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Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

Chapter 28

Jack:
My heart was beating so hard I was certain Alex could feel it. I never thought I’d get to hold him so close again. I had broken all of his trust, and I didn’t deserve this, but fuck I was just so damn happy to have him like that, if only for one last time. I held him tighter, pressing a kiss to his hair, as he finally seemed to calm down. We stayed like that, though; wrapped up in each other’s embrace. Not moving, not speaking; just breathing, just being.

“Jack,” he said in a small voice.

“Yes, baby?”

“I missed this.”

“Me, too.”

We slipped back into silence for a few more minutes.

Eventually, Alex pulled back. “I’m sorry, that was stupid.”

I shook my head, my hands falling lamely in my lap. “No, no, don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“Wasn’t yours either,” he mumbled. He shook his head. “No, no, I mean, um…no matter the circumstances, I didn’t deserve that.”

Something wasn’t right with his tone. “Alex, why do you sound like you’re reciting information from a textbook?”

His eyes widened, and I thought he was going to have another panic attack, but a nervous laugh bubbled out of him. “Yeah, I always thought that, too.” He shook his head again. “I thought I’d convinced myself, but here I am in the same situation and every time I say what I’m supposed to believe it sounds like a load of bullshit and I doubt it more and more every time. It’s supposed to work the other way around isn’t it? The more you say it, the more you believe it? That’s what they’d told me anyway…” He trailed off, seeming to fall into deep thought.

“The same situation?”

His eyes snapped up. “What?”

“You said, ‘the same situation’ what do you mean?”

He groaned and scrubbed his face in his hands. “I, ugh, this…this isn’t the first time m-my, my um, my ex-“ he swallowed hard, “but it was years ago, like five years ago, but…” he looked away, but his hand drifted to his hip – right where I knew there was a bundle of scar tissue.

“Oh… Oh! I, um, I’m sorry. Oh god, your ex-“

“Abused me?” he let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, and I let him, for a really long time.” He shook his head. Trying to erase all the bad memories I must have dug up? “I thought I deserved it, he always said I did, anyway. I don’t really know. I kept it quiet for as long as I could – god, it must’ve been like five months or something – but one day my shirt rode up, or fell off my shoulder, or something stupid, and Tom saw the bruise.” He grinned a little. “Man, I’ve never seen him like that, he was livid. Nearly broke the guys hand the next time he saw him, but that was when he went with me for the break up and telling his parents. Mine put me in therapy, and that’s what they kept telling me. ‘You don’t deserve that, no matter the circumstances.’ ‘You’re better than that, and you deserve better.’ ‘You’re worth more than that.’”

“You are,” I noted, weakly, my eyes watching the wet spots my tears were making on my jeans.

Alex hummed. “Maybe. I’d like to think so, but I’m not sure I believe it, fully. Time is the only way to find out, I guess.” He shrugged. “I dunno. I’m not,” he sighed, “I’m not trying to make you feel more guilt, but I’m just saying maybe the memories it dug up, and the fact that it was you made it hurt worse. I dunno.”

“I’m sorry.” I sniffed. He deserved so much better.

“I know. And while it was never, and will never be ok, I think I forgave you a while ago.” He gave me a lopsided grin.

My heart back flipped in my chest. “No, no, of course it wasn’t, but…really?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

I moved to hug him, but I must have moved too fast, because he flinched back. I dropped my hands back into my lap. “Sorry.”

He sighed. “No, don’t be. I just– I think we need to take it slow again. It’s just a reflex – some lingering affect from Andy, I think. I need some time to readjust, yeah?”

I nodded. “Of course, whatever you need.”

He opened his arms. “Can I still get that hug?”

I agreed, eagerly, holding him tightly as fresh tears pricked at my eyes. His hands found their way into my hair at one point, and at another we ended up laying down, and sometime in between then and when we fell asleep I swore to myself that I’d get better for him, because – no matter how much nonsense I would have to go through, or how many pills I would have to take – having him, just like this, was every minute of it.

Notes

I'm an actual mess, but here's some (maybe) happy things, because yay good times.

Also I found this and thought that it pretty much described how my writing goes.


Be sure to enjoy those good times while they last! :D
Enjoy! - Anna

Comments

@T-what





@fangirll


Glad you've enjoyed!

I'M SOBBING, THAT END WOW NJDKKJNS;IKDC PLEASE MAKE A BONUS CHAPTER

fangirll fangirll
6/9/17

That was beautiful and amazing and you don't have to ask, OF COURSE we want the bonus chapter!

T-what T-what
6/6/17

love this chapter xxx hope ur ok hun.

if you havent already please read my story xxx

SophieGaskarth SophieGaskarth
8/24/16

@AshtrayDoll


Gah, somehow I missed replying to this. I'm so sorry. You're wonderful. I'm glad you like it. I'm sorry this took so long.