Trigger warning: self loathing

Your POV

I was standing, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Last year I had more defined curves, my thighs were trimmed and I actually felt good about myself. Now, I’m not so sure. I couldn’t help but criticize every inch of me. I didn’t like it.
Suddenly arms come from out of nowhere and wrap themselves around me. “Hey beautiful,” I heard from behind me. I smiled to myself.
“Hey Jack,” I sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Jack turned me around to look at my face. I couldn’t help but stare at his flawless features. His big brown eyes sent shivers through me. I was so lucky to even call him mine.
“Me. I’m wrong. I just feel wrong all over.”
“What do you mean? You don’t look wrong.”
“I mean look at me. I’m nothing special. I’m uncomfortable with myself and I just want it to magically get better.”“Well I think you’re beautiful either way.” He kissed the top of my head and smiled at me. “You’ll always be beautiful to me.”
I grinned and hugged him tightly. “I just want to feel okay again. I don’t know what to do.”
“If you don’t like it change it.” Jack rubbed his hands up and down my arms comfortingly. “You don’t have to because you’re perfect the way you are to me, but if you don’t like it, I’m 109.8% on board with you.”
“Thanks, Jack.” I smiled at him and gave him another hug. He kissed me on the lips and held it there for a while. When we stopped, he did that thing with his face where his eyes crinkle up at the corners, and he shoves his hands in his pockets, and doesn’t stop smiling. “Why so happy?” I asked him.
“Just you,” he grinned.
I couldn’t help but let my smile seep through. I decided to get on this plan right away. I went to my room and grabbed a notebook and sat down to plan. “Do you think I should stop my food habits too?” I called out to him. He was in the living room.
“Whatever you feel would get the job done the best,” he called back.
I had decided on a normal breakfast, a less than exciting lunch and salad for dinner since it had the least amount of calories and I was going to be doing my workouts in the morning. I decided that after lunch, I’d take my dog for a walk. Jack could probably come along if he wanted to I guess.
“How do you feel about taking Olivia for a walk with me and Jumper after lunch every day? I knew he loved that dog possibly more than me and would probably love to be able to walk her.
“I’m up for it!”
“Yay!” I walked behind him on the couch, turned around so my back was facing where he was, and fell down backwards onto it. “So, you wanna hear my plan?”
He muted the TV and turned to face me. “Shoot.”
“I wake up and immediately have breakfast. I have like a big one with lots of protein and stuff, and that’s where my carbs will be. And after that, I go to the gym to exercise. Once lunch time hits, I will only have protein. So like a piece of chicken or nuts or something. Then you and me will walk the dogs, and then once dinner time hits, I’ll just have a salad, and that’ll be the end of that. And I’ll do that every day that I can. Sound good?”
“Sounds like a fucking awesome plan to me.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss me, kinda like Spiderman, but only I was the one upside down.
“I’m ready to get back into shape!” I cheered. I was feeling weirdly excited about it. I was ready to feel better about myself and be healthy again.

*2 Weeks Later*

I get a text from Jack, asking if he could bring Olivia over for our daily walk. I was honestly thinking this was a bad idea. I skipped out on the gym three times already, and honestly I just wanted a fat cheeseburger from McDonalds. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore, and now he’s coming over. Great, what am I supposed to say to him, that I’m a failure?
He knocked on the door and I was two seconds away from indulging myself in ice cream. I called for him to come in, and he brought Olivia with him anyway. “Babe, you okay?” he asked me.
I was staring at the television, too unmotivated to answer him. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. This is hard as hell, I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“But Y/N, you were doing so well! I’ve already noticed a difference.”
“It was just a spur of the moment. I can’t do this, I just can’t. I’m fucking done.”
“You know, it doesn’t have to be so rigorous, you end up hating yourself by the end of it.” His voice was soft and soothing. It was starting to help.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’ve tried so hard to get results as soon as you needed, but you can start off small. And it’s okay to break once in a while. It’s okay to have some, just not a lot. Portion control is what really matters. You don’t have to go to the gym for hours on end every day either. After a while, sometimes it doesn’t do more for you when you do more. A simple walk is a fine start.”
“But I’m tired of looking what I look like now.”
“And I support that.” He stopped talking and took my hands in his. “But maybe you’re trying too hard. If you tone it down, you won’t get over stressed and then give up as soon as you don’t want to do anything. Get what I’m saying?”
“Yeah,” I responded quietly, letting my head fall down.
“You don’t have to beat yourself up about it, you know. I’m here, and I support whatever you choose to do.” He pulled me into his chest to hug him and I did. Because of his height, his chin was able to rest atop of my head. I felt him take a deep breath and kiss my hair. “I love you, you know.”
“I love you too.” I hugged tighter.
“Now how ‘bout that walk? Olivia’s been dying to see Jumper all day.”
I giggled and let go of my boyfriend. “I’m sure she has.” I sniffled a bit, and pulled Jack up off my couch. “To the leashes! Away!”
Jack laughed and took off to the leashes trying to look like he was flying, but failing miserably.
“You know it’s a good thing you aren’t an actor.”
Jack stuck his tongue out at me and continued his “flying.” I laughed and followed him, wondering how I got so lucky.

Notes

AN And I’m back on schedule! Can I get a hell yeah?? The conversation is between you and Jack. Thanks for keeping up with me lovelies. Sorry if it’s taking so long to get to you D: So I hope you don’t mind, I named your dog Jumper. If you must know more about him, he’s a border collie. That is your dog now. Too late to change it.