Can't Help Who I Fall For

"Hey, angel," I said as I reached out to wrap both arms around Jack's waist and brought our bodies close together. When I moved in for a kiss, Jack put his hands on my chest to push me away and turned his head before I could reach his lips.

"Hey, Lex," he mumbled back, gaze not meeting mine. His hands did move from my chest and instead curled gently around the top of my arms, just between my elbows and shoulders.

I waited for him to either continue or look up at me, and when he didn't, I found myself becoming even more concerned than I'd been before.

Stepping out of his hold, I reached for his hand and laced our fingers together tightly. With his hand held in mine, I led him through the packed hallways and out to the courtyard.

There were people there with their friends, laughing and joking and being obnoxious (kind of like my own friends), but I pulled his body along behind mine until I could sit us under a deserted tree. With my ass on the ground and back leaned against the trunk, I tugged at his hand until he followed my lead. It wasn't long before I was manhandling him to sit sideways across my lap.

My left hand rubbed at his back soothingly as the fingers of my right hand tangled with his left, our hands resting on his thighs.

Still, he wouldn't look me in the eyes or speak his mind about what had ruined his mood so badly since we'd last seen each other; it had only been a handful of hours at most.

With a sigh, I was leaning forward and pressing my face into his neck, pushing gentle kisses to his skin before I asked, "What's wrong? Talk to me, angel."

I felt Jack shake his head before he was muttering back, "It's nothing; I'm fine. Don't worry, okay?"

"Jack..." I trailed out, leaning away until the back of my head was met with rough bark. "Angel, babe... please don't lie to me. I can see that something's wrong. Do you not want to go home again?"

He seemed to tense for a moment before he relaxed again. He snuggled down a bit more into my lap before giving a weak shrug.

"Sweetie, you could've just said so. If it’s really that much of an issue for you, I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t mind you staying another night or two. I just wanna make this all a little easier for you. I know it’s a lot to deal with. The beginning of these things is always the hardest, right? So much has changed for you in just these past few weeks; it’s all gonna start to wear you down pretty soon. I just don’t even know what to do or say anymore to get you to believe me when I say that I wanna help you. God, this is gonna sound so fucking stupid and lame and girly, but I’m really in like with you, okay?”

That got a small laugh out of him, but it didn’t last long.

“I’m ‘in like’ with you, too,” he mumbled. It seemed like he was thinking when he took a pause, so I didn’t say anything until the fingers of his right hand lifted to tap at the back of my own.

“Can you just… can you just do me this one thing? Can you just trust me—believe in me—when I say these things to you?” I inquired, letting my lips brush against his temple before kissing everywhere I could reach.

I could tell that he bit his lip in silent deliberation before he was asking back, “You want me to trust you? That’s it?”

“That’s it. That’s all I want you to do. I want you to talk to me. I want to know about you. I want to know everything, every little thing, about Jack Barakat. I want to know everything you’re thinking and everything you’re feeling. I can’t do that if you don’t trust me and let me know about you. It’s not gonna get us anywhere. We jumped into this with minimal knowledge of each other at best, Jack, I know we did, but we can’t progress into anything more if you can’t talk to me, especially when something’s bothering you.”

I felt like I almost sounded pleading, and I guess I was, in a way. I’d spent so much time just dreaming about meaning something to this boy, being the one person he went to for absolutely anything no matter what it was, and then, when I could actually do that, could be whatever or whoever he wanted me to be without it going unnoticed by him… he seemed so hesitant and awkward about it.

“I guess I can do that… if you can be truthful with me, too,” he decided, sitting himself up straighter to finally look me full-on.

I gave him my best reassuring smile, untangling our fingers and lifting my hand to cup his face gently. As my thumb moved to rub at his bottom lip, I nodded, answering him with an, “Of course, angel. Anything you want to know. Tell me what it is and I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

He smiled back at that, though it did seem a little forced. “Alright… where were you really last week?”

That was the last thing I’d ever expected him to ask me about, and my mouth dropped open and closed a few times before I could scramble for something to tell him.

“Angel, I told you that I… I know Josh told you that I… he did tell you, didn’t he? I know I did… I was sick, remember? Lots of work to make up for over the weekend.”

Not only was I more than aware of the fact that I was lying, but the look on his face told me that he knew it just as well. That was only proven further when his face scrunched up and he asked, voice low and hurt, “Why are you lying to me?”

“Angel, I’m not—”

“No, you are. Do you wanna know who I ran into earlier? Oli. Guess what he told me,” he challenged. I wasn’t even given the opportunity to defend myself before he was answering himself by saying, “Oli told me that he got into a fight and was suspended. He said it was with someone named Gaskarth. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure you’re the only Gaskarth in this place.”

I wasn’t sure what to even say. Usually Jack was quiet and awkward and cute, but it was like a switch had been flipped. I hadn’t seen this side of Jack, not even from when before we were even dating, and it was a little intimidating. Who would’ve thought that one of the sweetest, happiest-looking people the world had to offer could end up being so angry about one, little white lie?

“How can you expect me to trust you? We may as well have only been together for a week and a half, not two and a half, and you already can’t tell me the truth. I knew this was gonna happen. I fucking knew it, but Zack... Zack said…”

Jack had been glaring at me as he ranted, but it was like his face was melting wax, and soon his bottom lip was trembling. Next came the watering eyes.

“This whole thing has just been a lie, hasn’t it?” he asked, his voice just as shaky as his lip. “A prank or something… someone put you up to it. What would you see in me, right? And maybe… maybe Oli knew all along, but he didn’t want to hurt me and tell me straight-out…”

“That’s not true,” I protested weakly, my grip on his waist tightening as I felt him try to stand from my lap. “That’s not true, and you know it.”

“Do I? What am I even supposed to believe Alex? I’ve got, what… two, three different people telling me different things at the same time? I should be able to trust you, but… how can I? How do I know that you actually mean what you say? How do I know that you’re not just pretending so that later you can just tear me down in front of everyone to have a good laugh? Let me guess… you had a whole Carrie scene planned out for prom or something.”

“Are you even listening to yourself right now? Do you honestly think I’d do that to someone?” I questioned in disbelief. Surely one lie, one insignificant, stupid lie, wouldn’t mean so much to him that he’d think I’d ever plan on purposely hurting him.

“I don’t know anymore! You want me to tell you things, then you turn around and lie to me. You had your friends lie to me, too! How can I trust that you and Josh aren’t going to go around spreading rumors about how my home life is falling apart? About how I ever thought I actually had a chance with you? How it was so easy to get me to talk about whatever you wanted to hear? Do you even know how this is making me feel?”

“Well, how do you think I’ve felt about you practically ogling at Josh all the fucking time?” I shot back, not realizing that was the worst possible thing to say until the words had already left my lips.

Notes