Oli was crude, cocky, and a bit of an asshole, but he captivated me. I hadn't even kissed the guy, but I just couldn't stay away; it was like I was hooked. I didn't know why, though. What was it about him that drew me in? He was nice to me, yes, but I'd seen the way he treated other people and, well, it left a little bit to be desired.

I wanted to know so much about him, but he gave off an air of mystery that I didn't want to disrupt. He was just so private that I felt awkward asking him any questions about himself. I didn't want it to piss him off and ruin whatever it is that was going on between us.

That was another thing I didn't understand about him—how he'd been so patient with me. It just didn't make sense to me because of how he acted towards other people. He was brash and demanding, even to his friends. But to me, he'd been sweet and patient, and I just didn't understand.

Like, for instance, we were cuddling on my couch watching TV. My dad was out at work and my mom was in the kitchen making dinner or something. When he’d come over after school, my mom was out so we were all alone. I could just tell what he was thinking about, but he didn't act on it at all, and I appreciated that a lot.

It must’ve be frustrating for him, though; he'd taken me on quite a few dates in the weeks leading up to that day, and I still felt so uncomfortable just thinking about letting him in. I could tell what he wanted by the nicknames he called me and the way he kissed my cheek when we’d say hello and goodbye. I wanted to get there, I honestly did, but I just couldn't bring myself to at that point.

"Are you okay, babe?" came Oli's voice, using that nickname again. "You're thinking so hard I can almost hear it."

I sighed. "I just have a lot on my mind tonight..."

"Care to share?" he asked, sitting up a little bit so that he could look at my face.

"Why do you like me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

I felt his grip on my shoulders tighten before he responded with, "What do you mean?"

"It's just…" I tried to choose my words carefully. I wasn't sure if I was completely ready for that conversation, but I knew that if I kept putting it off it would never happen. "You're so you, and I'm so me."

He smiled gently. "Well, I think you're pretty great. Do you want to elaborate a little bit? ‘Cause I don't see the problem."

I blushed at his comment. "It's just… I'm weird and not very popular. You could probably have anyone you wanted. So I guess I just don't understand why you'd choose me."

His smile morphed into a slight frown. "I don't think you're weird at all, Jay. I've been getting to know you a lot better lately, and I think you're awesome. And I actually kind of like that you're not popular, that way I don't have to worry about someone else snatching you up." He smiled with the last part, saying it in a teasing tone.

I scoffed. "For someone not very popular, I've been getting a lot of attention from the popular boys lately."

Oli was quiet for a moment. I realized that I probably sounded mean, but it was the truth. Before the previous month or two, I'd gotten no attention from anyone outside of my group of friends, and just recently, I'd had two of the most popular guys at school claiming they had feelings for me. I just felt kind of weird about it.

"I need you to stop focusing on Gaskarth, okay?" he finally said, his voice quiet and nervous-sounding.

"How can I?" I countered. "I'm just so confused about what happened with him. Was it just a game to him? Did I ever mean anything? I'm just so scared it's going to happen again, you know?"

I felt so vulnerable talking about that with him, but at the same time, it felt good. It was like I was getting it off my chest. I liked that even though I was telling him something so personal, I wasn't my usual nervous, stuttering self. I guess I didn't realize how comfortable he made me feel until then.

"I can't tell you what Gaskarth's intentions were," he sighed, one of his hands moving to play with my hair, "but it doesn't matter anymore because it's done now. I know he hurt you, but I just want to make it better."

I bit my lip, not really having anything else to say. I was still a bit hesitant about him, but I felt significantly better after hearing what he had to say. It felt good having someone that listened to me and genuinely wanted to make me feel better.

"Who would've thought you'd be such a sap?" I teased absentmindedly. "You always seem so serious at school..."

"It's not easy for me," he admit, "but I'm trying."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up out of his arms so that I could turn around and look at him.

He shrugged. "I'm just so used to not showing any emotion. It's not something that's ever come easy for me."

I didn't really understand what he meant, but I tried to give him a response. "I guess I could see that. Sometimes you seem kind of... I don't know... Uninterested?"

He bit his lip and looked down, making me worry that I’d said the wrong thing. "It's like a defense mechanism," he said. "I do it so I don't get hurt anymore. But I'm trying to get better."

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd never seen Oli seem so insecure before. Honestly, it made my heart hurt a little bit to see him looking so vulnerable. I wanted to take him and hug him until he felt better. Before I’d even realized what I was doing, my hand was on his face.

He instantly looked up at me with wide eyes. I smiled at him, trying to defuse some of the tension. I bit my lip and briefly considered my options before realizing it was a no-brainer. So I did what I was just realizing I'd wanted to do for a couple of weeks. I leaned in closer to him and pressed my lips to his for a brief moment.

When I pulled away, his face was bright red and he looked a little bit shocked. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to do that. I couldn’t really blame him, though; I wasn’t expecting to do it, either. That’s not to say it wasn’t nice—his lips were warm and inviting.

It took him a moment to recover, but when he did, he smiled and said, “If that’s the outcome of a serious conversation with you, we’ll have to have them more often.”

I felt myself blushing even more. I knew I could’ve returned his banter and ended the serious part, but I had one more thing I wanted to say. “It’s hard for me to trust you, Oli, and I hope you understand why. But I do want this to work, just… you’ll have to be patient with me.”

He nodded along with my statement. “Of course, Jacko, take as much time as you need.”

I smiled. It felt good knowing that he was so willing to wait for me. Surely if he wasn’t serious about it, he’d blow me off for someone who was less of a challenge, right? He wouldn’t be doing everything he was if he didn’t think it was going to be worth it.

I leaned up and kissed him one more time before returning my attention to whatever show was playing on the TV.

---

The next day at school, I felt pretty good. Even though I was walking through the halls of what was basically hell, I was happy. After what happened the night before with Oli, I felt a lot better about what was going on between us. I guess I wasn’t expecting for him to actually want a real relationship with me, but then I knew that he actually did. Even though he didn’t say it out loud, I could just tell that he wasn’t playing me.

By the time English was over, I wasn't the only one who had noticed my good mood.

"You seem oddly happy today," Rian commented as we were walking towards our next class.

I shrugged. "I had a good night and I guess the mood just carried over."

He raised his eyebrows. "What were you doing that could make you this happy?"

I blushed slightly. I hadn't told him or Zack about Oli yet because I wanted to be sure it wasn't just another game. "I was with Oli..."

"Sykes?" he asked. "I didn't know you guys were friends."

"Yeah..." I said slowly. "Friends... We're friends..."

He sighed as if he knew what I was trying to say. "Really, Jack? You could do so much better than him."

I almost wanted to be angry at my best friend because, really, how could he know that? He wasn't there when Oli told me he would wait for me. He wasn't there all those times Oli could've taken advantage of me when I was vulnerable and didn't. Rian simply didn't know how perfect he'd been to me.

"Like who?" I asked, slightly annoyed. "Like Alex? That obviously didn't work."

Rian sighed again. "I don't think Alex is a bad guy. He messed up, but he's at least been trying to make it right."

I scoffed. "How? Awkwardly asking me about homework the day after we broke up? Honestly? As more time passes, the more I think the whole thing was one big joke."

He looked taken back. "That fucking asshole," I heard him mutter to himself. "It doesn't matter. Alex might not be a good guy, but he's better than Oli. Oli's just a terrible person."

"You don't know that," I snapped. "Oli's been better to me than Alex. He understands that I want to go slow and that doesn't bother him. He actually cares about me! Just because he's a little rough doesn't mean he's a bad person."

Rian sighed, obviously realizing I was right. "Whatever, Jack. Just be careful, okay? I don't want you to get hurt again."

"I won't," I responded, still irritated. "Oli's not like that."

Notes