The 50 Things Jack Barakat Isn't Allowed To Do List

During my time playing for All Time Low I got banned from doing a wide number of things. I've complied them into a list.

1. My name is “Jack Barakat” not “Princess Anastasia”.

2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

3. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

4. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question my tour manager asks me.

5. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul during stage time.

6. Not allowed to join All Time Low cover bands.

7. God may not contradict any of Alex's lyrics. Even if they don't make any sense.

8. May not call other guitar players immoral, untrustworthy, lying, talentless slime, even if I’m right.

9. Must not taunt British bands about their tea any more.

10. Must attempt to not antagonise the Irish Garda.

11. Must never call a Irish Garda officer a “Wanker”.

12. Must not tell any vet bands that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.

13. The Irish Garda are not after “Me lucky charms”.

14. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

15. Not allowed to chew gum at soundcheck, unless I brought enough for everybody.

16. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at soundcheck even if I did bring enough for everybody.

17. Can’t have flashbacks to times before I was born.

18. Our manager is not called "Sugar Mama”.

19. Not allowed to ask for a off day due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

20. My tattoos and tin foil do not count as a proper award ceremony get up.

21. I am not allowed to “Go to Vegas and shake daddy’s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.

22. Not allowed to trade other band members musical instruments for “magic beans”.

23. Not allowed to trade my guitar for "magic beans".

24. Not allowed to sell magic beans to the kids in the line, they will always pay me.

25. The proper response to a kid telling me "they love me more than life itself" is not “Why?”

26. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Jack Barakat.

27. There are no evil clowns living in Alan Ashby's bunk.

28. I may not line everybody's snapbacks with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.

29. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

30. May not wear gimp mask while on stage, it creeps the kids out.

31. May not conduct psychological experiments on the fans.

32. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

33. Not allowed to wear a dress to any award ceremonies.

34. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

35. Must not refer to Oli Sykes as “Mom”.

36. Must not refer to Kellin Quinn as “Dad”.

37. Inflatable sheep do not need to be in display in the front lounge for guests to enjoy.

38. Crucifixes do not ward off Blood On The Dance Floor, and I should not test that.

39. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

40. Rian's kick drum is not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell Copeland Quinn that it is.

41. Vic Fuentes is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

42. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine is not a good combination.

43. I may not trade my guitar for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, small children, stolen goods, or bootleg CD’s.

44. Should not taunt members of bands that haven't made it yet, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working in retail still.

45. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot Stuff”.

46. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who playing larger venues than me.

47. I do not have the ability to arrest children and cannot arrest children for being rude.

48. I should not teach our tech team to say offensive and crude things in other languages, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

49. “Jack-o-nator” is not a thing and I should not try to make it a thing by working it into everyday conversation.

50. I should not compile my wrong doings into list form in case it falls into the wrong hands.

Notes

Hey everyone! I was sorting through my old laptop and found the URL that was the inspiration for this saved. This is inspired by Skippy's List. I hope you enjoyed this. If you would like me to do a part two let me know. It all depends if anyone actually likes this. Hopefully I made you giggle!

Kelci xo