Taking Chances
I Miss You
*Sunday, last day of Warped Tour*
Nelly POV
Today’s the day, the last day of Warped Tour, can’t say I’m too happy but I’m far more depressed than a normal person should be because today is also the day I’ve been dreading since last month. I’m going to miss everyone here; especially We Are The In Crowd, Tay and Jordan were the best of friends that I made my second day here. I got to go to Warped Prom and I got an awesome boyfriend and first date because of Warped Tour. Instead of being in the mosh pits and watching bands perform, I’m performing and telling people to start mosh pits, I’m making sure people have the best day ever of their summers, instead of bands doing that for me.
Today is also the day my brother died. He recently turned 17, June 24, and today, August 4, is his death day. I hadn’t told anybody because I didn’t want the pity, the guys only knew his birthday passed, they don’t know his death was almost 2 months after his birthday. They don’t know he was shot four times just walking around our neighborhood to get home. They don’t know that he was two houses down from our house when a gang war started. They especially didn’t know that he didn’t make it even before the ambulance came or after that. He made a joke, a fucking joke to me while he was laying down dying! The last words he ever spoke to anybody was, “Don’t talk or you’ll mess up.”
I shook my head to erase the thoughts from my mind and went back to what I was doing now. I laid on the couch in MToP’s tour bus, watching whatever random show was on TV. I heard the guys in the back lounge, playing games; they were supposed to be trying to be quiet but failed at it once again. I sighed and went back to watching TV trying to ignore them.
I ignored them enough to psych myself up for today’s show, because even though today was sure to be shitty for me I was going to make it the best for my fans’. I mentally went over the set list for today, Retrace These Steps, Blanket of Tears, Not Here Anymore, Go Home, Where Have You Been and I decided that the long song was going to be I Miss You in honor of my brother. Not that anybody else needs to know that.
I looked up at the clock, twenty minutes before I needed to get to our stage. Twenty-five minutes before we go on stage. Three hours until Warped Tour is officially over. Five hours until I’m home in Maryland. Six hours before I work up the courage to visit my brother in the cemetery. Seven hours before I go home and cry myself to sleep. Then the next day will be back to normal and I’ll be my happy self again and nobody will suspect a thing.
I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked to my bunk in an attempt to get ready to go. I pulled out my toiletries bag first so I could shower and then I moved to my suitcase. I picked out my black shorts and black Blink 182 shirt with my combat boots and guitar pic necklace. Closing my suitcase and grabbing my stuff I headed into the bathroom to get ready so that I can leave. I showered and washed my hair before stepping out of the shower and onto the bath mat. Plugging up the blow dryer I dried my hair before putting on my black lace matching set and then putting my clothes on. I put my hair into a high ponytail before grabbing my clothes and towel before leaving the bathroom.
I put my stuff up before heading to the backroom, which held all the guys. “Hey, y’all need to get ready. You have,” I looked at my phone that was in my back pocket, “ten minutes before we need to leave.” I said before walking out after making sure that they were getting ready. Walking off the bus, I went straight to All Time Low’s bus to see if Alex was ready.
I walked right into the bus, not bothering to knock. I should’ve because right in front of the door, ass naked was Jack. I squealed and hurried to cover my eyes. “What the hell Jack?! Why are you fucking naked?” I asked him turning around to face the door, until he announced that he was decent.
“I’m decent. And I didn’t know that we’d have guest so close to get ready time.” Jack said laughing at me and going back to getting ready. “Why are you here? Looking for Lover boy?” Jack asked and before I could say anything he pointed to the backroom. “Back there.” I said my thanks before walking back there and opening the door to see Alex sitting on the couch with his guitar and a notebook. I leaned up against the door and watched him before I got bored and noticed I was running out of time.
“Am I interrupting something?” I asked him after clearing my throat. He dropped his pen and guitar pic before looking up at me.
“No, I was just…” Alex said trailing off, like I couldn’t see what he was doing.
“Writing a song.” I finished for him. He nodded, looking sheepish. “Now come on, or I’m going to be late.” I said walking over to him and grabbing his hand. “You can finish it later.” With that I pulled him out of the bus with me, him shouting a ‘see you later’ over his shoulder towards his band mates.
When we got to my stage I let him go so I can sound check really quick. I walked onstage to see kids already waiting for us. “Hey guys! We’re on in five.” I said and left the stage, going back to Alex.
“Hey, go do your thing, I’ll be here.” Alex said and I nodded, going to sit at the table behind the stage. I sat there and thought about today, what it meant for everybody and what it was. I knew I shouldn’t dwell on the past and my brother’s death but how could I not, when he died right in front of my eyes. I remember the day loud and clear, like I’m still there.
-Flash Back- I was walking around in the house, checking the clock every five minutes waiting for him to get home. Jonathan knew to be home before 9, that’s when the gangs started their shooting. Some times they did drive-bys, or they shot randomly, or they had a target in mind. I couldn’t bare for my brother to get caught in that so I made sure he was home by 9 every night, but right now it’s 10:23 and still call saying he’s staying at his friends’, he didn’t walk through the door and I haven’t gotten any contact with him since 8:57. Where is he? Mom worked overtime at the hospital tonight so it’s my job to watch him tonight.
I heard the shooting start and the bullets hitting buildings and some times flesh. I heard an older lady scream, a man yell, but I didn’t hear any kids yell or scream so I let out a sigh of relief. I heard the ambulance and looked out the window to see people crowding around someone on the sidewalk, it was a usual occurrence that I always paid mind to, I always wanted to know who it was that got shot. I saw somebody walk to our house and knock on the door. Seconds later I answered. “Can I help you?” I ask the girl who look about 15, with tears going down her cheeks.
“C-can y-you step o-out h-here pl-please?” She asks me and I nod, recognizing her. She’s Jenna from around the corner; John plays with her all the time. He had a crush on her actually. I step outside and follow her to crowd on the sidewalk, still not knowing who was shot. Once we reach the crowd they part, seeing me and I walk to the forefront to see my little brother Jonathan lying there, with a bullet wound slightly missing his heart.
I ran up to him and moved his head high enough that it was laying on my lap after I sat down. “John! What happened?” I asked him. I could still hear the ambulance but they weren’t coming fast enough, he was going to die.
“I-I w-was walking h-home,” John said letting out a cough full of blood before continuing, “I-I got sh-shot, d-duh.” John said and I let out a scream. He was making jokes when he was going to die.
I leaned over and kissed his forehead, letting out a strangled sob. I felt the tears running freely down my cheeks and I couldn’t hear anything, it’s like somebody pressed the mute button on the remote.
“Don’t forget Nells,” John said before letting out another cough, full of more blood, “Don’t talk or you’ll mess up.” John said before he let out his last breath and lay limp in my arms. I couldn’t open my mouth, I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t move at all. I felt the tears still running down my cheeks and I felt the need to curl up into the fetal position and cry my heart out but I couldn’t. I needed to stay strong for mom; she’ll be heartbroken to know about this.
Finally the ambulance arrived and I couldn’t control my anger. “Where the hell were you guys when my brother was alive?! Where were you when my 15 year-old brother was taking his last fucking breath?!” I yelled at them and I saw them take a step back, making me take a step forward. “You were out cruising along the damn road! It’s your fault he died and now my family is incomplete and it’s all because of you two!” I shouted, pointing a finger at them.
“Ma’am you need to calm down. If you don’t we’ll have to sedate you.” One of the men said to me and I stepped forward and punched him with a right hook. I wasn’t going to calm down when its there faults he’s dead.
“No, I’ll calm down when Jonathan is back on fucking Earth! Alive and well, can you do that? Huh, huh?” I asked the man still standing when he shook his head ‘no’ I scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”
He stepped forward and pressed a needle into my arm, it was the sedation medicine. “This is for your own good ma’am.” The man said before I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the sidewalk.
-End Flash Back-
“Nelly! Nelly!” I heard somebody shouting my name, shaking me out of my trip to the past.
“What huh?” I asked looking around hastily. I saw that it was Jason who was shouting my name.
“Come on, show time.” Jason said and pulled me up, before we walked onstage. I nodded and put a smile on my face, the one I use for days when I have that same flash back which is about once a week, maybe twice.
“Hey guys! How are you today?” I asked them, after running onstage to my mic. I got cheers and shouts in reply. “I’m fucking awesome! Thanks for asking.” I say and hear some laughing. “So we’re going to start and I want all you beautiful motherfuckers to sing along with me, okay?” I ask them and they shout in reply. I nod and start the set with Retrace these Steps.
“Just because I said ‘I love you’
Doesn’t mean it’s always true
I loved the way you said…
‘I want you do you want me too?’
I said ‘no’ ‘cause no matter
What I want it to be true
I don’t want this love with you…
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
And I wanna know…
Do you think about me?
‘Cause I think about you
And all the hell you put me through
But it’s not enough, it’s never enough
To forget the shit and the love
The love I thought I had with you
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
(Before I get lost)
Do you think you would remember me?
When you see me famous on these streets
And think ‘that was mine, once upon a time’
Once upon a time been gone
I don’t know where it went but it’s not here
Not anymore, not no more…
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
(Before I get lost)
I lost the love I had for you
Thinking what we had was true
I… was a fool… to think that shit was true
And now I wanna
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out what I want in my life
‘Cause these steps lead me everywhere
Tell the-tell the, the truth
And let me know that everything I want
Is right there waiting with you
Now I’m glad I…
Retraced-retraced those steps of mines
And figured out my life” I sang and when I finished the crowd cheered some more. I went through the rest of the set before getting to the last song.
“Hey guys! I got a treat for you, today is important to me, and I miss them so this song goes out to all those who are missing somebody.” I said to them before calling the song name out. “This is Blink 182’s I Miss You!” I say to the crowd.
“(I miss you miss you)
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
I miss you (miss you miss you)
(I miss you miss you)” I sang. People had their lighters up, some had their phone’s screen up and others with just their hands up, all of them waving from side-to-side. When I finished they let out a loud cheer.
“Thanks for listening everybody! We are My Tears of Pain and we love you guys!”
Nelly POV
Today’s the day, the last day of Warped Tour, can’t say I’m too happy but I’m far more depressed than a normal person should be because today is also the day I’ve been dreading since last month. I’m going to miss everyone here; especially We Are The In Crowd, Tay and Jordan were the best of friends that I made my second day here. I got to go to Warped Prom and I got an awesome boyfriend and first date because of Warped Tour. Instead of being in the mosh pits and watching bands perform, I’m performing and telling people to start mosh pits, I’m making sure people have the best day ever of their summers, instead of bands doing that for me.
Today is also the day my brother died. He recently turned 17, June 24, and today, August 4, is his death day. I hadn’t told anybody because I didn’t want the pity, the guys only knew his birthday passed, they don’t know his death was almost 2 months after his birthday. They don’t know he was shot four times just walking around our neighborhood to get home. They don’t know that he was two houses down from our house when a gang war started. They especially didn’t know that he didn’t make it even before the ambulance came or after that. He made a joke, a fucking joke to me while he was laying down dying! The last words he ever spoke to anybody was, “Don’t talk or you’ll mess up.”
I shook my head to erase the thoughts from my mind and went back to what I was doing now. I laid on the couch in MToP’s tour bus, watching whatever random show was on TV. I heard the guys in the back lounge, playing games; they were supposed to be trying to be quiet but failed at it once again. I sighed and went back to watching TV trying to ignore them.
I ignored them enough to psych myself up for today’s show, because even though today was sure to be shitty for me I was going to make it the best for my fans’. I mentally went over the set list for today, Retrace These Steps, Blanket of Tears, Not Here Anymore, Go Home, Where Have You Been and I decided that the long song was going to be I Miss You in honor of my brother. Not that anybody else needs to know that.
I looked up at the clock, twenty minutes before I needed to get to our stage. Twenty-five minutes before we go on stage. Three hours until Warped Tour is officially over. Five hours until I’m home in Maryland. Six hours before I work up the courage to visit my brother in the cemetery. Seven hours before I go home and cry myself to sleep. Then the next day will be back to normal and I’ll be my happy self again and nobody will suspect a thing.
I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked to my bunk in an attempt to get ready to go. I pulled out my toiletries bag first so I could shower and then I moved to my suitcase. I picked out my black shorts and black Blink 182 shirt with my combat boots and guitar pic necklace. Closing my suitcase and grabbing my stuff I headed into the bathroom to get ready so that I can leave. I showered and washed my hair before stepping out of the shower and onto the bath mat. Plugging up the blow dryer I dried my hair before putting on my black lace matching set and then putting my clothes on. I put my hair into a high ponytail before grabbing my clothes and towel before leaving the bathroom.
I put my stuff up before heading to the backroom, which held all the guys. “Hey, y’all need to get ready. You have,” I looked at my phone that was in my back pocket, “ten minutes before we need to leave.” I said before walking out after making sure that they were getting ready. Walking off the bus, I went straight to All Time Low’s bus to see if Alex was ready.
I walked right into the bus, not bothering to knock. I should’ve because right in front of the door, ass naked was Jack. I squealed and hurried to cover my eyes. “What the hell Jack?! Why are you fucking naked?” I asked him turning around to face the door, until he announced that he was decent.
“I’m decent. And I didn’t know that we’d have guest so close to get ready time.” Jack said laughing at me and going back to getting ready. “Why are you here? Looking for Lover boy?” Jack asked and before I could say anything he pointed to the backroom. “Back there.” I said my thanks before walking back there and opening the door to see Alex sitting on the couch with his guitar and a notebook. I leaned up against the door and watched him before I got bored and noticed I was running out of time.
“Am I interrupting something?” I asked him after clearing my throat. He dropped his pen and guitar pic before looking up at me.
“No, I was just…” Alex said trailing off, like I couldn’t see what he was doing.
“Writing a song.” I finished for him. He nodded, looking sheepish. “Now come on, or I’m going to be late.” I said walking over to him and grabbing his hand. “You can finish it later.” With that I pulled him out of the bus with me, him shouting a ‘see you later’ over his shoulder towards his band mates.
When we got to my stage I let him go so I can sound check really quick. I walked onstage to see kids already waiting for us. “Hey guys! We’re on in five.” I said and left the stage, going back to Alex.
“Hey, go do your thing, I’ll be here.” Alex said and I nodded, going to sit at the table behind the stage. I sat there and thought about today, what it meant for everybody and what it was. I knew I shouldn’t dwell on the past and my brother’s death but how could I not, when he died right in front of my eyes. I remember the day loud and clear, like I’m still there.
-Flash Back- I was walking around in the house, checking the clock every five minutes waiting for him to get home. Jonathan knew to be home before 9, that’s when the gangs started their shooting. Some times they did drive-bys, or they shot randomly, or they had a target in mind. I couldn’t bare for my brother to get caught in that so I made sure he was home by 9 every night, but right now it’s 10:23 and still call saying he’s staying at his friends’, he didn’t walk through the door and I haven’t gotten any contact with him since 8:57. Where is he? Mom worked overtime at the hospital tonight so it’s my job to watch him tonight.
I heard the shooting start and the bullets hitting buildings and some times flesh. I heard an older lady scream, a man yell, but I didn’t hear any kids yell or scream so I let out a sigh of relief. I heard the ambulance and looked out the window to see people crowding around someone on the sidewalk, it was a usual occurrence that I always paid mind to, I always wanted to know who it was that got shot. I saw somebody walk to our house and knock on the door. Seconds later I answered. “Can I help you?” I ask the girl who look about 15, with tears going down her cheeks.
“C-can y-you step o-out h-here pl-please?” She asks me and I nod, recognizing her. She’s Jenna from around the corner; John plays with her all the time. He had a crush on her actually. I step outside and follow her to crowd on the sidewalk, still not knowing who was shot. Once we reach the crowd they part, seeing me and I walk to the forefront to see my little brother Jonathan lying there, with a bullet wound slightly missing his heart.
I ran up to him and moved his head high enough that it was laying on my lap after I sat down. “John! What happened?” I asked him. I could still hear the ambulance but they weren’t coming fast enough, he was going to die.
“I-I w-was walking h-home,” John said letting out a cough full of blood before continuing, “I-I got sh-shot, d-duh.” John said and I let out a scream. He was making jokes when he was going to die.
I leaned over and kissed his forehead, letting out a strangled sob. I felt the tears running freely down my cheeks and I couldn’t hear anything, it’s like somebody pressed the mute button on the remote.
“Don’t forget Nells,” John said before letting out another cough, full of more blood, “Don’t talk or you’ll mess up.” John said before he let out his last breath and lay limp in my arms. I couldn’t open my mouth, I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t move at all. I felt the tears still running down my cheeks and I felt the need to curl up into the fetal position and cry my heart out but I couldn’t. I needed to stay strong for mom; she’ll be heartbroken to know about this.
Finally the ambulance arrived and I couldn’t control my anger. “Where the hell were you guys when my brother was alive?! Where were you when my 15 year-old brother was taking his last fucking breath?!” I yelled at them and I saw them take a step back, making me take a step forward. “You were out cruising along the damn road! It’s your fault he died and now my family is incomplete and it’s all because of you two!” I shouted, pointing a finger at them.
“Ma’am you need to calm down. If you don’t we’ll have to sedate you.” One of the men said to me and I stepped forward and punched him with a right hook. I wasn’t going to calm down when its there faults he’s dead.
“No, I’ll calm down when Jonathan is back on fucking Earth! Alive and well, can you do that? Huh, huh?” I asked the man still standing when he shook his head ‘no’ I scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”
He stepped forward and pressed a needle into my arm, it was the sedation medicine. “This is for your own good ma’am.” The man said before I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the sidewalk.
-End Flash Back-
“Nelly! Nelly!” I heard somebody shouting my name, shaking me out of my trip to the past.
“What huh?” I asked looking around hastily. I saw that it was Jason who was shouting my name.
“Come on, show time.” Jason said and pulled me up, before we walked onstage. I nodded and put a smile on my face, the one I use for days when I have that same flash back which is about once a week, maybe twice.
“Hey guys! How are you today?” I asked them, after running onstage to my mic. I got cheers and shouts in reply. “I’m fucking awesome! Thanks for asking.” I say and hear some laughing. “So we’re going to start and I want all you beautiful motherfuckers to sing along with me, okay?” I ask them and they shout in reply. I nod and start the set with Retrace these Steps.
“Just because I said ‘I love you’
Doesn’t mean it’s always true
I loved the way you said…
‘I want you do you want me too?’
I said ‘no’ ‘cause no matter
What I want it to be true
I don’t want this love with you…
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
And I wanna know…
Do you think about me?
‘Cause I think about you
And all the hell you put me through
But it’s not enough, it’s never enough
To forget the shit and the love
The love I thought I had with you
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
(Before I get lost)
Do you think you would remember me?
When you see me famous on these streets
And think ‘that was mine, once upon a time’
Once upon a time been gone
I don’t know where it went but it’s not here
Not anymore, not no more…
So I gotta…
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out where I’m going
Right now before I get lost
(Before I get lost)
I lost the love I had for you
Thinking what we had was true
I… was a fool… to think that shit was true
And now I wanna
Retrace-retrace these steps of mines
Gotta figure out what I want in my life
‘Cause these steps lead me everywhere
Tell the-tell the, the truth
And let me know that everything I want
Is right there waiting with you
Now I’m glad I…
Retraced-retraced those steps of mines
And figured out my life” I sang and when I finished the crowd cheered some more. I went through the rest of the set before getting to the last song.
“Hey guys! I got a treat for you, today is important to me, and I miss them so this song goes out to all those who are missing somebody.” I said to them before calling the song name out. “This is Blink 182’s I Miss You!” I say to the crowd.
“(I miss you miss you)
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
I miss you (miss you miss you)
(I miss you miss you)” I sang. People had their lighters up, some had their phone’s screen up and others with just their hands up, all of them waving from side-to-side. When I finished they let out a loud cheer.
“Thanks for listening everybody! We are My Tears of Pain and we love you guys!”
Yep, I will.
8/13/13