Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

They always say that you know when something’s going to happen. You get a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. Something in your life foreshadows it. You suddenly feel anxious because something feels off. They never say why or how, but they always say you know. You don’t know.

You never know.

Everything’s normal, and then suddenly it’s not.

And everything was normal.

“I need, like, four extra shots of espresso in my coffee today if I’m gonna finish this paper for tomorrow,” Jack groaned as we walked out of last period.

I laughed. “It’s your own fault that you left it to the last minute.”

“Oh fuck off,” he grumbled. “Listen, I’ve gotta go catch Liz at her locker really quick. I’ll meet you outside, yeah?” He pecked my cheek and took off at a near-sprint.

I rolled my eyes. I needed to go to my locker anyway, but he hadn’t given me a breath to say so. I mindlessly threw my books in, exchanging them for the ones I would need for homework, before strolling down the hall and out the door. I shoved my hands in my pockets to protect them from the cold. I hoped Jack was ready to go because I wanted to get out of the cold as quickly as possible.

And then, suddenly, it wasn’t.

My heart and my stomach dropped into the ground. I quickly stepped back, away from the corner I was about to turn, pressing my back against the wall. My heart was racing. I couldn’t believe it, but there it was: Jack, hands fisted in his jacket, their chests flush as Jack pressed him into the wall, and Zach, his hands on either side of Jack’s face as they kissed, hard. I dashed back into the school building, running to the first bathroom, and dropping to my knees at the nearest toilet. I didn’t even close the stall door before I retched, sick spilling into the bowl. When my body stopped heaving, I sat back on my heals, quickly wiping my mouth with some toilet paper. My throat burned. My eyes were watering. My hands shook violently as they made their way into my hair.

It’s your fault. No. Of course it is. You know how Jack is. You know he needs personal contact and you wouldn’t give that to him. I couldn’t. So focused on yourself you never considered him. Stop. You’re selfish. You wouldn’t do it, so he had to find someone else to. Please. It’s your fault that he had to find comfort in someone else because you wouldn’t man up and be what he needs. I’m sorry. You’re selfish. It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your-

“Lex? Oh god, Lex!” I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard him drop to the floor behind me. “Hey, hey, it’s ok. Breathe, Lexy, you’re ok.” One arm went around my waist, hugging my back to him while his other began to work my hands from my hair. Sobs began ripping through my chest. “Shh, baby, I need you to breathe with me.” He held me tighter. I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back. My hands dropped as he was finally able to free my hair from their grip. I wrapped them around myself, holding onto him as he brought his other arm around, over mine. “Easy, you’re ok.” He pressed a gentle kiss behind my ear. “I’ve got you, baby, just breathe. You’re ok.” He kept at it: holding me, gently reassuring me, pressing soft kisses all along my neck and shoulder where his head rested.

When my breathing was nearly normal, and my sobs had become silent hiccups, Jack unwrapped one arm from my waist to push my sweaty hair back from my face. “Water?” I nodded. My mouth tasted vile and felt like sandpaper. He let go of me to fish around in his bag. He handed me an uncapped bottle of water before standing up and walking over to the sinks. He returned with some damp paper towels and resumed his spot on the floor behind me. He dabbed along the back of my neck with the cool paper towel as I rinsed my mouth out. “Do you want to just go home?”

I took a moment before shaking my head. I decided I wasn’t ready to be alone with Jack just yet. I wasn’t ready to talk about this.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded again. “Thought you needed a billion shots of espresso?” I managed a small smile.

He laughed. “I can make coffee at home, but if you really want to go we can.”

I rinsed my mouth out once more before standing up – immediately getting lightheaded and regretting the decision. Jack was quick to steady me before taking both our bags. He went to take my hand but I quickly pulled away, shoving my hands in my pockets. He gave me a sad but understanding nod as he stepped over slightly, giving me space. You don’t deserve him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked gently as he started the car.

I shook my head. I most definitely did not want to talk about it.

“OK, later.”

Jack:
I tried to not let him see, but I was petrified. In the five months I’d known him, I had never seen Alex break down that bad, and I was so scared that he wouldn’t tell me what caused it. I needed to know, but I didn’t want to push him. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

Alex stayed quiet for the car ride, and most of the time we were out. At first I thought going to get coffee with everyone would be too much for him, but he seemed slightly more like himself as we left. I offered him my right hand as I drove, and was pleasantly surprised when he took it, intertwining his fingers with mine.

Everything seemed normal when we walked into the house. Alex said hello to my mom as she passed on the way to her office with a fresh cup of tea and laughed when May was suddenly gripping his waist, nearly knocking him to the ground. It was like that afternoon hadn’t happed.

And then suddenly everything wasn’t normal.

“So do you want to help me with my paper or are you-“ I didn’t get to finish because Alex was suddenly pinning me to the door, mouth hot and urgent on mine. I was shocked, but couldn’t help melting into his kiss; I’d been lusting after it for so long. He never let our lips part as he backed me towards my bed, immediately tracing a hand up my chest once he was lying above me. I was lost in bliss until I felt trembling under my shirt. Something’s wrong.

“Alex,” I broke the kiss, practically gasping. He quickly diverted his lips to my neck and after a moment I remembered I was trying to stop him. “Alex,” I said firmly, gently pushing him up by his shoulders. “Stop.”

He looked at me confused, and possibly with a touch of hurt? “Something wrong?”

I pushed my hair back, panting for breath. “No, I mean yes, I mean...what the hell?”

Not hurt, fear; fear that was growing with every second. “I-I just, I-“ he sputtered. “I thought you’d want this.”

I was still trying to wrap my head around everything but I saw in his eyes the unspoken, I thought you’d want me. “Lex, no, no, of course.” I gently pushed his hair back, off his face. “It’s not that. I just, I don’t understand.”

“What’s there to understand? I want you.” He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him back.

“No you don’t. Lex, you’re shaking, talk to me.” He swallowed, sitting back on his heels and looking away. “Baby, please talk to me. Why would you think I’d want you to force this if you’re not ready? I would never-“

He sighed. “I know you’d never force me, but I thought… I just, you’ve been so patient and understanding and it’s not fair that I won’t fucking kiss you and you deserve-“

“Hey, hey, what are you talking about? I know exactly why, and it’s perfectly fine. I’ll wait as long as you need, I thought you knew that?”

“I know,” his voice broke. “I just didn’t want you finding this somewhere else while you waited for me,” he said quietly.

Tears sprung to my eyes. “What? I would never!”

“It’s ok, I saw you with Zach earlier.” My stomach turned. “I get it. It’s fine.”

“What? Zach and I aren’t- I would never! And even if I would and we were, it wouldn’t be fine for me to cheat on you like that! I know things are kind of unclear with us right now, but I would never do that to you. Alex please, you have to believe me!”

He sniffed. “Then why were you kissing Zach?”

I groaned, wiping my face with my hands. “I wasn’t kissing Zach. I was just about ready to strangle him when he pulled that bullshit.”

“You’re wasting your time with him, Jack. He doesn’t deserve you. He can’t handle you.” Zach grinned up at me.

“What the fuck is your problem? Hmm?” I growled, pinning him to the brick wall by his coat. I was doing really well with handling my temper, but he wouldn’t stop.

“My problem? My problem is Alex. He waltzed in here like he owns the place and I’m just supposed to be ok with that? I worked to get where I am. He just strolled in and made you his bitch in no time.”

“That is not true. I am no one’s bitch. I own this place, and Alex is my boyfriend, but you know what you are Zach? You’re shit, and I’m sick of you acting like you have any say. Go fuck yourself, you ignorant bastar-“ and then suddenly he grabbed my face and crashed his mouth on mine. My fists tightened in his jacket, pushing him away from me. “What the fuck was that?”

“I would be so much better than him, you know. I’m not damaged beyond repair, and I’m ready for you to fuck me. Right here, right now. I know he won’t put out but I-“

I was so disgusted by his words I couldn’t let him finish. One solid right hook shut him up and sent him to the ground. “You make me sick. Don’t let me see you again or I’ll fucking kill you.”

Zach seemed to be in shock as he scrambled up, holding what would surely be a black eye tomorrow. He dashed across the lot and jumped into his car before speeding off.

“Honestly, it was disgusting. He was throwing himself at me, insisting that he was better for me than you.” I shook my head. “It was really just sad.”

“So what happened?”

“He kissed me. I gave him a black eye and told him if I ever see him again I’ll kill him. No one tells me how to live my life, and no one threatens you.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I mean that. I’ll break the neck of anyone who tries to hurt you.”

“He’s not wrong though,” Alex said quietly.

My heart cracked. “Baby of course he is. I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.” I carefully took his hands in mine. “Alex what I did was unforgivable before I knew about your past, but knowing it now? You had no reason to forgive me and every right to never even let me explain myself. You’ve been nothing but caring and understanding and wonderful with every shitty thing in my life that wasn’t your problem to take on, but you took it all on anyway and made it your problem because that’s who you are. You are the most amazing and selfless person that I know and I will be forever grateful that I know you; that you’ve been there for me in my darkest moments.”

Alex sniffed hastily wiping tears from his cheeks. “H-How can you p-pos-sibly t-think like tha-at?”

“Because it’s true. How can you possibly think any different?”

The strangest and most beautiful combination of a sob and a laugh broke through the smile Alex tried to hide with his hands. “J-Jesus Christ, Jack I- oh my god.” He laughed through the tears that kept spilling. He suddenly hugged me tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. I held him back, just as tight. “It’s now how I wanted to say it – an absolute mess of tears and hyperventilation – but it’s the only thing I want to say right now.”

I chuckled. “What are you rambling about?”

Alex pulled back enough to press his forehead to mine. His eyes shone with tears and the wide smile he wore. “I love you.”

I probably let a bit too much time pass as my heart stopped and then picked up double time, pounding so hard I thought it would break through my chest. And then suddenly I was able to move my hands and I moved them to pull Alex as close to me as possible while I kissed him with everything I had. “Fuck, I love you,” I managed to mumble between kisses.

Alex laughed, and it was so light and happy that it only made me want to kiss him deeper, hold him tighter. His hands were wound in my hair, pulling slightly, and mine were fisted in his shirt, and we kept bumping teeth because Alex couldn’t stop smiling, but god it was one of my favorite moments and I wanted to live in it forever. Right then and there, nothing else mattered. It was just us. It was perfect. It was bliss.

Eventually, the kisses slowed. The high of adrenaline was wearing off and the dopamine was leaving us cuddled up with stupid grins on our faces. Alex was carding his fingers through my hair and I was dozing on his chest when he spoke. “Not to kill the mood, but don't you have a paper to write?”

I groaned. “But Lex, I don't wanna.”

He laughed. “C'mon you big baby, I'll help.”

I yawned. “I'll get an extension.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’ll fail English.” I shrugged. “Up you go, come on, Jay.” I held on tighter to him. “I’ll blow you if you get your paper done.” I jumped up to grab my laptop. “You’re an idiot,” he laughed.

“But I’m your idiot.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you are.”

Notes