Can't Help Who I Fall For

As the day wore on, something just felt off. I didn't know what it was, exactly, but something was just wrong. Alex was acting weird—like there was something he wasn't telling me. I decided to wait until lunch to tell him about my parents, knowing that Alex would have football after school, so we wouldn’t be able to talk then. Besides, we'd still have some alone time. Alex seemed so worried that morning, so I figured he'd be fine with ditching his friends, right? It's not like he hadn't seen them.

Nothing had really changed during the last week with that situation. My mom was still acting like nothing was wrong, and dad was walking on eggshells around me. Everything was awkward, and as much as I didn't like it, I was learning to just leave it be. When I did finally talk to Franceschi about it, he told me that if my mom didn't want to know the truth, there was nothing I could really do. I couldn't change her mind, so I just had to deal with it. As blunt as he had been, it was nice to have someone who didn't sugarcoat it. I didn't have enough people like that in my life, so it was a good change of pace.

I sighed and scribbled down what the teacher was writing on the board. It was the last class before lunch, and I was just over it. I wasn't really paying much attention. Rian was in that class, so if I missed anything big, he would just fill me in later.

Speaking of Rian, he leaned over and whispered to me, "You okay? You've written the same thing down, like, three times."

I sighed. "I'm fine," I whispered back. "Just want this class to end."

Rian nodded slowly before going back to taking notes. To be honest, I didn’t really know if I was okay or not. I was worried about talking to Alex. Telling people made it seem realer than it already did; I still wanted to believe it wasn’t true, like my mother. Telling people just validated the fact that I was never going to have a normal family again.

I successfully spent the last few minutes of class worrying about talking to Alex and biting at the top of my pen. Gross. It seemed like in the past few weeks all I’d done was worry about one thing or another, whether it had been something about my relationship or my family. I used to be so carefree and only worried about getting homework done. Then I was close to giving myself some kind of ulcer or something.

When the bell finally rang, I rushed out of the classroom without waiting for Rian like I usually did. I momentarily felt bad for that, but he’d get over it. I wanted to beat Alex to his locker and hopefully avoid his friends for a few minutes to ask him to ditch lunch with me. If worst comes to worst, I guess I could ask Franceschi to cover… but that could be weird.

Sadly, I didn’t beat Alex to his locker, but he was thankfully alone when I did get there. I leaned up against the locker next to his as he dug something out of the bottom.

When he finally did look up, he smiled. “Hey, angel. How was the rest of your morning?”

I shrugged. “It was alright… Hey, pumpkin? I was, um… thinking for lunch, we could go somewhere quiet, so we could talk?”

He crinkled his eyebrows for a moment. “What’s up?”

I looked down and fiddled with my thumbs. “Um… I w-wanted to tell you the reason why I called you last M-M-Monday.”

“What you talked to Franceschi about?” he asked, voice noticeably gentler than before.

I nodded, not trusting myself not to stutter again. I hated that I did that. My nervous stutter always made a bad situation even worse. Lately it seemed like I’d been getting over it at least a little bit, but of course it was back right now. I didn’t stutter at all when I told mom or confronted my dad, so why is it back when I’m trying to simply tell Alex?

“Course we can go somewhere,” Alex nodded back at me. “How about the courtyard? It’s a nice day outside, and we’ll be able to get some privacy.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” I agreed, reaching down for his hand as we started to walk in that direction.

“Hey!” I heard Ramsay yell from behind us. “Gaskarth, Barakat! Where are you guys going? The lunch room’s this way! ”

“Are you lost?” Franceschi joined in. “Or finally going to take my advice and make out in an empty classroom?”

Alex sighed. “Why am I friends with them again?” he mumbled to me before turning his head to yell at them, “You're just jealous I have someone to make out with! Now kindly leave us alone!”

“Use protection!” Franceschi yelled back, him and Ramsay laughing at their own jokes.

I felt my cheeks redden at his crude statement. I still wasn't used to Franceschi’s lack of filter. We've only actually been friends for less than a week, so excuse me for being uncomfortable when he says stuff like that about my boyfriend and me.

Alex scoffed and pulled me a little bit faster. “Ignore them, they’re idiots.”

I shrugged. “At least they keep things interesting.”

When we arrived at the courtyard, Alex pulled me to a partially secluded corner where we sat on the ground. He scooted right up next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. “What’s up, angel?” he asked softly. “You seem tense.”

“Um… First I should probably text Franceschi so they don't actually think we're making out somewhere,” I rushed out as an attempt to stall as much as possible.

Alex lifted his head up and looked at me quizzically, but didn't say much, only, “Whatever you think you should do.”

I bit my lip as I fished my phone out of my jeans’ pocket and typed out a simple text:

Before you go spreading rumors, I’m just telling Lex about my parents…

After the message had been sent, I slid my phone a few feet away on the grass and looked back up to Alex. He smiled gently and placed his hand on my thigh in a comforting manner. "All good now?"

I nodded before taking a big breath. I didn't really know the best way to say it, so I figured, why not just cut to the chase?

"My dad's cheating on my mom, and she refuses to believe it," I blurted out. Well, I said I was going to cut to the chase.

Alex looked like he was taken aback for a second before he frowned. "What do you mean your mom refuses to believe it?"

I sighed. "I saw him last Sunday night with the... other woman. But when I told mom the next day, she told me some excuse she got from dad about her being European or some shit."

Alex didn't say anything right away. "That's... really fucked up. Have you talked to your dad about it yet?"

I nodded. "He said he'd stop, but he isn't going to tell her the truth so she can still be happy..."

"Oh..." He sighed. "Well, that's kind of sweet in a way... like, he doesn't want to hurt her."

I raised an eyebrow. "It's not sweet," I snapped. "If he didn't want to hurt her, he wouldn't have done it in the first place."

Alex shrugged. "I guess so. I'm sorry you have to go through this, though."

I smiled gently. "I'm learning to live with it. If she doesn't want to know, there's not really anything I can do, you know?"

He nodded. "It still must suck, though."

"It does," I agreed, moving closer to him so that I could lean up against him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my head.

It was silent for around a good minute and a half before he was whispering a soft, “Hey,” in my ear, nudging my temple with his nose. When I hummed, he continued. “You know, maybe a little making out wouldn’t be too bad. We have a week’s worth of kisses to make up for, after all. It might make you feel better, too…”

Really, I couldn’t argue with that logic… but there were too many people around for me to be completely comfortable with it. It didn’t seem like it had gone ‘school wide’ that me and Alex were together, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for—

“Angel… hey, don’t think too much, okay?” he murmured, tilting my head up and pressing our lips together gently.

My eyes slipped closed in response, my stomach immediately twisting with butterflies at the feeling. Before I even realized what was happening, he’d laid me back against the grass with him hovering over me. His left hand rested against my hip, and it was the feel of his fingers making actual contact with my own skin that had me pushing him away.

“Too far?” he asked, and he didn’t sound mad or like he was about to laugh. Instead, he sounded a little concerned, his brown eyes searching my own.

“Yeah, it’s just… school and public and I’m n-not ready f-f-for that with you yet,” I explained, and he nodded in understanding, moving so that he was laying on the ground next to me and pulling my body into his.

We were silent after that. There wasn’t much (if any) movement, but that was more than okay. I never really understood how couples could just sit together without talking and not have it become uncomfortable or awkward, but this was nice. Being around Alex calmed me down, and it was good not having to worry about saying something wrong. I was actually disappointed when the bell rang and we had to get up.

"I wish we could just skip and go anywhere else," I murmured as Alex walked me to my locker.

"Me too, angel," he sighed. "But I can't miss any more days for at least a little while."

"I really didn't think so," I said with another shrug.

When we eventually reached my locker (after having gone out of our way to lounge through the halls a bit), Alex lingered for an additional few minutes while I got my things out for the rest of the afternoon. Once I looked up, I saw that he was smiling down at me.

"Don't you have to get your stuff?" I asked as I stood up. I didn't want to make him late.

He shrugged. "I do. I just missed you last week, is all."

I smiled. "I missed you, too. I'm glad you're feeling better."

He ducked his head down at that. "Thanks..."

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing..." He looked back up. "I should probably go."

"Wait," I prompted before kissing him quickly. "Now you can go."

He blushed ever so lightly. "See you later, angel."

Notes