Kenz

“She’s not controlling.”

Alex, Jack, Rian and Zack were sitting on a round couch with Bryan Stars sitting across from them. Alex was slouched on a cushion, Jack on Rian’s lap, and Zack just chuckling in his seat. Bryan laughed and looked from Alex to Jack as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Dude. She’s controlling.” Jack scratched his nose playfully.

“No.” Alex rolled his eyes and run his hand through his hair. “Just because she doesn’t let you violate yourself on our couch doesn’t mean she’s controlling.”

“It’s not that she won’t let me violet myself. She refuses to violate me!” Jack whined in response.

Bryan snorted and looked between the two of them, laughing in his voice. “Controlling huh? I’m sorry I guess.” He motioned behind his back.

Lit up, I strode out and threw my arms up, and beamed at them. “Controlling am I? Well then. I think I’ll just go love on Zack.”

“I said you weren’t!” Alex jumped up and pulled me onto his lap, smothering me in kisses.

“I didn’t either!” Rian grinned and leaned over.

I gave him a quick kiss on the mouth before snuggling into Alex’s shoulder, smiling up at you. “What was said?”

“We discussed how good you were in-“ Jack started.

“The kitchen! We talked about your cooking!” Alex gave him a dirty look. “I don’t see what you have to do with our music but yeah. We had a whole conversation about your cooking.”

I laughed and hugged his neck. “I’m sure. Maybe we should go back to the bus and I’ll cook for you.”

“OKAY KIDS! Alex! Unless you want us all to sample Kenz's cooking lets move on!” Bryan grinned. “So, Kenzie, what’s it like to have to fly out to your boyfriend more than you fly for work.”

“It’s great. I love watching my boys perform.” I grinned.
“We love having you here to watch.” Rian smiled at me.

---

I listened to the interview as I drove, laughing along with Jack and Rian’s chokes and trying my hardest not to shutter. Bryan had sent a shout out to the guys and me at the end of the broadcast and even mentioned my up and coming acceptance into Harvard Law. He also congratulated Be Still for their new single and commented on it as if it were a new Gucci bag. The interview had been the last really good day for Alex and I. The last really good day indeed.

All the lights in Demi and Dylan’s skyline apartment were on and at a blaze when I finally stumbled through the doors, throat raw and eyes red from having to pull to the side of the road to sob after listening to the interview. Demi and Dylan were lounging on the couch with their legs intertwined and their faces nuzzled together, a glass of wine per hand. Soft whispers were coming from the lovely couple, I nearly threw up. “Honey I’m home.” I grumbled angrily and stormed to the kitchen, looking for the nearest alcoholic beverage. My chosen profession was destroying my liver.

“Hey gorgeous!” Demi giggled, looking up at me. “I guess we’re not going out tonight huh?” She untangled herself from Dylan’s embrace and walked to me, resting her hands on my shoulders. “You look like hell.”
“Stars played the ‘Cooking’ interview on his radio station.” I mumbled, taking a swig of tequila right from that bottle. “I swear to God if I ever hear hi fucking voice again I’ll shoot myself in the head.”

Demi paused for a minute. She looked at Dylan. She looked at me. She looked down the hall. She looked at the floor. She looked at Dylan. And then she looked at me. “Kenz…”

“I mean it. I will SHOOT myself in the HEAD.” I giggled a little at the burn of alcohol down my throat and took another long swig. It felt good to not care. Demi’s frown was seriously harshing my buzz. “What’s the matter lovie?” I pouted.

“Why is his number in your phone?” She asked finally.

I swallowed hard. Why. Why did I have to keep it on the device? Why did I have to give her my password? Why was I so aimlessly heartbroken over the fact that she had found my indulgence? She’d probably deleted it. Probably erased all of the piece I had left of him. His number was in my phone because when we’d first broken up I knew I wouldn’t survive living the way I had. I’d been…well…down right suicidal. I knew that if I did snap, if the crying stopped and the pain became too much, I’d end it all. Some people might say it’s obsessive but I think it just proves how in love with him I really was. But over time that dull ache of self hatred faded, and I found myself really opening up to the idea of being alive again. I’d just never gotten around to deleting his number when I realized I wouldn’t need to make that call. It had been almost comforting to know he was still around in case of dire emergency. Not that there would ever be one where I needed him. But still. Instead of explaining all of this though I looked her in the eye and told her the only truth I needed too. “Isobel asked me to have a way to contact him if I ever got sick again so she and Peter could know. I think it was her attempt at getting us back together.”

Demi nodded and put her arms around me. “I deleted it for you. He knows you were missing though and flew out here, even had the balls to try to contact Jack about it.”

“Of course he did,” it sounded just like Alex to try to be the hero. "Lemme guess, he wanted to 'save' me?"

Dem snorted. "Yeah, pretty much."

“He would have succeeded.”

I turned and felt my heart drop down into the uttermost pits of my stomach. Because standing there, leaning against the door looking more like a Greek god than any man as asshole like as he should ever be, was Alexander William Gaskarth.

Notes

-xoxoDR