Without the Love
Sorry for the Times...
-Kenzie-
I stared at the crack in the sidewalk, watching the shadows dance across the dull pavement with the ache in my chest fluttering. It slowly filled the cavity of my chest and spread down to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t move my hands, or form words. He stood in front of me, his hands in his pockets and his face passive. There was no emotion on his usually so open features. He truly didn’t care.
“If…if that’s what you want.” I choked on the words that fell feebly from my open mouth. They tasted like bile and pain, they were suffocating. My fingers trembled as I pried the little diamond ring off my finger. I could feel Jack, Zack, and Rian all staring at the two of us. I could hear the fans, in their hushed discomfort, shifting from foot to foot or craning their necks to see, all of them confused. Last they’d heard we were doing fine, we were happy. We were in a perfect world with the perfect live and the perfect setting for a perfect wedding. Things had been good. At least…I’d thought they had been.
He stood his hands on his hips, watching my melodramatic scene with that look of open disapproval on his face. I knew what he was thinking. I was being over dramatic. I was being a child. I was being a brat. I was embarrassing him. “The necklace too,” he said softly.
I choked again and nodded, unclasping the gold and ruby locket that’s hung between the hollow of my clavicle since our first Christmas together. Another, louder murmur shocked its way through the audience. Mutters of disapproval and anger and even amusement passed through the crowd of teenage girls watching us. This was…incredibly uncomfortable. “I’ll have my stuff cleared out by the time you’re done.”
“I know.”
I turned and pushed past Zack and Rian, walking with my head as high as I could hold it and my shoulders square. Rian tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away. It wasn’t until I was past the tour busses that the tears began to flow. Frustrated, I swiped them away and took off down the road. It’s a good thing the local bar wasn’t that far away.
I don’t know how long I sat there, on that stale colored barstool with that glass refilled countless times with scotch. The drinks all began to blur together early in the evening, and somewhere around closing I was so spaced I couldn’t think straight. But when the bartender called last call, I stood up, threw down the amount of money my drinking binge had cost me, and stumbled my way to the door. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I didn’t have anywhere to go, I didn’t have anyone I could go to, I didn’t even have a place to sleep. Blearily, I looked to my left and then to my right looking for somewhere to go. Tears of panic were starting to fill my eyes, heartache was heavy in my blood. I sat on the curb, put my hands to my face, and sobbed in complete and utter desperation. The pain, the sadness, it was all so suffocating, I couldn’t breathe. As I sat there, sobbing so brokenly into my shaking palms, a warm hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up and nearly choked.
I stared at the crack in the sidewalk, watching the shadows dance across the dull pavement with the ache in my chest fluttering. It slowly filled the cavity of my chest and spread down to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t move my hands, or form words. He stood in front of me, his hands in his pockets and his face passive. There was no emotion on his usually so open features. He truly didn’t care.
“If…if that’s what you want.” I choked on the words that fell feebly from my open mouth. They tasted like bile and pain, they were suffocating. My fingers trembled as I pried the little diamond ring off my finger. I could feel Jack, Zack, and Rian all staring at the two of us. I could hear the fans, in their hushed discomfort, shifting from foot to foot or craning their necks to see, all of them confused. Last they’d heard we were doing fine, we were happy. We were in a perfect world with the perfect live and the perfect setting for a perfect wedding. Things had been good. At least…I’d thought they had been.
He stood his hands on his hips, watching my melodramatic scene with that look of open disapproval on his face. I knew what he was thinking. I was being over dramatic. I was being a child. I was being a brat. I was embarrassing him. “The necklace too,” he said softly.
I choked again and nodded, unclasping the gold and ruby locket that’s hung between the hollow of my clavicle since our first Christmas together. Another, louder murmur shocked its way through the audience. Mutters of disapproval and anger and even amusement passed through the crowd of teenage girls watching us. This was…incredibly uncomfortable. “I’ll have my stuff cleared out by the time you’re done.”
“I know.”
I turned and pushed past Zack and Rian, walking with my head as high as I could hold it and my shoulders square. Rian tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away. It wasn’t until I was past the tour busses that the tears began to flow. Frustrated, I swiped them away and took off down the road. It’s a good thing the local bar wasn’t that far away.
I don’t know how long I sat there, on that stale colored barstool with that glass refilled countless times with scotch. The drinks all began to blur together early in the evening, and somewhere around closing I was so spaced I couldn’t think straight. But when the bartender called last call, I stood up, threw down the amount of money my drinking binge had cost me, and stumbled my way to the door. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I didn’t have anywhere to go, I didn’t have anyone I could go to, I didn’t even have a place to sleep. Blearily, I looked to my left and then to my right looking for somewhere to go. Tears of panic were starting to fill my eyes, heartache was heavy in my blood. I sat on the curb, put my hands to my face, and sobbed in complete and utter desperation. The pain, the sadness, it was all so suffocating, I couldn’t breathe. As I sat there, sobbing so brokenly into my shaking palms, a warm hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up and nearly choked.
Notes
So. Yeah. Idk.-xoxoDR
@RosesNWriters
Aw, yay, you're back! Thanks for commenting on here, or I probably wouldn't have realized.
I'll check out the revamp as soon as I can. :)
10/25/18