Can't Help Who I Fall For

By the time my birthday rolled around nearly a month later, Jack had learned to just not bring up what had happened between me and Oli. Practices had been put on hold until after finals and holidays were over, meaning that I was very rarely around… him, but it still made my skin absolutely crawl every single time I caught so much as a glimpse of him in the hallways at school.

Of course, he wasn’t so much my main concern, seeing as how he couldn’t corner me in a shower anymore. No, my main concern was the finals. They were all lined up to be taken in four days—the week following my birthday, as it would be.

I wasn’t doing too well in any of my subjects, admittedly, and when I’d voiced this to my boyfriend, he didn’t hesitate in saying that he would help me study for as many of them as possible.

He was doing great at it, too, still persisting even though I’d officially turned eighteen and had decided that I wanted to take him out for the day. Jack had argued because, “It’s your birthday, Alex, I’m supposed to be the one taking you out.”

“I don’t want you to take me out,” I disagreed with a shake of the head. I flopped back onto my bed, scattering papers onto the floor before reaching out and tugging him down to lay on top of me. “You don’t let me take you out enough, and all I want to do today is—”

“I let you take me out all the time,” he stressed, propping his chin on my chest, his face only a few inches from my own.

“I like doing things for you, and right now you’re doing a lot for me,” I retaliated. “No one else I’ve ever dated would’ve even considered taking time out of their day to help me study for anything. I’ll probably get steady B’s because of you. Well… steady C’s, but whatever. I’ll pass, and that’s what’s the most important.”

My tongue had to be bitten around three extra words that tried to slip out at the end of my statement.

Jack shook his head before resting his right cheek where his chin had been. “Either I get to be the one to take you places or—”

“You don’t have the money to take me places, angel. You don’t have a job, remember?”

“Neither do you,” he argued. His forearms positioned themselves above my shoulders so that he could push himself up and glare down at me. “Listen, either you let me take you out or we’re staying in tonight.”

When I groaned in annoyance, he pushed himself up from my body and away from the bed, immediately bending down in order to pick up the papers that I’d scattered on the ground. My eyes watched him as he worked, and soon enough, they landed on his ass. Of course, I couldn’t help but reach out to slap it.

“Hey!” he whined, turning to face me. He was glaring again, but it slipped away in favor of an eye roll. With a grin, I was reaching out for his wrist to tug him down once more. Everything fell from his hands, and then he was huffing. “I just fucking—”

My lips pressed to his, and he didn’t even attempt to finish his complaint.

“Since we can’t go out today,” I said as I moved back from his lips a moment later, instead nipping up his jaw, “maybe we could do… something else?”

Jack gave a hum, his body relaxing against mine. “What would that be, exactly?” he asked in a mumble.

With a shrug, I was rolling us over so that I was on top. “I don’t know…” I trailed out. For a minute, my mind was more occupied with the almost nonexistent noises he was making in the back of his throat. “Maybe we could just, y’know… go a little past kissing today… if you’re comfortable with it, that is.”

And with those words, I was being pushed away. Jack’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth, his eyebrows drawn together on his forehead. “What do you mean?” He didn’t stutter, and I took that as a good sign.

“I mean, like…” I started, but I had to stop to think of a decent way to voice my thoughts. “I know we haven’t been together all that long no matter how you look at it, and I know you haven’t let me even see you without a shirt on, but… God, I feel like such an idiot right now for even saying this… look, angel, babe, it’s just that—if you’re completely okay with it—I wanna be able to see you and touch you and make you feel good, y’know?”

The hesitance and concern became more apparent with each word I said. Before long, he almost looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

I sighed. “I’m sorry, baby, just forget I said anything. It was stupid of me to even suggest. Let’s just get back to studying or whatever and we can forget that this entire thing ever happened.”

“No!” he exclaimed, hands raising to wrap around my neck and hold me in place. “No, no, I’m… yeah… yeah, that sounds like… yeah, I’m okay. I think we should. I mean, we should, shouldn’t we? We’ve been together for… y-yeah, let’s do this.”

Shaking my head, I leaned down for a kiss. “You’re not. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m not going to decide I don’t wanna be with you if you don’t put out or something. I like you for you. Besides, imagine how much I’m gonna want you after having to wait.”

Still, he persisted. “If you wanna do this, t-then so do I. It’s just a l-little more than kissing, r-right? I trust you. I w-want you to make me f-feel good.” His hands moved then to pull his shirt from his body and drop it over the side of the bed, almost quick enough for me to miss the shaking of his hands. I couldn’t help but glance down, but, in a way, it made me feel dirty, and I had to look back up to his face.

“Have you ever done this before? Anything past kissing with anyone else?” I asked, leaning my body weight on my left arm so that I could run the fingers of my right through his hair. Jack blushed and shook his head slowly, but he didn’t look away. “If I do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, anything at all, let me know and I’ll stop. If I think that you can’t handle something anymore, I’ll stop on my own and we won’t talk about it again, alright?”

When Jack nodded, I did as well. Before I could move in to start kissing him, his hands were pushing my own shirt up and off of my body. Then, he took his time tracing over the exposed skin with the pads of each finger.

“Never, um… never seen you without a shirt on,” he commented quietly, and that time he refused to make eye contact. Instead of replying, I took my own time examining his body, finding that I felt significantly less dirty about it than I had before.

“Babe?” I said after a good five minutes had passed with him just touching. He glanced up, looking as though he’d forgotten what he was doing or where he even was, before letting his hands drop to his sides. “You ready to get this show on the road?” Another nod, and finally we were kissing.

I was a bit hesitant in letting my hands wander. He still seemed nervous and unsure about what he was doing… until his hands clasped together behind my neck and pulled me closer. His head tilted to the side before his tongue was pushing its way into my mouth.

My fingers brushed teasingly up and down his sides before my hands curled over his ribs. The definitive jut of bone under stretched skin was always something of a huge turn-on for me, and I couldn’t help but groan into my boyfriend’s mouth before pulling away to move down and suck hickeys kisses all across his torso.

My hands roamed a bit further south as I listened to Jack let out quiet pants, his body pushing up into my touch. It all just got that much better when my right hand gripped his hardening cock through his jeans. There was a gasp, a moan, and his hips bucked into me.

I kissed down Jack’s stomach as I unzipped his pants. My heart started to pound a little bit faster with each inch those jeans were pulled down. Climbing from the end of the bed, I tugged the clothing off completely and took a moment to drink in the sight before me.

His dark hair was spread across my pillow, his bottom lip was clenched between his teeth, his hands were curled into fists in my sheets, and his chest was heaving with every breath he took. There was so much to take in at once that I almost didn’t hear him say, “Yours, too.”

They were peeled off almost robotically as I continued to stare. I hardly realized that I’d climbed back onto the bed and knelt between his spread legs until he was pulling me back down to his lips.

That time when my hand moved to squeeze him, he was louder than he had been the first time. A shudder wracked my body and I moaned back before taking a leap and shoving my hand into his boxers completely. When Jack’s agape mouth didn’t close or respond to my kisses, I pulled back to look at him.

He was still panting and whimpering, his eyes squeezed shut and his muscles spasming at each move I made. I couldn’t remember having ever seen anything better… I couldn’t remember much at that point, actually, not when he was whining my name and pushing up into my fist.

Even then, I still felt like I didn’t have enough, like I needed a little more. And that’s how my free hand found its way to the hem of those boxers and began to tug them down. They didn’t get far, just a little past mid thigh, but it was exactly what I’d been looking for. When I was happy enough with seeing him at his absolutely most vulnerable (and also noticing how he was staring intently at the hand working his dick), I leaned back over him. After letting out a moan about the sounds he made suddenly being amplified, I decided to give a little dirty talk a try.

“You like this, baby? You like watching me jerk you off?” I growled in his ear. I nipped at the lobe before continuing. “God, you’re fucking sexy. Love that I’m the first person to see this; see you lose all that innocence. You make such slutty noises, too, huh? Over just a hand job. Wonder what you’d do if I sucked you off. You want that, baby? You want me to suck that pretty cock of yours? Bet you’d love that, seein’ me gag on your dick.”

With that, I pressed the pad of my thumb into his slit. He was spewing precome, his mouth attempting to form words and instead babbling nonsense. Jack’s body was writhing uncontrollably.

I probably could’ve come just from watching him lose control.

“I wanna taste you, too. I’d let you come in my mouth. Wouldn’t waste a drop of it. Do you want that? Huh? Come on, baby, tell me what you want.”

It took a moment, but then Jack was gasping out something. It was breathy and quiet at first, and I leaned away to catch a glimpse of his face just to make sure that he wasn’t dying on me or anything. His face was scrunched in pleasure, his jaw never fully closing as he continued to moan out whatever he was. Then, he was getting louder and louder until I could recognize my name mingled in with his groans.

With a particularly hard spasm, Jack was letting himself go. His violent twitches continued as I pumped him through it, and when he relaxed against my sheets, I let him and the breath I was holding go.

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen to date,” I swore in a whisper, my wide eyes still trained on his blissed-out face as I replayed the prior events in my mind. “Holy shit, you’re fucking gorgeous. What the hell did I do to deserve you?”

As I spoke, my hand moved to mindlessly rub at my crotch over the straining material of my own boxers. My jaw was slightly slack, but when Jack let out a final little whine and opened his eyes to look up at me, it fell open completely. He looked nervous again, glancing between my hand and my face before he was sitting up.

“I’ve, uh… I’ve never done this before, but I… I really wanna try. Wanna make you feel good, too.” When I nodded, he reached out.

I stopped touching myself, still just sitting high on my knees as I waited for him to do something. The closer he got, the more he shook. Just when I was going to tell him to forget about it, though, he closed the last little gap and tugged down the stretched cotton.

His eyes widened then, staring down at my dick before sending a quick glance at my face. He started to blush as he stuttered out an, “I-I-I’ve n-never seen-n ano-another one b-before.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” I reminded him. “You don’t owe me anything, alright?” My right hand, the one that hadn’t been on either of our dicks, reached up to card through his ruffled hair in reassurance. Jack nodded, took a deep breath, leaned in to kiss at my stomach, and then his hand was wrapping just a little too tightly around my dick.

And that’s about when the panic attack kicked in.

Notes

the smut gets so much better i promise u rn ok i sweAr on my liFe