The day after Alex and I broke up, I really didn't want to go to school. I woke up with a feeling of dread in my stomach. I knew it would be so awkward, and I was scared that since I had calmed down a little bit, seeing him again would make me change my mind. That’s not what I wanted. Well, not really. In a perfect world I could back to not knowing the things he was capable of and we could happy again, but I know that can’t happen. This is just like with my parents—now that I know, I’ll never forget.

Sadly, though, my mom woke me up about five minutes after I pressed snooze for the second time. “Jack, baby,” she said gently, shaking my shoulder, “you’ve got to wake up.”

I groaned. “Can’t I just stay home?”

She chuckled softly. “No, you don’t seem sick.”

I coughed weakly, but I already knew she wasn’t going to buy it. “Yes, I am.”

She sighed. “Up. You don’t want to be late. Maybe since it’s dad’s day off, he’ll let you use the car.”

I cringed at the thought of asking him. We hadn’t really been speaking since we fought a few weeks prior over his cheating. Everything was just awkward and forced for my mom’s benefit. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t speak to him at all.

I sighed as mom walked out of the room, flipping the light on when she left to prevent me from falling back asleep. I really didn’t want to face Alex or even Josh. Realistically, I knew I had to do it eventually and it would be better to get it over with, but that wasn’t going to make it any better or easier. Regardless, I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to school whether I liked it or not and got out of bed. I felt like I was in a daze when I was getting ready, like it didn’t really matter.

I, unfortunately, did have to speak to my father when I went downstairs. One look at the time told me that I had missed the bus and had no choice but to use the car. I timidly approached him at the table; I was honestly surprised he was awake considering he had the day off.

“Dad?” I asked, my voice quiet. “Ca-can I use the car? I m-m-missed the bus.”

He looked up from his breakfast and smiled sheepishly at me. “Sure thing, son. The keys are on the table by the door.” I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that he gave me a straightforward answer. When I turned to leave, though, he called after me. “Jack, can you sit down for a second?” I sighed but complied and sat down across from him. “Look, I know things have been awkward between us lately, but I don’t know why.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I think you do know.”

“I told you I’d stop,” he said, “and I have, so I don’t understand what your problem is.”

I shrugged. “Well, I don’t understand why you’d cheat on mom in the first place.”

He frowned. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t sass me so that we can have an adult conversation.”

“I would appreciate it if you told mom the truth, but we both know that you’re not man enough to do that.” I don’t know why I was talking like that, but I just couldn’t stop myself.

“Jack Barakat!” he snapped. “You’re acting like a child! You don’t understand how fragile relationships are! You need to learn to forgive because sometimes people make mistakes!”

“I might be acting like a child, but at least I’m not a cheater!” I shot back with a roll of my eyes.

I could feel the tension coming off of him in the seconds of silence it took him to respond. “Get out,” he eventually growled.

“Happily,” I muttered, standing up and storming towards the door, slamming it behind me.

I was fuming in the car during the drive to school, and I was still upset by the time I made it to English. It didn’t help that Alex was already there. He looked up and smiled sheepishly when I walked by to sit in my seat behind him. I kind of wished I could’ve sat somewhere else, but there were only a couple of minutes left before the late bell, and I was one of the last people to arrive. I just had to deal with it.

“Hey, Jack,” I heard Alex mumble as I went over the reading from the night before. “Did you do the homework? I, um, didn’t understand it…”

I momentarily considered telling him to fuck off, but decided it would be better to just ignore him, so I kept my head down. I heard him sigh and hoped that he had gotten the hint and would leave me alone.

Not long had passed before my hopes were dashed. I had laid my hand down across the front of the desk while I was reading. Almost immediately I felt someone else’s hand on mine. I looked up and saw it was Alex touching me. I yanked my hand away and gave him the best glare I could. I was not in the mood to deal with his shit. The look he gave me was almost pitiful. I almost felt bad for a second, but then I thought of how pitiful I must’ve looked crying into my pillow the night before and felt better.

Thankfully, though, Alex didn’t try anything for the rest of English, and I didn’t give him any time to afterwards. As soon as the bell rang, I sprung out of my seat and rushed out of the room, not caring that Burgess was still talking.

As I sulked walked towards my locker to get the things I need for my next class, I noticed someone come up and walk beside me. Immediately thinking it was Alex I sighed and said, “Will you just leave me alone? There’s nothing you can say to fix this.”

“I… I’m sorry?” a confused voice that certainly didn’t belong to my ex said.

I looked up and saw that it was Oli walking next to me. “Oh shit,” I stammered, “th-that wasn’t meant for you! I t-thought it was so-someone else.”

“I can tell,” he said, hesitance in his voice. “Are you okay?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. Not really.”

“I had to talk to Burgess before first period, and I saw you ignoring Alex… Are you guys okay?” he asked. “I mean, after I saw you in the parking lot, it was pretty obvious that you fought… but, I mean…” he trailed out.

“We’re not okay,” I admitted, ducking my head. “We broke up yesterday.”

“Really?” he asked, sounding shocked. “I’m sorry, mate!”

I shrugged. “It’s not your fault. I made the decision…”

“But I was the one that told you about our fight,” he pointed out, biting his lip. “It really wasn’t a big deal, I swear.”

I stopped at my locker when we reached it. I half expected him to keep going, but he stopped and leaned against the locker next to mine. “I know,” I responded. “What is a big deal is that he lied about it directly after promising not to, accused me of cheating on him, and then tried to manipulate me…”

Oli let out a noise that sounded kind of like a squeak. “He seriously did that?” he exclaimed. “That’s not cool!”

I nodded. “I feel so… degraded,” I admitted. “Like he never really liked me in the first place.”

“You deserve better than that,” he stated, putting a hand on my shoulder, “but I wouldn’t worry about Gaskarth; he’s nothing but a fuck-boy.” I almost choked at his accusation. “I mean, we used to be friends and all,” he continued, “and I’ve never seen him take a relationship seriously, but it’s been a few years so I could be wrong…”

“You know,” I said thoughtfully, “you might be right. I doubt that he was ever genuine, and as much as that sucks, I can’t let it get to me.”

Oli smiled. “That’s right! You’re worth more than that.”

“Damn straight,” I agreed.

Oli then pulled me into a hug. At first I tensed up in his arms, but eventually relaxed and hugged him back. Even though I was taller than him, I felt secure while we were hugging. His arms felt strong wrapped around me. I actually felt somewhat peaceful.

---

Over the next week, a lot had changed for me. I realized that I couldn’t waste time crying over Alex. He just wasn’t worth the trouble. When I realized that I felt a lot better, like a weight had been lifted.

I’d also gotten a lot closer to Oli, and that felt good. He was perfect, always making me feel better when I needed comforting, and it was just plain fun hanging out with him. While I could tell he was looking for something a little more than friendship, I found that I didn’t really mind. Even though I definitely wasn’t ready for another relationship yet, I could see myself being happy with him in the future. He was absolutely seamless. He had a bad boy edge that I’d never really gone for before, but with Oli, I appreciated it. Just a few nights before, I had called him practically crying over another fight with my dad, and he snuck over to my house and climbed up the terrace to comfort me. It had caught me off-guard, but it made me smile in the end.

At that moment, I was walking in the hall with said boy after the final bell had rung. His arm was wrapped around my waist as he told me a funny story about a family get-together he’d attended over the weekend.

“I thought for sure we were gonna have to take Tom to the hospital,” he finished, laughter echoing in the hallway.

I laughed along with him as we reached my locker. “Your family sounds crazy.”

He nodded. “They’re great, though.”

He continued to talk as I opened up my locker. What I didn’t expect was a bouquet of flowers to fall into my hands. My eyes widened in shock, and I could feel myself blushing. My eyes darted to Oli, who was smiling, before returning to the flowers.

“Di-did you do this?” I asked, my voice caught in my throat.

He nodded happily, looking somewhat pleased with himself.

I smiled at him, but found it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. As incredible as he’d been to me in the past week, a part of me was scared that he was the same as Alex; I was scared that he didn’t really care.

I momentarily pushed that fear aside, though, and leaned forward to kiss the side of his mouth. When I pulled back, his face was red and his smile was wide. I decided in that moment that I wouldn’t let my fear get in the way of what could be a great thing. I definitely wasn’t ready to be called his boyfriend yet, but I was determined to get there.

Notes