Taking Chances
This Fucking Mess
Alex POV
Stupid. Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid and screwed! Why the fuck did I tell Nelly the kiss meant nothing? The damn kiss meant everything to me and more! I guess it was because I didn’t know if she liked me that way or not. But she had kissed me back, was that enough to judge whether she did or didn’t? Dammit, I need Rian. Where is Rian at a time like this?
“Rian! I need you!” I called for him, when I got on my bus. I mean as soon as I opened the damn door, I was yelling for him.
“What’s up Alex?” Rian said coming from the back lounge. It was no point since we walked right back there and I locked the door behind us. I turned to face him; ready for the yelling he was sure to dish out for me being the asshole I was to Nelly.
“I fucked up with Nelly.” I told sighing and leaning back against the door. My whole body was slumped with defeat against the door and I looked anywhere but at Rian. I didn’t want to see the crumpling disbelief he held on his face or the confusion his tone held.
“What did you do?”
“I kissed her, and then told her it meant nothing because I don’t know if she likes me and my insecurities got to me.” I told him, hoping he can help me fix this shit I got myself into.
I heard him sigh and I looked up at him to see him staring at me, dead on. “I don’t know how to help. Maybe get a girl perspective on this, or something. I know Nelly does like you though, but since you pulled this stunt she’s going to avoid you like the plague now.” Rian told me, I already knew the last part but didn’t want to admit it. Some stupid ass part of me thought that everything would go back to normal after this. Shit, I’m stupid as hell and deserve Astro to beat the fuck out of me right now.
“Dude, I like Nelly. A lot and that’s saying something. Like I want a relationship not a one-night stand with her. I fucked up big time and I have no clue how to fix this mess I made.” I groaned to Rian, this whole thing was a mess. He couldn’t help me fix things with Nelly; once Astro finds out he’s going to be out for my blood and I still have to see her when she comes to sing Remembering Sunday with me. I groaned again, “I still have to sing with her Rian!”
“One thing I know about Nells is that she takes being on stage seriously to some extent. She’s not going to start something on there and she isn’t going to act out of normal towards you, on stage at least.” Rian told me and I nodded.
“So what am I supposed to do? Act like she doesn’t exist until I find some way to get her to go out with me or make up for this mess I fucking caused? Because that’s going to be fucking impossible and I’m going to hate having to avoid her for who knows how long!”
Rian sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. I feel sorry I’m stressing him out with my problems when I should solve them by myself, since I started them by myself. “Dude, sorry. I honestly don’t know what to tell you.”
“Thanks anyway man.” I told him moving and unlocking the door. I walked out and went to lie down in my bunk. I closed the curtain and didn’t speak to anyone. I put my earphones in and turned my iPod on shuffle. The first song that came on was Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and I snorted. Ironic this song was the first to come on when I just lied to the girl I liked, practically since I met her. I shook my head and laid down, waiting for sleep to come and when it did I couldn’t have been any more grateful than I was at that moment.
Stupid. Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid and screwed! Why the fuck did I tell Nelly the kiss meant nothing? The damn kiss meant everything to me and more! I guess it was because I didn’t know if she liked me that way or not. But she had kissed me back, was that enough to judge whether she did or didn’t? Dammit, I need Rian. Where is Rian at a time like this?
“Rian! I need you!” I called for him, when I got on my bus. I mean as soon as I opened the damn door, I was yelling for him.
“What’s up Alex?” Rian said coming from the back lounge. It was no point since we walked right back there and I locked the door behind us. I turned to face him; ready for the yelling he was sure to dish out for me being the asshole I was to Nelly.
“I fucked up with Nelly.” I told sighing and leaning back against the door. My whole body was slumped with defeat against the door and I looked anywhere but at Rian. I didn’t want to see the crumpling disbelief he held on his face or the confusion his tone held.
“What did you do?”
“I kissed her, and then told her it meant nothing because I don’t know if she likes me and my insecurities got to me.” I told him, hoping he can help me fix this shit I got myself into.
I heard him sigh and I looked up at him to see him staring at me, dead on. “I don’t know how to help. Maybe get a girl perspective on this, or something. I know Nelly does like you though, but since you pulled this stunt she’s going to avoid you like the plague now.” Rian told me, I already knew the last part but didn’t want to admit it. Some stupid ass part of me thought that everything would go back to normal after this. Shit, I’m stupid as hell and deserve Astro to beat the fuck out of me right now.
“Dude, I like Nelly. A lot and that’s saying something. Like I want a relationship not a one-night stand with her. I fucked up big time and I have no clue how to fix this mess I made.” I groaned to Rian, this whole thing was a mess. He couldn’t help me fix things with Nelly; once Astro finds out he’s going to be out for my blood and I still have to see her when she comes to sing Remembering Sunday with me. I groaned again, “I still have to sing with her Rian!”
“One thing I know about Nells is that she takes being on stage seriously to some extent. She’s not going to start something on there and she isn’t going to act out of normal towards you, on stage at least.” Rian told me and I nodded.
“So what am I supposed to do? Act like she doesn’t exist until I find some way to get her to go out with me or make up for this mess I fucking caused? Because that’s going to be fucking impossible and I’m going to hate having to avoid her for who knows how long!”
Rian sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. I feel sorry I’m stressing him out with my problems when I should solve them by myself, since I started them by myself. “Dude, sorry. I honestly don’t know what to tell you.”
“Thanks anyway man.” I told him moving and unlocking the door. I walked out and went to lie down in my bunk. I closed the curtain and didn’t speak to anyone. I put my earphones in and turned my iPod on shuffle. The first song that came on was Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and I snorted. Ironic this song was the first to come on when I just lied to the girl I liked, practically since I met her. I shook my head and laid down, waiting for sleep to come and when it did I couldn’t have been any more grateful than I was at that moment.
Notes
Nobody voted, but that ok because I gained 2 new subscribers! :) But... I do need comments people, silent readers only kill the joy of writing the story. Half the fun for me with writing is seeing what people think and what they like/dislike, or predictions... even ideas! I can't see that if nobody tells me.... But on to more important matters.Sorry for disappearing for FOUR damn days! I'll try not to do it again.
Yep, I will.
8/13/13