"I love you Alex," Jack whispered.

"Jack, you're my world," I whispered, smiling softly.

I couldn't tell him I loved him, I didn't believe in love. It wasn't something that I could just lie to him about, I wanted him to understand. I'd told him all of this before and I kept hoping he'd understand. He swore he still loved me but in my mind because I was certain he could never love me. Who could?

He roughly kissed me, shoving me against the wall. I loved the thought that he wanted me in such a physical way. He thought that I was beautiful, that I was worth it. He eagerly moved his lips down to my neck, sucking a dark mark into my neck. I moaned as he began to palm me through my jeans. I quickly dropped to my knees in front of him, taking him into my mouth. He tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling him further into my mouth.

"Fuck Alex, I love you," he moaned out.

I couldn't help but grin, well as much as one can grin in a situation like this. He loved me, I think he actually felt something for me. I looked up at Jack through my eyelashes, making me appear almost innocent which is ironic due to the situation. Once he came I stood up and kissed him softly. I think I might have loved him too.

---

"Fuck," I muttered, waking up another day alone.

Waking up just brings me down cause you are nowhere to be found. I missed Jack, it had been years but still he was on my mind. Something about him made it impossible to forget him. He was my first love, my first everything. I hated myself, why did I love him? He didn't love me, you don't break the people you love.

I sighed once again, running my hands through my hair. That dream made me remember how I felt for him. Every time I interacted with him or dreamed of him I remembered how much I wanted him, I needed him. I didn't believe I could actually love again, I didn't have a heart anymore. You don't destroy someone for reasons that they can't help.

"I know I deserve someone better, someone who can handle me. My anxiety isn't the problem, it's part of me," I told myself as I stared in the mirror.

I got dressed and walked out of the door, I was going to see Jack again today and I was excited. I walked out to the parking garage, his car would be here any moment. I leaned against the column and texted on my phone. His car pulled into the empty spot I was standing in front of. I smiled and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Hey Lex," he smiled.

"Hey Jay," I smiled weakly.

We began to drive and it was really nice. I was merely sitting there with him, listening to a band I haven't heard in a very long time. I looked out the window, what was I supposed to say to him. There was nothing I could say that wouldn't make things awkward. I mean I couldn't tell him that I dreamed of him again. I couldn't tell him the truth, he had a boyfriend anyway.

"You have anyone in your life Alex," he asked suddenly.

"No, I don't really date," I muttered.

"Then what was I?"

"What was I?"

He stayed silent, exactly, nothing. Who put that rock in your chest? I wished that Jack could just tell me that I had meant something to him. I stared out of the window and was trying to think of anything other than the gorgeous boy next to me. What had I done wrong those years ago? Why was I not good enough for him anymore?

"Oh Alex, I have something to tell you," he said suddenly.

"I have something to tell you too," I said softly.

"We'll say it at the same time then."

I nodded, fear quickly taking over my mind. Was I really about to tell him what I was planning on saying? Was I really brave enough to do it? No, no I wasn't brave enough to do this.

"I'm getting married," he said.

"I still love you," I said at the same time.

Silence filled the vehicle.

Notes

So, this was originally going to be a one shot but I'm now wondering if I should make this a short series, let me know if you would prefer that. :)

Leave a comment and rate if you enjoy

Title and lyric credit - Lovesick Fool by The Cab

- Jess