the words, oblivious to every dickhead around me, Kyle mostly.
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came
But tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
My one of my favorite lyrics was 'please tell mom this is not her fault'. Mainly because my mom knew nothing. She thinks me and Kyle are happy. Happiest couple at Dunley High. I would kill her to know everything, about the cutting and Kyle and the abuse. I dread to think of what she'd do to Kyle, or me. Because I didn't tell her or confide in her.
She loves me. I'm her only child and her entire world. Since Dad works all the time, I'm her only source of an emotional relationship.
My eyes shot open as I felt a rough hand grab my small shoulder. I snapped my head around, knocking out my headphones whilst doing so, and saw Kyle, looking down at me grinning.
"Babe, you coming round today?" His mouth said.
His eyes were saying something completely different.
"Say yes or else" they spat.
I glanced over at his friends, all staring wide-eyed, begging for my reply.
My voice hitched as I gently replied "yes" and nodded.
His grin got bigger and he turned back to his friends, releasing my shoulder from his claw.
I shoved my earphones back in and froze at the current song.
It was mine and Rian's song.
The one we had written together. We recorded it on my phone to hear how it sounded as I didn't believe Alex when he told us he loved it.
I listened deeply to Rian's voice. It was so gentle but rough. Like, he wasn't singing to anyone, he was singing to me.
I listened to the words we had wrote.
'Meet me on Thames Street, I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time"
I wrote that line; i'm hardly worth your time. Because it's true.
I'm a nobody. Nobody loves me, nobody cares for me. My mom loves me but she has to, she's my mother.
And Rian. He just feels sorry for poor Pierce Way, the innocent little girl who boyfriend beats her up.
Well, I deserve it. I deserve every hit, every punch, every bruise, every cracked rib. I am worthless, I am nothing, I am a bitch, I am a whore.
I cheated on Kyle, that makes me a whore. I kissed another person who doesn't even like me. He has no feeling towards me, absolutely nothing. It's just pitty. Little pieces of pitty.
Every hug, every kiss, every smile, every piece of comfort was just pitty, pitty, pitty.
I am nothing to anyone.
My eyes and visin blurred as tears streamed down my face. I hung my head quickly and touched my pocket.
The razor.
It was still there. I know it's wrong do it at school, to get caught but I didn't care right now.
Biting my lip, and clutching the blade in my pocket, I fled from my seat and out the door. I heard the calls of Kyle and Mr Jefferson, shouting my name. I ignored them as I ran and ran, tears flying from my face and gentle sobs escaping my mouth.
I spun a corner and burst into the bathroom.
I stood before the misty mirror and looked at my reflection. My eyeliner smudged down my pale thin face, a complete mess. As I raised my skinny arm, and revealing my scarred wrist, I began to whisper lyrics under my breath.
"Sweet and divine razor of mine"
My voice was stratchy and weak as the shinning blade glided along the skin. My skin. I continued singing, more tears falling. The blade cut; deeper and deeper. The pain seared throughout my entire arm and escaping to my fragile body. Blood began pouring out at this point as the lyrics changed.
"Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold in it gets better than you know"
But I couldn't hold on, not anymore. And how is my life going to get better from this point?! How can anything be good for me?!
I sobbed harder and harder, the blade cutting deeper and deeper.
Then everything stopped as the bathroom door pounded open.
My heart stopped beating.
My face lost all emotion apart from pure terror.
My body was paralyzed as I stared at the figure behind me through the mirror.
Behind me, stood Kyle.
*
"K...k...k...kyle?" I stuttered, dropping the razor to the floor. He stood in the doorway; not surprised or shocked, just pure enjoyment and pleasure.
He marched forward so we we face to face. My arms dropped to my side as I glanced up at the terrifying monster before me.
"Slag" he spat, his poison called saliva spraying my face.
I couldn't even reply or speak before my head was grabbed and smashed against the bathroom mirror. I turned dizzy and fell to the floor. I looked up to see three Kyle's, terrifying me even more.
The bathroom door was now closed, shutting me away from safety. It was now as if Kyle didn't care if he was caught, like he wanted people to know.
I began sobbing harder and held my head. I was bleeding due to the pieces of mirror wedged in my skull. I looked into Kyle's eyes, his full of pure anger and mine full of tears.
"W...w...wh...why?"I cried, my face scrunching up and releasing more tears.
"You know why, you fucking whore" he growled, fist flying into my face.
My head fell back against the wall, making a large crack sound.
I whimpered and whispered help. Kyle laughed, his voice thick with venom.
"No one will help you, you fucking disgusting bitch. Not even your precious Rian"
Anger flared within me as I growled in reply.
"Leave. Ry. Out. Of. This"
Kyle's head flew back as he laughed loudly, mocking my attempt to scare him.
"Ry, is it? You're little friend, is he? You're little KISSING PARTNER?!" He screamed, slamming his fist into the other bathroom mirror, it shattering into a thousand pieces.
I curled away in realization.
He knew. Kyle knew. Kyle knew I kissed him. Kyle knew I kissed Rian. And why? To attempt to recieve a real sense of love? Of care?
I was throwing away my relationship with Kyle by kissing a boy who didn't even fucking like me.
"DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, BITCH!" He screeched.
His foot swung forward and hit my stomach, pain invading my soul. I cried more and more even though with every tear came a kick full of pain.
"help!" I managed to cry out, rolling over onto my side, the cold tiled floor stinging the cuts on my wrist and my bare skin.
Kyle kicked and kcked and punched and slapped and hurt and abused me for what seemed like hours on end. Over and over again, more pain filling me. I was numb, now. Paralyzed with fear and pain. Feeling no emotion at all, nothing. Just like me.
My eyes were heavy now and closed, as the abuse and pain continued.
The sound of the door opening froze me.
"Pierce?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"
"FUCK OFF! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FUCKING KILLED HER! YOU BASTARD!"
I heard quick shuffling and movement, yelling and screams.
I tried and tried and tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't open. I needed to see, I needed sight. I needed Rian.
With a quick slash, my eyelids flashes open just in time to see Kyle punch Rian in the face and see him collapse to the ground
I hung my head as I entered the large, cod building. Rian by my side, I glued my lifeless eyes to the floor.
I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at Rian's, with Rian, in his warm embrace, welcoming me to a world of no pain and no Kyle.
I could tell Rian was going to do or say something to him today. Of course, I would stop at nothing to make sure nothing was said on the matter. The matter being Rian and his friends witnessing my daily nightmare of abuse from my so-called boyfriend.
My eyes returned from the floor and to my locker, which I had arrived at. I was so distracted from my thoughts, I didn't even hear Rian say bye to me before leaving and going to his own locker. I mumbled a goodbye before twisting the handle and flinging open my locker. I placed my rumpled books into the heartless locker before a pciture caught my eye.
It was stuck on the inside of my locker door.
Me and Kyle.
He was drinking a beer, absoluetly wasted, whilst I was stood beside him; trying to smile but really terrified. I remember feeling terrified because before they took the picture, he growled in my ear "smile bitch or else".
So I did. I smiled in the picture, I smiled throughout the party, I smiled on the way to his house, I even smiled when he unlocked the door. I only stopped smiling when he hit me, repeatedly, over and over. Harder and harder each time.
I couldn't go school the next day, my face was swollen and bruised. No make-up could hide what that bastard did.
Snapping from my broken train of thought, I pulled my iPod and headphones from my bag and into my pocket, plugging in the headphones. I shoved my bag into my locker. It didn't contain anything I needed.
My guitar was already in the music room, and I was planning on listening to my music every lesson.
I trucked down the hallway, my converse squeeking on the ground. I had Science now, with Kyle. How I loathed sitting there all lesson, listening to him and his friends talking about a load of shit I didn't care about, while his arm had a death grip on my shoulder.
I suppose I could move and sit some place else, but that'd cause more shit than it's worth. I pushed open the cracked Science door and took my place next to Kyle, at the back. I decided on sitting next to Kyle, at the back. I pulled out my iPod just as the jocks started talking about their shit.
Flicking through my songs I chose the one that had be stuck in my head all day.
Adam's Song by Blink 182.
I had renamed that song my theme tune as I related to it so so much. I felt as if Mark, Tom and Travis had written it about me. Every lyric, every word and every beat just connected with me physically, mentally and emotionally. I usually fell asleep, or cried myself to sleep, listening to this song.
I close my eyes slowly and fell deep into the words, oblivious to every dickhead around me, Kyle mostly.
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came
But tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
My one of my favorite lyrics was 'please tell mom this is not her fault'. Mainly because my mom knew nothing. She thinks me and Kyle are happy. Happiest couple at Dunley High. I would kill her to know everything, about the cutting and Kyle and the abuse. I dread to think of what she'd do to Kyle, or me. Because I didn't tell her or confide in her.
She loves me. I'm her only child and her entire world. Since Dad works all the time, I'm her only source of an emotional relationship.
My eyes shot open as I felt a rough hand grab my small shoulder. I snapped my head around, knocking out my headphones whilst doing so, and saw Kyle, looking down at me grinning.
"Babe, you coming round today?" His mouth said.
His eyes were saying something completely different.
"Say yes or else" they spat.
I glanced over at his friends, all staring wide-eyed, begging for my reply.
My voice hitched as I gently replied "yes" and nodded.
His grin got bigger and he turned back to his friends, releasing my shoulder from his claw.
I shoved my earphones back in and froze at the current song.
It was mine and Rian's song.
The one we had written together. We recorded it on my phone to hear how it sounded as I didn't believe Alex when he told us he loved it.
I listened deeply to Rian's voice. It was so gentle but rough. Like, he wasn't singing to anyone, he was singing to me.
I listened to the words we had wrote.
'Meet me on Thames Street, I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time"
I wrote that line; i'm hardly worth your time. Because it's true.
I'm a nobody. Nobody loves me, nobody cares for me. My mom loves me but she has to, she's my mother.
And Rian. He just feels sorry for poor Pierce Way, the innocent little girl who boyfriend beats her up.
Well, I deserve it. I deserve every hit, every punch, every bruise, every cracked rib. I am worthless, I am nothing, I am a bitch, I am a whore.
I cheated on Kyle, that makes me a whore. I kissed another person who doesn't even like me. He has no feeling towards me, absolutely nothing. It's just pitty. Little pieces of pitty.
Every hug, every kiss, every smile, every piece of comfort was just pitty, pitty, pitty.
I am nothing to anyone.
My eyes and visin blurred as tears streamed down my face. I hung my head quickly and touched my pocket.
The razor.
It was still there. I know it's wrong do it at school, to get caught but I didn't care right now.
Biting my lip, and clutching the blade in my pocket, I fled from my seat and out the door. I heard the calls of Kyle and Mr Jefferson, shouting my name. I ignored them as I ran and ran, tears flying from my face and gentle sobs escaping my mouth.
I spun a corner and burst into the bathroom.
I stood before the misty mirror and looked at my reflection. My eyeliner smudged down my pale thin face, a complete mess. As I raised my skinny arm, and revealing my scarred wrist, I began to whisper lyrics under my breath.
"Sweet and divine razor of mine"
My voice was stratchy and weak as the shinning blade glided along the skin. My skin. I continued singing, more tears falling. The blade cut; deeper and deeper. The pain seared throughout my entire arm and escaping to my fragile body. Blood began pouring out at this point as the lyrics changed.
"Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold in it gets better than you know"
But I couldn't hold on, not anymore. And how is my life going to get better from this point?! How can anything be good for me?!
I sobbed harder and harder, the blade cutting deeper and deeper.
Then everything stopped as the bathroom door pounded open.
My heart stopped beating.
My face lost all emotion apart from pure terror.
My body was paralyzed as I stared at the figure behind me through the mirror.
Behind me, stood Kyle.
*
"K...k...k...kyle?" I stuttered, dropping the razor to the floor. He stood in the doorway; not surprised or shocked, just pure enjoyment and pleasure.
He marched forward so we we face to face. My arms dropped to my side as I glanced up at the terrifying monster before me.
"Slag" he spat, his poison called saliva spraying my face.
I couldn't even reply or speak before my head was grabbed and smashed against the bathroom mirror. I turned dizzy and fell to the floor. I looked up to see three Kyle's, terrifying me even more.
The bathroom door was now closed, shutting me away from safety. It was now as if Kyle didn't care if he was caught, like he wanted people to know.
I began sobbing harder and held my head. I was bleeding due to the pieces of mirror wedged in my skull. I looked into Kyle's eyes, his full of pure anger and mine full of tears.
"W...w...wh...why?"I cried, my face scrunching up and releasing more tears.
"You know why, you fucking whore" he growled, fist flying into my face.
My head fell back against the wall, making a large crack sound.
I whimpered and whispered help. Kyle laughed, his voice thick with venom.
"No one will help you, you fucking disgusting bitch. Not even your precious Rian"
Anger flared within me as I growled in reply.
"Leave. Ry. Out. Of. This"
Kyle's head flew back as he laughed loudly, mocking my attempt to scare him.
"Ry, is it? You're little friend, is he? You're little KISSING PARTNER?!" He screamed, slamming his fist into the other bathroom mirror, it shattering into a thousand pieces.
I curled away in realization.
He knew. Kyle knew. Kyle knew I kissed him. Kyle knew I kissed Rian. And why? To attempt to recieve a real sense of love? Of care?
I was throwing away my relationship with Kyle by kissing a boy who didn't even fucking like me.
"DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, BITCH!" He screeched.
His foot swung forward and hit my stomach, pain invading my soul. I cried more and more even though with every tear came a kick full of pain.
"help!" I managed to cry out, rolling over onto my side, the cold tiled floor stinging the cuts on my wrist and my bare skin.
Kyle kicked and kcked and punched and slapped and hurt and abused me for what seemed like hours on end. Over and over again, more pain filling me. I was numb, now. Paralyzed with fear and pain. Feeling no emotion at all, nothing. Just like me.
My eyes were heavy now and closed, as the abuse and pain continued.
The sound of the door opening froze me.
"Pierce?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"
"FUCK OFF! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FUCKING KILLED HER! YOU BASTARD!"
I heard quick shuffling and movement, yelling and screams.
I tried and tried and tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't open. I needed to see, I needed sight. I needed Rian.
With a quick slash, my eyelids flashes open just in time to see Kyle punch Rian in the face and see him collapse to the ground
Notes
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER!! :Di went into deep detail inside pierce's mind and aspect on her current situation. Im not gonna say 'dont self harm its wrong' because thats just hypocritical of me. Im just gonna say tell your bestfriend. I did and they all support me and help me. If you have no friends, keep a diary or write or sing or do a hobby to distract yourself from the shitty live your living. I sing to help myself, and try not to. Please dont suffer in silence, im not.
So, please RATE COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE :D it makes me feel good
i hope this looooong chapter makes up for the wait :) and im really happy that me and Rae now have the whole story planned out :) so ENJOY :D
7/29/13